Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations. Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form after adding the icon below: The June list is now closed.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

The June 2015 List

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Cookie Crumbs Inc. (fiction, abstract, life)
3. A Page In My Book (parenting boys, special needs, 16 miscarriages)
4. Amateur Nester (infertility, faith, encouragement)
5. Breathe Gently (IVF, miscarriage, toddler-mum)
6. Let’s Make A Panda (food, family, craft)
7. In Due Time (faith, waiting, life)
8. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
9. Mommy Mischief (motherhood, toddler, baby)
10. Giovanni’s Journey (post-IVF, rainbow baby, special needs)
11. The June list is now closed.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is red, the next month it will be blue, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

Even though I’ve never seen Modern Family, I’ve been following the story of Sophia Vergara’s embryos because… well… it’s a “what if” nightmare come true.

What if a couple creates embryos together.  They sign paperwork that says they both need to give permission to use said embryos — standard procedure — but the judge agrees that the original form is not clear on what should happen to said embryos if the couple breaks up, as Nick Loeb and Sophia Vergara did before they transferred the embryos to a surrogate.

Technically, it would follow if both needed to give permission to use said embryos while they were together that it would follow that both would need to give permission to use said embryos now that they’re apart.  But the judge is still allowing Nick Loeb to sue for custody of the embryos, presumably so he can use them since his op-ed in the New York Times mentions how cruel he thinks it is to leave embryos frozen.

He calls it an “embryonic custody dispute.”

It makes me profoundly uncomfortable.  There were clear guidelines established in how they wanted to use the embryos while they were together, and the default would be to keep the embryos frozen — neither destroying them or using them — unless both parties agreed now that they’re apart.

I found it interesting that Loeb ends the New York Times op-ed with a simple bio: “Nick Loeb is a businessman.”

Because I feel like he’s trying to sell us something, and I don’t want to buy it.

What should happen to embryos in the event of a breakup?  Should someone be able to use them against the other person’s wishes?

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Gizmodo reported recently that, in the future, they will be able to add barcodes to eggs and sperm to ensure that the correct gametes are used to create embryos.  The technology exists, though it hasn’t been approved for human use yet.

I know mistakes happen — we all know mistakes happen — and yet the barcode thing both intrigued and repelled me at the same time.  It’s no different — in one regard — from a hospital ID bracelet that goes around the wrist of every person in the hospital; matching each child with his or her parent before being handed over.

And in another, barcodes feel a step closer to fulfilling the hand-wringing prophecy that we’re commodifying human life.  After all, what else do we slap barcodes on beyond cans of soup and jeans?

What are your thoughts on gamete barcodes?

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I’m currently devouring V.E. Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic, and I came across a quote that I found applicable to any struggle in life.  Kell is lamenting that the landscape of his magical world changes too quickly, and he finds comfort in a non-magical city where the buildings go up through hard work and remain for centuries.

In Red London, tastes turned as often as seasons, and with them, buildings went up and came down and went up again in different forms.  Magic made things simple.  Sometimes, thought Kell, it made things too simple.

So it’s the drawback of something coming easily: you may not appreciate the magnitude of the accomplishment.  The student who never has to study may not reach graduation with the same emotion as the student who struggles to make Bs and Cs.  Do the wealthy put the same care into their possessions knowing that they’re replaceable?

We often talk about how struggle makes you more appreciative, and certainly in the infertility community, we often attribute a commitment to parenting as stemming from how long it takes to create the family.

Do you think struggles make you more appreciate of things, or do you think it’s possible to be just as appreciative if things come easily?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored posts.

I recently read about an app called Ghostery.  You install it in your browser, and as you surf the Web, it tells you how many companies are requesting your information as you visit a site.  The Daily Dot writes,

When I read the New York Times, this box pops up with the names of 11 companies in it. When I go to Target.com, a box pops up with 50 companies. It’s a nice reminder that while I’m using the Internet, companies are quietly watching my every move.

The answer is that if you’re really concerned about privacy, you probably shouldn’t go online.  You probably shouldn’t go shopping with a credit card or out in public or travel or check out a library book or enroll in a class or… well… exist.

Existing is very detrimental to privacy.

I’m being tongue-in-cheek, but I thought the Daily Dot article was an interesting read.  I haven’t installed Ghostery, but I think some of that is because I don’t know what I would do with the information.  Not visit a site?  I mean, really, when surveillance is everywhere from cameras on the street to tweets written about you, it feels like rearranging chairs on the deck of the Titanic to worry that 50 companies are requesting my information if I buy a pair of flip flops at Target.

I am very mindful about privacy; which doesn’t mean I know how to actually protect it.  Or if I even should.

Well… actually… yes, I still think I should.  But I don’t know how in any real way that makes a true dent in the amount of information being collected from various sources.

I don’t know.  Do you think putting it all out there ourselves online: emphatically listing the brands we like and the places we go and the books we read has made us sort of throw up our hands over the idea that other companies are collecting all this information about us, too?

Side note: Tomorrow is #MicroblogMonday.  Get working on your post.

My car needed to go in for service this week, which meant that I had to drive Josh’s car for a day.  Josh’s car was my car, once upon a time, but when we got a new car many years ago, I took the new one and he took my old one.

Because I am an adult with 25 years of driving experience under my belt not to mention the former owner of the aforementioned car, it shouldn’t have been that difficult to slip behind the wheel again.  But it was.  It felt so strange.  It was like cooking dinner using someone else’s hands.

It is such an odd experience to drive an unfamiliar car.

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Knowing That You Truly Want It” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “On Parental Holidays” (Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen)
• “FET #2: The Womb of Doom” (Beyond the Parentheses)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Lavender Luz responds to Dear Abby’s flippant advice to an adoptee.  Instead of telling the teenager just to forget about her feelings until later, she gives him/her concrete advice on dealing with his/her complicated emotions.  It’s a great post.

Happiness and Food has a post about the yin of life; those moments when you’re not trucking along, you’re not engaged in forward movement, you’re not seeing your hard work pay off by moving you closer to a goal.  It was sort of the perfect post to read when you feel like you’re not moving forward, and honouring the importance of the space you are in at the moment instead of wishing to be someplace else.

Popcorn Ceiling Life has a post about the loss of her brother on his birthday.  She explains, “Sometimes I feel it all at once. Sometimes I don’t feel it all.”  It’s a moving post about experiencing a moment when she notices the gaping hole his absence has created in her life.

Lastly, Me Plus One recounts an exchange with her daughter that is both sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.  In a game of pretend, her daughter talks about missing a beloved family member.  She says, “I know she’s gone, Mommy. Let’s just pretend she’s not. Let’s pretend she just went away. Let’s pretend she’s in S’awaii & she can come visit.”  Go read the whole post.

The roundup to the Roundup: Driving an unfamiliar car.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 15th and 22nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.