I’ve come to realize that it’s the rare person who can be comfortable with the concept that nothing is forever, and that a large portion of that population has become comfortable with the idea by experiencing it.

This struck me as I was reading My Sweet Dumb Brain because her acceptance of life change came from continuing to exist after having her life flipped upside down with the death of her husband.

She calls it our “forever-oriented mindset,” and I definitely have that: a desire of things I like to continue in the same way forever. For relationships and friendships to continue forever. For jobs to continue forever and homes to be lived in forever and all my possessions to exist in the same state forever.

Except for the plastic stuff, I probably won’t get my wish.

Where did this “forever-oriented mindset” come from? How did we decide this was the story we were going to tell ourselves?

Because I agree with her about giving it up: “It releases us from a narrow mindset—this one thing will solve my problems—and invites us to look at the world from a place of abundance. There are many things, at many different times, that will bring me joy.”

It’s a little different from her end thought: I don’t believe the house or relationship or job will make me happy and become my happily-ever-after. Instead, I believe I make myself happy with these things, and once I do, I want it to continue indefinitely because I don’t want to lose something that I have used to make myself happy.

A little different but equally problematic when it comes to happiness.

Remember how I told you less than one year ago that we got a new toaster, and I didn’t want to learn how to use it? Well, I managed to only use it a handful of times. One of those times was last week. It was the day that the bread caught fire.

I got off a call, started to help a co-worker with a task, and hopped up to make myself some toast while I waited for a response. I sat down and started to work again for about two minutes, when I sniffed the air. It smelled like smoke. And then I looked over my shoulder and the toaster was filled with flames.

FILLED WITH FLAMES.

FLAMING BREAD.

All four pieces were on fire. And I didn’t know what to do. I opened the door to the toaster. That was not a good idea. I slammed the door to the toaster closed and unplugged it from the wall. The fire continued. Every fire alarm went off. The twins ran in and opened the windows and doors. Smoke filled the kitchen and traveled through the house, making everything smell like ash. I finally grabbed flour to throw on the fire (this, I read afterward, would have been a bad idea), but the fire went out on its own, deprived of oxygen. I stood there and stared at the burnt toaster with its burnt toast.

The saddest part was that I wasn’t even that into the idea of toast. It just seemed like a simple thing to make.

I’ve long suspected that there was something wrong about the toaster. It made a weird clicking sound whenever someone used it. So I guess the lesson here is to trust your instincts and not trust new toasters.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “On My Way” (A New Blank Page)

Okay, now my choices this week.

InfertileHonesty answers the question: How long will IT take? (I really loved her title.) This is brilliant: “Once I crossed the seven year mark though, the truth began to shimmer – anything that doesn’t feel right and doesn’t seem to be working for me – Well, it’s because it isn’t right and it isn’t working for me. Period. That’s all and that’s it.” You’ll have to read the whole post to understand how she reached that point and what happened next. And totally excited by her end note.

Finding a Different Path has been in a funk and is trying to get out. She hit an enormous cry moment (though the arm injury looked painful!), but came out of it with deep knowledge of how to become unstuck as well as this brilliant thought: “Remember how good your body is at making you stop completely when you don’t.” Very true.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ talks about family trees, and how sometimes the interesting paths of those trees aren’t straight up and down but instead diagonal or side to side. It was an interesting reminder to stop always thinking in straight lines.

The roundup to the Roundup: Scary toaster fire. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 5 – 12) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

I read this back on Halloween and thought it was beautiful. (I acknowledge that I wake up on the macabre side of the bed most mornings.)

Especially the opening: “A human being is a haunted animal. We live in the knowledge that we will die, and we interpret everything that happens to us through the lens of something past.”

Isn’t that such a strange idea? Beorn moves through his day, and he never thinks about death. I mean, I’m assuming he doesn’t. At the very least, his existential crisis never stops him from popcorning through his day. So he makes his choices using a completely different set of criteria, and I make my choices always cognizant of death. Of staving it off. Of getting enough time with people before we die. Of getting enough done before I die.

“Everything present is made of the past—the cities we inhabit and the language we use and the clothes we wear and what they make us feel. Every word in this sentence was first given significance by people now long dead.”

Every single thing is infused with memories, whether we can access them or not. So we’re always surrounded by ghosts, and if we’re uncomfortable with ghosts, we’re not seeing them for what they are. The elements that shape who we’ve become and how we move through the world.

Gorgeous.

I was agonizing about not finishing a book. I am a finisher; at least, I am a finisher after I get past a certain point. If I’ve read 53%, I’m going to read the remaining 47%.

That’s where I was in a book. 53%. And wishing I was at 100%. Or at least 98%. It felt like such a waste of time to walk away from it, especially because the writing was beautiful. I kept highlighting phrases I enjoyed. But while I enjoyed the phrases, the book had no plot. It made me realize that author’s other two books also had no plot. So why did I enjoy those and not enjoy this one? Maybe the main character. I knew I would never want to spend time with her in real life.

I was complaining to my cousin. She pointed out that the DNF is your friend when your reading life is half over. Do I want to spend some of those remaining minutes on this book? A book that was making me feel like not reading?

No. I didn’t.

Onto the next story.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

*******

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I like eating alone. Not all the time, but I find it so enjoyable to be by myself that it was my treat to go out once a week alone while I was in grad school and not feel any pressure to take people with me.

I don’t only like eating alone. I like talking about eating alone. And I like reading about eating alone. I am a sucker for an article about this: I always click.

A case in point.

And I do agree with this point: “There is a huge difference between occasional and habitual eating alone; between whether the solitude is enforced or chosen.” When I do it now, it’s my choice to eat alone. I like being in control of the meal; not trying to make anyone but myself happy. And maybe I’m taking back control over the experience of being solo, remembering times when eating alone was not in my control.

*******

Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.