Picture the most wondrous display of tasteful sparkle lights and multiply that specialicity by ten and then you come close–close!–to comprehending the beauty of the bong trees*.

Every year, an office building between our house and my parent’s house cover all of their trees in sparkle lights (okay, they actually leave them hooked up but not on all year round) and it looks like a fairy forest when you are sitting at the world’s longest traffic light.

Personally, I love the sparkle lights and think they should be lit every single night of the year, but apparently that’s not “good for the environment” and “wastes energy” and “makes Christmas a 12-month affair.” Last year, the bong trees went on September 20th.

I didn’t necessarily expect them to be on in September, but I was a little concerned when they weren’t on in October. After Halloween, I reasoned with the twins. But Halloween came and went and still no sign of the bong trees. The lights were still wrapped around the trees, they just weren’t…lit.

I was fully convinced they’d be on by Thanksgiving–or the weekend after Thanksgiving at the latest. Perhaps they were timing the lighting to coincide with the switch over to Christmas music on 97.1 FM. But when the lights weren’t on last weekend, I almost called the office park.

“This is fucking irresponsible,” I told Josh. “Don’t they know that there are people in Maryland who actually CARE? Who actually give a shit whether or not the sparkle lights appear. What about us? What am I supposed to do?”

“Actually, we’re Jewish,” Josh calmly reminded me.

“It’s like they are taking away Christmas. From me. It’s like they don’t even know how much I care just because we’re kosher, observant Jews who don’t actually celebrate Christmas. As if we don’t count. I’m calling them on Monday.”

“Who are you calling?”

“I’m calling the main line at the office building. They must have some type of information desk. Or I’ll just call an office in the building and get them to look into it.”

Josh said exactly what you’re thinking.

And then, just when I had given up all hope, when I almost took a different route because who the hell cares if the bong trees are dark–they were on tonight. I could see them as we crested the hill and it was like running into an old friend at an airport when you are completely focused on taking your ativan before the flight.

Because it is the longest traffic light in the world, I had plenty of time to hang out my window and try to photograph the scene. And as we turned the corner, we made the right into the office and did a loop through the parking lot and paused in the center so we could marvel at the trees.

“I just wish we could take them home,” the ChickieNob admitted.

Have I also thought about uprooting the trees and bringing them home and planting them in our lawn like an astronaut slamming the American flag into the moon–well, yes. But that would make me a criminal. And the bong trees should be there forever for everyone to enjoy.

I feel like there should be a job where people could hire me to celebrate Christmas for them. I’ll decorate your house and go visit your family. While I can’t eat the spiral-cut ham, I can sing all the songs around the piano. I don’t really do eggnog or drinks that look like eggnog–but I do enjoy a good egg cream if people would be cool with that replacement.

* The bong trees are so named because “the first night the twins saw it at age 2, the ChickieNob sucked in her breath and said, “we found it. This is the land where the bong trees grow.” Sure enough, it looked exactly like the bong trees in the version we own of the Owl and the Pussycat.”

Please, please, please, with sparkly Christmas trees, read through the directions even if you’ve done IComLeavWe before.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by leaving in the comment section your blog name, blog url, and three words that describe what you blog about most often.

• I move the information from the comment section into the post (usually within 24 hours).
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…). Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required. *Special Christmas caveat: in the spirit of the season, there will be a lot of leniency during IComLeavWe week rather than moving it to a different set of dates. Therefore, do the best you can.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch out breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. The Fertile Infertile (family, crafts, secondary infertility)
3. Woman Anyone? (primary sub-fertility, IVF w/ICSI, rants)
4. Hope Springs Infertile (donor eggs, pets)
5. We Say IVF They Say FIV (IVF, pregnancy, expat life)
6. The Maybe Baby (Babies) (donor eggs, pregnancy, life after cancer)
7. Unquestionable Love (break cycle, acupuncture, holidays!)
8. Broken Bits (IVF/ICSI #2, PCOS, holiday drama)
9. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, IVF/ICSI, pottery)
10. Becoming Parents (paper pregnant, loss, daily ramblings)
11. Sticky Feet (secondary infertility, baking, books)
12. I’d Blog That! (daily life, humor, music)
13. Be Still and Know (adoption, infertility, faith)
14. Meepit On Parade (infertility, life, randomness)
15. Seriously? (life, pregnancy, renovation)
16. Musings of a Teacher (life, faith, random)
17. Infertile Mermaid (IVF, pregnancy, life)
18. Helping Make Sense (multiple IVF’s, general infertility, exploring options)
19. aurelia ann (parenting, crafts, miscarriage)
20. Adventures in Parenting (kids, marriage, me)
21. Portraits In Sepia (adoption, endometriosis, life)
22. Our Life in A Nutchell (IVF#2, m/c, holidays)
23. TTC: Impatient with PCOS (PCOS, clomid, life)
24. emilythehopeless (failed FET, dogs, vegan)
25. Conceive This! (MFI, ICSI, waiting)
26. Sunflower Seeds (family, international adoption, life)
27. TandCookies (marriage, PCOS, teaching)
28. Awake On the Night Shift (pregnancy after infertility, work, family)
29. Building Heavenly Bridges (grief, writing, stillbirth)
30. The Bear and The Comedian (parenting after loss, funny stories, sisters in heaven)
31. Elana’s Musings (pregnancy, twins, randomness)
32. Trying To Make 3 (marriage, TTC, life)
33. Elusive BFP (IVF, infertility, life)
34. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, ttc#3, life)
35. Life and Love in the Petri Dish (IVF, recurrent pregnancy loss, couples’ perspective)
36. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting after IF)
37. Bella and her Fella (donor eggs, POF, high FSH)
38. Life is Good (infertility, IVF, life)
39. Mustard Seed Baby (IVF #2, faith, endo)
40. GreenEggsNHam (adoption,
    acupuncture, rants)
41. So It Goes (secondary infertility, cycle days, ranting)
42. Not the Path I Chose (secondary infertility, pregnancy loss)
43. Peachy (IVF, life, holidays)
44. Loving Thee…and More (parenting, daily life, holidays)
45. Getting There (infertility, what next)
46. To Baby and Beyond (miscarriage, infertility, PCOS)
47. Who Shot My Stork (infertility, poorassbroke-edness, bitching)
48. Mrs Spock (parenting, infertility, health care)
49. I Married Barney, Now What? (miscarriage, infertility, IUI)
50. Chronicles of… (infertility, PG after IVF-FET, life)
51. The Maniacal (wanna-be) Mommy (infertility, oregnancy, general rants)
52. Hello Jello (college, animals, family)
53. White Picket Fences (PCOS, recurrent loss, pregnancy)
54. A New Wheeler for the World? (PCOS, infertility, IUI)
55. Infertile Myrtle (infertility, ttc, endometriosis)
56. The Not So Secret Life Of Us (RPL, infertility, life)
57. The Happy Hours (life, TTC, clomid)
58. Barren Is The New Black (infertility, early miscarriage, premature ovarian failure)
59. The Non-Houswife Wife (TTC, marriage, life)
60. Thus is the Life (pcos, faith, life)
61. Off My Mind… (adoption, family, kids)
62. In Search of Biscuit 2.0 (secondary IF, family, rants)
63. My Journey to Mommyhood (pregnant after infertility, endo, m/c)
64. Kischa’s Endo Journey (endometriosis, infertility, iui)
65. Birds and Squirrels (PCOS, infertility, male factor)
66. Life In A Holding Pattern (pregnancy, miscarriage, uterine anomaly)
67. Kicking You From The Inside (parenting, infertility, life)
68. Mommy Confessions (holiday mayhem, family insanity, parental rantings)
69. Clio (endometriosis, adoption, new parenthood)
70. My Pathway to Motherhood (SMC, donor inseminations, life)
71. Infertility Podcast and Blog (pregnancy loss, secondary infertility, infertility news)
72. Rachel’s Scrambled Eggs (secondary infertility, weight loss, randomness)
73. Ophelia’s Revival (infertility, divorce, starting over)
74. Dancing with Gaia (IVF, male factor, being positive)
75. Inconceivable (MFI/NOA, life, random)
76. Breeder Beware (infertility and budgeting)
77. Dr Barreness (infertility, doctor as patient)
78. Offshore Wife’s Life (infertility, PCOS, crafting)
79. Eggs Benedict Arnold (adoption, family, life)
80. Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random (life, randomness, family)
81. Junebugsmusings (struggling, infertility, life with dogs)
82. ISO the Golden Egg (SMC, donor embryo, TTC over 40)
83. Life in the White House (donor sperm, daily life, quilting)
84. Along Life’s Little Journey (endometriosis, deciding what’s next, life)
85. Weathering the Storm of Infertility (pregnancy after IVF #5 worked!, life, ramblings)
86. The Baby Makin’ Chronicles (TTC#1, recent miscarriage, DH laid off)
87. The Unfair Struggle (male-factor, personnel management, friendship)
88. My Little Drummer Boys (stillbirth, IVF twins, parenting)
89. Momofonefornow (secondary IF, parenting, love)
90. The list is closed and the new January list will reopen on December 29th.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is silvery-ish, the next month it will be purple, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

It was hard to wait. Christian people held out offers like crack throughout the fall. “I have a whole set of CDs if you want one,” they whispered. “One song can’t hurt you.”

But I held fast and with the exception of singing “O Holy Night” to myself in the shower every single morning, I did not listen to Christmas music until this weekend when 97.1 FM turned over the station to 24/7 Christmas music. Oh sweet relief.

Sharon Barren grooving to the Christmas music

Why yes, Josh and I are working on new Sharon Barren movies–glad you asked.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (hint: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name). The list is open from now until late Tuesday night and a new one is posted every week.

This weekend is the two year anniversary of the book club. Considering that I’ve never kept a book club going longer than four books (and by the fourth book, there was ten kinds of bitterness over being the only person who actually read said book in time for the meeting), I think that is pretty damn impressive. We won’t actually celebrate the anniversary of the book club until January 10th because that was the date of the first online meeting. But it is still nice to nod to the kernel of an idea this weekend. Recognize the small seed.

children mentioned…

I was writing what I thought to be a veeeeeeeeery witty post about how the food store moved all of the alcohol-related products to the convenience aisle at the front of the store and tying this in to what sort of heinous Thanksgiving experiences lurk in the deepest corners of America for infertile men and women. And then we had the tantrum.

The tantrum was a full-out, non-stop explosion that existed at its top volume for about 45 minutes and truly lasted for about three hours altogether. It reminded me a lot of a Thanksgiving four years ago–their first Thanksgiving–where the twins cried through the meal and had a complete meltdown because they were off-schedule and there was too much stimulation. We came home and finally got them to bed and I remember standing in the kitchen and sobbing because I had missed out on time with my siblings and now I was going to have to wait until G-d knows when to have a do-over with the dinner.

I spent the majority of my afternoon dealing with the meltdown and then collecting myself while I raced through thoughts, trying to shift the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out what kicked off such an epic cry-fest. Yes, I had said that we needed to take a rest, but that is usually met with some foot dragging and rudeness. This was the cry of someone who was so deeply wounded, who could not handle having one more thing not go their way.

They* woke up from the nap (who wouldn’t nap after crying for 45 straight minutes) and began crying again, a wounded animal cry that shook their whole body. And it finally occurred to me: this was the cathartic release of someone who finally had a minor reason to cry and used it to let go of the huge emotions that had been rolling under the surface for weeks. I stoked their head and finally said, “it’s hard to be you. It’s hard to be little and have big feelings, isn’t it. It’s hard to have someone always tell you what to do. It’s hard to not like to go somewhere and have your mother constantly tell you that you have to go. It’s hard to feel alone. It’s hard to feel overwhelmed every day. It is just so hard to be you.”

And that was it–they just needed someone to hear them. Their tantrum ended and my anxiety began as my husband and I hashed out what we wanted to do. There was obviously a problem–a huge problem–and it was a problem that needed addressing because our child was carrying with them such a huge burden. Which kicked off the brainstorming, and then my own crying because none of the solutions felt right, and then more brainstorming and discussion and debate until we finally arrived at some semblance of a temporary solution with a Plan B if the solution proved to be only a tiny bandage on a huge bloody wound.

And this is what I took away from the whole thing and how it applies to Thanksgiving:

I focus too often on the big picture instead of the small moments and in doing so, lose the thankfulness. It is hard to be happy when there are major stressors in your life. It is hard to focus on the small things that are going right when there are huge things that are going wrong. I have to be frank–our child’s problem occupies a large portion of my waking thoughts. It feels like a flume ride where I can’t unclench my teeth and enjoy the slow moments because I know that I’m on a flume ride and there is always a big drop after the calm bits. I am not, as you have probably guessed, a fan of the roller coaster.

Because we are constantly worrying about this ongoing problem and it takes over a large portion of my energy and doesn’t seem to have an end point in sight, I forget the things that are going right in the day. The new friend I’m making at their school, the party we had this week, Thanksgiving itself. Moving into the even smaller victories–the twins put on their shoes and coats without my prompting this morning after I mentioned that it was time to go so I emerged from the kitchen to see two children prepared to leave the house. The fact that we still have some leftover cookies in the freezer. That after I finish this post, I get to relax with a DVD.

And even smaller than that. I had a good hair day. I am breathing. I fell asleep without too much trouble last night.

And by turning to micro-thankfulness, I can somehow see the macro-thankfulness emerge as well. No, things are not going how we wish right now and our child’s situation is painful for every person in this house. But I am married to this man I love with all of my heart. We have two healthy children that came after infertility and prematurity–a major feat unto itself. I am close with my siblings and parents and I love having all of us together for the holiday. We have a house. We have money. And when my instinct is to point out the problem even in the thing I’m feeling thankful about, I bring it back to the micro-thankfulness and begin again:

I am thankful that I thought ahead and bought ingredients for dinner so I didn’t have to swing by the store again.

I am thankful that I cleaned the living room last night so I don’t have to do it today.

I am thankful that there is a new episode of Brothers & Sisters this week, that I have new plates and silverware, that I’ve managed to keep the carpet stain-free for five years (please, please, please universe, do not let me mess this up today and ruin that streak just because I mentioned it).

And that’s what I turn over to you if you are also finding it difficult to be macro-thankful this holiday.

And, in case micro-thankfulness isn’t enough and you still need something to keep in your head when you’re fighting back tears over the green bean casserole, I give you this Thanksgiving drawing from Uterine Wars which urologists should be starting a bidding war over for their office art collection.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

*You may notice that I never use a gender in this post; use instead that absolutely incorrect pronoun to speak about our child. And that is purposeful–not sloppy English. I never want them finding old posts on the Internet and saying, “holy shit, you told the whole world about that!”