Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

Perhaps you know you have been blogging too much if you start to think of everything in terms of computers.

My brain, in my old age, bears a striking resemblance to Norton Anti-Virus. First and foremost, I had to pay a great deal of money to obtain said virus protection. It also came with an installation plan that stretched over a long period of time (but was held in 50 minute segments). Now installed, it blocks worm intrusion attempts with surprising accuracy. And, also, like my copy of Norton Anti-Virus, it crashes my emotional hard drive every time it blocks a virus.

Are you still with me?

I am going soon to a place I associate with needing to install said emotional virus protection on a week where I have been doing a tremendous amount of virus blocking. Viruses, of course, are simply thoughts of the viral variety, with the intention of controlling or demeaning another person’s machine (sorry if I’m making this more difficult than it needs to be on a Saturday night).

I find myself figuratively holding up my hands and deflecting the words. It’s not that it doesn’t affect me emotionally; I still find myself thinking about each situation long after the other person has probably forgotten their words. I’m not great with compartmentalization, I tend to carry all thoughts with me at all times and on a particularly bad day of virus blocking, I may drive with a cacophony of ideas bouncing around in my brain.

At the same time, I’m excited to return to this space that I associate with the installation of the emotional anti-virus software. It’s not where it was actually installed, but it was the place where I finally put my foot down and said that I needed to gather some new software. A computer becomes infected without the right protection programs; it doesn’t run as well, can even be compromised if the right virus takes hold. And a person too cannot live without a strong operating system, one that has reasonable defense mechanisms in place. You don’t want to keep out everything; just the destructive stuff that serves no purpose other than to infect the system.

Until you get the full story, you can guess where I am going in the next few weeks. Here are three pictures taken about 8 miles apart. I think it was autumn. To help you narrow it down, the place is either in North America or Europe.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (hint: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name). The list is open from now until late Tuesday night and a new one is posted every week.

Everything in our house is breaking. All at once. Which is how these things seem to go. It started with the air conditioner last summer. It was getting progressively hotter in the house and we realized that regardless of how high we set the dial, the vents were no longer blowing cold air. Luckily, my parents live in the area so we spent two nights at their house, installed a new air conditioner, cried about the price, and moved on.

Next to go was the dryer. This was learned after I opened the dryer door an hour later and found my clothes just as wet as when we began. Most recently, we’ve had a problem with the gutters, learned we have to insulate the attic, and replace the refrigerator entirely. Our dishwasher is about to go, every door in the house has fallen off their hinges and are currently either at the dump or resting against the wall, and the ceiling needs to be repainted following the gutter incident.

It sucks being a homeowner.

I’m not really sure why we bought a house. I mean, I know the whole financial planning side of it–how it will help us in the long run to be paying for something we own rather than something we rent. But I’m currently looking at what is happening now vs. how this is setting us up for the future.

The other thing that occurred to me this week is the whole working/family planning factor. I have been wondering for a while what we did wrong. We know a lot of people who seem to have larger houses and more wiggle room but work in comparable jobs. It just didn’t make sense. Yes, there was the whole paying-for-treatments thing that sucked up a lot of savings, but at some point, it felt like it should all shake out. I’m not talking about friends who lived in different areas with different housing prices. I’m talking about people right here in town, who make a comparable salary, have two kids, and don’t have a secret trust fund.

And then it hit me this week as I was reading a new book. We bought our house a few years into the marriage. Maybe two? And we got married when we were relatively young. And we started trying to conceive soon after the wedding, but bought the house before we conceived the twins. Where we went wrong, I’ve come to realize, is that everyone else worked longer–either before getting married or after being married–before buying their house and certainly before having children. They waited until they were settled in their careers before building their family.

Of course, the flip side for us would be that if we had waited and worked and focused on the career-building aspect of the equation, we wouldn’t have these kids or perhaps any kids. It was more of an a-ha moment than a oh-damn-I-wish-I-had-done-that moment. I wouldn’t want a different house if it meant a different life. But it was still interesting to pinpoint the place where we veered from the path that would have meant less stress when the refrigerator breaks.

Feh, you win some, you lose some.

None of these strange stories are an April Fools joke. In fact, the coincidences began several weeks ago.

Like many midwestern creative writing students, I went through a Raymond Carver stage. It is impossible to avoid him if you’re on the fiction side of the department; and frankly, I can’t really see why anyone would do a duck and weave with him.

I have found myself repeating the same Raymond Carver phrase for the past few weeks; always in different places, always applicable. “This is a small good thing.” I was aware that it came from a Raymond Carver story. What I forgot was that the phrase came from a short story about parents who lose their eight-year-old son right before his birthday and the words are spoken by the baker who was making their son’s cake for the party. At midnight, when they show up in his store for a confrontation, he sits them down at a table and gives them hot rolls and says, “Eating is a small, good thing in a time like this.”

Most people relate to the parents in the story. They are certainly the focus of the story. But I have always been drawn to the childless baker. What is his story? Why does he mention that he doesn’t have children? The mother assumes that he must have children as she orders the cake. And yet, it is the point he brings up during the confrontation. “I don’t have any children myself, so I can only imagine what you must be feeling. All I can say to you now is that I’m sorry.” In a story so sparse, so concise, so quiet, those words must mean something.

I guess the point of all of this is not to moon over Raymond Carver’s writing, but to point out these strange coincidences. I found myself using this phrase many times over the last few weeks; in comments, in a story I’m writing, to the twins. Why am I using this phrase–I truly didn’t even remember the plotline of the story until today when I noticed myself writing it in a comment again. And then remembered the story.

And it is a baker, someone who bakes, an act that is enmeshed in who I am that Josh put it on my business card. Isn’t that a strange coincidence that infertility and loss comes up in a story featuring a baker and that I glommed onto this phrase that features in the story without even thinking about the plotline?

Not sold yet?

A few weeks ago, my friend posted an Anais Nin quote as his Facebook status. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” I noted it and moved on. That day at lunch, the ChickieNob saw me holding Tertia’s book and asked what the front page looked like. I said, “I don’t know. Maybe I skipped it. Or it’s a dedication.” Except that it wasn’t the dedication. Before the dedication, there is a page with a single Anais Nin quote. That quote. What are the chances that this completely unrelated male musician would choose the same quote as this female writer is South Africa?

A friend told me that she wanted to take a vacation but didn’t want to be far from home in case the expectant mother she was matched with went into labour. I was excited because I had read about a town an hour away from her in a magazine and I ran upstairs to get the article. I wrote her a long email, trying to sell her on this town, listing the restaurants in the article as well as all the related day trips you could take in the area. A minute later she wrote me back. In a world of cities, in a state that I barely know, in a magazine that I rarely read, I managed to choose the random city where the expectant mother lives.

I was thinking about yurts after talking to Josh about yurts (he had pointed out that my dream house cannot be a traditional yurt due to my fear of crickets and their tent-like nature. So fine, I would like a non-traditional yurt with a good seal against cricket intruders) and then my friend told me how she wants to build her dream house and sent a picture. Like this. A yurt.

And then…that night, I drive to a new friend’s house. I once lived close to her neighbourhood though I barely remember the names of the streets anymore. I haven’t been down there in seven years. I park the car about a block away, fearful that I won’t find parking closer, and begin to walk with the twins towards her house. And then we are standing there. In front of the house I always wanted to own. She lives next door to the house we always wanted to own. When we lived nearby, Josh and I used to drive here and sit outside this house and stare at it. We were doing treatments and we spoke about the school system as if we were going to be successful.

Finally, returning to the first person who kicked off the coincidences, he posted that at 8:30 p.m., he would be “sitting on my roof watching SF turn off its lights. then I’ll get out my guitar and some paper.” I read this update at 5:30 his time. Which was 8:30 my time. Though it was originally posted at 11:43 a.m. I had just had a strong feeling at 8:30 that I should see his Facebook status. And that is what it was.

And just as he opened the coincidences, they came to an end. I haven’t seen another one since last Saturday when I read that update.

It feels like these coincidences are too strange, they stick out too far to be ignored. So what do two quotes, a town, two houses, and a status update have in common? Or, Raymond Carver, Anais Nin, an old friend in California (twice!), a new friend in South Africa, a dear friend who is on the cusp, a town that I may never visit, a type of house that I hope to own, a friend who shares my heart and exchanges stones with me, and my dream house. Next door to a new friend. How does it all come together?

Your thoughts? Honestly, do you see any connection? I can answer any questions to give more information except for information about the dear friend on the cusp who is finding herself in an impossible vacation.

Your own strange coincidences that you’ve noticed?

This is the 37th installment of Barren Advice. You can ask questions that are fertility or non-fertility related.

Barren Advice is posted each Tuesday-ish. If you have your own question for Barren Advice, click here to learn how to submit. Please weigh in with your own thoughts in the comment section and indicate which question you’re addressing if there are multiple questions in the post.

Dear Mel:

I’m on my 4th injectibles IUI and I’m not moving to IVF. So I have one or two more months and maybe a 10% chance of getting pregnant and then that’s it. Life forever without getting pregnant. In the mean time, I have appointments at the fertility clinic about 3x/month. During each appointment, I have to interact with 3-4 people who each always ask me how I am. Truthfully, I am not handling the crushing disappointment very well. I realize their questions are their way of being polite and my normal answer, outside of the doctor’s office, is a simple ‘fine’. However, inside the doctor’s office, I just refuse to say that I am fine. I am nowhere near fine.

I’ve tried ignoring the question, I’ve tried a nonsensical answer (“Right”), I’ve tried truthful (“Not well”), I’ve tried truthful/mean (“You don’t want my answer”), and I’ve tried crying (that was fun). But in certain situations, like shelling out $1200 while sitting across from the billing person who I have nothing to say to, I feel like I need an answer that doesn’t make me feel like a total bitch and also doesn’t make light of my situation. Frankly, considering why people go to fertility clinics, I’d think I’m not the only person who’s at a loss how to answer this throwaway question. Any advice would be very welcome.

–Robin

Frankly, it’s a throwaway question pretty much every time it’s asked. Think about how we say it–this week, I said it to Steve who brings in the carts at the food store. “How are you doing?” I called over my shoulder AND KEPT WALKING. What is he supposed to do–shout the answer at my back?

Every culture has some variation on this question and uses it as a greeting. Isn’t that bizarre? Why wouldn’t we just use a statement as a greeting instead of utilizing a question–a conversation starter–when we don’t really want to talk?

Because we want to appear friendlier than we really are.

It’s not that I don’t care about Steve’s answer. When I step back and think about it, I actually care about Steve a great deal and when he was absent for a few days, asked at the customer service desk about him. Steve is a constant: he’s always at the food store. If he started to answer my question, I would want to hear it because if there was anything I could do to help, I’d want to do it. And yet I realized by the way I called it over my shoulder that what I was doing was really just acknowledging him, making myself feel like a friendly person rather than actually making a connection with him and listening to what is happening in his life.

Your question reminded me that I need to do better next time. I need to either choose a statement rather than a question or I need to slow down in the parking lot and show him with my body language that I’m actually as interested in the answer as I am in asking the question.

But what do you do with the people who aren’t considering how their question is hanging in the air like a sick joke? I mean, how would you be doing if you were in a fertility clinic? Unless they just gave you the golden ticket out of treatments, you’re probably doing crappy. And while you can’t change the fact that they asked the question to you, you can change (at least for the perceptive ones) how they ask it in the future.

I’d answer every “how are you” with an “honestly, not that well.” And then wait for the follow up. Those who say “sorry to hear that” are giving you a clear sign of how they wanted their question taken. They didn’t truly want to start a conversation with you, even if you’re someone they see constantly. It’s not that they don’t care about you, but in fairness to the limitations of life, they only know you so well and therefore are only so invested in your answer.

Those who return with a “why” are inviting the conversation. They want to hear why you’re not doing well, and these are the people I would focus on rather than foisting the answer on those who aren’t receptive in the first place. They may not be closer to the situation–you may find that you receive more care from the woman doing billing than the nurse in charge of your case–but for whatever reason, they are more invested in helping you emotionally.

“How are you” can be such a loaded question that I’m not sure why anyone would use it as a greeting. And while you can’t control whether or not it is asked, the way you answer will at least save you the annoyance of sharing your life with someone who isn’t there to actually receive that part of you.

I get the feeling from your question that you’re not really struggling with the answer insomuch as you’re struggling with the reality of the situation: someone has asked you how you are, you’ve answered, and they have essentially let your words fall directly to the ground rather than catching them in their hands. No one wants to see a beacon of care (that shining light of a question: how are you doing?) and then find that the light shines off of them as soon as they start speaking. Ask anyone who has experienced a situation that would fall under the category of “uncomfortable topic” (loss, illness, failure, divorce, unemployment, etc) how they felt when they began sharing their news and watched the conversation grind to a halt how incredibly hurtful it was to have someone figuratively holding out their hand and then drop it before human contact could be made.

I’ve written about the Twilight Zone episode before that explores that need for human contact and I think we need that contact, that connection to others, even more so when we’re undergoing something as emotionally draining as infertility. You need to be recognized, you need to know that people are still seeing you as a member of society because YOU are redefining where you stand in society. Fertility clinics need to be doing a better job at recognizing that they’re treating the whole person and not just their reproductive organs. The “how are you” is a nice start. Listening to the answer, whatever it may be, is the next step. And your office is falling short on that back end, asking the question to appear friendlier than they actually are.

It would be great if office staff read this post and thought about how the questions they ask affect the receiver when they are clearly asked without the answer desired. But they most likely won’t and to be fair, the best clinics don’t need it because they already are thoughtful (by best I mean best experience, not the highest success rates). Hop
efully, you’ll change some of the perceptive people.

And, if nothing else, you won’t hear the awful thud of your words hitting the floor as the other person drops them carelessly if you only give them to people who truly want to hear them. For the ones who don’t follow up your response with the next question (“why?”), answer every time they ask in the future: “thanks for asking; how are you?” Oh, and then change the topic before they can respond if you want to drive the point home that asking their question in a fertility clinic is inane if it’s not going to be followed up with some comfort. Or listen to the answer and show them how a pro does it.

No really, the beauty of a blog advice column is that you get to weigh in with your two cents too. Let the questioner know if you support the advice, add to the response, or dispute it completely.

Leave a comment in the reaction box below–only keep in mind that conflicting advice is embraced and rudeness is not. Want to ask your own question? Click here to see what you need to send in order to be included in a future Tuesday’s installment of Barren Advice.

There is a new way to sign up. Please read the directions below.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is closed for April. The May list will open on 4/30/09.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. Unicorn Mommy (uu, mthfr, children)
3. The Long Journey (secondary infertility, weight loss and life)
4. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting after infertility)
5. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, twin pregnancy, pottery)
6. Barefoot and (Not) Pregnant (ivf, food/wine, infertility)
7. Can You Imagine (infertility, life, ttc)
8. Sell Crazy Someplace Else (infertility, craziness, weight loss)
9. Baby Making Journey (azoospermia, waiting, random)
10. Production, Not Reproduction (open transracial adoption)
11. A Little Hope (infertility, iui, life)
12. Exploring Chaos (infertility, life, travel)
13. Elana’s Musings (twins, parenting newborns, randomness)
14. Maybe It’s Just Me… (PCOS, random, marriage)
15. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
16. Infertility Rocks! (infertility, humor, treatments)
17. The Happy Hours (infertility, life, crafts)
18. Tales of a Brown Eyed Girl (pregnancy, family, preparing for baby)
19. Letting It Out (parenting after infertility, family drama, life)
20. Hobbit-ish Thoughts and Ramblings (HSG, books, recipes)
21. The Baby Makin Chronicles (pregnancy, life, economy)
22. Hello Jello (college, family, animals)
23. Eggs Benedict Arnold (adoption, family, infertility)
24. Hope Endures (infertility, ivf, faith)
25. Sticky Feet (twins, parenting, giveaways)
26. Making Me Mom ( mfi, spotting, faith)
27. Bodhi Ekah (longterm infertility, loss)
28. The Unfair Struggle (male-factor, friendship, day to day life)
29. Blue Gingham Jumpers (parenting newborn after infertility, life, work)
30. Learning To Accept My Infertility (ivf, male factor, hope)
31. Ninapintasantamaria’s Blog (conception, opinion, snark)
32. Alana-isms (secondary infertility, teaching, family)
33. Cyster A.C.T. (pcos, mental health, life)
34. What IF? (IVF, male factor, endometriosis)
35. My Little Drummer Boys (IVF twins, parenting, daily life)
36. Chronicles of an “IF” Fashionista (ivf, adoption, fashion)
37. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, ttc #3, life)
38. Woman Anyone? (unexplained infertility, frustration, primary infertility)
39. Skrambled (donor IVF, infertility, life)
40. The Not So Secret Life Of Us (RPL; IVF; infertility)
41. This Could be Anyone’s Story (life, love, mothers)
42. Communique (life, infertility, family)
43. All Grown Up (adoption, random, general IF)
44. Portraits In Sepia (infertility, life, dogs)
45. Mad Season (ttc, infertility, life)
46. Staying Above the Water (parenting, life, random)
47. My journey with Endometriosis (endo, laparoscopy, ivf)
48. Family of Two (azoospermia, treatments, life)
49. Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random (grief, acceptance, family)
50. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Pampers (2nd trimester loss, marriage, infertility)
51. Mama Bear (adoption, infertility, openness)
52. 1tsp_grace (infertility, foster care)
53. Grace Guinevere (health, grief-after-father, life changes)
54. Child Bearing Hips (parenting after ivf)
55. Die Frau Ohne Schatten (ivf, feelings, denial)
56. Tiny Blessings (pcos, if, ttc)
57. Creating a Family (adoptive parenting, infertility)
58. Eggcetera (infertility, iui, clomid)
59. Bottoms Off and on the Table (ivf, sarcasm, cysts)
60. Infertile Myrtle (infertility, ttc, endometriosis)
61. Not The Path I Chose (secondary IF, RPL, weight loss)
62. MoJo Working (ivf, marriage, faith)
63. Onesmarmymama (parenting, opinions, music)
64. With God, All Things are Possible! (ivf, infertility, ectopic)
65. Sparkly Things Distract Me (ivf, infertility, 40+)
66. A Blog of One’s Own (parenting, family, rambles)
67. A View On My Life (infertility, weight, hobbies)
68. To China And Back… and Beyond (adoption, china, international)
69. Mustard Seed Baby (endo, faith, ivf)
70. Parenthood for Me (infertility, adoption, coping)
71. TheOtherLifeOfNancy (parenting, life, opinions)
72. TheNewLifeOfNancy (general, opinions, life after infertility)
73. Baby Manatee (infertility, IUI, general life)
74. Building Heavenly Bridges (grief, writing, baby loss)
75. The Bear and The Comedian (humor, parenting after loss, heavenly connections)
76. Bella And Her Fella (POF, DE/IVF, thyroid cancer)
77. Snarky Kisses (health, life in general, personal)
78. The Johnson’s Have Angel Wings (balanced translocation, known egg donor, miscarriage)
79. Body Diaries by Lucy (pcos, if, ttc)
80. Our life in Chuck Town (military, moving, motherhood)
81. Momtography (photography, parenting, life)
82. The Pieces of My Life (iui’s, mfi, secondary infertility)
83. This could be anyone’s story (life, love, mourning)
84. Inconceivable (NOA, failed mTESE, next steps?)
85. In Pursuit of Parenthood (infertility, faith, waiting)
86. Through the Eyes of a Stranger (infertility, adoptions, thoughts)
87. Dreams Come True (IF, IUI, life)
88. The Pitter-Patter (ttc, infertility, hope)
89. That’s My Answer (fun, questions, life)
90. My So-Called Life (MTHFR, PCOS, TTC after miscarriages)
91. Wheresmy2lines (ivf, donor, decisions)
92. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, pof, coping)
93. Mom Someday (PCOS, weightloss, life)
94. I never thought it made sense anyway (infertility, ivf, life)
95. Getting There (life, future, infertility)
96. Faith, Hope & Poop? (parenting, school, family)
97. Still No Explanation (infertility, pregnancy, baby)
98. Trying To Make 3 (marriage, work, life)
99. ISO the Golden Egg (SMC, PG over 40!, donor embryo)
100. My Infertility Journey (IVF/ICSI, PCOS, infertility)
101. Lifeslurper (IVF after 40)
102. Once Upon a Time (infertility, ivf, work)
103. Loving Thee… and More (co-parenting, children, inspiration)
104. Jason & Amber Patterson (life, infertility)
105. Life is Good (fet #1, infertility, life)
106. Were you looking for me? (infertility, IVF, family)
107. Seriously…You Can’t Make This Stuff Up (parenting, international adoption, life)
108. I Just Want To Be A Mom (IUI, friends, waiting)
109. The Divine Miss Mommy (parenting, kids, opinion)
110. Here Is To Another Day (unexplained, IVF, attempt 1)
111. Country Girl/City Girl (humor, observations, southern culture)
112. Life in the White House (pregnancy, donor sperm, life)
113. Misconceptions About Conception (unexplained infertility, emotions)
114. Seeking Serendipity (life, teaching, if)
115. Thoughts By Kim (infertility weight spirituality)
116. Trying for a Baby (TTC, endometriosis, laparoscopy)
117. All Things Griffin (donor insemination, infertility)
118. Conceive This! (MFI, IVF/ICSI, fi
     nally!)
119. Mrs Zeee (life’s funny musings)
120. Isn’t TTC Supposed To Be Fun? (TTC, IF, loss)
121. Junebugs Musings (infertility, travel, life)
122. Bugaboo Envy (ivf, infertility, relationships)
123. Tales of the Phoenix (TTC over 40 with IVF, trauma, food)
124. Keeping Our Fingers Crossed (infertility, ivf, life)
125. Musings of a Fat Chick (SMC, infertility, life)
126. Breeder Beware (infertility, budgeting, pets)
127. Gas Passer aka UUer (surrogacy, parenting after IVF, anesthesia)
128. In Due Time (infertility, pcos, life)
129. Happy-go-Lucky (adoption, ttc, infertility)
130. Thinking Positively (adoption, endometriosis, IF)
131. In Vitro Veritas Blog (ivf, pregnancy, stupid life)
132. Twists of Fate (miscarriage, health, life)
133. High Heel Happy (infertility, ivf, ttc)
134. Developmental Delays (loss of child, ivf)
135. Double Delight (twins, parenting, egg donation)
136. Two Peas Waiting for Our Pod (infertility, pregnancy, ivf)
137. Anything’s Possible… (infertility, life, food)
138. Learning through the IF Journey (infertility, G-d, PCOS)
139. The Infertile Sushi-loving Princess (infertility, adoption, over 35)
140. Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (infertility, endo, pcos)
141. Best When Used By (embryo donation/adoption; fet, life)
142. Geek By Marriage (family, friends, life)
143. The list is closed for April. The May list will open on 4/30/09
     
     

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is green, the next month it will be blue, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

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