When I was at the doctor last week, she said something that is still bothering me. When we were talking about heparin injections, she said, “oh, and sub-cue injections aren’t a big deal.” Okay, if you’re comparing sub-cue to IM, that’s probably true. And if you’re comparing sub-cue injections to having open-heart surgery on a daily basis, that’s definitely true. But sub-cue injections in my opinion ARE a big deal. It has nothing to do with the amount of pain and everything to do with the emotions tied to it–the idea of self-inflicting pain as well as WHY you’re giving yourself an injection.

So I smiled politely and said, “they’re a big deal to me.”

To which she replied, “some diabetics give themselves daily injections for their entire life, Melissa. It’s not a big deal.”

And here is the difference (and correct me if I’m completely wrong since I’m speaking as a non-diabetic): diabetes is a condition that affects your life. Therefore, when you give yourself an injection, it is to save your own life. Infertility is a condition that actually affects someone else’s life–your not-yet child’s life. Provided you don’t commit suicide (and depression leading to death is a very real possibility in the IF world, so I’m not taking this lightly), infertility will not end your life. Therefore, when you’re giving yourself an injection, you are actually saving someone else’s life. In the first situation, we have an inborn desire to survive, therefore, we’re willing to do anything to save our own life. In the second situation, we are acting like a mother long before we ever become a mother. You are putting your child–your not-yet child–before yourself. You are doing everything in your power to protect them and see them into this world. And it’s that drive that brings you to give yourself an injection and it’s that drive that I find to be such the big deal, Dr. Not-As-Good-As-The-Ninja-Nurse-Practioner.

Which then leads to the question, when do you become a mother? And can you ever lose motherhood once you have it? If a 60-year-old mother loses her 30-year-old child, does she cease to be a mother? Why do we not afford the same sensitivity to mothers who lose their children inutero or through stillbirth? Why do we demean their motherhood by not including them in Mother’s Day and instead giving them a separate day in October (the 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day) which is actually about the loss and not about the motherhood? Why have we set up our society in such a way that women who experience pregnancy loss feel embarrassed to call themselves a mother around other mothers? Why do they consider themselves a not-yet mother when they have already engaged in mothering duties–protecting that not-yet baby as best they can?

You’re a mother when you pick up that needle and hold it to your stomach. You’re a mother when you take any steps necessary to becoming a mother–including making that first RE appointment or filling out your adoption paper work. I want to use October 15th to remember children lost. I want to use May 13th this year to celebrate us.

The list is just getting started! Send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) and add yourself to the list if you’re willing to speak to people on a certain topic (and create new categories). I’ve added a link on the sidebar so that people can find the list long after it’s been buried by my other posts on various anxiety-driven infertility subjects.

If you ever want to create a new email account for this on a free service such as yahoo or gmail and change the currently posted link, let me know. Also, if you get any offensive emails, please drop me a line and let me know.

Woohoo! I’ve fulfilled my life-long dream of being a peer counselor. Take that, Mr. Stewart!
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Added at 9 p.m.

A huge public thank you to everyone who has already volunteered to be on the list. I’m pretty emotional about this. Yes, we’re a community of bloggers, so we hardly have a problem speaking about cervical mucous and sperm counts with one another. But it’s still a huge deal that you’re willing to reach out to other Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters and pass along any information you’ve gained on your journey. So thank you for jumping on board with this and being so open to helping others.

I’d love to hear if you get any emails from this. Drop me a line when you get your first question and let me know. And spread the word about the list so others know that this exists.

Check out how many topics we already have! And it keeps growing. We really need to add to the adoption category and diagnoses (where are the clotting factor babes who will answer questions?). And add your name to topics that already have names listed within it!

You’ve gone through the posts in Operation Heads Up (see below on side bar) and now you have specific questions. If only you could email someone directly who has already completed an IVF cycle or vent to someone who is currently parenting after infertility. Hence the birth of the Peer Infertility Counselor List. Just like those peer counselors who were somehow deemed capable of giving you advice during those high school years, these people have volunteered to have you contact them if you have a question about a specific topic. It helps to put the topic in the subject line of your email, and let them know that you got their name from the peer counselor list. Some people are listed under more than one category. A few people have chosen to remain private, but are willing to talk to you. A few names are linked to my email address and I will forward them to the correct person. Feel free to link to this list on your blog.

This list is constantly updated. If you would like to be added to an existing category or create a new category, send me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. Most of the people on this list are NOT medical professionals–they are simply Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters just like you. Who are perhaps a bit further in the process or perhaps on a different path. They will be speaking from their own personal experience and not from a medical background. Also know that it may take them a day or two to get back to you. If you are having trouble connecting to someone on this list, please let me know.

Diagnoses

Ovulation Issues

Tina, Aubrey, Stacie

Uterine Anomalies

TeamWinks, CH

Fibroids

Michelle

Male Factor

L, Serenity, KE, Julie, Amy, Artblog, Marie (CBAVD), Kami

Hypothalamic Ammenorhea

Lisa, Molly

Clotting Factor

Lisa P. (MTHFR), M, Michelle, Stacie (MTHFR), DG (Antiphospholipids), Gabrielle.

Luteal Phase Defect/Low Progesterone

Mel, Stacie

High FSH

Mel

Premature Ovarian Failure

Robyn

PCOS

Dee, Rachel, Kel, Aubrey, Stacie, Susannah

Endometriosis

EJ, Julie

Thyroid Conditions

EJ (Hashimoto Hypothyroidism), Stacie

Unexplained

Carolyn, K, CH, Natalie

Diagnostic Procedures/Surgery

HSG

Tara, Mel, EJ, K, Michelle, Aubrey, Stacie, Natalie

Saline Sonogram

Kel, Aubrey

Hysteroscopy

Tara, EJ, Stacie

Laparoscopy

Tara, EJ, Julie, Natalie

Medications

Provera

Mandolyn, Kel, Stacie

Clomid

Mandolyn, Mel, Michelle, Aubrey, Stacie, Susannah, Natalie, Emily

Metformin (Glucophage)

Stacie

Follistim

Mel, K

Menopur

Molly

Gonal-F

Julie

Synarel

Julie

Puregon

Artblog

Prometrium

Mandolyn, Mel, Aubrey, Stacie

hCG (Novarel)

Mel, Aubrey

Femara

EJ, Emily

Folgard and Aspirin (for clotting issues)

Stacie

Subcutaneous Injections (sub-cue)

Mel

Synthroid

Stacie

Heparin

Treatments

IUI

Tina, Mel, Carrie, K, Michelle, Aubrey, Kami, Vee, Molly

IVF

Serenity (with ICSI/Fresh or FET), Jamie, Tara, K, Linda (with ICSI), Julie (with ICSI/Fresh or FET), Vanessa, Kami

PGD

Lisa, Mary Ellen

Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)

Bea, S

Third Party Reproduction

Donor Sperm

L, Eric, Vee

Donor Eggs

Carrie, DEMummie, Robyn, Abogada, Marna, Gabrielle.

Egg Share

Vanessa

Embryo Donation

L

Gestational Surrogacy

Tara, Kymberli (a surrogate herself!)

Adoption

International Adoption

Dee, S

Domestic Adoption

Robyn (open adoption), Lori, Katd

Adopting a Second Time

Robyn

Pregnancy Loss

General Emotions

Tina, Mandolyn, Dee, Paige, Artblog, Susannah, Kami

D & C or D & E

Tina, Mandolyn, Dee, Ka, Artblog, Kami

Tissue Testing

Tina, Kami

Recurrent Loss

Tina, DG, Kami, Amy, Emily , Catherine

Ectopic Pregnancies

Jamie, Catherine

Blighted Ovum

Vee, Heidi

Molar Pregnancies

Ka

Multifetal Pregnancy Reduction

Marie

Pregnancy Loss while Parenting Others

Tina, Artblog

Remembrance of Pregnancy Loss

Tina, Artblog

Marriage and Pregnancy Loss

Tina, Artblog

Neonatal Death

Kami

Second Trimester Loss

Jen

Living Child-Free

Katie

Secondary Infertility

Rachel, K, Aubrey, Artblog, Stacie

Taking a Break

Tina , Susannah

Male Perspective of Infertility

Josh, Smarshy, Eric

Stopping Treatments (switching paths)

Dee , Susannah

Being a Self-Advocate

Tina, Carolyn

Dealing with Insurance Companies and IF

Josh

Living Far From Clinic/RE (or going out of state for treatment)

Tina, Lisa, Jamie, K, Bea

Work-Related Issues and IF/Pg Loss

Tina , Susannah

Hyperplasia

S

Hysterectomy

S

Uterine Cancer

S

Trying to Conceive After Cancer

L, Amy

Trying to Conceive With Diabetes

Lyrehca

Trying to Conceive Over 35

Piccinigirl, Michelle , Heidi

Weight and Trying to Conceive

Stacie, Susannah

Coping Tools (acupuncture, yoga, meditation)

Serenity (acupuncture, yoga, meditation), Carrie (Reiki), Bea (Tai Chi), Susannah (acupuncture)

Changing Clinics/REs

Lisa, Aubrey

Depression from Infertility

Tara, Aubrey, Stacie (also Prozac and TTC), Susannah, Natalie

Speaking About Infertility With Non-Infertiles

Rachel, Aubrey, Susannah, Natalie

Having Many Pregnant Friends

Susannah, Natalie

Relationships (friends and family) and Infertility

Pregnancy After Infertility

Mel, Carrie, Michelle, Aubrey

Parenting After Infertility

General Emotions

Mel, EJ, K, Michelle, Aubrey, Catherine

Twins

Mel, K, Linda

Prematurity

Mel, Robyn

Friends and Family

(Non-infertiles helping other non-fertiles understand infertility)

Pam

I’m an organizer. It’s what I like to do. I like to clean. I like to take all the post-it notes that collect around the computer and write the notes onto one neat list. I like to have different colour-coded folders where we place all necessary documents (okay, so this last one is a fantasy. All important documents get piled ON TOP of the stack of neatly labeled folders with the plan being that I will one day file them away in their correct place).

Hence why I am reorganizing the blogroll once again. I am breaking up some of the larger lists into smaller subsections. So pregnancy and parenting after IF will split into multiple groups: after adoption, after third-party reproduction, after treatments (even when the pregnancy happens spontaneously without treatments). In categories that are small in size, I may leave a blog even if it moves on to be about parenting just because people can search the archives for past posts. This will take me a few days to complete. And just when you get comfortable, I’ll mix it all up again.

Which brings me to my next idea. You know how most high schools had those peer counselors? The cool kids that the psych teacher decided could give you advice even though they’re just as messed up as you (can you tell that I wasn’t chosen to be a peer counselor. And, yes, Mr. Stewart, I still am a bit bitter)? Many times people write me with their specific situation and I point them along to a certain blog or two where a person has a similar issue (and perhaps great information to pass along). But what if we created a sort of peer-infertility-counselor list? Our twin club has this–a list of topics with email addresses beneath if the person is willing to speak about her experience with a certain topic (so I am listed under Apnea, NICU, Bradycardia/Tachycardia in our twin club since those are topics I can speak about to another nervous parent who is going through the experience).

Think about your own IF experience–especially anything unusual in your diagnosis or general treatment path. If you’re willing to have other people email you and ask you questions (or point them towards your blog if it has a lot of info on a certain subject), let me know and I’ll start creating this list. It can be anything from being a BBT expert to Ashermans to chromosomal translocation (oh–and that last one on translocation, if you’ve done IVF with PGD for this, let me know because someone wrote me today who wants to speak to someone about this). You don’t need to have a medical degree to offer peer counsel. Just a willing ear to lend and a bit of information to pass along.

So, just to get you started thinking about what you would be willing to speak about, here are some general topics. Add, add, add to this list. And if you’re looking for someone to speak to about a specific topic, post a comment here as well.

Adoption (any step in the process, deciding between domestic and international, reversal, parenting after adoption, TRA, etc.)

Third Party Reproduction (DE, DI, Surrogacy, parenting after third party reproduction, left over vials of sperm, no vials of sperm, etc)

Pregnancy Loss (D & C, general emotions, tissue testing, Ashermans, etc)

Diagnosis (every single male and female diagnosis out there from PCOS to low motility to LPD)

General (how you chose to live child free, how you took a break from treatments, being a self-advocate, choosing an RE, creative problem solving when you live far from an RE)

This list could go on and on. You can either write me directly (thetowncriers@gmail.com) or post a comment here. Let me know which topics you’d like to speak about, the name of your blog (if you have one), and your email address. I think how the list will be created is that there will just be a name under the heading and by clicking on the hyperlinked name, it will take you to the email address (and feel free to create a new gmail or yahoo account for this, but do check it in case people write) rather than having email addresses listed in plain sight for spammers to poach. Let me know if there is a better way to do this.

They must know that I’m mocking them because this afternoon, I opened the door to find myself face to face with another cricket–this one hanging off the outer glass door. So, just to set the scene, there is my normal door and a glass door. And the cricket was on the inner pane of glass. A few inches from my face. When I opened my normal door.

I quickly slammed it shut and then wondered how I was going to work up the courage to get out to my car. Because, yes, I really am that scared of crickets. Even when they’re not in my hair. I called my mother–not because she could really do anything about it over the phone, but because I needed to know that someone else was in this with me.

About that time, I heard the school bus dropping off kids outside. So I mustered my last drop of courage (okay, my only drop) and threw open my normal door, threw open my glass door, and raced outside holding a fly swatter, slamming the normal door behind me so it couldn’t get into my house.

A little boy–we’ll call him Little Bastard Who Wants Me To Die a Slow, Agonizing Death From Fear-Induced Heart Attack Over the Aforementioned Cricket (or LBWWMTDASADFFIHAO TAC for short)–was walking towards me and I asked him to take the cricket off my door. And little brat–chock full of stranger danger stupid mottos–muttered that he didn’t like crickets either and kept walking. You’re a little boy! Your whole life is about disgusting things like crickets. You’re probably going to walk in your house and roll around in a big pile of crickets in three minutes anyway. Can’t you just help me, LBWWMTDASADFFIHAOTAC?

I called out to him, “you’re braver than I am!” because that’s how pathetic I was in the moment. Thirty-something woman standing on her front steps, trying to entice a small boy to remove a newborn cricket from her door (and yes, I really am more scared of it than it is of me). My purse and book bag were still in the house, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live knowing it was still on my inner door (and able to slip inside). So I used the fly swatter to knock it away.

Of course, as luck would have it, it landed in the door crack. But I wouldn’t know this fact until I reopened my front door and it hopped inside with me. In a fit of panic, I stomped on it, screamed for two minutes, and flushed it down the toilet. Damn you, LBWWMTDASADFFIHAOTAC. Don’t I have enough stress in my life without having to kill my own crickets?

And no comments, Murray. You’re bringing the wrath of the crickets upon me!