Like last year, I am not writing my blog right now because I need to navigate the twins returning to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to process my feelings. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

What I do remember from the movie is a witch with an eye that you could look into and see how you would die. Not just how you would die, but you would see yourself in the moment, so you would know your age, whether you were in pain, if you were alone. For years after seeing this film, I would think about that witch eye and wonder what I would do if I were facing that witch. Would I ask her to lift her eye patch? (As you can imagine, an eye like that must be kept under a patch lest the woman buying a cantaloupe next to you in the produce aisle would learn as she glances your way that she is going to drown in a boating accident about two years from now.) Would I be able to walk away from that knowledge knowing the information is right there for the taking?

Because I fear that I’m the sort who can’t really walk away from information, even in knowing that being cognizant of your death date could bring more stress than comfort. If I saw that I was going to die in my nineties with Josh by my side, and the twins and their children gathered at the end of the bed, I might go through life a tad more relaxed. But if I saw that I looked about a year older when the witch lifted up her patch, and I was dying alone, bleeding to death in an alleyway, I might not really enjoy the last twelve months of my life, especially those moments when I start to walk down an alleyway and realize exactly where I am.

Read the whole post here.

Like last year, I am not writing my blog right now because I need to navigate the twins returning to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to process my feelings. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

The night I finished the book, the Wolvog threw a tantrum during tuck-in and we had to follow through with the consequences which meant that I didn’t sing his goodnight song. This has only happened maybe once or twice before and it was terrible timing to have it happen on a night where my heart felt so raw.

I finished the final chapter edit and wrote the epilogue. I’ve never liked the last page of a book. I’m really not a fan of having a book end. So I wrote the last page to be an open moment, where the reader and the writer (who is who? Truly–since so many readers contributed to the book and were the writer and I felt like I learned just as much as someone reading the book) can sit together indefinitely on a final thought that needs to be considered in every moment of every day.

I went downstairs to get Josh to read the epilogue and then slipped into the twins’ room, intending just to give the Wolvog a kiss. But he was still awake, silently watching me while I stroked his head.

We climbed into the glider and he rested his head against my shoulder and we both closed our eyes. And my heart broke into 1000 thousand tiny shards. It literally exploded inside my chest. Because the glider felt like a boat and I had just written all of these pages about this fictive island–the Land of If–and it felt like by writing that epilogue, I was somehow rowing away even if not really. At least I was sailing around the island, sea monsters be damned, even if my plan is to remain on this island for longer.

Read the whole post here.

Like last year, I am not writing my blog right now because I need to navigate the twins returning to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to process my feelings. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

Perhaps this is the best part of the Internet: you write a post and someone bounces off of it, and then you read their post and bounce back off of it, exchanging ideas in these chain-linked posts which circle back into thoughts through various paths of words until we come — perhaps — to the heart of the matter. And perhaps what women owe one another has always been the heart of the matter.

What do we owe one another as women? We explore this idea time and time again. While we may have come to expect men to range from holding us back to marginally supporting women’s rights (“I mean, if it matters to you, it matters to me.” Which can also mean, “if it didn’t matter to you, it wouldn’t have crossed my mind.”), we expect women to give each other a boost, to have each other’s backs, keeping in mind that we’re all individuals as well as members of this collective sorority.

Read the whole post here.

Like last year, I am not writing my blog right now because I need to navigate the twins returning to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to process my feelings. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

We survived the first day of kindergarten.

They were excited to get to the building, but when we walked up to the door for drop-off, the Wolvog became wide-eyed and quiet, saying goodbye to us in a daze while he allowed himself to be led inside. The ChickieNob burst into tears and screamed, “I’m scared! I’m overwhelmed! I’m overwhelmed!” and begged us not to make her go to kindergarten because “there are too many kids! Too much noise!” But she too allowed herself to be led inside.

I walked back to the car with Josh and drove home in tears, and once he left for work, cried like an animal. I sat on the sofa and did one of those screaming cries, not caring if the neighbours heard. I literally felt as if my skin was being yanked inside out, with all my organs spilling to the floor and rolling away to the far-reaches of the room.

Read the whole post here.

I am going to take a short break from blogging to sit with my feelings as the twins return to college. It will not be as long as last year, but similarly, I have jumped back into the archives and pulled up a post that ran on the same day many years earlier. So, a blog post from September 1, 2010 will run on September 1, 2024. I clearly have a lot of posts to choose from after 18 years of blogging.

Apologies for the repeats.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second, helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. To read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Barreness has a hard post about the situation with her parents, and she could really use a virtual hug. She writes: “I described it to The Barren the other day like this: it is like I have lost both my parents, but they are still here and I am left watching it all disappear each day in a new way. Like an extended period of grief and mourning. It breaks my heart in new and different ways every time I call them.” Please go give her kindness.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ talks about holding two conflicting feelings at the same time. She explains: “While I feel the loss of not exploring the world with my kids, in the way they are able to, I can also see the freedom and benefits of a No Kidding lifestyle that still allows me to explore. Gain and loss, loss and gain, both sides of the same coin.” It’s about how the same situation can lead to very different feelings at the same time. I loved the reminder about the complexity of everything.

The roundup to the Roundup: Sitting with my feelings. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between August 23 – 30) and not the blog’s main URL. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week. Read the original open thread post here.