Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list for March is now closed.  The April list will open on 3/31/11.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Yolk: A blog about eggs and sperm (infertility, ttc, humour)
3. The Stork Drop Zone (humor, infertility, treatments)
4. Diary of taking small steps toward baby steps (FET, PCOS, IVF)
5. Planet Hausfrau (crafts, cookery, kids)
6. HimPlusMe (pcos, ttc #1, weight loss)
7. The Pursuit of Pregnancy (new dx clotting, RPL, IUI)
8. The 2 Week Wait (ttc, infertility, humor)
9. Bio Girl (family, infertility, FET for baby #2)
10. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (parenting after losses, cooking, books)
11. Hope Springs Infertile (de ivf, parenting, life)
12. Twinside Out (twins, parenting, faith)
13. Infertility: A Diary (thoughts, emotions, decisions)
14. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
15. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
16. ReeWrite (pregnancy, mommyhood, animals)
17. Ambivalent Womb (loss, weighing options)
18. If By Yes (baby, books, mental health)
19. Find Joy Now (parenting, adoption, life)
20. Wistfulgirl’s World (ttc, weight loss, life)
21. One Wheeler’s World (life, love, parenting after if)
22. Someday (MFI, IVF, OMG)
23. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, advocacy, hope)
24. Just Us and the Cat (recovery from 2nd ectopic, ivf, life post-tubes)
25. Holly’s Narrative Dream (infertility, family, life)
26. Baby Steps to Motherhood (IVF, infertility, male factor)
27. Write Mind Open Heart (open adoption, mindfulness, perfect moments)
28. A Half Baked Life (parenting after loss, food)
29. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (domestic adoption, post infertility, life)
30. A little blog about the big infertility (adoption, overcoming loss, hope)
31. Songs for my Unborn Children (miscarriage, poetry, life)
32. Invisible Mother (recurrent miscarriage, emotions)
33. Mission: Fertile Soul (fertility, joy, humor)
34. A Peek into our Journey (PCOS, waiting, IUI)
35. The misadventures of missohkay (pregnancy loss, adoption)
36. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
37. Eggs In a Basketcase (newly pregnant, FET)
38. Team Baby (infertility, iui, ivf)
39. Life in the Last Frontier (open adoption, infertility, parenting)
40. Uncommon Nonsense (infertility, IVF, PCOS)
41. all i ever wished for (i.f., upcoming f.e.t., life)
42. I’m Very Far Away (infertility, IVF, expat)
43. Grafting a Branch on the Family Tree (intended parent/traditional surrogacy, weight loss)
44. Elusive Take Home Baby (recurrent miscarriage, infertility, frustrations)
45. The Handprints on my Heart (adoption, family)
46. A Field of Dreams (parenting, weightloss, humour)
47. The Port of Indecision (RPL, DOR/POF, smartass)
48. Diary of a Mad Infertile Woman (new to infertility, gonadotropin injections, anovulatory)
49. Buzz Off Infertility (pregnancy loss, TTC, pregnant w. #2)
50. We got hitched. We bought the 4 bedroom house. We had twins. Now what?!? (parenting, twins, life)
51. Chasing Our Stork: Our Journey with Infertility (unexplained, ivf, faith)
52. Lifeslurper (IVF after 40, donor eggs, depression)
53. Colours Of Cattiz (male factor, ivf, uk)
54. Our New Plan A (natural-ivf, gluten-free, dor)
55. Our Fertility Journey (miscarriage, mind-body connection, hypothalamic amenorrhea)
56. Bodega Bliss (miscarriage, loss, grief)
57. Seeking Shirley (infertility, IUI, miscarriage)
58. for all the things we hope for (infertility, miscarriage, nursing school)
59. We’re Making a Baby… (twins, IVF, infertility)
60. Shorty’s Adventure (pregnancy after IF)
61. Three Cats and a Baby (infertility, adoption, green parenting)
62. Leading Mama (motherhood, psychology, leadership)
63. As Fast As My Baby Can (infertility, ivf, unexplained)
64. Compromised Fertility (PCOS, miscarriage, infertility)
65. A Year On…. Our New Beginning (hopefully) (stillbirth infertility IVF)
66. Mommy Odyssey (miscarriage, healing, humor)
67. Therapy Is Expensive (open adoption, life, relationships)
68. As Good As It Gets (parenting after infertility)
69. The Bushey Life (high risk pregnancy)
70. The Ladies in Waiting Book Club (infertility, books, crafts, writers)
71. Life as I Know It (emotional, motherhood, decisions)
72. Mommy In Waiting (IV#4, hope, mfi)
73. Just Us…For Now (infertility, miscarriage, IVF)
74. Garden Variety Mama (cooking, health, toddler twins)
75. My Voice (life, family, humor)
76. Surviving the Secondary Infertility Madness (PCOS, loss, pregnancy)
77. Failed Genetics (infertility, adoption, family)
78. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (baby after infertility)
79. Random Thoughts From Angie (FET, life, family)
80. Removing Roadblocks (adoption, infertility, faith)
81. The Road Less Traveled (pregnancy after loss, embryo donation)
82. wanna bee (foster/adoption, craftiness, loss)
83. Sluice (california, white ceramic animals, home decor)
84. The Unbroken World (family, fertility, future)
85. Frogs In Texas (baby milestones family)
86. The Infertility Therapist (psychological aspects infertility)
87. Transplanted Thoughts (grief, baby loss, life)
88. Everyday Blessings (infertility, life, motherhood)
89. From IF to When (infertility, adoption, health)
90. In a Nutshell (azoospermia, ivf, immature eggs)
91. Bakery Closed Until Further Notice (miscarriage, relationships, non-ttc)
92. Unglamorous (marriage, toddler, finances)
93. Our Life Journey (infertility, pregnancy loss, faith)
94. Storm in My Teacup (FET#2, greyhound VW bus)
95. Stumbling Gracefully (parenting, photography, waxing philosophical)
96. Babies, Balanced Translocations, and Being in My 30’s (IVF/PGD, balanced translocation, RPL)
97. I’m Just Ducky, Thanks (ivf, medical issues, adoption)
98. Zero Guarantees (IVF, surrogate, life)
99. Jen Has A Pen (infertility, writing, marriage)
100. Survive and Thrive (infertility, EFT, fertility telesummit)
101. Infertility And Me (azoospermia, MFI, father)
102. MissConception (pcos, IUI, ttc #1)
103. Almost All The Truth (green, parenting, change)
104. I Believe In Miracles (parenting, infertility, adoption)
105. Creating Our Miracle (IVF # 2, TTC # 1, MFI)
106. Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying (infertility,life, teaching)
107. MissConception (pcos, IUI, ttc#1)
108. It’s Definitely Possible (SMC, IUI, 2WW)
109. I Want to be a Daddy (male infertility experience)
110. One Day At A Time (infertility, hypothyroidism, weight loss)
111. Life Without Baby (childless-not-by-choice, coming to terms, infertility)
112. Your Great Life (fertility health advocate, emotional support, family-building)
113. On Tap for Today (life, humor, Boston)
114. Whitney & Erick (recurrent loss, immune, IVF)
115. Waiting For Our Miracle (pregnancy, IVF, infertility)
116. Mac and PC (IVF#1, anovulatory, health)
117. Amiracle4us (infertility, IVF, hope)
118. The Daily Miracle (secondary if, ivf, life humour)
119. Digital-Damita (ttc, frugal, green)
120. Love In the Bump Dump (infertility, humor, marriage)
121. And Then There Were Two… (infertility, miscarriage, ttc #1)
122. Lissie’s Luck (infertility, PCOS, frustration)
123. Our Little Family’s Journey (family, ttc#2, FET?)
124. NOT so Fertile Mertile (endometriosis, domestic adoption)
125. Everything After (parenting, marriage, TTC)
126. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (food, news, prayer)
127. Junebugs Musings (if, adoption, life)
128. The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own (pregnancy, infertility, life)
129. Trying Not to Scream (infertility, IUI, miscarriage)
130. To Those Who Wait (early pregnancy #1, triplets from IUI)
131. The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita (unexplained infertility, life, humor)
132. Too Many Fish to Fry (miscarriage, parenting, joy)
133. Adventures of a Dam Engineer (adoption, infertility)
134. Trying to conceive (ivf, icsi, support)
135. Waiting for that Positive (infertility, male factor, being positive)
136. Fearlessly Infertile (FET #2, weight loss, Ireland!)
137. Wonderfully Ordinary (parenting, infertility, life)
138. Pontifications of a Twin Mom (twins, parenting, celebrating life)
139. Going For It (domestic infant adoption)
140. The “G” Fam (baby j, sahm, ivf #2 (?))
141. Oven Seeking Bun (pcos, ivf#1, yoga)
142. My Broken Oven (miscarriage, anxiety, pregnancy)
143. Watering Faith’s Seed (infertility, faith, marriage)
144. Somewhere In The Middle (infertility, adoption, waiting)
145. Busted Plumbing (humor, PCOS, awesomeness)
146. This non-American Life (travel, expat life, Germany)
147. Flogging the Muse (art, painting, creativity)
148. Greetings from Nowhere, NM (infertility, hypothyroidism, rural living)
149. The Deep Silence of a Long-Suffering Heart (MFI, IVF, secondary infertility)
150. My Hopeful Journey (IF APP, advocate, support)
151. My Cheap Version of Therapy (iui#1, pcos, weightloss)
152. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, life, pregnancy)
153. Tippy & Tidy (TTC#1, IVF, unexplained)
154. Weathering the Storm (2ww, life, adoption)
155. Baby Magnesi (infertility, MFI, TTC)
156. Inconceivable! (TTC #1, IVF)
157. IFSerenityNow (ivf, fet, loss)
158. Confessions of a wannabe mom (trouble making babies)
159. Hope Springs Eternal (ivf, life, infertility)
160. Hope is a Four Letter Word (annovulatory, first ivf)
161. Sparkles and Fairy Tales: Waiting on my Fertile Godmother (infertility, pregnancy, marriage)
162. The Childless Mom (male & female infertility, humor, ICSI)
163. Trying To Get a Bun In My Oven (optimistic, sweet, tough)
164. My Dusty Uterus (humorously stubborn eggs)
165. Baby Talk (infertility, hope, treatments)
166. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, life)
167. Gingersnap Alley (kids, play, how-to)
168. Getting There (adoption, settling in, life)
169. Traditionally Nontraditional (infertility, hope, wishes)
170. Cheese Curds and Kimchi (adoption, family, preparations)
171. Just Us Two (IVF, infertility, anxiety)
172. The Infertility Overachievers (pregnant after IVF)
173. A Nuttier Life (TTC, hope, awesomeness)
174. My Hormonacoaster (ivf, ttc#2 10 years, loss)
175. My Blog Is Boring (life, love, happy)
176. *Our Wish* (ttc family miscarriages)
177. IUI to Roux-en-Y (appointments, goals, weight-loss)
178. The Diary of My Fertility Roller Coaster (infertility, pcos, hope)
179. The Inadequate Conception (infertility, humor, new book)
180. The Climb (twins, parenting, infertility)
181. The list for March is now closed.  The April list will open on 3/31/11.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is green, the next month it will be teal, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

The Life from Scratch Book Tour kicks off today at 9 am EST.  Go over to Write Mind Open Heart to see the master list on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  Haven’t read it yet?  Are you crazy?  Then go download it to your computer (no excuses — you don’t need an actual Kindle to read the e-book version), stop working for the rest of the day, read the book, and jump into the conversation.  See, I can solve all sorts of problems.

*******

I found Blackbird Pie this weekend, and I love it.  I don’t even like Twitter, but I love the app.  If I spent more time on Twitter, I would add a Tweet each week to the Friday Blog Roundup.  I am trying to figure out how to use Blackbird Pie more while not using Twitter more.  Perhaps I can’t solve all sorts of problems.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/stirrupqueen/status/42404277280448512″]

*******

This was pretty much the most accurate description of how it feels right after you finish a manuscript and turn it in.  Replace blueberry blintzes with clementines and you have how I was after Life from Scratch.  And replace macaroons with crying-a-fuckload and you have post-Navigating the Land of If.  I am finishing a manuscript in the next day or so.  Let’s see what happens to the nervous system this time…

*******

The March IComLeavWe list opens today around 9ish too.

Remember how all the media sites back in August were saying how stress could affect your chances of getting pregnant?  Remember how WebMD crowed, “There is now scientific evidence to back up the widely held belief that stress can interfere with fertility.”

Scratch that.

This week, WebMD is crowing,

Stress and infertility have long been linked, with stress sometimes blamed when a woman can’t get pregnant naturally or with fertility treatments.  Now, a new report finds that a woman’s stress levels don’t adversely affect her chances of getting pregnant in a single fertility treatment cycle.

Seriously.

The very same media sites who misinterpreted the first studies are now bringing an equally dubious understanding to a new study that once again appeared in a medical journal.

So which is it?  Can I be stressed or can’t I?  And does any of that even matter?  How many people are actually holding their breath to find out whether stress and infertility are related? (Dr. Domar, put down your hand.)

The fact is that there is already enough evidence that enormous amounts of stress are detrimental to your overall health.  Whether or not this includes your fertility is beside the point.  I wouldn’t leave stress untreated just because it’s not affecting my ability to conceive.  Nor can I truly believe that if I could just relax enough, the lack of stress would overcome my blood’s clotty tendencies.

I think the takeaway here is that whatever stress management techniques you can do — whether it’s exercise or yoga or meditation or listening to really loud music with a lot of obscenities because you find it soothing — is worth doing for your emotional health.  To have a sense of control in a very uncontrollable situation.  To simply do something for yourself.

Oh, and totally ignore the media.  Reading infertility articles can give you whiplash.

I’m going to comment on something I read that I have no clue about. (Why preface it with that when I comment on things I know nothing about all the fucking time?  I have no idea, except that I feel it exempts me from a whole host of things.)  I don’t even follow either of the people on Twitter.

But it fascinated me nonetheless.

Serena Williams started tweeting that she was crying, heartbroken and hurt because someone she was following on Twitter wasn’t following her back.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/serenawilliams/status/41582378342297600″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/serenawilliams/status/41587178316238848″]

Which wouldn’t be that strange except that Serena Williams has almost 2 million followers and follows only 102 people.

Couldn’t nearly 2 million people tweet the same thing — cry about the same thing?  That she is following 102 people and they aren’t one of them?  What the hell do we owe Twitter followers?

There are many reasons why I don’t follow someone who is following me, and none of them are malicious.  It may be as simple as the fact that I can go days without signing into Twitter on a desktop (vs my phone), therefore, I sometimes miss that someone has followed me that I do have every intention of following because the Twitter email is now buried somewhere in my account.

I’ve certainly experienced not being followed back or not having a Facebook request accepted, and I usually chalk it up to the fact that I don’t know what the hell is going on in the other person’s mind, but I believe that unless they tell me otherwise, it was never done maliciously.  Maybe their Facebook account is only for family.  Maybe they think I curse too much in my tweets.  Maybe they think I’m boring.  I usually don’t want to know why someone isn’t following me.  I mean, do I really want the person to tell me that I’m boring?

But Serena is saying that she’s crying, that she’s hurt, that she’s sad and needs to be comforted.  Maybe it’s the middle-child-keeping-peace side of me, but that’s a lot of pressure to put on another person… over Twitter.  I think it would be inappropriate to tell someone that I’m upset that they’re not following my Tweets in a private manner, therefore, I think it’s even more bizarre to Tweet about it.

What are we Twit-owed?  Especially when you semi-know the person following you (vs. someone who follows you at random with no prior contact)? Should we follow someone for the sake of keeping peace?  Or should our Twitter stream solely be what we want to read without regard to anyone else’s feelings?

And yes, I really do give these things way too much thought.

On Thursday, I went to get the mail, and there was a package in my mailbox.  I was, you see, expecting a package — a book — from Barnes and Noble.  But the package was from Amazon so I had a moment of weirdness where I stood there and tried to make sense of it.  The package didn’t feel quite like a paperback book, but I had never seen said book so perhaps it came with a plastic-y cover.

I opened it right there by the mailbox because what else do you do when your book arrives from the wrong company?  Though it wasn’t my book at all.  It was the fifth season of Family Ties.

And I started bawling.

See, I didn’t even need to watch the DVD.

It all comes down to being heard.  And when you are heard so enormously like I was this week — a tiny admittance at the end of a post — you bawl at the mailbox.  Because that act of leaving a comment, of sending an email, of sending someone the episode of Family Ties that they mentioned at the end of the post is just an extension of a hug; of wrapping your arms around the person with a simple “me too” or “go ahead and cry” or most commonly — “I just wanted you to know that someone heard you.”

Baby Smiling in Back Seat heard me.  And like a fairy godmother, she granted my wish.

And I got to have a good cry; times two.

*******

Part of kindergarten is apparently honing your comedic skills, and every day, a child is chosen to tell a joke.  The ChickieNob takes this very very seriously.  She will not perform anyone else’s material — the girl writes her own jokes.  When she tells me this, it makes her sound as if she is two seconds away from composing her own version of the Aristocrats.  One day, you will turn on Comedy Central and she will be there, chomping on a cigar with Denis Leary (in her two pigtails), reciting her own tale of debauchery.

Er… you may not want to watch this at work.  I mean, I watch this at work, but I work from home.  So…

She came home this week upset because her act fell flat.  She wanted me to try it out on you because she thinks she has written something amazing, and it’s everyone else who just.doesn’t.get.it.  So this is the ChickieNob’s joke (and it is more appropriate for all offices):

What instrument does a cow play?

A moo bass.

She further explained that “a moo bass” was the punchline, though she feared that the reason that her class didn’t laugh was that they didn’t understand that some of her favourite opening bass lines sound like the lowing of a cow.  She told me that she knew that there wasn’t a problem with her joke, but was it possible that her classmates didn’t listen to the same music?

Please, please, for the love, please don’t ask her why the punchline wasn’t something like, “a horn.”  I asked this.  It was a big mistake.  Ditto “a cow bell” and “a moooooooooooooooooooooog.”

*******

Instead of the Weekly What If: Tell your favourite joke.  Or, at the very least, post a link to something on the Web that makes you laugh.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Infertile Fantasies’ birth story was crazy enough that I had to call Josh mid-day to tell him about it.  I seriously can’t say anymore without ruining it.

Renovation Girl weighs out the pros of stopping family building.  She holds the cons at bay with one hand and gives herself a full post to think about what she gains by stopping.  It is a bittersweet list; a bittersweet post — to sit with the person at the end of a road.  And just hold her hand.  And listen.

Love, Hope, and Faith has a post about falling in love with a place, a place she couldn’t imagine ever liking as of a few years ago.  It’s not just the photographs; it’s the larger idea that we can grow accustomed to something that didn’t really fit us at first.

Child Bearing Hips has a post that struck home for me about the way she eats (which also happens to be the way I eat…)  She writes: “There is a little voice in my head that tells me I SHOULD be able to eat an ice cream cone and not worry about gaining weight. Which I should… but I take it to a level where I’m wanting that ice cream cone every night. And something else I’ve noticed… I love feeling full. Having a nice, big plate of pasta with eggplant parm and garlic bread – send me to heaven right now.”  Infertility can quite literally bury the emotional eater.  A monthly cycle?  Drenched in anxiety and disappointment?  I feel like infertility is one long marathon of trying to seek comfort.  This post just gave me a lot of food for thought about my own eating habits.

Lastly, Baby Steps to Motherhood has a post about survivor’s guilt.  The three years after her loss were marked by guilt, and a seminar helped her to let go of those feelings and get to a good mental space.  But now that she is there, she is noticing something in regards to her blog.  She writes, “I feel that I have lost readers because I am no longer drowning. I feel as if I have survived the torture and no one wants to hear about how happy I am while I still fight this battle.”  It’s an amazing, raw post.  Please read it in its entirety and give her your thoughts.

The roundup to the Roundup: Hearing someone and letting them know it is pretty much the best gift you can give.  The ChickieNob’s joke.  Please leave your own joke or favourite link to something funny.  And lots of great blogs to read.