Every year on 11/11, we state our wishes, and every year, a few of them come true.  While so many wishes are out of our hands, a few of our wishes are within the realm of possibility, and it is so much fun to see people jump into each other’s lives and make dreams come true.

Here’s how this works:

(1) Make one wish in the comment section (and don’t believe that stuff about how if say it aloud it won’t come true. That is precisely when the parts that are within another human being’s control can come true).

(2) Then leave a comment on the blog of the commenter directly before you (so it’s a chain. #2 comments on #1, #3 comments on #2, etc. If the commenter above you didn’t leave an address, just go one above that. The point is to find new blogs/leave a comment – not stress).

The first person who comments on this post gets a free ride and does not need to leave any comments. The last person who comments on this post gets … screwed.

It would be nice within your comment to refer to their wish (if it ties in to the post you read and comment on) and if you can grant any part of it, to do so. If you can’t, because their wish is outside of human control, don’t feel badly. But if you have the power to grant a wish, why not do it?

In years past, people have seen each other’s wishes and realized that they have the power to fulfill it. And did so. Which is pretty damn cool.

If the world doesn’t end on December 21, 2012, as we’ve all been fretting about for years, I’ve decided that 2013 will be a rebirth sort of year, a year where you feel like you’re operating on borrowed time or a second chance after a close escape, and you better do something really good with it.

I’m going to learn magic and become the greatest non-performing female magician of all time.

I have to preface that by saying that I’m not going to be performing because the idea of having people looking at me sounds particularly unpleasant.  But I am going to be the greatest female magician who performs solely in her kitchen for people who are in her house… of all time.

I’ve started my 2013 goal a little early (which I figure is okay because I started my 2011 goal of learning guitar a little late and I also started my 2012 goal of daily yoga in late January so it all evens out).  For a few months, the kids and I have been reading history of magic books.  I hired the twins to look up facts about various magicians.  And we took out books from the library and very unsuccessfully tried to teach ourselves a few tricks.  And that’s when I decided that we needed to find a magic mentor.  Except that I didn’t know any magicians.

But a lot of Googling and random chance and good luck led me to a man who lives a little over an hour away who has sort of agreed without saying as much to be our magic mentor.  My inner eighth grader wanted to define if we were magic dating or not, much in the same way I used to demand that middle school boyfriends actually speak the words, “We are dating” before I would agree to call them my boyfriend.  I like things to be black-and-white like that.  But I squelched my inner eighth grader when he let out an exasperated sigh and took my hand, correcting my hold for a card trick.  He set me up with my magic textbook and told me to write down all the questions we had until we met up again.

So, I’m learning magic.  Even though I seem to be the only woman in the world who is learning magic. (No, seriously, it’s a little disconcerting how there don’t seem to be many… any… female magicians.).  So if you come to my kitchen, prepare to have your mind blown.

I heard Suzanne Barston, otherwise known as Fearless Formula Feeder, speak at BlogHer this summer, and I loved the post she read as part of the community keynote.  I thought she made important points, but moreover, I found her reception in the room to be generally supportive and that — to me — spoke volumes since writing about formula feeding usually doesn’t make you the most popular kid on the block.

And even seeing the reception she received speaking about breastfeeding, I felt my stomach drop when she asked if I would review her new book, Bottled Up: How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t.  I remember, quite acutely, what happened the last time I wrote about breastfeeding about two years ago.  And while I still stand firm to everything I said* and my thoughts haven’t changed, I also wasn’t keen to replay that experience.

I wanted to be fearless like Barston, but I went through quite a bit of quaking while trying to decide what to do.

That is sort of the point of the book, and I have to be honest, I really really wish this book had been around back in 2004 when I had to stop trying to breastfeed. (I have to preface that as trying to breastfeed because since no milk came out of my breasts, I can’t really say I stopped breastfeeding despite having a child’s mouth on my breast several times per day as well as being hooked up to a machine 8 times a day.  There was no feeding or food consumption happening over here.)  It would have gotten me through the emotional valley I dipped into when I returned the machine.  It would have gotten me through the steam of commentary I received — mostly from strangers who felt the need to comment on the way I was feeding the twins when we were out of the house — from their birth to age two, when we switched to sippy cups and no one ever said anything about breast milk again.

Even though those days are behind me and I haven’t yet gotten a chance to live through those breastfeeding/formula feeding years again, I thought it was an important book to read right now to put closure on that time in my life.  To understand how that time period feeds into the whole “you’re a terrible mother” syndrome that I think most women experience in multiple facets of their parenting over and over again.  To see proof that we don’t have to give into the Mommy Wars that others set up for us, and we can interact without judgment with people who make decisions unlike our own.

I’m still in the middle of reading this book, but I wanted to mention it in case you are in a similar situation of struggling with the emotional fallout that comes from utilizing formula feeding over breastfeeding.  Because the choice isn’t really left up to the parents sans judgment.  There are women in Sweden who may end up paying an arm and leg for the ability to feed their child if legislation is passed making it unlawful to discount formula or offer free samples.  Latch on NYC is making it more difficult for women to receive formula for their infant, for instance, “Nurses must document the dispensing of formula to new moms, citing a medical reason for its necessity.”  When you make people jump through hoops in order to guide them to the decision you want them to make, you’re going to also make women feel the heat as they pass through those rings of fire.  And frankly, giving up my own dreams of breastfeeding my children was hard enough without needing to navigate a hospital’s shame-inducing techniques or an outsider’s judgment.

It would be wonderful if we could get to a point where true support and not just lip service is given for those who wish to breastfeed, and where those who need or wish to use formula can do so without judgment, lectures, or hoops to jump through.  When that happens, I’ll believe that we’re actually putting people and not agendas first.  Until that day, I think those of us who need or wish to formula feed could use Barston’s book.

* I really don’t want to rehash those posts, but I also felt it rude to refer to posts that new readers may not know about so the link is to inform if you wish to read them and not discuss.

Has anyone seen Magic Mike?  Could somebody ruin it for me?

I was waiting in line on Wednesday morning, and the cashier and the woman in front of me were discussing male stripping.  I was invited into the conversation, even though I have never seen a stripper perform. (Is that unusual?  Am I really in the minority here that I’ve never been to a strip club?)  The cashier recommended that I run, not walk, to the Red Box and rent Magic Mike.  Why?  I don’t know.  I mean, I just wanted to purchase some aluminum foil; I wasn’t actually expressing any sadness over having never been to a strip club.

But the cashier intrigued me when she turned to the other woman and said, “you know how there’s the first part that you totally know about, and then that thing happens, you know what I’m talking about, that thing happens which changes everything.  It was just such a surprise.  That’s why she needs to watch it.  For the second part.”

I was not aware that Magic Mike contained such intense plot twists.

Okay, so ruin it for me.  What is this thing?

And am I really the only adult female who has never been to a strip club?

*******

A 2012 Creme de la Creme update: we now have 109 entries on the list.  We’re trucking towards that December 15th hard deadline of being on the list.

For everyone who has already submitted early, thank you.  For everyone who has already blogged about it or tweeted about it or Facebooked about it or Pinterested it or Google+ed it or emailed about it… THANK YOU.

For everyone who hasn’t submitted a post from 2012 yet, what are you waiting for?  Take some time this weekend to skim your archives and then carefully read this post and learn how to get on the list.   I want every single person in the community on it.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Ending Fertility Treatment Equated with Madness” (Silent Sorority)
• “Will it be Fate or Destiny” (Silent Sorority)
• “My Visit to the Psychic (Part Two)” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Kathy and Lori!
• “A Perfectly Spooky Moment Monday” (The Infertility Voice)
• “An Honest Discussion of SET” (Miss Conception)

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ has a story about a barren lioness she saw while on vacation.  She writes, “But that said, it was charming to watch the cubs gather arround their barren aunt, play with her, lie next to her, show tactile affection.  She had a very comfortable place in this family, a place perhaps that some of us (the human barren aunts) don’t always find.”  It made me think about the roles we all play in our families; the ones we’d like to play and the ones that others allow us to play.

An Unwanted Path has a fabulous post about being in this no man’s land of primary infertility with children, pointing out the obvious that a word needs to be created since when she tries again, she is neither experiencing what she experienced before kids nor does she fit the definition of secondary infertility.  She explains, “There’s a lot out there on how it feels to suffer from primary infertility, and secondary infertility, parenting afterward, and even about the decision to live child free. I don’t see a lot about the in between. It feels a bit like no man’s land.”  Plus it has this brilliant line: “So, it’s true that infertility doesn’t define me; but it did help create me.”  Seriously, read the whole post.

It is What It is (or Is It?) has a very interesting post about pregnancy after infertility, and how her own fears are affected by the off-hand remarks of others.  Common pregnancy commentary on things such as how the woman is carrying the baby as well as everyday questions become tied into all of her thoughts about the pregnancy itself and what it took to achieve it.

Lastly, Flamingo House Happenings has a post that is so fantastic about the passion we bring to non-passionate topics.  It is understandable that when you bring up a hot-button issue that you get a hot response.  But she dissects the experience of putting up something non-controversial and receiving an inflamed response regardless.  She writes, “In today’s hyper-active internet, no topic is safe any more.  Post a recipe, someone’s going to have something negative to say about it.  Post a list of favorite things, someone’s going to call you out for missing something.  Misuse a comma and you’re fucked. An apostrophe out of place and you’re even more fucked.”  It is such a great post; you need to read it in full.

The roundup to the Roundup: Am I the only person who hasn’t gone to a strip club?  Update on the 2012 Creme de la Creme.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 2nd and November 9th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Depending on when you go to Oxford, creating an Alice in Wonderland-themed day will vary from super-easy to easy.  On the super-easy end is when the town itself is celebrating its ties to Lewis Carroll (otherwise known by his real name, Charles Dodgson) and displaying the original copy of the books in the Bodleian Library or holding a Mad Hatter’s tea party.  On the easy end is when you show up in Oxford right after the museum closes its 150th anniversary Alice-themed exhibit and the next tea party is a month away — there are STILL too many Alice things to do in Oxford to fit them all into one day.

From London, take the bus to Oxford.  That was the advice we were given.  Not sure where the train station is but the bus drops you off right in the heart of the city.  The city itself is very walkable — we never took public transportation once we were there, and we walked from the bus depot all the way towards the entrance to town without any problem.

Begin at Christ Church College, part of Oxford.  It’s where Carroll worked as well as Dean Liddell, father to the original Alice.  You can easily imagine Wonderland when you walk through the gates and see the lush campus:

The first thing you walk past are the gardens:

Of which there are many:

Look in the background of these gardens.  I loved all the little wooden doors set into the stone.  They looked like the doors that led into Wonderland.

And it’s easy to see what inspired the opening to Alice:

If nothing else, just go to Christ Church to see the beauty:

Right across from the main entrance, there is a field filled with cows.  We ended up having a conversation with one, asking it to nod or shake its head to all of our “yes” or “no” questions.  The twins found this hysterical, but it also drove home that idea of speaking animals from the book.  Thank you, flies, for bothering the cow in order to get his head moving.

Now you’re ready to go inside the main hall…

…and begin exploring Carroll’s world by peeking through spaces in the stone architecture and catching glimpses of what Carroll saw daily that influenced his writing.

Your first stop is the cathedral at Christ Church which has a lot of ties to Alice but is also interesting in and of itself.

The cloisters are also gorgeous too, especially with the olive tree.

When you go inside, even if you don’t have children, take the children’s guide.  I found it better than the adult one.  There are a few Alice details in the church as well as a lot of information on St. Frideswide, the patron saint of Oxford.

There is also a window that has a stain glass version of the Binsey well, which is right outside Oxford.  The Binsey well became the dormouse’s treacle well in the book.

The window was down for repair, but in the front right corner of the church is the Edith window, a picture of Edith Liddell, Alice’s little sister (in the picture, she is holding a feather).

There are other fun details in the church, such as the dog on the tombstone who has been patted so many times his stone ears have worn off.

And there are plenty of cool wooden doors leading to unknown places that will spark your imagination.

One thing not advertised at all that we only got to see because of a bit of random luck is the “Alice” door — the door that Alice Liddell ran through to get to her play garden — as well as the Cheshire Cat tree.  Both are accessed via the church, but you need to know to ask an employee of the church to see it.  The door that leads to the garden is to the left just as you enter the church.  If you ask someone to see the Alice door, they will unlock it and allow you to see the gardens.  The tree on the right is the Cheshire Cat tree.

After the cathedral, you can go into the Great Hall, which I told you about in the Harry Potter post.

The portrait of Carroll is immediately to your right when you walk inside.

There are other small details such as windows and brass characters by the fireplace.  Look around and see how many you can spot.  Apparently as you exit the hall, there is a portrait of a man in a red robe whose eyes are supposed to move?  We missed this, but perhaps you’ll remember to look for him.

We lucked out and got to see the 12 Salvadore Dali paintings of Alice in Wonderland, but that is one of those things that come and go.  Still, there is almost always something going on in town related to Alice in Wonderland.  We took a break and had our own tea party at Cafe Valerie in town and then headed diagonally across the street to Simms, another Honeydukes-like candy store.

There are many other colleges to explore in Oxford including Magdalen College with the deer park where Alice saw the fawn.

And pretty churches.

At the Museum of Oxford, you can see Carroll’s pocket watch (“I’m late, I’m late!”) or at the Museum of Natural History you can see part of a taxidermied Dodo bird.  You can go on a Hunting of the Snark geocache.  We took Dead Man’s Walk to the Botanical Gardens and found — once again — curious little wooden doors in the stone walls.  Peeking through the keyhole, we saw a garden: JUST LIKE ALICE!

We finished our day of looking for white rabbits with a visit to the Sheep Shop, across the road from the entrance to Christ Church.  It is the store that appears in the chapter Wool and Water.  You can now buy Alice-themed gifts inside.

Just a heads up — it takes about two hours by bus to get to Oxford.  But it’s definitely worth the trip.