I wrote this as a response to both the recent New York Times article on blogger burnout as well as a host of posts I’ve read recently about blogging becoming a pain-in-the-ass; posts that appeared both inside and outside our infertility community. I talked about it myself on my 8th blogoversary this summer.  Being in the burnout portion of blogging is a difficult place to be, and I’m not sure if I have anything intelligent to say about it, but here are my thoughts gleaned from 8 years of continuous blogging without a break.

Yes, blogger burnout was recently an article in the New York Times, but before it hit mainstream media, I was already seeing post after post about people who had hit a wall with blogging. Carpicious Reader asked how we solve a problem like blogger burnout. Estella’s Revenge explained that she’s not just in a reading slump; she’s bored with book blogging. And Bookfoolery not only talked about the future of her blog, but pointed out others who are talking about this very same thing: blogger burnout.

Image: By Jake Givens via upsplash

When you find that sweet spot of blogging, it seems unbelievable that you’ll ever hit a slump.  It’s like any relationship that gets past that new phase and settles into that happy/getting to know each other/everything is beautiful phase.  You know you like the person.  You know they like you.  There is a predictable sense of rhythm.  You know that you’re going to have plans every weekend.  You know that it’s worth shaving your legs because it won’t be a waste: there is sex for the taking if you want it.  Life is good.

When we’re in that stage, we can’t believe that we’ll ever hit a time when the habits of the other person will start to annoy us.  Or that we’ll put out a lot of effort and not see a lot of response in return.  We can’t believe there will be a first fight that will make us question the stability and longevity of the relationship.  But that the day will come in every relationship when the shininess will wear off, and then it comes down to either weathering through or walking away.

The same goes for blogging.

When you first find your blogging groove, it is a beautiful thing.  You’re writing posts, people are reading them, they’re leaving comments.  You’re popping around the blogosphere with more blog post ideas than you’ll ever have time to write.  It’s fun; it feels like a big party online.  And then comes the day when you notice that your readership has dropped despite doing everything exactly the same.  People are no longer regularly commenting.  Your first troll stops by to crap on your work.  You notice how long it takes you to prep a post vs. what you receive in return when the post goes up, and it makes you question how you’re spending your time.

I’ve been blogging for over 8 years.  Pretty much every single day for 8 years.  I’ve never taken a blogging break, never slowed down my posting.

But I’ve felt blogger burnout.

I’ve felt it deeply and wondered why the hell I was blogging when there were dozens of other things that felt as if they had a bigger “payback” for energy expended.   It’s work to write a post.  I feels like I’m giving part of myself away to let people in, and I often wonder if I’m holding back enough for myself.

Each time I’ve felt blogger burnout, I’ve reminded myself that like every relationship, this is just a phase just as the golden time of blogging is a phase.  And that — like all relationships — if I see the worth, I need to be able to weather the good times and the bad times.

Sometimes people walk away.  Sometimes they come back and keep setting up blogs so they can feel the golden time of blogging and walk away again when the experience hits a valley.  And that is certainly one way to do things: to try to only experience the positive points of an activity or relationship.

But I prefer to stay and experience the whole, messy world of blogging.  I can’t say that I enjoy the valleys, but I know that every time I emerge from one, I hit higher and higher peaks.  Peaks that those who walk away never get to experience because they don’t do the slog through the valleys.  I see it as my reward for sticking through it, collecting wisdom, putting in my time.

I think blogging makes me a better writer.  I say that as an author with four published books under my belt.  Getting those book deals wasn’t an end point in my writing career, a plateau to land on and remain on, declaring, “I’ve figured it all out.”  I am always in a state of learning though my blog: what works with writing, what doesn’t work, how far can I push an idea before I lose the reader, how far do I need to push before I blow their mind, how can I write something that touches someone’s heart, how can I know when to step back from an idea and let it float away?

Blogging is a relationship like every other relationship.  Regardless of how big or small your blog is, you will hit valleys and peaks.  I like Design Sponge’s response to the New York Times article, explaining that so much of the stress is our perception instead of a message coming externally.  She also has her own take on the situation: bloggers need to evolve.  Blogging changes and we need to change with it.

There are too many people writing about how we now need our blogs to be more visual due to Pinterest or how we need to be active on social media to drive traffic, but not enough people saying the opposite: do what makes you happy and fulfills you as a blogger instead of drains you.

So I’ll say it.

Blogging is like one of those finger traps, where the harder you pull, the more you strain to keep up with blogging trends, the more you turn it into work, the faster it turns into a slog.  So release yourself and release your blog.  Look at today as just one moment in a long relationship.  Blogging may feel great or it may feel like crap, but that is neither here nor there.  If your goal is to be in this for the long-haul, then note where you are right now and then take a deep breath and write.

I promise you, however you feel today — good or bad — will not be the same way you’ll feel several months from now.  That is the only promise blogging and relationships bring with them; there will be good times and bad times, and you need to choose whether you’re going to stay in the game.

I’m staying in the game.

cross-posted with BlogHer

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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After disgusting my children by saying on three separate occasions that I have a burning crush on Peter Capaldi, the ChickieNob informed me that I wasn’t allowed to have a crush on an actor.  That in getting married to Daddy, I checked my ability to visually appreciate other humans at the door.  So… could I leave the crushes for the young’uns?

I informed her that celebrity crushes are totally okay because (1) there is zero chance of ever even meeting Peter Capaldi and (2) because I wanted to have a celebrity crush so I needed to tell her it was okay in order to have one.

Plus, he’s totally cute.

The ChickieNob was not convinced and asked me to stop saying it before every episode because it made her feel bored to keep hearing me say it. (“We know!  You have a crush!”)  But I can say it here, and she can’t stop me: I have a crush on Peter Capaldi!

Who is your celebrity crush?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored posts.

The quick answer: why are you concerned about Twitter followers?  Is it because someone once told you that you need a big social media following to get a book deal?  Even though there were clearly authors before Twitter and clearly authors who are not on Twitter?

Think about that for a moment.

Brooke Warner (my editor for Navigating the Land of If at Seal Press who started SheWrites) has a great piece explaining author platform, which I think can be a confusing thing to understand and therefore people simplify it in their minds as meaning that they need to be active all over social media in order to get a book deal.  But that isn’t the case at all.

Social media, Brooke points out, is just one piece of the puzzle, and it’s a small one at that.  She places it at 10%.  I’d argue that it matters a bit more than 10% but that is because I think active social media users do a lot of networking.  And unless you are additionally doing a lot of face-to-face networking, you aren’t building the remaining parts of your social media platform.

The point is not to gather followers: numbers mean little to nothing.  The point is to become active and have your voice heard.  To be able to show interaction.  When it comes to the online portion of your platform, agents and publishers want to see you responding to others and others responding to you.

Back in that How to Get Published series (links to individual posts are on my right sidebar), I talked about how your platform is your reach.  Think about your words as a set of arms: who do they touch if you hold them out?  Are you a respected voice in your field (non-fiction) or a unique voice in the literary world (fiction)?  Do you have traditional media contacts?  Do people listen to you on social media?  Do they read your blog?  Do you have people out there in the world who will help you with the publicity of your book?  And, mostly important, is it all somewhat consistent?

Meaning, you don’t need viral posts; you need to show that you can consistently produce content that people respond to.  If you already have published a book, your proof is in the response to the prior book.  If you haven’t already published a book, your proof is cobbled together from blog posts, speaking gigs, social media accounts, etc.

The best things you can do to build platform as you write your book:

• Write Blog Posts: they are a litmus test for your ideas.  Do people respond to your voice?  Your ideas?
• Participate in the Blogging World: it’s not enough to just write good content; you need people to find it.  Get out there and participate in the blogging world so people find your posts.  In other words, be a good member of the community and do everything you want people to do for your blog: read other people’s blogs, comment on them, share good blog posts via your social media accounts.  Others will start doing the same back to you.
• Network on Social Media: become an active user of a network you enjoy and start interacting with book bloggers, agents, publishers, and potential readers.
• Network off Social Media: don’t fall into the trap of having your entire world online.  Take classes, go to conferences, make friends with other writers, start a face-to-face writing group.  The most valuable part of an MFA program wasn’t learning how to write; it was helping me make connections and placing me around other writers.
• Practice Writing: platforms don’t get you book deals.  Good writing gets you a book deal.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve set up for yourself (unless you are Paris Hilton) if you’re a crap writer.  Continuously write: it’s impossible not to get better at writing if you’re doing it all the time.

Please note that the reason I give the specific advice above is due to where you’ve found this information: the Internet.  That is very very important to note.  If you were a student in my class, I would not be so focused on the online world.  But I’m going with the assumption that YOU are comfortable here; “here” being the online world.  It’s where you seek information.  Therefore, it’s likely a place where you will try to build your platform.

But it’s just as valid to not try to build it online if that’s not a space where you feel comfortable or where you excel.  If you’re more comfortable offline, I may tell you to submit to literary magazines, get involved in a literary magazine, submit to anthologies, attend workshops, and attend author readings.  I would tell you to teach a class in your subject, build up your contacts in a given field via volunteer work, and ingratiate yourself to people who may review your book in the future via mainstream media outlets.

In other words, every person will build their platform differently, and the best platforms are a happy extension of the author, not a painful exercise in spinning too many plates.  Do what you enjoy to get your voice out there.  No book deal is worth trying to fit yourself into places where you don’t feel comfortable.

So stop worrying about Twitter followers.  And read Brooke’s advice.  And let me know if you have any questions.

Totally off-the-topic side note: tomorrow is #MicroblogMondays.  Write something now so you have something go.  Great way to build platform and find new readers for your blog!

We’ve kicked off the Jewish New Year with a broken dishwasher.  The dishwasher in question is only four years old, which is like middle-school-age in appliance years (which are actually very similar to dog years).  We were told that we could either invest several hundred dollars in our piece-of-shit dishwasher (thanks, Sears!) or buy a new one (not from Sears).  Our solution thus far has been to engage in marathon hand-washing sessions.  It’s like being back in graduate school.

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Josh forwarded me a documentary that’s being made about the DC punk scene in the 80s called Salad Days.

It made me feel very very nostalgic.  And a little bit sad (yet also happy) when I saw my old, favourite record store featured in the film.  And a strong desire to comb through the storage room and find my posters from old shows.

I can’t say that high school was a particularly happy time in life, but that music makes me happy.

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An update on the Halloween costume front: everything is coming together, and I will post pictures soon of the mask.  The ChickieNob has been very patient, standing still while I mold paper clay to the contours of her face.  She overheard me telling someone that the mask only needs to last for maybe 5 wearings, and when I got off the phone, she informed me that it needed to last for a lot longer than that because she has big plans to dress up as Madame Vastra more than just on Halloween.

“Like, in the house, right?” I questioned.  “Right?”

Right?

The other night, Josh mused aloud whether Shakespeare ever used the name Sycorax after we showed the kids the episode “The Shakespeare Code.” (The Doctor mentions the Sycorax in passing when talking about a skull, and Shakespeare mentions that he likes the name and may use it.)  The ChickieNob informed us that Sycorax was the mother of Caliban in the Tempest*.

One day, there just may be fandom scholars for Doctor Who or Harry Potter.  And when there is, the ChickieNob will be first in line for her PhD.

* The kids aren’t watching Shakespeare plays willy nilly.  The ChickieNob has only seen Romeo and Juliet through Act 4 and the Tempest (which she wanted to see because of Lemony Snicket).  It was just an odd coincidence that the name would appear in the only Shakespeare play she has seen in full.

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Yes, this is your weekly reminder to back up your blog, social media accounts, and email.

This is once again specific for Mac users — make sure you have updated your operating system AND downloaded the patch for the Shellshock virus.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Slow Learner Mom” (Bits and Peaces)
• “Methodical” (The Truth about T)
• “My Wonderfully Full Arms” (Job 1:21)
• “Open and Transparent” (In Quest of a Binky Moongee)
• “Flowers and Dragons” (Kate Inglis)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Breathe Gently has a post about the most annoying phrases said to people experiencing infertility (sometimes even by others experiencing infertility).  From the ever popular “at least you ovulated!” to the idea of things that weren’t meant to be.  Come join her in rehashing your favourites.

Journeys of a Fabulist has a post about Nox, a restaurant where you dine in the dark, and four lessons she learned by having the ability to see removed for the meal.  I just loved everything she noticed.

Two lovely ones from #MicroblogMondays: Persnickety Chickadee has a post about going around in circles, and In Quest of a Binky Moongee has one about seeing her old RE on television.  Again, to talk about them when they’re so brief is probably to detract from their overall impact.  So just click over and read them in full.

Lastly, tonight begins Yom Kippur.  I really loved The Infertility Voice’s post about infertility and the Torah this week.  She writes: “Whoever wrote that in the Torah truly understood the emotional devastation of infertility when they wrote it. In some ways, that’s the kind of understanding that really only comes with the experience of that kind of deep longing.”  Beautiful.

The roundup to the Roundup: Our dishwasher is broken.  Meeeeeeeemories, misty watercoloured memories, of the DC punk scene.  Halloween Costume 2014 update.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between September 26th and October 3rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I was Googling around for an inexpensive treat we could look forward to for the fall, and I found out that there was going to be a Harry Potter festival in Chestertown, Maryland.  Where is Chestertown?  Good question.  I didn’t know either.  But I went with the fact that it was in state and trusted that it couldn’t be longer than a three hour drive.

So we grabbed our robes and wands and headed out last weekend to the Eastern Shore to a small, collegiate river town.

Where we played Quidditch.

At least until a werewolf ran onto the field and several Aurors had to subdue him.

And attended potions class.

We walked around the town for about three hours on a scavenger hunt, going in and out of every store which had been switched over to magical businesses.  The town bookstore became Flourish and Blotts.  The natural food store became the apothecary.  One bank completely converted itself into Honeydukes and gave out FREE CANDY!

Though some of the stuff was only on display.

Like the jelly slugs.

They had decorated every inch of the town with wizarding artifacts.

And lots of owls.

The vast majority of the participants were college age since it is a college town. And their costumes were awesome including a Moaning Myrtle that carried around part of a toilet.

And yes, I wore my robes too.

And, of course, there was a lot of butterbeer to sample.  And a dueling club to attend.  And wizard bands playing in the park.  And ghost eggs.

There was a table in the park where a school had set up an enormous container of water that looked empty.  But kids could stick their hand in and pull out a little clear egg.

The ChickieNob promptly squished hers to bits because she is very much the explore-first-cuddle-later sort.  She lives a wonderful, messy life.  Her twin brother held his carefully, refusing to do anything else except nurture his little egg.  Josh finally had to get him a cup so he could take it home.

That night, before bed, he asked me if it was real.  Did he really have a ghost egg?  Would it hatch and would he have his own little ghost?  I had to break his heart and tell him it was a fake.  A polymer bead.  He was a very sad boy that night.

He kept it anyway.

It’s still on his dresser top.

I mean, you never know when your mother is wrong and you’ll get your very own ghost.