I’ve been holding onto a New York Times opinion piece, reading it from time to time and taking comfort in the words.  Emily Winter set out to get 100 rejections.  She figured that if she wasn’t rejected, it was a win because she got a job.  And if she was rejected, it was a win because it was part of her project.  Pretty sneaky.

The point is that you can’t achieve things if you don’t put yourself out there.  Every achievement comes with the possibility to failure baked in.  And even if you don’t end up finding closed doors along the way, there is the possibility of closed doors along the way.

But mostly I loved this piece because of Angela Duckworth’s words about grit and what plugging away at something — even if you never succeed — is worth for the life lessons learned along the way.  It, of course, made me think about infertility.  Plugging away, month after month, only motivated by hope.  How much grit does our community have collectively?

Does the piece have a happy ending?  Not really.  It has a realistic ending.  And maybe that’s why I keep reading it over and over again.  No prancing unicorns; just a believe in the worth of putting your heart out there again and again.

There was a study that came out right before Christmas about how loneliness comes in three waves during life: late-20s, mid-50s, and late-80s. Not that you can’t be lonely at other times, but those are the big time periods for emotional upheaval.

CNN had a quote from one of the authors of the study:

“One thing to remember is that loneliness is subjective. Loneliness does not mean being alone; loneliness does not mean not having friends,” said Jeste, who is also director of UC San Diego’s Center for Healthy Aging. “Loneliness is defined as ‘subjective distress.’ ” It is the discrepancy between the social relationships you want and the social relationships you have, he said.

So loneliness is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s often tied to what is happening in your life and feeling apart from others even while surrounded by many.  Some life events we go through “alone,” even when we’re not alone.

The authors stated the reason for loneliness in your late-20s is tied to decisions — life decisions and career decisions.  Mid-50s loneliness is tied to health.  (It made me think of Spalding Gray’s Bermuda Triangle of Health between 50 and 53.). Late-80s is tied to loss and end-of-life situations.  So they’re all high-stress situations that make you feel like you’re floating out there on your own.  Even if you’re not alone.

I’ve clearly already lived through my late-20s.  I did feel lonely, but it was from going through infertility; not decisions.  But mid-50s is on the horizon.

I wonder if it’s helpful to be told that a certain time period will be X.  Or does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy where you’re filled with dread because you’re told you’re going to feel awful; and, in turn, you end up feeling awful due to the dread?  Is it better to have the heads up and mentally get your ducks in a row (if you can), or better to let things unfold without the warning of how stressed out you will feel?

Too late; I’m already worried about the next decade.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

*******

The books you’re reading now — at least, the e-book versions — are the future books that people described decades ago.  Wired had a piece on all the ideas people had for where digital books would go:

The Future Book would change depending on where you were, how you were feeling. It would incorporate your very environment into its story—the name of the coffee shop you were sitting at, your best friend’s birthday. It would be sly, maybe a little creepy. Definitely programmable.

There are definitely books doing innovative things — I’m thinking of books that have accompanying apps.  But for the most part, my e-books are screen versions of my paper books, albeit with the ability to highlight with my finger and look up a word with a tap.

Read through the list of ideas in that article.  Which do you wish would come true?  Me — I want the indefinite Ulysses.

*******

Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

How many female animals live beyond their reproductive years? 

Which animals experience menopause?

Those were my Google searches after reading NPR’s story on the grandmother hypothesis.  Because I had never given this fact consideration… at all:

Killer whales, Japanese aphids and Homo sapiens — they’re among the few organisms whose females live on long past the age of reproduction.  Since the name of the evolutionary game is survival and reproduction, the phenomenon begs explanation — why live longer than you can reproduce?

Apparently “um” is not an answer.

The hypothesis is that these older women help the younger women have more children.  Having a child or multiple children is a lot of work.  Having another set of hands around makes parenthood easier.

Which gives grandmothers a clear role: give help and support.  So why does society not give equal consideration to women (and, frankly, men) living without children?  Aunts make parenthood easier.  Fictive kin makes parenthood easier.  Friends make parenthood easier.  In all these cases, parenthood is easier due to the other women in your life supporting your children.

I am not reducing the role that grandmothers play in the world.  The grandmothers who support me are awesome.  I just wish researchers would also turn their eye to other women who are not currently raising children who play a vital role in helping and supporting, exploring the aunt hypothesis or the fictive kin hypothesis, too.  It really does take a village.

I have been dealing with a paperwork balagan for two weeks.  Like… think goat rodeo involving very long hold times followed by repeating the same story over and over again to people who all state, “whoa, this is a problem,” but do not seem to be able to get to the solution for said problem.

There are issues that don’t have a solution.  Like… for instance… infertility.  But my situation has a fairly straightforward solution.  It just needs to be implemented.  And sooner would be better.

I feel a little bit like Alice in Wonderland, trying to get the hookah-smoking caterpillar or the Mad Hatter to have a rational conversation with me.  And like Alice, I feel a little bit apart from everything right now because all of my emotional energy is either going toward dealing with this situation or deep breathing to keep my blood pressure down.

Hopefully I’ll emerge soon.  I mean, this has to end at some point… right?  There will be a day that I won’t have to listen to hold music.  I think.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

A Separate Life has a post about life, in general, but it contains a moment of attending an aunt-in-law’s memorial service and being unable to tell the people around her that it’s also the anniversary of her mother’s death.  She writes, “It felt weird to be unable to honour my mother by mentioning the anniversary or by talking about her. But I knew – as set out in the Circles of Grief principle – that this day was not about me.”  It’s a wonderful insight, but it made me think about all the times we need to squelch our own feelings.  Maybe squelch isn’t the right word, but I think about all the things we hide in order to not dump them in someone else’s lap.  It’s just food for thought.

My Path to Mommyhood has a post about leaving behind items they didn’t want to bring into their new house.  She has been driving around with them in her trunk, but a visit to a cabin over the weekend gave her the idea of giving them a new home.  She writes, “This was a way to give those books a home where they’ll be loved in a getaway setting, loved by lots of tiny hands.  And it got my backseat to be a little less weighed down with sadness and heartbreak.”  Letting go, as she says, is a process.

Lastly, In Search of a Binky Moongee has a post about seeing a sight she thought she’d never get to see: her children running back and forth.  So many people take those small moments for granted.  She explains, “I don’t always think about my past of trying so hard to have these kids. But that day I did, especially hearing the sounds of those little feet pounding on the floor.”  It’s a sweet moment tying back to an earlier wish from a friend.  It’s nice when you see someone’s wish come true.

The roundup to the Roundup: Can’t someone compose better hold music?  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 8th and 15th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.