We’re not even close to 200 post recommendations to match the number I’ve given you this year through the Friday Blog Roundup. We haven’t even hit 100. There has to be fantastic things you’ve read in the past twelve months. Don’t forget to leave your comments there on your favourite posts from this year and read the rest of the list.

I am the owner of three massage gift certificates. The first one I bought for Josh a few years ago as a birthday gift and he regifted it to me because he said I seemed more stressed. The second one I got as a gift this past May because I seemed stressed (are you sensing a theme?). The third one I was told was a birthday gift since the person doesn’t know that I’m actually quite stressed.

I’m not really stressed.

But the point is that I tend to hold onto good things and not use them. I like events–like massages–in front of me, anticipating them rather than using them.

I’m bummed that BlogHer is happening this week and then will be over. I’m mourning the ending before it has even begun. That’s how much fun it was last year. Granted, it is the only conference I have ever been to so I don’t have a comparison. But in my opinion, BlogHer is the most fun conference ever. Ever.

I also waited impatiently all week for the mail because Io told me that she sent me a special package. It finally arrived on Friday. When I opened it, I was trembling like a vampire who was smelling some really delicious blood. Okay, I was trembling more like a teenage girl who had just spotted Robert Pattinson on the cover of a magazine. But look what she sent:

Can you believe that a few weeks ago, I was debating whether or not to read the books at all. And now look at me. Look at me! I’m a freak, drooling like a werewolf. And I’m taking them with me on the road this week. But then I think to myself: if you read them, you won’t have that excited anticipation that comes when they’re unread.

Do you see how deep this goes?

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.

We’re still a long way from 200 post recommendations to match the number I’ve given you this year through the Friday Blog Roundup. Don’t forget to leave your comments there on your favourite posts from this year and read the rest of the list.

I posted something similar last Thursday at BlogHer, but wanted to repost here in case you don’t have an account at that site and want to leave your thoughts.

Washington Post columnist, Alan Goldenbach, wrote a moving piece this week in the newspaper about the death of his son in-utero and society’s inability to discuss stillbirth and neonatal death. What wasn’t quite so moving were some of the comments that came as a response to the article. The believed anonymity of the Internet brings out cruelty.

It isn’t anything the average person experiencing a loss hasn’t heard before:

“Oh, for pete’s sake, people. I’m a mother, so I understand how crushed you all must be if you have lost a fetus or child. Nobody should have to go through it, but surely you realize it is a fact of life that people die at every stage of development and life from causes that are nobody’s fault.”

“So how many more babies will you harm by making pregnant women terrified about the freak chance of stillbirth?”

“Hmmm. Maybe we don’t discuss or make a big deal out of this since the pro abortion crowd has devalued fetal life. Why cry when you think it is only a bunch of cells so easily aborted at the decision of the mother? Either is is valued and we show care and concern following these spontaneous abortions, or we treat them no differently than the millions of elective abortions women have yearly. Mr. Goldenbach, I wonder if you are pro-choice?”

“Form your no-cost support groups and seek the emotional support you may need from family, friends and similarly situated strangers if you must. But let’s please leave it at that, OK? Our planet has 7 billion selfish dolts running around on it already, with projections for 9 billion by mid-century. So when Mother Nature occasionally decides to cull or limit our human herd, it’s best that we not overanalyze her judgment or resist it to any great degree. Instead, let’s learn to embrace Nature’s judgment and properly resolve that, when our number is up, we go quickly and courageously for the good of the whole.”

“Save the drama for your mama.”

“I hate self-indulgent first person pieces like this that have come to define the health section.”

And right when your head, as well as your heart, is ready to explode; finally, a voice of reason: “I never cease to be amazed at how unbelievably mean-spirited some people can be in the face of another human being’s terrible grief.”

While the article is fascinating, not only giving insight into the aftermath of death, but asking important questions about our health care system, the comment section struck me deeply. Are we this cruel in the face of another person’s grief because we have a terrible time speaking about and understanding loss?

Jay Neugeboren (my mentor!) wrote in “The Orphan’s Tale”: “A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But…there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is!” and it is true, we have no word for the grieving parent to convey their situation. They are not childless; their children simply aren’t here anymore.

The article points out the strangest fact of all–that even doctors do not want to talk about stillbirth with their patients. One admits: “Pregnancy is a happy time…Nobody wants to hear anything about something bad, much less death.”

Except that we do often speak about tangentially about death in regards to pregnancy and babyhood. We are educated about preventing SIDS, which, as the author points out, means speaking about death. We are well-versed in diagnostic tests which are looking for fatal medical conditions in-utero. And yet, even though we are well aware that death exists in regards to babies, we never discuss this aloud until we are faced with the situation.

Which returns to the original question: do we speak this way to each other because we believe that it is justifiable or do we speak this way to each other as a way of lashing out against something that terrifies us–death.

Creative Chaos asked this question recently on her blog when she saw a comment that offended her:

Have you ever been offended by a comment? Did you handle it more gracefully than I just did? I did resist the urge to lambast said ‘unammed commenter’ on the other blog because ignorance is a form of disability. Maybe he/she didn’t realize how crappy their comment was. Maybe they didn’t read my comment at all so he/she had no idea. Maybe when I calm down I can educate him/her- I doubt it though. I suppose in the end I’ll just have to hope that the person has a change of heart someday- and that it’s NOT caused by needing the kinds of interventions for a loved one they were just dissing.

And so I turn the question over to you. When you place your heart in the post and do so to bring understanding into the world, how do you react when the thoughtless or cruel comments come? Because they often do with large, emotional issues.

This week is the three-year anniversary of the Friday Blog Roundup. With only one or two exceptions, for three straight years, every Friday, I have posted a taste of what I read that week. Over the last three years, I have highlighted 625 posts give or take. Some weeks, I do more than four, but one or two times I missed the roundup. Each year, I hit about 200+ posts. Hence why 200 is my goal for this week.

Between now and next Friday, instead of doing the traditional Roundup Extravaganza we have held in years past, we are doing a DIY version. And I would like 200+ submissions on the list. Why? Because I have told you what I read 200+ times this year and it’s your turn to do the same as a group effort.

So, please leave a comment below stating something amazing your read this year (from July 2008–July 2009). Do not get tripped up looking for the “best,” simply submit one post that moved you on another person’s blog. It may be been written in the past week, or it may have been written almost a year ago. Literally, anything that has stuck with you after you closed your browser or clicked to the next blog. Do not spend hours thinking about it; just grab the url for the first post that comes to mind.

And this is how you should leave your comment:

I had to put it in a box like that or Blogger would naturally convert it from code to linked, but it will look like this if you write it in that manner, obviously replacing (1) the url with the permalink of the post you’re choosing, (2) the title of the blog and (3) the “why.”

Stirrup Queens Why: Because it was a really cool list.

The reason is so the comment will be linked to the post and people can click over and read it for themselves. And ooh and aaah over it. Of course you can submit more than one post, in fact please do, but use a new comment box each time. Posts should come from any blog in the ALI blogosphere. You can submit anonymously, though people do like to be able to thank others for submitting their post.

So…just to be clear since I’m half asleep right now and this may not make sense, (1) do not click away from this post without leaving a comment. (2) In the comment, use the code above–if you can–to link to a post that appeared on someone else’s blog between July 2008 and now that you enjoyed or cried reading or learned something from. (3) Do this between today and next Friday. (4) Then, during the week, starting now, check back from time to time and see the posts that have been added to the list. (5) Enjoy the list and celebrate the Friday Blog Roundup which will return as normal next week.

Oh, and you have seven days to compile 200+ great posts. If you notice that a blog you read doesn’t have a post on the list, make sure you add one from their site. Celebrate, people, celebrate.

And consider this the Weekly What If: What if Melissa asked you to help celebrate three years of writing the Friday Blog Roundup by asking you to submit a post from someone’s blog in a DIY version of the roundup using the comment section?

*******

I’m so glad that I ended up asking about the head shot because I was going to send in choice #3 if I had been left on my own to make the decision (which only got 6 votes). It was somewhat a tie between #1 and #5/6 so I’m sending both and letting them make the choice, though Seal Press wanted #5/6 for their site so perhaps both will get use. I am so glad I asked–thank you for helping! And thank you, Palemother, for making me a new sleeve and enhancing the colour.

*******

Next week, I go to BlogHer where I will be meeting bloggers galore (on the menu: Kathy, Bri, Aurelia, Musings of a Fat Chick, Flotsam, Uppercase Woman, Uncommon Misconception, Magpie Musings and Who Shot My Stork?). My plan is to live-blog the conference with pictures again. Though I thought up a new feature this year–let me know if you want to see anything/meet up with anyone that I haven’t gotten to yet. Sort of a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure situation where if you email (and I will have email on most of the time), I will go find the person/swing by the booth/hear the panel–time willing. Isn’t that a good idea? So then it’s like you’re there. Through my camera, at least.

*******

Last night, some TOOTPUers got together with Murgdan who was visiting from out of town.

Murgdan and Jen

Karen and B, who never takes a bad picture.

Lindsay as her natural and authentic self

Things you may not know about Murgdan–she’s Canadian, born and raised, with a maple leaf tattoo on her neck, right under her left ear. Okay, that might not be exactly true, but for some reason, I thought she was from Toronto. In fact, I was so sure of it that I said things like, “I want to make sure you have a really good trip to DC because who knows when you’ll be able to get back here” and “do you have a choice of clinics in Canada or is where you cycle dictated by the health system?” Oh, and I asked her about what it was like living in Toronto and finally, the strange looks she had been giving me all evening suddenly became clear.

My bad. Murgdan is not Canadian. Though she is lovely.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Well…

You guys are going to provide those this week.

The roundup to the Roundup: participate in the Friday Blog Roundup Extravaganza. Thank you for the picture help. I’m going to BlogHer so tell me what you want to see/hear while I’m there. And I met Murgdan! Have a wonderful weekend reading the Extravaganza posts.

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

A soapbox-y Show and Tell?

Last Friday, Lindsay came over with produce from the organic market and we made cubes and cubes of homemade baby food. I said it was to help her and because I am the one with the neater freezer, but it was really for me. There, I admitted it. I loved making baby food for the twins and it was nice to have a reason to take down the 30 ice cube trays. Making baby food was a really important parenting step for me because it took back all the feelings I had on my inability to breastfeed that came on the heels of my inability to create a baby without assistance and then my inability to carry to term.

Baby food making bears a striking resemblance to breast feeding–it is a pain-in-the-hands if not a pain-in-the-nipple. It takes up a lot of time, requires the same amount of clean-up as using a pump, and is considered “healthier” (quotation marks because healthier is a relative term). It was less expensive, tailored to the twins, and required a huge commitment. The place where it differed was that baby food making didn’t require my body to produce certain hormones in certain levels. Oh, and that Josh could participate too. You know, that whole lack of prolactin thing sort of screws him too in the breastfeeding department.

As we cooked, Lindsay told me the story about someone whose handle was Lactivist who started harassing her online about not breastfeeding, not knowing Lindsay’s story at all except that she was using formula. It’s interesting because I think that there are two main types of activism–one that is meant to forward information and understanding and the other which is used to berate.

I’m all for lactivists who want to take back the boob–make it also a body part that is used for feeding rather than a sexual object. Ensure that women can nurse in public, that women who wish to breastfeed have the support they need, and that funding goes towards breast milk research. What I’m not for are lactivists who tell others what they should or shouldn’t do. The fact remains that there are many reasons why it would be better to not breastfeed or impossible to breastfeed, and that a person refraining from breastfeeding isn’t a statement on another person’s choice to breastfeed.

Breastfeeding, like so many aspects of life, is not one-size-fits-all. It can be the best option or it could be the second best option when weighed against other information. And no one should be disregarding their mental and physical health nor the mental and physical health of their child in the quest to fulfill a vision of nutritional perfection. I am pro-breastfeeding when breastfeeding is possible and desired. And I will be your biggest cheerleader if you want to try it. And I am incredibly impressed when people work through obstacles because they want to work through obstacles (not because they feel guilty if they don’t) and find their breastfeeding groove. But I’m also pro-baby food making if you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed. Or pro-finding-whatever-works-for-you.

Stepping down from the soapbox because I was upset to hear what was said to her in the name of immunological health.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.

This is the 40th installment of Barren Advice. You can ask questions that are fertility or non-fertility related.

Barren Advice is posted each Tuesday-ish. If you have your own question for Barren Advice, click here to learn how to submit. Please weigh in with your own thoughts in the comment section and indicate which question you’re addressing if there are multiple questions in the post.

Dear Mel:

I am desperate for some advice! My husband and I are infertile due to an emergency partial hysterectomy to save my life during a bad labor and delivery of our daughter Vivienne, who subsequently was diagnosed with brain cancer and passed away at nine months old. We are beginning the process of looking into expanding our family with either a traditional or gestational surrogate mother.

In light of different things I’ve read, for example that surrogacy agencies are not licensed or monitored in any way, and the recent fraud and theft of IP’s funds at SurroGenesis, USA, I am looking for: (1) Recommendations of good agencies. We live in Pennsylvania but due to the unfavorable legal status of surrogacy in the state, will likely use an out-of-state surrogate, and/or (2) Some pointers on how to evaluate agencies and what questions to ask, and/or (3) Any advice or suggestions on compassionate community fund-raising to help us supplement our savings and what we take in loans, to finance the surrogacy process. I’ve been researching these items online, and haven’t found any or many great answers! Thank you so very much!!

—Mary

The question sort of has two major parts: doing it right and how to get help. The doing it right part is easier to manage, insofar as bad reputations usually remain attached to agencies that fail to provide good customer service. What constitutes good customer service when it comes to a surrogacy agency or lawyer? Well, unfortunately, the happy ending of a healthy child is not necessarily the deciding factor. They cannot control child birth any more than any of us can control child birth. But some agencies do a better job of protecting your heart on the items that are within their control.

I went to Kym from I’m a Smart One, an infertility blogger AND successful surrogate, who used her own experience needing assistance conceiving to help other people build their families. She tackled this question thoroughly and passes along this advice on choosing a surrogate.

The website is often the first window into the quality of an agency. Anyone can throw up a website and call themselves an “agency,” and many people often do. However, established, well-maintained agencies will have a depth of information that helps give credence to their effectiveness as an agency. The more information provided, the better. Things to look out for on agency websites:

*About Us/Who We Are — This page should give some details about who the agency is run by and how did the agency come to be. Was it established by former intended parents and/or surrogates or by an attorney well-versed in surrogacy? Quality agencies will also have support personnel who are either an integral part of the staff or are independent, adjunct professionals. Such support staff includes: surrogate and intended parent coordinators, licensed social workers, counselors, and/or psychologists, attorneys, bookkeepers, and receptionists. The About Us pages should do exactly that – help potential clients to know about them and provide background information on educational levels, their roles within the agency, and contact information. Be wary of agencies who give little to no information about themselves.

*Financial Information — Surrogacy websites should offer explicit information as to the type of financial investment intended parents can expect to make by working with them. Outlined should be specific dollar amounts, to where the associated fees are going, when portions of the money is due, and whether or not any paid funds are reimbursed if you choose to part ways prior to achieving a pregnancy with a surrogate. All agencies require that majority of the funds for the surrogacy journey are placed into escrow. Escrow funds should be held by a cooperating third party and *not* by the agency itself.

Examine the agency’s fees and what services they include. Some agencies offer varied fees depending on what level of involvement you want them to have in your surrogacy journey. For example, a couple may prefer to use an agency for matching services only and then independently manage all other aspects of their journey (arranging medical appointments, etc). Other IPs may want full-service involvement, from the initial matching straight through to the delivery. The more involved the agency, the greater the fees paid will be. Still, fees range greatly from agency to agency. When comparing agency costs, IPs should pay close attention to the breakdown of the fees, paying close attention to the amount being paid directly to the agency itself (as opposed to the surrogate, psychological and medical fees, etc). On websites, this is usually referred to as the “Agency” or “Professional” fee. Agencies vary greatly among well-established, reputable agencies. Some of the more well-known agencies may charge upwards of $25,000, while smaller, but no less reputable agencies charge around $10K-15K for their services.

*Explanations of the Surrogacy Process (from both the IP and Surrogate perspectives) — While they generally follow the same chronology, specifics in the process can vary slightly from agency to agency. Important things to note are whether or not an agency’s surrogates are pre-screened. Most agencies have surrogates who have already been accepted into their programs and will also find surrogates by posting classified ads (online) on behalf of the intended parents. Surrogates who are found after intended parents have contracted with the agency will still have to be screened medically. This section of the website should explain how the matching process is handled. Will both IPs and surrogates receive each others’ profiles, or will the IPs receive the surrogate’s profile to review and decide whether to proceed to the next step. Will the agency facilitate a three-way phone conference? At what point is personal information exchanged between the surrogate and intended parents? How will the agency continue to support both the IPs and the surrogate once pregnancy has been achieved?

*News/Media Coverage/Testimonials/Affiliations — What do other people have to say about this agency? Quality agencies will have reputations that speak for themselves, but also have other people want to speak for and associate with them.

When seeking information about surrogacy agencies, don’t underestimate the power of word of mouth. Do thorough information searches online to learn of others’ experiences with these agencies. A great place to start are online surrogacy message boards. Surrogate Mothers Online has an extensive system of searchable forums where you can easily access pages of agency client’s experiences. Information can also be found on All About Surrogacy. AAS requires registering to be able to search the forums while SMO does not.

Once IPs have examined websites and have narrowed down two or three agencies to contact, questions they should definitely ask (if not already answered on the website) are:

1. Knowing that the ultimate financial investment has many variables, how close is the estimate presented to what most intended parents actually end up paying?

2. Has the agency ever been sued by any surrogates or intended parents and if so, for what and what was the outcome?

3. If a surrogate does not already have an insurance policy which which will cover the pregnancy (as some have exclusions against surrogacy), how will the agency help acquire a policy and what are the approximate costs?

4. How long have they been in business?

Above all, one mistake that some intended parents make is falling under the misunderstanding that by working with an agency, it completely frees them from becoming fully educated about the surrogacy process prior to embarking on a journey. Agencies are there to help guide both intended parents and surrogates through the process, but both IPs and surrogates have many things to consider before seeking a match, whether with the help of an agency or independently.

To help ensure a smoother start to their surrogacy journey (whether independently or with an agency), IPs have many other things to consider. How much (or how little) will you feel comfortable asking for/paying in compensation and fees? How much contact do you want to have with the surrogate before, during, and after the birth of the child/ren? How do you feel about selective reduction, and in which circumstances would you (or would you not) reduce or terminate? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, but to have a good match, it is imperative that you know where you stand on these issues, and on which you have room for flexibility or none at all.

The key to finding a good match is finding someone who shares the same mindset on as many issues as possible. Matching with someone who has polar opposite views on some of the heavier issues could potentially be a recipe for disaster. Thankfully, agencies are there to help facilitate matches so that the intended parents’ focus of a journey can remain where it should – on having a baby through the supportive partnership with their surrogate.

Remember – good agencies may be the experts with what they do, but don’t forget that they are working for you. Once contracted with an agency, be sure that your (and your surrogate’s) needs are being met in a timely manner and do not hesitate to press if you feel that you are not getting the service for which you’ve paid. Agencies should be warm, welcoming, and accommodating, there to guide and support.

Okay, so that incredibly thorough answer (thank you, Kym!) should get you started on separating the wheat from the chaff. But what about the other part of your question–raising funds to make surrogacy possible.

People seem to fall into two categories with the soliciting for donations, especially asking for money outside of family and close friends. With your family and friends, you are personalizing the request. They know you and you probably know their financial situation. It is completely reasonable to turn to a parent or sibling and ask for help. Sometimes we ask for a person’s time or a person’s expertise. Other times, we ask for money. And while it is not the easiest conversation to have, many people have found that by laying out the facts (we need help in order to build our family) and explaining how the money will be used and if/when it would be paid back if it were a loan rather than a gift, that they can gather help in financing their family building efforts. The worst thing that happens is that the person turns you down and as long as you can accept that their lack of money does not translate into a lack of love for you or for your future child, you have nothing to lose by asking.

So those aforementioned two categories come up when soliciting donations from a community. Most people are indifferent or unaffected. If they have money, if they get something out of it themselves (for instance, a raffle), or if they have an emotional connection to the situation/person, they are unoffended by being asked for a donation. They either act or they allow their eye to pass over the virtual donation plate on the person’s sidebar. A smaller group finds the request for donations off-putting, explaining that everyone has personal needs–most of which require money–and choose to not read blogs that ask such requests (and therefore, you lose the emotional support). It’s a hard decision to make whether or not to solicit within a community.

A better place to start is with people who know you or are connected via a local network such as a social group or religious institution. Friends of Journey to Parenthood have been holding a series of fundraisers to cover missing income after Ben was diagnosed with cancer and Kari became pregnant with quadruplets. The most creative was the “flocking,” but they’ve also had a softball tournement and a dance. The combined fundraisers have raised thousands of dollars, with everyone giving a small bit to bring the couple a lot of help.

I asked Angie Best-Boss her thoughts, as the author of the book Budgeting for Infertility. If you don’t know this book, you should. It costs $12 and a few hours to read it, but it will save you hundreds if not thousands. Truly, there isn’t a more helpful source for navigating the funding of treatments, third party reproduction, or adoption. Especially the advice on dealing with insurance claims…

She said:

Funding surrogacy is tricky. As you know, most of the creative loopholes you might find for either adoption or IVF aren’t available for surrogacy. But, that doesn’t mean you are out of luck, either.

Out of the country surrogacy options are less expensive, but have their own issues. One of the best ways to save money on surrogacy is to work with an experienced surrogacy attorney. He or she may be able to facilitate the entire process without having to use an agency. Surrogacy agencies can be wonderful, but they can also be very expensive.

In terms of raising money, here are a few ideas to get you started. For most of these, you need somebody in the community to help. For example, you might need a church or other group with a non-profit status to do some of these fundraisers (though contributors won’t get a tax write-off) or someone with a large space.

* Crop till you drop. Find a local scrapbook consultant and host a $20 crop for 4-5 hours one night. The consultant can demonstrate techniques and you can collect cash.
* One of my favorite ideas is a Texas Hold ‘Em poker night.
* Current has great cards, wrapping paper and gift items and their fundraising programs offers 50% back.
* Host a big garage sale and ask for donations from family and friends.
* Make and sell things over at etsy.com
* If you or someone you know is an artist, start a Café Press store to s
ell imprinted mugs, shirts, bags, etc with a great piece of art.

It’s a good starting place and certainly read the other blogs in the surrogacy categories on the blogroll, from both the IP and surrogate point-of-views because often, tucked inside a post where you least expect it, are the nuggets of advice that help you the most on your journey.

No really, the beauty of a blog advice column is that you get to weigh in with your two cents too. Let the questioner know if you support the advice, add to the response, or dispute it completely.

Leave a comment in the reaction box below–only keep in mind that conflicting advice is embraced and rudeness is not. Want to ask your own question? Click here to see what you need to send in order to be included in a future Tuesday’s installment of Barren Advice.