Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is now closed.  The February list will open on 2/1/12.
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Geebaby (life, waiting, early)
3. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, trying again)
4. Waiting for Little Feet (ivf, pcos, life)
5. Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered (mommyhood, crunchy, life)
6. Clay Baboons (humour, illustrated stories)
7. Donor Diva: Mother via Egg Donation (egg donation, parenting, secondary infertility)
8. Invisible Mother (rpl, reproductive immunology, cooking)
9. Adventures of Endo in the Arctic (endo, pregnancy, IVF)
10. Eggs In A Row (PCOS, TTC, and marriage)
11. Unglamorous (ttc #2, finances, family)
12. Here We Go Again (parenting, random)
13. If You Don’t Stand For Something (MFI, life, waiting)
14. Relaxed No More (ttc, infertility, ivf)
15. My Life in a Nut Shell (IF, miscarriage, everyday life)
16. Unruffled Lanie (ivf, high fsh, life)
17. Non Sequitur Chica (infertility, exercise, food)
18. My Life with Endo & Infertility (endometriosis, infertility, weightloss)
19. MoJo Working (fet, foster/adopt, ttc 10+ years)
20. Hoping for a Due Date in Good Time (IVF, pregnancy, endometriosis)
21. Created Family (unexplained infertility, miscarriage, social worker)
22. Survive and Thrive (pregnant after infertility)
23. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
24. Our Pathway to Parenthood (infertility, ART, MFI)
25. A Blanket 2 Keep (IUI, life, hope)
26. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (infertility, domestic adoption, completing our family)
27. Four of a Kind (parenting, secondary infertility, loss)
28. Bend in the Road (life after stillbirth)
29. The 2 Week Wait (infertility, pregnancy, humor)
30. Tippy & Tidy’s Tumultuous Trip to (Twin) Toddlers (donor eggs, pregnant with twins after infertility)
31. Life As I Know It (twins, infant, life)
32. TheStorkDiaries (infertility, TTC, humor)
33. Journey to the Finish Line (infertility, running, everything)
34. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (parenting after infertility)
35. My Lady of the Lantern (neonatal loss, grief, new baby-oh my)
36. Wistfulgirl’s World (adoption, infertility, random)
37. Knocked up by Another Man (DE-IVF, parenting, Alaska)
38. How I Spend My Dash (life, parenting after IF, multiples)
39. Viva la Vida (infertility, infant loss, hope)
40. In Due Time (infertility, miscarriage, college)
41. Living Our Life In Cycles (if, ivf #1, hope)
42. Life is Simple, It’s Just Not Easy (TTC#1, IVF, post-cancer)
43. Infertiles Laughing (humor, indecision, adoption)
44. Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying (pcos, iui #1, miscarriage)
45. Bring on the Babies… (miscarriage, IVF, pregnancy)
46. A Page In My Book (IF grad, family, humor)
47. Notes from the Ninth Circle (IVF, insurance, PGD)
48. She’s One In Amelian (infertility marriage running)
49. A New Song (FET, parenting after infertility, faith)
50. Building a Family Through Donor Insemination (donor sperm, IUI, life)
51. The Childless Mom (ivf-icsi, fet, humor)
52. Not a Fertile Myrtle (male factor, IUI, IF at 40)
53. Metholic (bfp, ttc, fostering)
54. Between the Paper Sheets (miscarraige, ttc, marriage)
55. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, parenting)
56. The Elusive Second Line (TTC #1, PCOS, on a forced break)
57. Beyond The Wallpaper (infertility, translocation, ttc)
58. Buck Up, Buttercup (pregnancy after loss, creativity, transitions)
59. Are You Listening (TTC#2, multiple miscarriages, toddler parenting)
60. MISSION: Fertile Seoul (infertility, international adoption, happiness)
61. Hope is a Four Letter Word (ttc #1, ivf#2, dor/pof)
62. Being Joyful Always (infertility, failed adoption, weight loss)
63. The Cornfed Feminist (pcos, irony, oversharing)
64. Hope Delayed (infertility, ivf, loss)
65. Our Adventure Through Infertility (life, infertility, health)
66. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
67. One Day at a Time (IUI, fertility, waiting)
68. This Blondie Wants Babies (ivf, miscarriage, life)
69. Alphabet Salad (writing, life, reflections)
70. These Rotten Eggs (ivf infertility treatment)
71. Lil Family Blog (motherhood, lesbian, adoption)
72. Detour (miscarriage, endo, septum)
73. BattleFish (early pregnancy after IVF, first child, life)
74. MissConception (TTC #1, twin loss, PCOS)
75. Believing in June (IUI, ttc #2, infertility)
76. Cinderella Wore Glass Slippers (infertility, international adoption, waiting)
77. Bohemian Transplant (pregnancy after infertility)
78. With Just a Little Help (infertility, ivf + icsi, ramblings)
79. Taking the Long Way (signing off)
80. Bloggers for Hope (male factor, parenting after IF, donor sperm)
81. Stinky’s Momma (mother to 4 month old)
82. Mommy Summers (mom after pcos)
83. Writing For Life (pregnant after IF, life in uk)
84. Barrenness in a Fertile Land (pcos, life, ttc)
85. Great Expectations (TTC #1, PCOS, IUI #3)
86. A Life Improbable (relationships, food, events)
87. Hapa Hopes (infertility, treatment, intercultural)
88. The Journey through Life (TTC#2, life, IUI)
89. Infertility Unexplained (waiting to miscarry, ivf, fet)
90. Whitney & Erick (surrogacy, adoption, RPL)
91. When ‘We’ Becomes 3 (ttc, reviews, IF)
92. For All the Things We Hope For (unexplained infertility, nursing school, couchto5k)
93. Getting It Sorted: life after loss and the steps to remain sane (stillbirth pregnancy health)
94. We’re Making a Baby (twins x2, preemies, moving)
95. The Kay Khronicles (life, food, infertility)
96. Family Life (family, humor, budget)
97. Mira’s Mama (new baby, balance, family)
98. Lori Does Maryland (baby-after-loss, current IVF)
99. Cablearms (art, life, infertility)
100. Life with Endo and PCOS (daily life treatment free)
101. I’m Just Ducky, Thanks (surrogacy, adoption, feelings)
102. The In Between (miscarriage, ttc, infertility)
103. No Baby Ruth (parenting, PCOS, Spain)
104. Where Do We Go From Here? (depression, life, infertility )
105. A Miracle in the Works (pregnancy after loss, unexplained IF)
106. GoTeamBaby (IVF, myomectomy, Hope)
107. Bio Girl (parenting, infertility, endometriosis)
108. Adventures of a Nomadic Housewife (TTC#2, weightloss, PCOS)
109. Carneyexploits (IVF, crafting, home improvement)
110. my dusty uterus (first baby, humor)
111. Birdie’s Family Journey (life, infertility, family)
112. The list is now closed.  The February list will open on 2/1/12.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is silvery-blue, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

This has been one of the most fascinating discussions — at least, for me.  Bea said it best when she called discussing gift giving a minefield.  I really did worry about offending someone because I get the sense that the gift portion of Christmas is sacred not for the tangible items to be obtained but for the tradition of unwrapping presents that maybe stretches back to childhood.

I’ll start by saying that I love receiving gifts and giving gifts.  Not a huge fan of accumulating clutter or things I’ll never use, but a well-planned gift that lets me know the person cares about me?  Which can mean a gift card — I love receiving gift cards to places I go all the time because it makes me feel free to treat myself to something I really want.  But seriously, who doesn’t like to get something, especially if it’s something they want?  I prefer gifts to be “just because” than at a certain time of year out of obligation (same gift card, but I’d rather get it on a random day which makes me think that it’s about me, vs. getting it on a holiday or my birthday which is still very much appreciated, but sort of becomes about the event instead of me.  Does that make sense?)

I like giving gifts when I think of something the person might want.  I like it when I can come up with something clever, but most of my gifts are more of the standard thoughtful variety.  I know the person’s taste in jewelry, so I get them some jewelry.  Or I know they like cooking equipment, so I get them something I enjoy using that I think they might enjoy too.

I give the same mishloach manot basket to everyone for Purim, though tweaked to keep in mind people’s food allergies and likes/dislikes.  That holiday is probably the closest we have to Christmas shopping, but the gifts are entirely of the food variety with the exception of children.  I give kids toys or books with their mishloach manot baskets.  And I LOVE to give those every year; I would cry if I couldn’t go overboard with Purim baking and candy making.  I end up mailing or delivering about 50 of those boxes, and it is one of my favourite things I do all year.  I like thinking about people opening their box and eating their way through their box, but even more, I like the expectation that they’re going to receive a box.  That it’s a given that it’s near Purim, and I’m sending mishloach manot.  So I guess I understand that side of the Christmas tradition, even though ours differs in the sense that everyone receives identical baskets of baked goods and candy vs. having to go to the mall and hunt down the perfect item for each individual.

But mishloach manot is a small piece of the holiday, and not really one that the twins seem to pay too much attention to overall.  They don’t make wish lists or race down the stairs in the morning in anticipation of the gift.  There have been plenty of years where we haven’t given them a tangible item for Purim and if they’ve noticed, nothing was said.  I think if I had to point out what they obsess over with Purim, it would be their costume.  Purim is about going to shul and the megillah reading, and it’s also about the carnival.  But mostly, they want to design their costume and have something cool to wear for the Purim parade.

*******

I realized reading your responses why it would be difficult for me to do Christmas shopping, especially if I had to come up with multiple gifts for the same person and stocking stuffers, etc.  Shopping is done — I’m assuming — over the course of weeks or even months.  I’m going to assume that if you have 20 presents to buy, you don’t do all of them in one day, the day before Christmas.  There might be the rare person who does that, but more than one person mentioned that specifically stocking stuffers are small items collected up over the course of the year.

Here is the problem: When I buy something for someone, I give it to them immediately with only a few exceptions.  If I think to myself, “the twins would love a new hexbug set,” I go out that day and buy them the new hexbug set and surprise them with it when they get in the car from school.  Gifts are less tied to behaviour or reward or celebration, and are more just one more way of me saying, “hey, I thought you’d find this cool” or “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re really into this right now.”  I usually don’t hold onto gifts for more than a day or two.

I don’t like to stockpile gifts, shopping over the course of weeks and tucking the gifts away for a specific occasion.  And if I can’t come up with something that makes sense in the moment, something I think the person really wants, I hate just getting something for the sake of getting something.  So for the most part, the twins get gifts when the thought strikes me vs. tied to a holiday (that said, they receive small items on their birthday, Purim, Befana Day, and their floating second birthday — more on that in a moment).

Coincidentally, I saw The Descendents on Monday and realized as I watched the movie why I give gifts this way.  When I was younger, I saw someone not receive something she wanted, and a few weeks later, she died.  And all I could think about at the funeral was how stupid it had been for her parents to deny her this simple thing she wanted because life is so tenuous and brief and no one knows which day may be their last day.  Since I was little, this idea has stuck with me and permeates everything I do.  Which doesn’t mean that I live my life without planning things, but we are more of an eat-dessert-first family.  If the twins have an idea and there’s no reason to say no, I don’t say no.  Somehow we’ve been able to keep life in check, not devolving into complete hedonism.  But I do tend to give presents for no reason, right when the idea strikes me.

The movie; the randomness of death, his wife going from vibrantly alive to in an irreversible coma in the space of a second, flipped the light switch for me, and I was still crying as I walked to the car, remembering this girl and how much her death has affected the way I live life.  I wouldn’t change the way I live life, frankly.  I like being mindful of how quickly things can change, and as long as the kids balance out following their wants with remembering their needs, I’m fine to keep going this way without change.  Because there is a broken part of me that I know would obsess about putting off something fun just to have it fall in line with something on the calendar.  I think that it’s both an irreparably damaged side of my personality as well as one of my best traits at the same time.

*******

I have to admit that I don’t remember most of the presents my parents got me over the years.  I remember a few here and there, but while I know I must have been really excited in the moment, they didn’t really stick with me.  The gift I do remember is the one I still have; long after the stuffed animals and Playmobil sets and electronics are gone.  One year, my dad wrote a poem for each of us; a specific poem about each child in the family.  I still have that poem.  I have no idea what my parents thought before they gave it to me, but it is still my favourite gift they ever gave me (I mean, when you take things out such as life, food, college tuition, etc).  I knew it was my favourite gift in the moment, and that is why I still have it — I knew enough to tuck it away for safe keeping whereas I didn’t do that with any of my old Playmobil sets.

Knowing that sort of puts the compiling of plastic toys in perspective.  The twins may have a different experience pointing to one of their toys as their favourite gift when they’re in their late thirties, but I’m hopeful that even if it is something I bought, that it will be something I bought mindfully.  With great intention behind it.  Or maybe they’ll screw with me and it will be some random thing I could have never predicted would make a big impact on their psyche.

I think my parents instilled a good appreciation though not expectation of gifts, and we’re desperately trying to do the same for the twins.  So far, it has worked, and they don’t behave as if they’re owed presents, though they do love to receive them.  If we tell them that they can’t keep something, they roll with it.  We sometimes ask them what they want, but usually just try to listen to the sorts of things they talk about and compile gift ideas that way.  I also get them things such as an iTunes gift card for no reason whatsoever so they can treat themselves to things such as a new app or e-book just because.  I certainly buy myself gifts over the course of the year, and I want them to have the power to make themselves happy rather than having to wait for someone to buy things for them.  I think springing gifts on them when they least expect it creates a Phantom Tollboothy feel in our house, great unexpected adventures may happen on a completely ordinary day.  And it keeps us from having too much of a letdown after any holiday or birthday.

In fact, because the twins share a birthday, we created a floating birthday-like holiday for each of them, and it springs out of the calendar without warning.  One night they go to bed without knowing anything is up, and the next morning they wake up to their kitchen chair decorated in candy and presents.  They get to choose all the meals and activities for the day.  But without knowing it’s coming, they can’t anticipate it.  And once it’s gone, there is sometimes a bit of a letdown to know that it’s over for the year, but there is usually something else to look forward to before them.  Such as their real birthday.  But that is another way for me to slip a present in there, one that I bought that day that I want to give them immediately anyway.

*******

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to give presents (there may be a wrong way to receive presents… I’m thinking of Veruca Salt).  I think there’s just the way you feel comfortable doing it.  Some people like to give extravagantly, and some people like to give more restrained.  Some people like to give a lot of small gifts so there can be a lot of moments of tearing off the paper, and some people like to give one big ticket item that the other person would never receive otherwise.  I think, for me, I will continue letting my fatalistic fears of how brief life is rule how I give presents and hand them off immediately after purchasing them.  Mostly because I like the idea that every day could be a potentially wonderful day where you get the excitement of a present.

I read this to Josh before posting and he wants me to add that I am terrible with keeping gift secrets, though fine with all other sorts of information.  He claims that when I get him something, I immediately start taunting him with hints about it, and when he doesn’t take the bait, I need to give it to him immediately so we can talk about the gift — not because he wants to know what it is, but because I can’t stand knowing something that he doesn’t know.  This is true.

We did what we do every single year: we woke up the kids at the crack of ass, gave them a completely unhealthy breakfast of nutella as an apology for waking them up so early, and drove downtown on empty streets to volunteer.  Before we had kids, we got to do cool volunteer projects such as cook at DC Central Kitchen.  Now that we have kids, we are assigned to doing “kid-friendly” activities which do not involve stirring enormous steaming vats of macaroni and cheese or working with knives.  This year, we made the Christmas cards that they handed out on the streets as they delivered meals to the homeless who couldn’t get to shelters.  I have never drawn so many Christmas trees in my life.  And Josh donated his blood.

I like reading all the Christmas posts where people describe what they did for the holiday.  I was a bit commented-out by writing Creme de la Creme blurbs on Saturday, but I liked seeing photographs of trees or reading about what was served at various meals.  I’m always curious how people choose whether to make Christmas Eve or Christmas Day the focus.  I’m a big fan of nativity scenes and “Silent Night” and beautifully decorated trees, especially when there is meaning behind most of the ornaments.

So this is my ignorant question:

Up until the actual Christmas Day posts, all I saw this year in regards to Christmas was the enormous consumerism.  The Black Friday pepper spraying incidents and all the subsequent craziness that followed (such as the man who dropped over dead and people stepped over his body to continue shopping).  The continual push from mid-October to December 24th to buy things.  I know the vast majority of people don’t shop in this manner, but people do seem to get very stressed out with Christmas shopping.

I don’t understand the pressure of Christmas gift giving, which is why I’m asking about it.  We don’t have a holiday like this, and the only Jews who do participate in this manner with Chanukkah do so as mimicry of Christmas (yeah, that whole 8 days of presents things… that’s an American tradition created to resemble Christmas).  I buy people birthday gifts, but I only have to concentrate on one person at a time.  And I get the twins a present for Purim, and my nieces a present for Chanukkah/Christmas.  But it’s easy to shop for children.  I don’t think I’d do well with the pressure of having to purchase dozens of unique gifts for various individuals all at the same time.  I would probably crack under the pressure and cry, or I’d phone it in and get everyone a gift card, hating myself in the process.

Someone explained to me that people give bigger gifts on Christmas than they do for birthdays.  Where it would be excessive to buy someone a computer for their birthday, it’s completely reasonable to buy it for Christmas.  I’m not sure this is entirely correct, which is why I am turning to you, o’ People of the Internet.  When you’re buying people a gift, would you opt for doing something extravagant for Christmas and something more subdued for a birthday?

And because I need to live vicariously through you — what did you get as a gift for Christmas this year?  And what was your favourite gift you gave?

Hopefully I haven’t offended anyone.  I really am curious about this and am trying to understand the gift-giving side to the holiday.

We woke up this morning because it sounded like someone was trying to drag a body into our backyard at 7:36 am.  An arrhythmic thumping of someone running themselves into the fence gate.  “What the fuck is that?” I asked Josh, and he started to pull on more clothes so he could go outside and investigate.  “Please be careful.”

I peered into our backyard, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, and then stepped into the hallway at the same time the ChickieNob came out of her room to tell me that she was scared.  I sent her to wait on my bed, walking around the upstairs of the house until I found the location of the noise.  It sounded as if someone was being scraped apart inside our attic.  I also knew that this wasn’t the most likely scenario.  It’s not a finished attic.  If someone was being dismembered, they’d probably come crashing through the ceiling at some point as their body rolls off the beams.  Plus, you know, it also seemed unlikely that a killer would enter our house, go into the attic, somehow get rid of the ladder and pull the attic door back into place, and then take apart his victim up there.  I just want it said that I kept my imagination somewhat in check.

Which left the more likely scenario that an animal was in our attic, destroying our children’s preemie clothes that I had stored away up there, not wanting access to them because the one time I loaned them out to a friend, I felt so distraught over it that I decided that I’d buy all friends who had preemies a new wardrobe for their child rather than give them our old clothes.  I am fine doling out anything in the size of 0-3 months and larger; it’s just those tiny nightgowns made for two-pounders that I have difficulty refolding when they’re returned.

Our friend recently had a bat in her house.  It flew around the upstairs, in and out of the bedrooms, and the exterminator told her that it came through the attic.  80% of bats have rabies, she told me (a quick Google search just now yielded a less impressive number of .05% of bats have rabies, but let’s go with 80% for the sake of this story).  Schrödinger’s Bat — since until we opened the attic door and let it fly out was both a bat and not a bat at the very same time — banged itself against the roof and beams of the attic, making the ChickieNob call out from my bed, “I am very very scared.”

And then we heard Josh’s voice outside bellow, “get out of here!”  The scraping stopped immediately.  I pictured the killer sighing with ennui and carrying the dismembered corpse out through the hole he made in our roof (the only explanation I could come up with for how he got into our attic without a ladder).  I pictured Schrödinger’s Bat taking flight after him through the same hole.  Josh came back in the house and returned upstairs.

“It was a crow.  On our roof.  Eating a dead animal.  With his beak.  When I called out to it, it took the dead animal in his mouth and flew away.”

Our preemie clothes were not defiled, our roof intact, corpse parts not strewn across the beams of our attic.

All was well in the house again.

*******

After we had kicked out of bed all the children who had accumulated under the blanket while the crow ate its breakfast, strangely amplifying it so we could all enjoy the crunch crunch crunch of small animal bones and sinew, Josh and I went back to sleep.  And we were almost successful.

Our neighbours are evangelical deaf Christians, and they have a vibrating clock alarm.  Every year, on December 24th, for a reason known only to them, they leave their alarm sounding for several hours.  Every time it goes off naturally after a ten minute period, we get a two minute pause of silence; just long enough to allow our frayed nerves to relax.  And then the alarm goes off again.  Because it vibrates, it causes a bunch of houses in the neighbourhood to shake.  Josh went over to talk to them, agreeing that it would be better if he did it than if he left it to me because I have potty-hands when it comes to signing, and I was more likely to shriek and sign obscenities at them.  But they refused to answer their door.  Yes, they were home.  He rang the doorbell for about ten minutes as the ChickieNob returned to my bed to ask why our house was now shaking.

When I wrote about this on Facebook last year, we all had a good laugh about this sounding like a joke: evangelical deaf Christians who have been trying to convert us for ages are sounding the alarm on Christmas Eve day.  But I’m not laughing.  I don’t want my soul saved.  I just want to sleep.

*******

No lie-in today, despite the fact that we stayed up exceptionally late last night because we were gleeful over the idea that we were having our first chance to get sleep since Thanksgiving.  I am cranky and hating crows, our neighbours, and Christmas (since I can’t believe that it’s an accident that the alarm has been going off now for THREE HOURS.  Yes, it has been shaking the wall behind my back the entire time while I’ve been writing this.  And looking back at Facebook and emails from years past, it always happens on December 24th).  I’m off to write Creme blurbs, so if you see the list on New Years Day and it has a lot of parenthetical statements about how crows and our neighbours suck, you’ll understand why.

Our coffeemaker died this week sending us into utter panic.  When Josh called out to me, I ran downstairs without my glasses on — that’s how frantic this news made us; and we both stood there as if we had discovered that someone changed the locks on our house and we now had no way in.  Coffee is our gateway to consciousness.

Which is why I didn’t research coffeemakers.  Usually, if I’m going to buy an appliance, I like to think about it.  I like to look up reviews online.  I talk to people about what they like or dislike about said appliance.  I may even look around to see where I can get the best price.  I buy appliances like elderly people drive, slowly and carefully with my coat belt trailing out of the car.

This is as much thought as I gave this very very necessary purchase: I thought about which store would have the most coffeemakers in stock (I put my money on Bed, Bath, and Beyond, though Target and some department stores were also considered).  I drove to said store even though it was four days before Christmas and the store was understandably insane with people diving after cotton candy machines and shearling blankets.  I ran through the aisle with the kids and visually scanned the coffeemakers for the one that had the least amount of buttons.  I called Josh and read off two model numbers and asked him to look at which one had the smaller amount of negative reviews on Amazon.  I then grabbed the better coffeemaker, ran to the front of the store (though not before the ChickieNob was distracted by a picture frame that she wanted to get as a gift that said, “in loving memory” and I had to explain to her that the person really wouldn’t appreciate being reminded of their own mortality… Merry Christmas!), thrust my money at the cashier and screamed, “oh please oh please I need this so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly” while I writhed on the floor, shaking from lack of caffeine.

Literally, all of that is true until we get to the writhing on the floor part.  It was more like I stood at the cash register, drumming my hand on the counter like my skin was crawling, which it was.

Our coffeemaker had a good run.  She was 14 years old.  We used her every single day.  In coffeemaker years, that’s like… 700-something years old.  Still, it broke my heart, memories of how the ChickieNob got so excited as a baby to watch the orange ball travel up the clear frame to show the water level.  The mornings of just me and the coffeemaker, quietly dripping while I stood at the counter, mug in hand.  I had to photograph the coffeemaker before Josh disposed of her useless carcass.  And then I kicked myself for not buying the picture frame.

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If you Google “Queen Melissa,” I am the second hit.  I’m not sure why this delights me.  I’m also a little dumbfounded that there isn’t a Queen Melissa somewhere.  It’s a fantastic name, Royalty.  You may want to use it.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Tick Tock” (Outlandish Notions)
• “Dear Mrs. Duggar” (The Misadventures of MissOhKay)
• “Festive with Whine” (Bodega Bliss)
• “Reflections on Pregnancy and Loss” (Mission: Motherhood)
• “Fall On Your Knees” (With Every Heartbeat)
• “Black Christmas” (No Oven for the Bun)
• “Choosing” (This Was Supposed to be My Symphony)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Mommy Odyssey has a beautiful post for her first blogoversary about how she sees the community.  Like many, she started writing because she simply needed to get out her story.  Then she discovered there was a whole world of women and men out there, all writing their stories too.  I sniffled through this: “I never imagined that something as simple as a blog would be such a salvation. I never imagined that this space would bring me to women who I now consider some of my closest friends in the world. Women who are oceans away, but who I love like sisters.  Because they – you – understand. Because in my darkest moments, they – you – have been there for me beyond anything I thought was possible.”  Go wish her happy blogoversary after you read (and nod) through the post.

Project Progeny has a post about parenting, and what shapes our parenting style.  But it’s also about how we have no clue how the choices we make will also lead to the relationships we’ll have with our children down the road.  It’s really a fascinating read and gave me a lot to consider.

A Real Life returns to blogging with a story about an encounter in an elevator.  The woman mistakenly asks about her non-existent kids several times, and the writer doesn’t correct her.  It’s just as much about the things we say to others without knowing how much they stay with the person as it is the writer’s musings on why she didn’t let the woman know that she didn’t have children yet.

Lastly, From IF to When has a post about judging others that sparked a good conversation in the comment section.  She makes an excellent point: “My opinion on the way someone else is living his or her life doesn’t matter, and neither does yours. I think it’s easier to get wrapped up in what another person is doing. It’s harder to let it go – let people live their lives and speak their minds without passing judgment.”  It’s about the times when we judge, when we form opinions on other people’s lives without knowing all the facts, nor frankly having to live out their choices.

The roundup to the Roundup: Our coffeemaker broke.  I’m the second hit on Queen Melissa.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 16th and December 23rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.