Carolyn Hax recently had divorce advice which also applied to infertility. A woman is in the middle of the grieving process after a divorce, but she’s terrified that she will still be angry 20 years down the road plus she is annoyed whenever people tell her that she’ll find someone else. She doesn’t want to focus on someone else; she wants to focus on the situation in front of her: the divorce.

Hax points out that “The sense that you were treated horrendously can give way to the excitement at the promise of Life II: The Sequel without his selfish self as a co-star. Or just the promise of having any weird thing for dinner without having to factor him in. It’s okay to start really, really small.”

Okay, so clearly divorce-focused, but I started thinking about how much of my initial anger with infertility was tied to a feeling that my body (or the universe or whatever I was promised would happen when we tried building a family) was treating me horrendously.

Hax continues:

You can see either a life plan wrecked behind you, or do-over opportunity ahead of you — into which you build any joy you can. Even the idea or intention of joy, before you’re actually able to feel it, will help shift your center from regretful-then to hopeful-now. After you sort through the grief, of course; it’s normal and healthy to be as mad as you want to be.

A life plan wrecked or a Plan B formed. It’s just a tiny shift in thinking. Something comes next; not everyone gets that next moment, that next day, that next stage of life. So how do you look forward into it? You can either look backward at that old life plan, or (once you are ready) start charting out the new life.

Here’s to paths forward.

Remember last year when we surprised the ChickieNob on her floating birthday with a trip to see the costumes from The Crown? We did it again over winter break, this time with the set of Downton Abbey.

We told the kids we were finally seeing Foamhenge––an inexplicable, long-running desire––which isn’t even open in January. It took them about an hour past Centreville to comment that Centreville certainly was huge, at which point we queued up the opening music from Downton Abbey and announced we were going to Asheville to see the exhibit at the Biltmore.

This sounded like a fantastic idea when we first made the plans. Sure, Asheville is a little far from DC (about eight hours), but I was so pumped to see Mrs. Patmore’s kitchen that I thought the hours would just fly by.

That isn’t what happened.

It wasn’t that the ride was too long. I mean, it was too long, but that wasn’t my real problem. It was that we were going through the mountains, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack as we twisted up and down the Blue Ridge hills. By the time we got to Asheville, I was completely wrung out from holding my body in the same rigid position for six hours.

It was like that time when I freaked out on the mail boat to Smith Island because I realized I was stuck on the bumpy ride for 40 minutes. Once I realized I couldn’t drive the mountain roads, we were deep in the heart of the mountain roads. Which meant more mountain roads, even if we turned around. Which we didn’t want to do because we had Biltmore tickets.

The end of the story is that we made it to Asheville, we made it to the Biltmore, and we made it to the Downton Abbey exhibit, which made me cry at least five times. Especially the moment when I turned a corner and was facing the back stairs with the servants’ hall to the right.

After the exhibit, we toured the rest of the Biltmore, which is an obscene display of wealth…

…but also very pretty.

And then we had the trip back; a different route up the coast so we could avoid a bulk (but not all) of the mountains. The Wolvog already knows the date and activity for his special day because we needed his help to purchase tickets correctly. (“Surely, son, it doesn’t mean that we’re stuck in this e-sports arena for twelve hours. Oh wait, it does?”) So one floating birthday down and another floating birthday to go.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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We’ve talked about this before, but a recent Buzzfeed article drove it home. The current internet is not like the old internet; not just in temperament (remember when the internet was kind?) but in actual format. We moved from message boards and blogs to social media in ten short years.

“Sure, blogs still exist, but the promise of a scrappy new form of communication, open to anyone has been chewed up and spit out by social media. Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and even Medium have all made the idea of a personal, updated website seem less useful to someone who just wants to post stuff about their life.”

Sigh.

I know life moves on, and it should move on. I don’t expect the internet in 2020 to look exactly like the internet in 2010, but I miss the blogging community of ten years ago. There are still plenty of us writing regularly, so there is always stuff to read. But I miss the blogs that shut down in the last ten years; the writers moving to social media.

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

It may or may not be International Blog Delurking Week. The first full week of January is when we’re supposed to slither out of the reading closet and check in with an “I’m here” comment. I’m not sure if anyone does this anymore. Back in the olden days, people would pop up out of the woodwork. Nowadays, not so much.

So let’s see what happens.

So welcome to International Blog Delurking Week. I make a badge every year to mark the occasion, and I give you full permission to right click and grab it for your very own.

My reward for remembering to do this (when I could have just as easily forgotten) is that you have to delurk for this worldwide holiday, which is super serious and important. Right?

It is fairly easy. Leave a comment in the comment section below admitting that you’re here. You can simply raise your hand and meekly admit that you’re here with a simple, one-word “here” comment; or you can proudly raise your hand and tell us all a bit about yourself (my preferred method); or you can tell me what type of cookie you’d be if you were a lump of cookie dough (see, I’m trying to make it easy for you by even providing a comment prompt). The point is that I want to know about the people who read me, since there is a huge discrepancy between the number of readers in actuality and the number of readers I actually know are reading. Or a tongue-twister like that.

And that’s all you have to do to celebrate.

So (clears throat to nudge you along), who is here?

We had a very chill New Year’s Eve. I listened to Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen while crocheting a bag. I couldn’t watch and crochet at the same time because I need bifocals, but I’m not getting them. So glasses off to crochet, which meant not being able to see Anderson Cooper’s facial expressions while he downed shots.

But I got to listen and imagine what was on the screen, all in the comfort of pyjamas and my bed.

Which is where I like to be on New Year’s Eve.

I hope you had an equally fulfilling night.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff…

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dreaming of Diapers gives an overview of IVF #8 and #9. She is pre-retrieval on the latter cycle and holding hope. It is stressful to have cycles canceled, but she also acknowledges the fact that we have options (whereas in other time periods you had zero options). She writes, “At least I am fortunate to pursue this dream, I certainly won’t ever forget that…and also how unbelievably grateful I am to have my son…a true miracle…beyond a miracle really…” It’s an important lens to have.

Edenland gives a life update. It is an impossibly hard situation, but I love this thought towards the end: “I actually broke. My life was scattered everywhere around me and I was drowning. Someone came into my life and is actually helping me. Bono says a friend is someone who lets you help. I’m not used to accepting help but I couldn’t do this by myself anymore.” After so much upheaval, it’s a tiny light when people like that come into your life.

Finally, Much Ado About Nothing has an update. She is going through a health scare; trying to get answers. And she states exactly what she needs: “My doctor has ordered me to stop googling and talking to people because it’s making my anxiety so much worse. But if you have prayers, love, good thoughts, healing vibes, those I will take.”

The roundup to the Roundup: Hope you had a good New Year’s Eve. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 27th and January 3rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.