This pretty much sums up my day: “The Icelandic tradition of Jólabókaflóðið is a mashup of slumber party and holiday-themed Scholastic Book Fair for grownups. With chocolate.”

We are not having a traditional Jólabókaflóðið because the books come from the library (though I really love giving and receiving stories as gifts). But we have books and chocolate and blankets to snuggle under and nowhere to go because nothing is open.

Merry Christmas, if you’re celebrating today.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I only read the headline this week, but apparently breaks on Wednesdays are more recharging than having a three-day weekend. Which we get this week: two days on, Christmas on a Wednesday, and two days back on if your office is open.

But I’m not a fan of the mid-week break. I love it when holidays fall close to a weekend, and feel pretty stressed out when they’re smack in the middle of the week. Even when I’m not hosting, and all I need to do is show up.

What do you think? Do you like having a mid-week Christmas, or do you wish the holiday backed up onto a weekend?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

I found wonderful advice a few weeks ago and tucked it away to read when I had a moment. It was advice from a resilience expert who used her own research after her child was killed in a car accident.

She explains, “In the blink of an eye, I found myself flung to the other side of the equation, waking up with a whole new identity. Instead of being the resilience expert, I became the grieving mother, trying to wrap my head around unthinkable news with my world smashed to smithereens.”

I appreciated her words because she acknowledges that she didn’t instantly switch to using her advice. She was in an emotionally impossible place, and some days she got through better than others. But this was the advice that she used to get through the five years following the accident; all of it applicable for getting through any difficult situation.

Which is why I’m passing it along today. Just in case you’re dreading the holidays this week.

I think her third question — is this helping or hurting (and answering it honestly) — is maybe the most applicable, but I found all of the advice a good perspective shift. Maybe it’s the equivalent to giving someone a Band-Aid when you’re bleeding, but at the right time, these types of words can be guidance if you’re looking for a way forward into the next minute.

People who have been reading this blog for a long time will remember TOOTPU — The Order of the Plastic Uterus — which was a group of DC IF bloggers who would get together about once a month. Sometimes bloggers who came into town also joined our group for a meetup.

The group drifted apart, though most of us kept in touch via Facebook. Which isn’t really the same thing. I miss these women and feel so lucky that I had these people in my life and got to be part of the group.

Sunny has been battling brain cancer for many years, and she entered hospice. I was out picking up the twins when I heard the news from Lori, and I started crying when I tried to tell them about it in the car. And then I started laughing because I was thinking about all the times when Sunny would tell me that we needed to do something about my bra situation. She thought that my boobs had perky potential if I would just get myself a better bra.

I call her SLAB — Sweetest Lady Across the Bridge — because she lives over the bridge in Virginia. It’s just a few miles down the road, but years ago, every time I had to cross the bridge for some reason, I would email her to let her know that I had traveled into “scary, scary Virginia” and she would do the same to tell me about being in “scary, scary Maryland.” (Native Marylanders and Virginians do not like to cross the bridge and go into each other’s states.)

I stand by this still, “I wish there was a job where I could get paid to tease Sunny.”

I will leave you with a link to one of my favourite posts that she wrote in a moment of great emotional pain:

It is hard to breathe sometimes. Just the act of taking a breath takes so much courage. There are days everything hurts. To think about going on and living can be so hard. Breathing is all you can do.

During all of this I have had a friend who shows up sometimes. This friend isn’t invited and never will be. It is the elephant that likes to move in and sit on my chest. Breathing becomes almost impossible. So I pray. I use G-d’s Word to make it move. I stay busy or even have a glass of wine to just calm me. Giving me courage to make it go. Each day the elephant visits less and less. THEN something will happen to invite it more. The process of making him leave begins again.

Sending good thoughts, SLAB.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “IVF Add-ons Racket: New Oversight Needed” (Silent Sorority)
• “A Socially Unacceptable Grief” (Pamela Tsigdinos on Medium)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Life Without Baby reflects on her year. What doesn’t feel quite right in her brain looks pretty good when she starts writing it out in her journal. Paper often brings feelings down to size, and it’s a good reminder when you feel overwhelmed by your inner monologue to silence it by writing out the truth.

The Uterus Monologues writes about how her experiences have changed her perspective. She explains, “I don’t think I was always this way. I’ve always been cautious, certainly. But not pessimistic. Not perpetually braced for disappointment as sometimes I wonder if I am now.” Disappointment is death by 1000 paper cuts, and she unpacks the feeling that hovers over her heart.

Life’s Basic Elegance has a post about the dreaded question: “Are you pregnant?” I love this point: “People often ask that intrusive question out of selfishness because they don’t want to be excluded. When people are ready to share their amazing news they will, but out of respect and love, I advise you to wait.” This post should be required reading.

Lastly, Infertile Phoenix points out the obvious (and I love it): “Whatever you decide for The Holidays 2019 is not set in stone for the rest of your life. Every year is different.” It’s so simple and it’s so true, and it’s a fact that can help you get through frustrating years. I hope the post helps you, too, if you need it.

The roundup to the Roundup: Sending love to Sunny’s family. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 13th and 20th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Exactly one year ago today, I posted that I was going to spend 15 minutes out of every day doing something to make my life better. Well, every weekday. I called it 15 Best:

I guess I want to feel like I moved the needle. Even if it’s an incremental amount; I want to go to bed knowing that I did something in my day that brought me closer to being the person I want to be. Or that I best used at least 15 minutes of my day. Hence #15Best.

Why it needed a hashtag? I’ll never know. But that’s what I’ve been calling it all year. How it worked:

I’m starting my 15 minutes per weekday on January 1st. There are 261 weekdays in 2019. 10 of them are holidays, and if I give myself a freebie, I get to a nice, round 250 days. That means that on December 31st I will have spent 3,750 minutes (or 62.5 hours) becoming a better person. To ensure that I remember to do it, I’m going to set a timer on my phone and make a habit of writing how I spent the 15 minutes in my bullet journal.

I ended up spending more than 3,750 minutes because I didn’t take off for holidays. In fact, I only accidentally missed one day out of the entire year, and I did a mini-version of this while we were in France. And I ended up spending 26 minutes and 10 seconds per day––not 15 minutes––which means that I ended up with closer to 6,540 minutes. My life is 6,540 minutes better.

I recorded what I did every day in my bullet journal, and I mostly kept the same routine for all 250+ days. I started out meditating; first for 5 minutes per day, but now I’m up to 10 minutes per day. Then I read for 16 minutes and 10 seconds. Why 16 minutes and 10 seconds? Because I gave myself a buffer of 10 seconds to switch from turning on my timer to picking up my book. And then I added an extra minute of buffer to account for daydreaming (and needing to re-read a paragraph) or looking up a word in the book.

I started out reading books that I thought would make me happier––self help-like books about happiness theory. But I quickly switched into books that made my brain happy. Books about computer science and math and psychology. I read The Bonjour Effect to prepare for our trip to France and then came home and read a book about story structure because I’m thinking about writing a new book. So I spent my time meditating and reading books. Every single weekday.

How did I make it work?

First and foremost, making time for it. Saying unapologetically to myself that I’m doing this and it’s non-negotiable. That I’ll be a better wife/mother/worker/friend/etc if I take this time for myself every morning. I thought about it like showering. I don’t feel like it’s indulgent to shower; it’s something I do every day to make myself better. Showering is washing the outside of my body and #15Best is washing the inside of my soul.

Next, I do it at the same time every day. I do it right after yoga but before I shower. If I don’t do yoga for some reason, I do it right when I get up but before I shower. Either way, before I’ve had coffee, before I’ve had breakfast, before I’ve started up the computer, I’ve done this. I’ve taken this time for myself.

Finally, I keep my 15 minutes really low-key. I focus on reading and meditation. I can do them anywhere. They don’t require a lot (really any) movement. I can do it if I feel well or don’t feel well. I don’t need any fancy supplies. I think the reason it works is because I don’t make things too complicated.

I’m going to keep this going in 2020, and I once again invite you to join me. I started a Google Group last year if people want to use it so they can ask questions, get ideas, feel accountable so they stick with their plan. But this is a really low-key challenge. It’s just take 15 minutes to do something for yourself. Every single weekday. To make yourself better than you were 15 minutes earlier.