In the interest of space, and of perfectly good items going unused, we’ve given away most of our baby clothes.  I’ve saved a few pieces.  Okay, a lot of pieces.  Like all of their preemie clothing and clothes that hold special significance.  But for the most part, their clothes are less and less the tangible memory pieces they once were.  When they were babies, all we had to save were their onesies.  But now we have homework and art projects and all the random things a child creates or accumulates.  The clothing now drifts away when we outgrow it, not as important as it once was.

Sometimes it goes to strangers.  Sometimes it goes to people we know: friends and family.

Sometimes I see photos of other kids in our baby clothing.

It’s bittersweet.  I love that the clothes are getting more use.  I am such a practical person, and the idea of something not being used well kills me.  I like seeing the clothes again on another happy kid.  It makes me remember my kids in those clothes and the equally silly, shit-eating grins they wore while in those outfits.

Sometimes it makes me cry.

Because I look at those much smaller children and remember what it felt like to have much smaller children.

I’ve loved every age so far.  They’ve each had their high points and low points.  I was very scared to have the kids grow up, but if history is a predictor of the future, I should calm the fuck down because it just gets better and better, especially when you can have real, deep conversations or activities that go beyond hand clapping and singing a song in a circle.  The twins are my favourite people, and I should trust that they will remain my favourite people.  After all, I am close with my parents.  It is entirely possible that they will remain close to me even as they grow apart from me and untangle themselves.

And yet even knowing that, I can’t help but feel wistful when I see another child still back in those smaller sized clothes.

Josh and I love seeing the pictures.  Whenever one pops up in our Facebook feed, we turn our phone to the other one and then talk about back when our kids wore those clothes.  I love remembering, but it makes me cry to remember.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations. Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form after adding the icon below:  November 2014. I will move the information from the form into the post (usually within 24 hours).
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

The November 2014 List

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. In Due Time (faith, waiting, health)
3. Breathe Gently (IVF, miscarriage, toddler-mum)
4. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Haus (books, life, news)
5. Life.Love.Jesus (RPL, miscarriage, faith)
6. Climbing the Pomegranate Tree (FET, MFI, pregnancy)
7. Amateur Nester (infertility, faith, encouragement)
8. Losing our Itty Bitty Liddy (pregnancy loss, self improvement)
9. The M House (adoption, parenting after loss)
10. How to be Infertile (pcos, pregnancy loss, general)
11. Comatised (love, life, survival)
12. Stellar (love, life, recovery)
13. Hopeful Luna (pregnancy, fertility, nutrition)
14. Life of an Army Wife (army wife, donor gametes, endometriosis)
15. A Hummingbird Paused (Infertility, mfi, ivf)
16. Recovering Beauty (love, life, recovery)
17. My Infertile Confessions (IVF #2, parenting twins)
18. Four Years Later (TTC, weight loss, IVF)
19. At least I still have humor (pcos, infertility, humor)
20. Old Lady and No Baby (twins, life, egg donor)
21. Feeding My Inner Child….Hopefully! (parenting, twins, food)
22. Journaling Through Infertility (treatments, life, infertility)
23. No Good Eggs (parenting, twins, DE IVF)
24. Add yourself by filling out the form after adding the icon…

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is dark blue, the next month it will be red, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I love reading about Houdini.  I was interested in Houdini since I was a kid; even before I learned that he and his wife were infertile and remained childless.

Around this time of year, articles come out about him because for 10 years following his death, his wife, Bess, held a séance to try to contact him.  Every year on October 31st, people keep up the tradition for Bess and hold a séance.  The largest one is at the Magic Castle in California.

They were a wonderful couple — he often wrote her love letters, even when they were physically together — so it makes sense that they would continue to try to speak after death.  I would do the same for Josh.  But it made me think about who else I would hold an on-going séance to try to speak to again (or for the first time).

If you could call forth three spirits this Halloween — either people you once knew, people you never got to meet, or famous people — who would you want to speak to at your séance?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored posts.

I decided to hop on the scale and see how much weight I’d put on over the last two years.  Actually, to make it more painful, I hopped on the Wii, which not only tells you your weight but takes your nice, slender Mii and dumps that weight visually on your cartoon body just to make you feel more like crap.  Your little cartoon body leans forward sadly, buried under instant rolls of cartoon fat.  Thanks, Wii.

My weight had gone up over 10 pounds in the last 2 years, something I already knew since my pants ceased to fit.  Seeing the number (and not the rolls of fat on my Mii) moved me to take action.  So I’m back to measuring and exercising and mindfully eating.  I’ve dragged back out My Fitness Frenemy.

It sort of sucks to see her again.

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For the last two years, I’ve been trying to balance living with healthfulness.  Because life is too short not to put foods that taste good in your mouth.  Life is too short to turn down cake.  And yet cake is not really a healthy food item that promotes general wellness.

The existence of cake feels like a trap.

I’m in a place right now where I can’t really partake in refined sugar.  I know myself.  I know my weakness, and my weakness is a pile of candy.  It is easy for me to walk away from chips or popcorn or crackers.  But once I break the candy seal and allow myself a Twix, I become like the mouse in that children’s book who gets his hands on a cookie and goes into a rampage ending in the whole house being destroyed.  (Apologies, I only have vague memories of that book.  Maybe the mouse doesn’t destroy the house.  But you’re still not supposed to give the mouse the cookie.)

The key is knowing when is the right time to reintroduce sugar in a way that allows me to not miss out on the cake-y moments of life but doesn’t kick me down the slippery slope that ends with me packing on 10 pounds.

What is your downfall food?

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I’ve gotten back into running.  I do yoga 5 days per week (in the house, using the Yoga Studio app — I love that thing.  I’ve been using that app for yoga for two years now, and it has changed my life) and run 2 days per week.  I run indoors because I don’t like ever leaving my house.  I’m like a hermit, in that way.

I’ve started playing through my podcasts while I run so I can clear some of them off my phone.  It makes the time feel shorter since I’m listening to interesting stories vs. just staring at the clock.  It feels like a win-win since the podcasts were clogging up my phone.  It makes me kinda sorta less bitter about waking up early to exercise.

The other thing I’m also doing (cue awkward seque) is think out my next post for #MicroblogMondays.  Which is tomorrow morning.  I know, brilliant multitasking.

Just when you thought she had forgotten, a little voice woke me up this morning by telling me that she now needs a fresh-water mussel.  This does not require a trip to a pet store or inquiring at Whole Foods of confused employees of the seafood department about whether the bivalves they’re selling for dinner could be kept as a pet.  It just requires digging down into muddy creeks.  Am I cool with that?

Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.