Even though I haven’t kept up my exercise blog, I still am running around WuHu Island every morning and attempting to get in better shape (I’m up to over 3 miles every day!).

I am blogging about fitness as well as participating in BlogHer’s $100 gift card sweepstakes over here.  All you need to do is click over, read my blatherings, and then answer the question to be entered.

I am going to two parties this weekend.  The first is comprised entirely of people I have known for at least eleven years.  Some for much longer than that.  We all knew each other before we met our partners and got married and had children.  It is a group that is entirely entrenched in history and we have found over the years that our roots often inadvertently entwine in the past with shared people we knew even before meeting each other.

The second is comprised almost entirely of people I know via blogging and one old camp friend who I re-met via blogging (who is different from the high school friend I re-met via Twitter–hi, Thea!).  For some, I know the intimate details of their life, but have never seen them face-to-face.  Others started out as online friends and then stepped through the computer screen.

It’s a strange continuum of old and new, but in so many permutations that old and new blend together on one extended plane.

Oh yes, and expect pictures, at least from the second one.

*******

Speaking of meeting bloggers, last weekend, I got to meet Flicka, Becky, and Niobe, along we other TOOTPUers who were not drenched in vomit and could therefore get together for breakfast.

*******

The Weekly What If (courtesy, this week, of Calliope): What if Hollywood called and wanted to turn your blog into a movie like Julie and Julia. You get final casting approval. Who would play you?

I don’t know who would play me, but I’d totally get the cast of Brothers & Sisters to play my actual family.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Life from Here has a post about adoption on the lead-up to her daughter’s first birthday.  Where her life was last year vs. where her life is this year.  She is thoughtful and eloquent and raises wonderful points and then meets them with possible answers.  She is most profound when she speaks about ethics and how they navigated the pre-placement months together.  I found myself nodding a lot while reading.

Relaxing Doesn’t Make Babies has an absolutely brilliant post about the worries that have been hounding her since Kate’s birth.  I love the way she describes that running anxiety: “it’s like my brain decides to suddenly worry about everything at once.”  The post flits from fear to thought to fear, and you almost enter Natalie’s brain, feeling a bit like that anxiety fluttering by like a pack of butterflies.

Waiting Lisa has a post explaining why holiday weekends are the hardest weekends and relates it to the idea of attending a family reunion.  She explains, “Parties like this are big check-ins where we are all supposed to share what has happened with us since we last got together. I have nothing. The only thing that has changed is that I’m missing organs.”  It’s a beautiful, aching post and you need to read it in full.

Lastly, Infertile Newlywed has a post about her husband’s diagnosis and the conversations that came afterward.  It is a simple post about the physical and financial realities of infertility informing the emotional side of infertility.  It is about those all-too-familiar planning conversations; the ones that go above and beyond what someone trying unassisted needs to consider just to get to the starting gate.  It’s a wonderful post.

The roundup to the Roundup: Partying this weekend.  Apparently partied last weekend too.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.

Thank you for the birthday wishes.  We mostly celebrated my birthday last weekend since it was a long weekend. In addition to the trip to the Aquarium, Josh took me on a ghost tour in Alexandria.

He had thrown out other options for our date night—a movie, dinner at a favourite restaurant downtown, book browsing at Politics and Prose—but nothing sounded appealing. I was in a mood about turning 36 and uncomfortable in my own skin, tension-filled internal pacing (being carried out from a reclining position on the sofa because I’m not a fool—I’m not going to actually pace if I can lie down. In those cases, mental pacing suffices). I suggested the ghost tour because it gave us an excuse to drop in on friends who live in Virginia and eat at Bilbo Baggins.

Robert, the tour guide, had a tendency to mumble things quickly and then whip around and wiggle his fingers at you as his scare tactic.  Which wasn’t very scary.  His stories tended more towards campfire fare—for example, a headless, drunk colonial Alexandrian who apparently haunts dogs in case they’re the mutt who has stolen his severed head.

He ended the tour in the graveyard and ditched us—making it sound as if we’d never get out alive despite the fact that you could hear the motorcycles from Rolling Thunder a few streets away. Rather than make us quake in our Keens, it made—at least me—introspective, pausing to squint at the headstones and try to make out the names in the darkness.

We sat on a stone bench and watched other groups come into the cemetery and discuss its inhabitants. These ghosts were someone’s children. They may have been someone’s mother or father or sibling. Someone may have sat on this very bench consumed with grief after the person was gone and thought about them as they looked at their gravestone.

It’s sobering to sit in a graveyard, but it may be the only cure to feeling anxious about growing old. Disquiet loves company and sitting in the graveyard plugged me into a continuum of people who have considered their mortality—faced their mortality—and yet still the world turns.

I love the idea of ghosts. A little while after my cousin died, I noticed that different clocks in my house were exactly one hour off. One hour behind or one hour early. Different clocks in different rooms at different times. When I left for college, the same thing happened in each apartment—clocks would change, always by exactly one hour—and roommates would bitch about it, but I’d explain (like a crazy woman) that it was just my cousin, connecting with me from beyond. No explanation for why she chose to communicate through the clock, but perhaps that’s one of the easier methods to learn when you’re newly-dead. She still changes the clocks in my house to this day and I love it when it happens.

Based on this experience, my best friend and I made a list of ways we’d try to communicate with each other after we’re gone. We included a multitude of possibilities just in case some of our ideas were too difficult to learn for someone newly-dead. Josh was really upset when we informed him of our plan—thought we were morbid—but it made me feel comforted to know that even from beyond, I’d have moments where she would feel close. It makes me sick to think that there will one day be a time when we’re not able to be physically together–or to pick up the phone and call her–but I’m also well aware that there is nothing I can do to change the way life works. Ghosts are a small comfort.

I miss people who are gone too much to believe that once you are gone, you are completely gone. Losing them once was horrific enough, losing that hope is unfathomable.  It’s something I want to believe; perhaps doing so makes it true.

Do you believe that you can communicate with people who have died? And how does the idea of ghosts make you feel?

Standing in the last hours of being 35; squinting at the next year of being 36.

In Hebrew, our letters double as our numbers and each letter has a numerical value.  Sometimes numbers inadvertently form words, the most famous being “chai” or life, which is written with the same letters that are used to write “18.”

Denominations of 18 have special significance in Hebrew because they’re tied via gematria to “life” (hence why Jews often make donations or give gifts in denominations of 18).  So 36 is a special year.  Josh told me “no tears” when I started wailing a few nights about growing older as he held me on the sofa.  “This year is double life.”

For my birthday, he took me to the aquarium this past weekend and when we walked in under the waterfall and saw the trout larger than my arm swimming back and forth as we waited to get through the entrance, I knew in my bones that we had picked the perfect spot to say goodbye to being 35.

Happy birthday to me.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The June List is now closed.  The July List will open on 7/1.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Can I Get Some Sugar with These Lemons? (Korean adoption, infertility, grief)
3. No Suzy Homemaker (babyloss, IVF, life)
4. Just Two Lines Away (pof, impatience, crossroads)
5. Our Journey, But Not Our Plan… (pregnancy, set, adoption)
6. Baby Magnesi (infertility, ttc, mfi)
7. My Infertility Woes (infertility, weight loss, yoga)
8. Are We There Yet (pregnancy, travel, life after fibroid removal)
9. Dreaming of Quiet Places (emotional abuse recovery, ponderings, my cute dog)
10. Chasing Mommyhood (single, endo, iui)
11. Drive Fast. Take Chances. (MFI, DI, pregnancy)
12. The Mud and the Lotus (hysterectomy, endometriosis, cat)
13. The Road Less Traveled (IVF, pregnancy, books)
14. Waiting Lisa (domestic adoption, waiting, infertility)
15. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, advocacy, faith)
16. Infertile Newlywed (hope, anger, fear)
17. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
18. A Greater Yes (embryo adoption, pregnancy, faith)
19. A + B, Waiting for C (iui, injectibles, next steps)
20. Riding the IVF Roller Coaster (13th IVF stim cycle)
21. A Long And Winding Road (faith, infertility, hobbies)
22. My Bumpy Journey (azoospermia, donor sperm, life)
23. Baby Dreams (TTC#2 with PCOS after loss, my son, life)
24. InDueTime (infertility, life, pcos)
25. Keeping my eyes on Jesus (IVF, faith, pregnancy)
26. The Gal Who Wants to be Anywhere But Where She Is (longterm infertility, loss)
27. Miss Ruby (life after ttc)
28. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo (barren, 40+, toddler twins)
29. Wishing4One (IVF, pregnancy, Egypt)
30. Being Joyful Always (infertility, faith, weight loss)
31. Please Let This Be It (pregnancy after IVF)
32. Life in the White House (donor sperm, daughter, crafting)
33. Woman Anyone? (primary subfertility, unexplained IF, headbanging)
34. One More Time, With Feeling (IUI, donor sperm, life)
35. Infertility Musings (forced break from TTC)
36. The Subfertile Frugalista (pg after loss, 2nd trimester, frugal shopaholic)
37. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
38. ErnieGirl (pregnant, infertile, birthmother)
39. His & Her Infertility (PCOS, azoo, international adoption)
40. Communique (life, infertility, ivf)
41. Damn The Rabbits (life, subfertility, humor)
42. AMama2Twins (multiples, twins, life)
43. Relaxing Doesn’t Get You Pregnant (humor, infertility, family)
44. Adventures in Baby Waiting (early ivf pregnancy)
45. Me Plus One (single, ttc, iui)
46. Enchilada Sunrise (knitting, bipolar, life)
47. The Royal Report (life, feelings, thoughts)
48. Lost in the Land of IF (infertility, IVF, impatience)
49. Busted Plumbing: When Mother Nature Kicks You Right In The Ovaries (preggo after loss, PCOS, awesomeness)
50. The Mis-Adventures of A Mondern Day Farmer’s Wife (infertility on a farm)
51. Parenthood for Me (adoption, infertility, coping)
52. In Pursuit of Parenthood (iui, gonal-f, faith)
53. The (In)fertility Diaries (TTC, adoption, life)
54. Elusive Embryo (frustration, follistim, uninsured)
55. Peace BEGAN (loss, faith, life)
56. Ambivalent Womb (ivf, mfi, hope)
57. Dude, Where’s My Baby? (infertility,infertility, infertility)
58. Strange Girl, Strange World (life, kids, preemies)
59. Our Uphill Battle (PCOS, life, infertility)
60. GotchaBaby (adoption, family, random)
61. The Encouraged Egg (infertility, fertility treatments, pregnant)
62. Infertile Follies (infertility, IVF, ectopic pregnancy)
63. My Life’s Journey (ivf, infertility, trying again)
64. Raising Cain (someday) (ivf, infertility, process)
65. An Unexpected Life (adoption, infertility, anxiety)
66. HimPlusMe (infertility, ttc, life)
67. Among the Blossoms (ttc, mfi, life)
68. Mis(sed)conception (IVF #1, undiagnosed infertility)
69. Believing in June (male factor, infertility, IUI/IVF)
70. On Tap for Today (life, humor, Boston)
71. PandaBox33’s Blog (everyday, happiness, love)
72. Your Great Life (infertility support, self-belief, decision-making)
73. Finding Her Way (infertility, fundamentalism, abusive childhood)
74. Off to See the Wizard (secondary IF, IVF, loss)
75. Lifeslurper (donor eggs, over 40, IVF)
76. Someday (mfi, azoos, love)
77. The Daily Miracle (secondary infertility, optimism)
78. Fearlessly Infertile (weight loss, IVF, miscarriage)
79. Blogging MoRe (life, marriage, everything)
80. Expressive World (life, creativity, spirituality)
81. Barrenista (infertility, adoption, fancy cupcakes)
82. StudentRNTiffany (bedrest, love, life)
83. The Unicorn and I (unicornuate uterus, single)
84. Kir’s Corner (infertility, twins, marriage)
85. Baby On Mind (IVF, ttc#1, unexplained)
86. Inconceivable! (ttc, infertility, family)
87. All Aboard the Pity Boat (infertility, exercise, life)
88. Wistfulgirl’s World (ttc, pcos, life)
89. Beyond The Brick Wall (infertility, marriage, money)
90. The Bushey Life (ttc, life, infertility)
91. The Infertile Fertile (ttc, infertility, miscarriage)
92. It Is Tuesday, Right?? (parenting, ivf, womanhood)
93. The Adventures of a New Mom (new mom, TTC #2, recipes)
94. Just Keep Swimming (azoospermia, life, teaching)
95. The Barreness’s Blog (parenting after infertility)
96. Gay Fourth And Multiply (lesbian, ivf, donor)
97. In The Middle With You (infertility, loss, adoption thoughts)
98. My Walking Path (my dog, cats, nature)
99. Lipglossd Mom (life, beauty, reviews)
100. Ginger and Lime (infertility, fibroids, food)
101. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
102. Finding ME after IF (TTC, PCOS, weightloss)
103. Infertility Overachievers (secondary infertility, son, IVF)
104. Lori Does Maryland (ivf, neonatal loss, subsequent pregnancy)
105. Waiting for a Baby Bump (ivf, mf, ttc)
106. The Birds and The Bees (ivf, unexplained, life)
107. Two Makes {1} (pregnany, life, everything)
108. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (pregnant after losses, cooking, books)
109. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, life, ttc #3)
110. Journey to the End of the Rainbow (infertility, ivf, acupuncture)
111. Thoughts from A Blonde (adoption, family, life)
112. Outside My Head (marathon training, puppyhood, family)
113. That’s My Answer (question of the day, fun, life)
114. Wanna Bee (adoption, loss, craftiness)
115. Pieces of the Puzzle (PCOS, repeated IVF failure, life)
116. Trying To Figure It OUt (life, marriage, love)
117. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (ivf, family, support)
118. Yes, We’re one of Those Couples (azoospermia, ivf, known donor)
119. After Years In The Making (parenting, life, navy)
120. Infertility: A Type A’s Nightmare (pregnant after infertility)
121. Putting the Fun in Infertility (cancer, icsi, twins pregnancy)
122. Emi is Insane, but not yet Committed (ttc, unexplained infertility, insanity)
123. Oven Seeking Bun (pcos, ttc#1, laparoscopy)
124. The Mommy ‘Hood (life, love, family)
125. A little blog about the big infertility (IVF failure, miscarriages, adoption)
126. Eating Myself To Life (weight loss, IF newbie, life)
127. Leave It To the Beavers (TTC, PCOS, life)
128. Fertility Foibles (infertility, humor, china)
129. Everyone Else But Me (tubeless, FET, early pregnancy)
130. Cape Girl’s Journey (stillbirth, IVF, pregnancy)
131. Run Amok Amok (infertility, life, general-nonsense)
132. Find Joy Now (infertility, life, joy)
133. Cheese Curds and Kimchi (adoption, korea, parenting)
134. My Lovely Lady Bump (ttc, charting, life)
135. Adventures in Babymaking (recurrent miscarriage, IF, septate uterus)
136. Mommy In Waiting (male factor infertility)
137. Dear Stevie (stillbirth)
138. Tales from the Rat Race (IVF, 2ww, life)
139. Fox In The Hen House (infertility, elder care, photography)
140. Going For It (1st IVF experience, MFI)
141. Lil Family Blog (lesbian, parenting, adoption)
142. Journey Through Infertility and TTC (pregnancy, family, baby)
143. Letters to My Unborn Daughter (daughter, family, love)
144. Find Joy Now (infertility, life, joy)
145. Sarah’s Life (PCOS, male infertility, life in general)
146. Waiting For Our Miracle (IF, IUI, PCOS)
147. Baby Roulette (iui, miscarriage, infertility)
148. Getting There (adoption, homestudy, life)
149. Infertility And Me (male factor infertility)
150. Hopes and Dreams for Us (over 40, childfree, miscarriage)
151. Surprised By Hope (open transracial adoption)
152. Romancing the Stone (bed rest, IVF, love)
153. Life in the Last Frontier (adoption, college, family)
154. Knock Me Up, Doc (first IVF try)
155. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting after infertility)
156. Write, Baby, Repeat (adoption, infertility, donor eggs)
157. here’stounwaveringhope (MFI, IVF w/ ICSI)
158. Awaiting Our Miracle (starting 1st IVF cycle, MFI, PCOS)
159. Mama Bear (adoption, infertility, openness)
160. The Road Worth Traveling (pregnancy, life, health)
161. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (news, prayer, music)
162. Raining Raining (fostering, parenting, ttc)
163. The Journey through Life (pregnancy, life, emotions)
164. An Arizona Mom (pcos, secondary infertility, parenting)
165. Hope Springs Eternal (MFI, infertility, life)
166. Circus Children (love, perseverance, icsi)
167. Blawndes Blawg (infertility, family, love)
168. Adoption Journey (adoption)
169. Adventures in Glass (parenting newborns twins after IVF)
170. Magnolia Queen (catholicism, politics, crazy)
171. From IF to When (infertility, waiting, life)
172. A Nuttier Life (TTC, life, everything)
173. Baybee Luv (single student mother)
174. Last American Girl Standing (11wks after IVF#2)
175. Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (pcos, endo, waiting)
176. PCOS Success! (infertility, pcos, pregnancy)
177. Conception Deception (failed ivf, taking a break, contemplating child-free)
178. My Life After Loss (infertility, babyloss, twins)
179. The Gibson’s (faith, love, infertility)
180. Sister Village (women, community, life)
181. Cradles and Graves (infertility, pregnancy loss, endometriosis)
182. The June List is now closed.  The July List will open on 7/1.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?
A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is yellow, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes at 11:59 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.