Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form:  The January list is closed.  The February list will open on 1/27
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Tesseract (life, humour, philosophy)
3. I Won’t Give Up (IVF, infertility, craziness)
4. Breathe Gently (1st-pregnancy, IVF, PCOS)
5. Life in Little Hispaniola (faith, life, journey)
6. Dreaming of Dimples (IVF, infertility, life )
7. Mine to Command (fertileBFF, miscarriage, IUI)
8. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, life)
9. Life As I Know It (twins, parenting, life)
10. The 2 Week Wait (infertility, motherhood, humor)
11. IVF Over 40 (scientific research, chromosomal testing, pregnancy)
12. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
13. Putter Pie (marriage, parenthood, infertility)
14. Patience is Not My Virtue (ttc, pcos, clomid)
15. IUI to Roux-en-Y (pregnancy, WLS, NCAH)
16. Dear Finley (neonatal death, grief, life after loss)
17. Hapa Hopes (IVF#3, life, endometriosis)
18. Our Grisworld (pregnancy after IVF#2)
19. Thought Provoking Moments (life, pregnancy & loss, IVF)
20. Gypsy Mama’s Misconceptions (IVF#2, infertility, Cancun)
21. Fearlessly Infertile (military, domestic adoption, parenthood??)
22. Bliss Filled Life (infertility, open adoption, acceptance)
23. Life Of An Army Wife (army, infertility, crafting)
24. Team Harries Beats Infertility (mfi, reunited, all-natural)
25. Waiting For Baby (adoption, IUI, PCOS)
26. Worth the Wait (ivf, pregnancy, twins)
27. BattleFish (parenting after ivf #3, life)
28. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (donated embryos, parenting after IF, baby #2 @ 46)
29. Who Shot Down My Stork? (infertility, humor, inspiration)
30. Overworked Ovaries (IVF #3, infertility, life)
31. Ready For My Bundle (pregnant after ivf, family, smc)
32. Wishing on a Snowflake (embryo adoption, infertility, diminished ovarian reserve)
33. Climbing the Pomegranate Tree (life between ICSI)
34. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Haus (life, news, food)
35. How I Spend My Dash (twins, parenting, life)
36. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
37. The Write Mama (parenting, adorable boy, family fun)
38. FrozenOJ’s Concentrated Life (infertility, ttcma, life)
39. (Still) Trying to Conceive (twins, infertility, first trimester)
40. Wycliffe Pitneys (faith, Wycliffe, inspiration)
41. Sweet Dreams are Made of This (adoption, recipes, life)
42. A Greater Yes (embryo adoption donation, parenting)
43. Comatised (love, life, family)
44. If You Don’t Stand For Something (MFI, geekiness, general life ramblings)
45. for all that we hope for (endometriosis, 5+yrs of infertility, doula-ing)
46. Our Work of A.R.T. (pregnancy, IVF, infertility)
47. Getting There (adoption, life, teaching)
48. Dancing My Way Through Life, Loss, and Books (life after loss, books, ballroom dance)
49. MissConception (new parent, infertility, loss)
50. One day at a time (adoption, IUI, life)
51. I’m Just Ducky, Thanks (surrogacy, recurrent miscarriage, babies)
52. Weathering Storms (life, adoption, parenting)
53. The Barreness (art infertility reflection)
54. Finding A Way Out of IF (infertility, emotions, CCRM)
55. Outlandish Notions (parenting running decluttering)
56. Who Is This Fertile Myrtle (failed IVF, IUI)
57. Where the *bleep* is our stork? (infertility, PCOS and pregnancy)
58. InDueTime (life, infertility, grief)
59. Carneyexploits (IVF, life, retrieval)
60. Reese’s Rants and Raves (infant loss, hospital bed rest, premature birth)
61. Wanted: Family of Three (male factor, donor sperm, insemination)
62. Old Lady and No Baby (pregnancy, egg donation, fears)
63. Donating Hope (donor gametes, SIF, faith)
64. Punch Today In The Face (IF scars, motherhood, #3 on the way)
65. The January list is closed.  The February list will open on 1/27

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is silver, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

Last year I carefully broached the question of Christmas gifts, sensing I was on sacred ground, and this year I have an additional question that occurred to me.  Hopefully you will understand that these questions come from a curious space in my brain, and I’m really trying not to offend.

My understanding of Christmas is that a lot of people construct wish lists similar to a registry for a wedding.  They write down what they would like and other people choose things off of their list. (Or sometimes people stray from the list and purchase something different, just as people sometimes stray from the registry at a wedding.  And some people don’t make lists at all.)  If people do shop off the list, it means that you pretty much know what is under the tree before you get to the gift opening.

I think I was most interested by people who said they purchased a single gift together as the adults, wrapped it and set it under the tree.  So both people definitely knew what was in the box but waited to open it until Christmas gift opening time.

I guess I’m most interested in hearing about the element of surprise.  Is knowing what is in the box and not being able to open it and use it until the gift opening time frustrating?  I ask because that would be very frustrating to me.  If I knew there was an iPad under the tree, I would just want to open and start using the iPad immediately.  Not knowing what is in a box is what helps me to not want to open it immediately, if that makes sense.  If it’s a surprise, I’m imagining what the box might possibly contain and my hopes are pretty neutral.  But if I know exactly what is inside a wrapped box, and it’s something I’ve been waiting for, I would want to just open it and start using it immediately.

I realize in writing this that I would suck at doing Christmas properly.

Would you rather have someone get you something off your wish list, or would you rather have everyone choose a random gift for you that shows how well they know you?  I mean, isn’t part of gift giving to show that you’re listening to the person, trying to understand them and get them something that you believe they would love?  Wedding gifts always seem perfunctory: they’re a must-do much like tipping.  Tipping is supposed to be tied to good service, but regardless of service, we always tip.  And wedding gifts are something you always give the couple, therefore the registry is fabulous because sometimes, you don’t know the couple all that well but you must get them a gift regardless.

I’ve been to the weddings of best friends and I’ve been to the weddings of distant relatives (or even more removed, as the plus-one for a family wedding of a boyfriend).  Without the registry, I would never be able to think up what to get someone I don’t know intimately.  But I’m assuming that you usually buy Christmas gifts for people you know well, and perhaps give gift cards to people you don’t know very well but are obligated to gift to.  Which then always makes me wonder about the surprise element: is it just as exciting to open the gifts if you know what is in them, and are you a wish list maker or do you leave the gifting up to chance?

And lastly, where do people stand on receiving gift cards from loved ones?  I am such a fan of receiving a gift card.  My favourite gifts are iTunes cards, Amazon cards, or bookstore cards.  They’re the gift that keeps giving.  I get the gift one day, and then I use the gift on another day, so it’s like actually getting two gifts.  And I love being able to pick out something I really want.  But I read blog posts where people wrote that giving gift cards to people you know well and love are a complete no-no.  Is that true?

Did you know what was under the tree this year, or were you were completely taken by surprise?  And which gifts are your favourites — the ones you asked for and received (something I’ll admit that I like sometimes the best because then I know I’ll use the item) or the ones that we’re touching because someone knew you so well?

Again, please forgive my ignorance on this.  Hopefully I haven’t offended.  I ask because I really am interested and because gift giving was actually a theme in last night’s House episode (we are finally on Season 8!).

For the past few weeks, I’ve done nothing I normally do around Christmas.  I’m not eating candy anymore, so I didn’t buy copious amounts of Christmas candy under the guise that candy canes only come around once a year and therefore I need to consume as many as possible to hold me over until the next winter.  I didn’t listen to one minute of Christmas music on the Christmas-all-the-time radio station (though couldn’t obviously avoid it in stores) because I spent most of the last few weeks feeling awfully Grinchy and growly about the holiday in general, and I thought I’d end up punching someone if I heard that Alvin and the Chipmunks song.  So it seemed best not to risk it, and we listened to Green Day’s new trilogy instead.

Normally we watch two films the week of Christmas: About a Boy and Love, Actually.  Josh enjoys the former and loathes the latter, but after losing my friend this week, About a Boy felt too on the nose.  And subsequently, only watching Love, Actually would remind me of the fact that we weren’t watching the film that we both enjoy more.  My friend suggested that we make it a very Star Wars Christmas, watching the three original films in an all-day cinematic orgy.  While that sounded fabulous, the truth is that we volunteer on Christmas Day knocking out several hours, and we hadn’t started early enough to make it through all three films in pieces over several nights.  Plus, they’ve seen Star Wars numerous times.

So we asked them if they wanted to start the Lord of the Ring trilogy.

We’ve been holding onto the Ring Trilogy because it was so important to me that the twins like it.  They don’t need to love it as much as I do, but I wanted them to enjoy reading the books and watching the films, and I had an idea that in a few years, we’d return to Oxford and do a Tolkien/CS Lewis trip through the city (as opposed to our Alice one).  Show it to them too early and the Orcs would freak the fuck out of them, ensuring immediate rejection.  Show it to them too late and they may be too jaded for a fantasy world.

So we started the first film, telling them we could stop it at any point if they got scared, but first showing them that Lúrtz is just a guy named Lawrence Makoare wearing a ton of make-up.  Who goes home after a day of shooting to his five kids.  And that seemed to get them through any scene with the Orcs (though they needed to repeat aloud every time, “those are just people in ugly costumes that have been covered in mucous.”) though the Wolvog needed to hang out in his room for the scene with the troll.

They — thankfully — loved it and wanted to discuss the whole world and immediately move on to the Two Towers after the first film ended.  It was such a huge moment of relief: both that we will all share Tolkien and that we did something that made the day special for them.  Because it’s tightrope walking to make the day feel special for a Jewish kid.  They are the only ones in their circle of friends not celebrating the holiday, and for weeks they’ve had to endure people reciting their Christmas traditions and gift guessing and cooking crooning.  But the twins felt like they had a special Christmas Eve and a movie to look forward to after they volunteered today.  We may even rename the day Hobbit Eve in the future and do Tolkien things every winter.

And yes, we will bring in vegan Chinese food tonight to take part in that cliche.

So that is how we spent our Christmas.  How did you spend yours?  Any favourite traditions?  New ones started this year?  Fabulous gifts you gave or received?  I like living vicariously through other people’s Christmases now that I’m feeling less Grinchy.

Counting down the days to Christmas with a daily morning post containing a photograph of the White House Christmas decorations.  Have no clue why someone Jewish is doing this or how I got all these pictures — read the first post.

Don’t forget about the Life of Scratch Kindle promotion (it’s free for the day!) : a Christmas gift to you.

The official White House gingerbread house!  Except this year, it’s not made out of gingerbread.  It’s essentially… matzah.  Flour and water.  With a lot of cool sugar art as decoration.

You can listen to Bill Yosses, head pastry chef, talk about the house in the clip below.  The first few seconds are a little garbled.

[audio:https://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Gingerbread-House.mp3]

Hope you have a wonderful holiday.

Counting down the days to Christmas with a daily morning post containing a photograph of the White House Christmas decorations.  Have no clue why someone Jewish is doing this or how I got all these pictures — read the first post.

Don’t forget about the Life of Scratch Kindle promotion (it’s free for the day!) : a Christmas gift to you.

Merry almost Christmas.  The Presidential seal festooned with garlands.

And while not actually decorated for Christmas in the slightest, I thought this portrait came with an interesting story as to why Kennedy is looking down.  It was painted after Kennedy’s death.  Jackie wanted this painter for the presidential portrait, but the painter refused because he said that he couldn’t paint a person without being able to look into his eyes.  She considered many other painters and finally returned to the original one, giving him a photo of her husband, walking with his eyes downcast, deep in thought. (I believe this image comes during or right after the Bay of Pigs invasion.)  He agreed to do the painting without Kennedy’s eyes visible.  It is the same painter who created the portrait of Jackie Kennedy in the Vermeil Room.