I am at a conference where people are in a constant state of trying to convince me of things, and I mean that in the most positive of ways. It is almost all good advice, and it’s floating around me, waiting for me to suck it up like a sponge. It ranges from the amorphous (speak up for yourself) to the concrete (pitch to periodicals like this).

There are two ways of presenting an idea, and I realized at the conference that only one way is palatable, at least, to me.

A person can be pro something without demeaning the other choices not taken. I can choose chocolate and simply say that it’s a flavour that works for me while still leaving room for you to choose vanilla without feeling as if I’m looking down at all other ice cream choices.

Or a person can take the weaker route and put down the competitive product or idea in order to try to grab strength for their own. I can choose chocolate while mocking vanilla as well as the people who choose vanilla. And now, if vanilla had been on your mind, you feel like shit, not focused on how maybe you should consider chocolate but rather how you feel about how I’ve spoken about vanilla.

I listened to both approaches yesterday. In one, a person gently led me towards her ideas, being respectful that in being very much pro her way of doing things that she wasn’t anti any other road not taken. And in another, a person shoved me towards ideas, carelessly alienating people who may have been open to the ideas, and they did this by being anti the roads not taken in order to be pro the single chosen option.

Just an observation that the message of the latter person was lost on me. The message of the former person not only got through but will likely be repeated to others.

It’s funny how that works.

It is the seventh anniversary of the Friday Blog Roundup.  Seven years ago this week, I started doing a roundup of posts I found because I wanted to have a conversation with more people about the things I read.  On average, I highlight four posts per week. (I obviously read a lot more than that, but I grab 4 from the ones I bookmarked.) With very few exceptions (maybe five times EVER), I post 52 times per year.  I’ve done this for 7 straight years.  That is 1,456 blog posts that I’ve highlighted.

Thank you for reading the roundup, but moreover, thank you for clicking over to read what other bloggers wrote.

I miss a lot of good stuff, and I have deep regrets about that.  I’m glad you guys contribute to the “second helpings” section to remedy that.  I also sometimes think about highlighting many more than four posts, but I also know that everyone has limits, and the more I choose to highlight, the less chance that people will have time to click over to read.  So I keep it to four, hoping that is manageable.  And I send a very huge thank you out to the people who click over, read, and comment.

Everyone wants their words, their experience, their emotions to be heard and acknowledged.

I’ve talked a lot over the last 7 years why I don’t like to be called a leader, but I have no problem with being called a chief pollinator.  Someone who spreads around information, bringing people together that they may otherwise have missed, or introducing them to someone who might help.  A connector.  After all, my name means “honey bee” in Greek.  It’s fitting that a Melissa would be a pollinator.

This week will be one of the rare occurrences when I don’t post a traditional Friday Blog Roundup because I’m at BlogHer.  But I hope you’ll take a moment to celebrate this community with me.  Please let everyone know in the comment section one post you read (whether it ever was featured in the Roundup or not) that you’ll never forget.

I got a chance this morning to sit down with Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, and chat one-on-one about the Affordable Care Act.

You can read the whole post on BlogHer.

But of course I wanted to talk to her about infertility. The Affordable Care Act touches many facets of reproductive health — from birth control coverage to pregnancy visits. Ensuring a healthy, well-timed pregnancy is a priority of the new plan. The one aspect of reproductive health missing from the conversation is infertility, a disease that affects 7.3 million Americans or 12.5% of the child-bearing age population.

With such an emphasis on preventative services, and mandatory coverage of infertility could mean also setting regulations that in turn help reduce the premature birth rate, why is infertility missing from a plan that covers everything from preventing pregnancy to protecting the health of pregnant women and unborn babies?

Secretary Sebelius pointed out that the conversation is far from over, and there is room to bring infertility into the health care system in the future.

Infertility is a huge health issue and lots of couples are dealing with it. One of the discussions was what should be included in an insurance policy. There are 10 categories of services that have to be in every policy, essential benefits. And then rather than people in Washington picking and choosing what should go in a California policy or what should be in a Connecticut policy, we allowed the state market and the debate that had often taken place at the state level around state mandates to guide what was available in that marketplace … The first two years that the market is up and running, this discussion will go on about whether or not there should be some more uniform coverage across-the-board. But at least to get started, it was thought to be better to capture the state structure.

So not off the table, but perhaps we all need to shout a little louder that mandated coverage should be included in future incarnations.

Sometimes when you come to a big conference aloneness feels like anathema. Everywhere you turn, people are standing in groups, sitting in groups, moving in groups. But I’m not a big group person. I’m a one-on-one person. I’m a handful of people person, preferably meeting in a quiet space. Sometimes I’m a solitary person.

I chose to spend my first day at BlogHer alone. The conference hadn’t begun yet, but I was in Chicago with 10 hours of uninterrupted free time. I got coffee and sat by the river reading. Then I went up to my room to Skype with Josh and the kids. And then I took myself to dinner, reading To Kill a Mockingbird at the table. Finally, I went back to the hotel room to read and watch a movie on the iPad in my pyjamas. There was a big fireworks display that started inexplicably at 10:30 pm.

If I can’t be with Josh and the twins, being alone is the next best thing sometimes. I really love going out to dinner by myself. I like asking for a table for one and then setting my book on the table beside me.

I usually like myself, so I guess it makes sense that I like being alone with myself.

Though there have been times in my life when I haven’t liked myself very much and I needed to be around other people just to not be alone with myself.

I like now better than then.

Though, of course, there are some people who like themselves and thrive in big groups, and others who dislike themselves but still prefer their own company to everyone else’s company.

Do you like eating alone in restaurants too?

I am going back to Chicago for BlogHer.  Every time I’m in Chicago, I have this overwhelming urge to jump on a bus and go out to Madison, Wisconsin.  Isn’t that strange?  It’s almost as if Chicago only exists as a portal to take me someplace else; even though I didn’t get to Madison last time I was there in 2009, and I won’t get there this time either.

I’m doing Pathfinder Day again, which I’m super-excited about because I love talking about books and publishing.  The day also has a tendency to make a very large, very overwhelming conference feel cozy and small.  I’m also going to be conducting a one-on-one interview with Secretary Kathleen Sebelius of Health and Human Services, so stay tuned for that post.  I’m really excited to get to talk about the Affordable Care Act with her, and if you have questions you’d like to float my way, I’ll try to ask them if I have additional time.

And then there is the main conference, which is always part amusement park and part school and part reunion and part speed dating session.  I have a lot of panels that I’ve marked down to attend (and feel free to grab my notes from them). I am excited to see ALI bloggers, and I’m excited in advance to meet anyone I meet.  It’s sort of like ordering Pad Thai from your favourite restaurant (those are the ALI bloggers) and the place throws in a random extra container of Pad See-aw (those are all the random people I meet).  You weren’t expecting the extra dish, but it’s delicious, as is the Pad Thai.

This is my sixth BlogHer.  Six BlogHers!  I still get weepy before I have to leave.  I was re-reading what I wrote the last time I left for Chicago, and I could have written it today:

I felt this overwhelming roll of sadness that started behind my eyes and moved down over my heart. Stilling me. I wanted to go and I didn’t want to go. I woke up several more times in the night, each time untangling my brain by reminding myself that I would be leaving in 6 hours. I would be leaving in 3 1/2 hours. I would be leaving in 2 hours.

The twins had a hard time separating this morning and I had a hard time separating this morning and I went to the plane feeling like I should be in two places at once. And then I took Ativan so I could board the flight without flipping out and then the Ativan kicked in somewhere over Ohio, and I felt calm with the idea that I was thousands of feet above the earth and again, this overwhelming sadness to be away from the twins that felt like it was crumpling up my inner layers. As if the inner layers had pulled away, lost their adhesion to the outer wall of the body, and now were crumpling and twisting and crunching themselves down.

I sound like a flaming nut-job.

I am a flaming nut-job, but I own that.  I’m a person who doesn’t love to leave home.  Ever.  And much less so when I have to do it without Josh and the twins.  But I really love BlogHer.  I don’t go to the parties, I don’t work with sponsors, I don’t get cool swag, I don’t even use my free drink tickets.  But I have an awesome time; just being with friends and meeting interesting people.  And then I get to come home and tell my family all about it.

So I’ll talk to you from Chicago.  And let me know if you have additional questions for Secretary Sebelius.  And if you are going to be at the conference, look for me.  I’m much shorter than you think, so look low.