Final Counts for the First Commentathon

• Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters Goal: 70 163 (Total)
• Flutter of Hope (Dianne) Goal: 50 50 (Total)
• Jenn’s Journal (Jenn) Goal: 35 34 (Total)
• My Dusty Ovaries (Leah) Goal: 65 137 (Total)
• Third Time Lucky (Caro) Goal: 50 112 (Total)
• Happiness Lost (Mindy) Goal: 25 58 (Total)
• The Twinkies (Stacie) Goal: 50 63 (Total)
• The Mama Wannabe (Jen) Goal: 30 33 (Total)
• Child Bearing Hips (Cece) Goal: 35 77 (Total)
• Our Forever Family (Ivy) Goal: 35 12 (Total)
• Serenity Now! (Serenity) Goal: 50 126 (Total)
• Rotten Eggs (Aunt Sassy) Goal: 50 62 (Total)
• My Many Blessings (Tina) Goal: 50 92 (Total)
• Inconceivable Journey (Jenna) Goal: 20 103 (Total)
• Of Course You’ll Get Pregnant (Sara) Goal: 50 47 (Total)
• My Grasp at Sanity (Nichole) Goal: 40 38 (Total)
• The Journey From Here (Carole) Goal: 50 63 (Total)
• Jonesing for a Baby (Michelle) Goal: 35 37 (Total)
• Karaoke Diva (KD) Goal: 35 23 (Total)
• It Could Take Three Months (Ms. C) Goal: 70 34 (Total)
• Fertilize Me (Farah) Goal: 50 82 (Total)
• A Cop, A Nurse, Three Dogs, and Maybe Baby (Sami) Goal: 20 22 (Total)
• Seed Dispersal Mechanisms (Furrow) Goal: 25 29 (Total)
• Lunar Dreams (Natalie) Goal: 60 17 (Total)
• My Journey (M) Goal: 50 34 (Total)
• Southern Infertility (Samantha) Goal: 20 91(Total)
• No Matter How Small (Aurelia) Goal: 100 74 (Total)
• Fertility Blog (Rachel) Goal: 25 27(Total)
• The Hardest Quest (Gil) Goal: 50 59 (Total)
• Changing Expectations (CE) Goal: 50 71 (Total)
• Our Own Creation (Allison) Goal: 25 31 (Total)
• Well, Now That We’re Here (Mandolyn) Goal: 35 42 (Total)
• Coming2Terms (Pamela Jeanne) Goal: 21 51 (Total)
• Vicious Cycle of Cycles (Erin) Goal: 35 44 (Total)
• Diary of a Miscarriage (Rachel) Goal: 40 61 (Total)
• Outlandish Notions (Sharah) Goal: 25 40 (Total)
• Are We There Yet? (Teamwinks) Goal: 35 ? (Total)
• In and Out of Luck (I&OoL) Goal: 20 4 (Total)
• Wishing It Would Get Easier (Forever Hopeful) Goal: 30 16 (Total)
• Still Trying After All Those Pills (Ultimate Journey) Goal: 35 106 (Total)
• Looking for 2 Lines (LJ) Goal: 40 91 (Total)
• Fertile Hope (Trish) Goal: 30 54 (Total)
• Blurb This (Chicklet) Goal: 25 29 (Total)
• Sticky Bun (Sticky Bun) Goal: 50 41 (Total)
• Weebles Wobblog (Bestlight) Goal: 50 65 (Total)
• The Girl and the Olive (Olivegirl) Goal: 20 4 (Total)
• Fatty Pants (Fattypants) Goal: 50 41 (Total)
• Perpetually Waiting (Meghan) Goal: 25 35 (Total)
• Nearly Dawn… (Nearly Dawn) Goal: 50 94 (Total)
• Love, Hope, and Faith (Chris) Goal: 30 51 (Total)
• Not How I Planned It (Laura) Goal: 21 21 (Total)
• Nuts in May (May) Goal: 25 44 (Total)
• Beaten But Not Bowed (Drowned Girl) Goal: 50 29 (Total)
• Life in the Little Difficult (Allison) Goal: 20 11 (Total)
• Still Passing Open Windows (Carylnn) Goal: 35 49 (Total)
• Hormonal Disaster (Needles) Goal: 35 51 (Total)
• Infertile Fantasies (Bea) Goal: 70 78 (Total)
• A Sibling for Celia (Shelby) Goal: 50 58 (Total)
• Oscar Wants a Playmate (Jackie) Goal: 70 72 (Total)
• A Somewhat Ordinary Life (Somewhat Ordinary) Goal: 60 77 (Total)
• Upon Awakening (KarenO) Goal: 70 225 (Total)
• My Perky Ovaries (Karen) Goal: 35 102 (Total)
• My Journey Towards My Little Miracle (Sunny) Goal: 60 72 (Total)
• PCOS Baby (Erin) Goal: 50 37 (Total)
• The Sweet Life (Vee) Goal: 30 42 (Total)
• What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting (Kirby) Goal: 10 ? (Total)
• MLO Knitting (MLO) Goal: 10 10 (Total)

Total Collective Comment Points: 3757 (final count–though someone check my math)
How many days it took us to reach our goal: Under two… (we had over 600 on the first day!)

Updated at the bottom of the post:

…especially when the drinks are imaginary. Imaginary drinks mean that you don’t have to worry about where you are in your cycle. Even if you get stinkin’ drunk, there’s no hangover. And, of course, you’re drinking in a place where everyone knows your name.

In honour of summer and this blogoversary celebration, I’ve moved the imaginary bar to an equally imaginary, tropical locale. Imagine, if you will, a smooth mahogany bar counter that a few feet off the shore surrounded by floating lounge chairs. The water is perfectly clear and slightly blue. Behind you is a wide expanse of pristine white sand. At the bar is anything you forgot since you didn’t know you were going on an imaginary journey–a good book to read, a trashy magazine to thumb through, an iPod loaded with your favourite music, a bottle of suntan lotion (even at an imaginary bar, you can’t be too careful about the harmful effects of UV rays). You need to wade out to get to the bar, but the water is the perfect temperature. You sink down on one of the floating lounge chairs and gently bob in the water while you listen to everyone else tell you what has happened to them since the last open bar (either cycle-wise or non-IF related) and sip a huge drink festooned with a paper umbrella.

This scenario could help me to “just relax”…know what I mean?

You get so tired that you barely even notice that Melissa changed the bar icon both on her side bar and above. But you don’t really trouble yourself with that because it’s a long story that will become clear a few weeks from now when Melissa irons out a few things. Anyway, you’re too relaxed and too drunk to care that much…

As always, it has been a little over a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. Maybe Fertility Friend has finally granted you a coverline after many anovulatory cycles. Or maybe your inlaws are coming right at the time of retrieval. Or maybe you simply need to have a good cry because you spent the whole day with your niece or nephew and while you love them so much, you want a child too. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

It’s also a perfect time to leave some comments for the Commentathon. Don’t forget to keep track of how many comments you leave or return. And when you’re finished reading blogs for the day, send me a number so I can add it to the master list. And while you’re checking out blogs, you can even write an ode and send it to me for Secret Ode Day since I need them by the 20th in order to compile and post the list this week…

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.

Happy drinking and relaxing.

Update: we close the night (okay, it’s 11 p.m., but that’s the night for me) with 563 comments total. And that’s with only a 1/4th or so of people turning in their daily comments. Even if you don’t email in a number nightly, keep track over the week and mail in a single number at the end.

Oh, and the pledge was just to get an idea of a goal. Don’t let your number limit you. If you go way over your initial goal, even better. Or, if you’re like Samantha and you go over your weekly goal on the first day, just set a new number for yourself!

I think the thing I was most excited to see were people finding new blogs. And connecting to a new story. I love the Lushary.

Welcome to the first Commentathon*. The master list follows below. Check back daily to see the progress as we try to leave 1000 comments collectively over a single week. We currently have 67 participants pledging to leave 2737 comments during the week. Which makes me think that we’ll meet this goal! I will update this post with individual goal and collective goal updates every evening. Therefore, email me your comment points each day whenever you finish reading blogs for the day (thetowncriers@gmail.com). If you are not on this list and wish to be added, send me an email before 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, June 17th. After that, the list is closed until the next Commentathon. Spread the word about the Commentathon on your blog by linking to this post so people can see the update daily.

Visit and comment on the blogs you read every day, but send a little extra love to these 67 bloggers below. You’ll find a wide-range of blogs: from the very very new to ones that have been around for years. From those who have just started trying to those who have been through 5 IVF cycles. There are those who are still in the trenches and those who are holding children after adoption. It’s a wide, wide, range of people and I hope you find new blogs to read and enjoy from this list.

And don’t forget to send me your secret odes for Secret Ode Day (posting June 21st)… (did you really think I’d let a day pass without putting in a plug for Secret Ode Day?)

• Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (Melissa) Goal: 70 24 (M) 49 (T) 6 (W) 38 (TH) 6 (F) 26 (SA) 14 (SUN) 163 (Total)
• Flutter of Hope (Dianne) Goal: 50 ___ (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) 30 (TH) ___ (F) 20 (SA) ___ (SUN) 50 (Total)
• Jenn’s Journal (Jenn) Goal: 35 6 (M) 6 (T) 7 (W) 10 (TH) 5 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) 34 (Total)
• My Dusty Ovaries (Leah) Goal: 65 41 (M) 30 (T) 10 (W) ___ (TH) 56 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Third Time Lucky (Caro) Goal: 50 16 (M) 31 (T) 17 (W) 21 (TH) 8 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Happiness Lost (Mindy) Goal: 25 ___ (M) 27 (T) 31 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• The Twinkies (Stacie) Goal: 50 ___ (M) ___ (T) 22 (W) 39 (TH) 1 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• The Mama Wannabe (Jen) Goal: 30 8 (M) 6 (T) 10 (W) 9 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Child Bearing Hips (Cece) Goal: 35 32 (M) 16 (T) 29 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Our Forever Family (Ivy) Goal: 35 12 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Serenity Now! (Serenity) Goal: 50 30 (M) 28 (T) 25 (W) 26 (TH) 17 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Rotten Eggs (Aunt Sassy) Goal: 50 8 (M) 12 (T) 8 (W) 9 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• My Many Blessings (Tina) Goal: 50 14 (M) 22 (T) 4 (W) 26 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Inconceivable Journey (Jenna) Goal: 20 12 (M) 26 (T) ___ (W) 32 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Of Course You’ll Get Pregnant (Sara) Goal: 50 11 (M) 9 (T) 10 (W) 8 (TH) 9 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• My Grasp at Sanity (Nichole) Goal: 40 10 (M) 12 (T) 16 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• The Journey From Here (Carole) Goal: 50 ___ (M) 21 (T) 16 (W) 9 (TH) 4 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Jonesing for a Baby (Michelle) Goal: 35 8 (M) 4 (T) 5 (W) 4 (TH) 2 (F) 8 (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Karaoke Diva (KD) Goal: 35 6 (M) 8 (T) 6 (W) 3 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• It Could Take Three Months (Ms. C) Goal: 70 16 (M) 18 (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Fertilize Me (Farah) Goal: 50 19 (M) 20 (T) 13 (W) 18 (TH) 12 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• A Cop, A Nurse, Three Dogs, and Maybe Baby (Sami) Goal: 20 ___ (M) ___ (T) 6 (W) ___ (TH) 16 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Seed Dispersal Mechanisms (Furrow) Goal: 25 ___ (M) 13 (T) ___ (W) 16 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Lunar Dreams (Natalie) Goal: 60 9 (M) 8 (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• My Journey (M) Goal: 50 10 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Southern Infertility (Samantha) Goal: 20 25 (M) 21 (T) 17 (W) 13 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• No Matter How Small (Aurelia) Goal: 100 20 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Fertility Blog (Rachel) Goal: 25 13 (M) 5 (T) ___ (W) 9 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• The Hardest Quest (Gil) Goal: 50 16 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Changing Expectations (CE) Goal: 50 17 (M) 18 (T) 20 (W) 16 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Our Own Creation (Allison) Goal: 25 5 (M) 2 (T) 11 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Well, Now That We’re Here (Mandolyn) Goal: 35 ___ (M) 6 (T) 10 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Coming2Terms (Pamela Jeanne) Goal: 21 ___ (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) 34 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Vicious Cycle of Cycles (Erin) Goal: 35 10 (M) ___ (T) 11 (W) 7 (TH) 9 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Diary of a Miscarriage (Rachel) Goal: 40 20 (M) 8 (T) ___ (W) 8 (TH) 25 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Outlandish Notions (Sharah) Goal: 25 ___ (M) ___ (T) 22 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Are We There Yet? (Teamwinks) Goal: 35 ___ (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• In and Out of Luck (I&OoL) Goal: 20 4 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Wishing It Would Get Easier (Forever Hopeful) Goal: 30 16 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Still Trying After All Those Pills (Ultimate Journey) Goal: 35 16 (M) 25 (T) 11 (W) 16 (TH) 19 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Looking for 2 Lines (LJ) Goal: 40 1 (M) 26 (T) 36 (W) 28 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Fertile Hope (Trish) Goal: 30 8 (M) 12 (T) 6 (W) 12 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Blurb This (Chicklet) Goal: 25 4 (M) 8 (T) 8 (W) 6 (TH) 3 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Sticky Bun (Sticky Bun) Goal: 50 ___ (M) 41 (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Weebles Wobblog (Bestlight) Goal: 50 14 (M) 15 (T) 8 (W) 9 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• The Girl and the Olive (Olivegirl) Goal: 20 4 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Fatty Pants (Fattypants) Goal: 50 ___ (M) 20 (T) ___ (W) 14 (TH) 7 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Perpetually Waiting (Meghan) Goal: 25 14 (M) 18 (T) 3 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Nearly Dawn… (Nearly Dawn) Goal: 50 18 (M) 18 (T) 19 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Love, Hope, and Faith (Chris) Goal: 50 5 (M) 10 (T) 7 (W) 6 (TH) 15 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Not How I Planned It (Laura) Goal: 21 3 (M) ___ (T) 15 (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Nuts in May (May) Goal: 25 7 (M) 10 (T) 5 (W) 5 (TH) 6 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Beaten But Not Bowed (Drowned Girl) Goal: 50 8 (M) 3 (T) 2 (W) 6 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Life in the Little Difficult (Allison) Goal: 20 5 (M) 6 (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Still Passing Open Windows (Carylnn) Goal: 35 5 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) 18 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Hormonal Disaster (Needles) Goal: 35 ___ (M) 8 (T) ___ (W) 14 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Infertile Fantasies (Bea) Goal: 70 ___ (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• A Sibling for Celia (Shelby) Goal: 50 ___ (M) 20 (T) ___ (W) 17 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Oscar Wants a Playmate (Jackie) Goal: 70 21 (M) 8 (T) 11 (W) 11 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• A Somewhat Ordinary Life (Somewhat Ordinary) Goal: 60 18 (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• Upon Awakening (KarenO) Goal: 70 20 (M) 31 (T) 34 (W) 30 (TH) 21 (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• My Perky Ovaries (Karen) Goal: 35 14 (M) 36 (T) ___ (W) 27 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• My Journey Towards My Little Miracle (Sunny) Goal: 60 16 (M) 12 (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• PCOS Baby (Erin) Goal: 50 8 (M) 6 (T) 13 (W) 10 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) ___
  __ (Total)
• The Sweet Life (Vee) Goal: 30 10 (M) 7 (T) 10 (W) 4 (TH) 5 (F) 5 (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting (Kirby) Goal: 10 ___ (M) ___ (T) ___ (W) ___ (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)
• MLO Knitting (MLO) Goal: 10 ___ (M) 4 (T) 1 (W) 4 (TH) ___ (F) ___ (SA) ___ (SUN) _____ (Total)

Total Collective Comment Points:2791 (as of Friday night)
How many days it took us to reach our goal: Under two… (we had over 600 on the first day!)

Directions Reposted:

Keep track of how many comments you leave from June 18th–June 24th (7 days–if you’ll be gone any of these days, use the 25th, 26th, or 27th as “make-up” days). This is how to tally your comments:

• Every comment you leave on another person’s blog** equal one point.
• Every time someone leaves a comment on your blog and you click over to their blog and return the favour by leaving a comment, you get two points.

So, for example, if you pledged that you would leave 10 comments/points a day, you could leave 6 comments on blogs you like to read or new blogs that you’ve found on the participant list. And you could return 2 comments for people who left comments on your blog, making 10 comments/points total for the day (6+2+2=10). So…yes, I ask for a comment total, but it’s really a “points” total since there are two types of comments you can leave: new ones (one point) and return ones (two points).

Keep track during the day on a scrap of paper and email me (thetowncriers@gmail.com) a total at the end of the day each day (this is obviously done on an honour system). I will update your total and how close we are collectively to leaving 1000 comments in a single week daily. The highest commentors will be announced and awarded on the 29th during the blog roundup. Collectively, we will make the world feel like a better place for at least a week by spreading the love around and letting people know that people are reading their words.

* I figure we’ll hold these at least once a year, but in case everyone needs a pick-me-up mid-year, I’ll just name them consecutively rather than by year.

** Infertility and pregnancy loss is a simplistic name that encompasses any blog related to infertility, treatments, living child-free, adoption, GBLT assisted reproduction, donor gametes, secondary infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy-after-infertility, and parenting-after-infertility
(as well as any other categories I inadvertently left off the list).

Charting your temperature is sort of like ripping off a band-aid really really slooooooooooowly.

For instance, in my case, I knew that my luteal phase was short, but I always thought that I ovulated. And I was basing this assumption on (1) the fact that I mostly always ovulated before and (2) the clear entrance and departure of the correct cervical mucous. And while it would hurt to find out from some blood work and sonograms that I wasn’t actually ovulating, it is far worse to see the most dafook chart imaginable come together temperature by temperature. 97.3, 98.0, 97.6, 97.9, 98.0, 97.5. It sucks to see two high temperatures in a row so you start crying that you mistimed sex only to have your temperature fall on the third day so fertility friend snatches back the coverline they were aaaaaaaaaaaaalmost willing to give you. But on the outside, if I wasn’t taking my temperature, I would say that all was fine.

I am still charting again simply to time the 21-day progesterone test properly with ovulation. Now I’m wondering how many times I’ve actually ovulated during the time we’ve been trying again. Are these cycles an anomaly or the norm? I know I won’t know until I return to the RE and I should probably set down the thermometer and step away for the time being since there isn’t anything else I can do. Except that I’m still trying to time the damn progesterone test.

So I will continue to pull off the band-aid extra slowly until I have that blood drawn. And then I will probably continue to take my temperature because I’m addicted to information. It just sucks to look backwards at optimistic Melissa who said, “maybe I’ll conceive on my own this time and only need help carrying to term!” Sort of the same feeling you get when you see middle schoolers going in to take their class picture with their eyelids heavy smeared with ill-applied blue eyeshadow. You know they’re going to have regrets down the road with their simple-minded vision. Not huge, life-altering regrets, but regrets nonetheless.

This weekend is also Father’s Day. I’ve always wondered if Father’s Day is as painful a holiday for infertile men (or any man who longs for a child but can’t have one) as Mother’s Day is for infertile women. Perhaps it is more indicative of the fact that there are many more female infertile bloggers than there are male infertile bloggers that I have drawn that assumption. I’d love men to weigh in with their thoughts. And wishing anyone who is hurting this weekend–and I am thinking specifically of a few people who have received a diagnosis of male factor infertility since the last Father’s Day–moments of peace.

Some reminders because who doesn’t appreciate a loving nudge from time to time? I cannot even explain how much everyone rocks who signed up for the Commentathon. It feels like I’m part of this tiny world made out of soft polartec while the outer world is made out of scratchy wool. And as much as I would love to live in that outer wool world which is this perfect colour, I’m thankful that this little polartec world exists and that I’m curled up inside of it now rather than free-floating over a sea of scratchiness, never able to touch down. This analogy isn’t really working. But I think you know what I mean.

I’m posting the Commentathon list this Sunday. You can still sign up until Sunday night. Start keeping track of your comments starting on Monday (or Sunday at midnight if you’re still awake at midnight. Why are you still awake at midnight on a Sunday night?). This upcoming Tuesday (the 19th), is the D.C. bloggers get-together. All are welcome. You can get more information on LJ’s blog (and leave her a comment to let her know that you’re coming so she knows how many people to expect).

Do you like this? I’m switching to red to really make this stand out in all of the nudging. But most of all, Secret Ode Day paragraphs are due by the 20th so the post can go up on the 21st (anything that comes in too late will be added later anyways, but it would be more fun to get up everything at once). I have a bunch that have already been sent to me and it’s a pretty varied list, but think about how good it would feel to be sitting at work, having a normal day, and click over to read this little paragraph of love about your blog? So knowing how good it would feel to read something wonderful about your writing, go write one for someone else and make their day. Sort of like a secret santa. Only with words instead of tangible gifts. And you never get to find out who said these really nice things about you unless they tell you.

Okay, enough nudging–now the blogs…

On In and Out of Luck, there is a wonderful post called “Against Nature” that asks the question: “what is it about infertility that is so particularly and singularly painful?” And she describes it beautifully: that feeling that you’ve been forgotten. Forgotten by nature or whatever is moving life through the universe. It is a such a deep pain. And this is such a powerful post.

I was incredibly moved by a recent post on Julia’s blog, I Won’t Fear Love. It begins with the fact that she was not supposed to be able to go to camp this year, and yet, due to her loss, she found herself back at camp. And it is those moments–the moments that weren’t supposed to be able to happen–that make the grief spill forward. She continues into a visit to her son, A’s, grave. Close to his plot are two more freshly dug graves and the lines that broke my heart, “Two boys. Two different families. Three days apart at the end of May, while we were away. I wasn’t keeping track of dates, remember? So I can’t even tell you what I was doing as these families’ worlds were falling apart. Why do I feel such sorrow not only at the idea of where these families are right now, but also at the thought that I missed it? I don’t know them. There is nothing I could do for them. But I wish there was something.” She ends with this thought: “But most of all, I miss my son. I can’t tell you what is it about him that I miss, I just do.” Her writing is so beautiful that it brought you right into the cemetery.

Alli at Secondary Infertility had a post (okay, it was technically last week, but I read it over the weekend) about her husband’s deployment. She is finally pregnant, about to deliver her daughter, and her husband will miss the birth. It made my own problems seem pretty trivial. I don’t know if tec
hnology that allows people to feel close even when they’re distant is a good thing or makes the space between you ache even more. “Mr. Alli called me en route to the Middle East. He sounded so close, he could have been calling from work. Hearing his voice made me just want to collapse. It all just feels like too much right now. Last night, he kept holding my hands while we were laying in bed and telling me that it would all work out, not to worry, everything was going to be fine like it always is. I just miss my husband. I just want him home. Coming home to this house without him was the worst. I came upstairs to set my things down and looked at the bed and just cried. I feel like I am no good without him.” Please go over and give Alli some support right now. We can’t bring her husband home, but we can let her know that we’re all thinking about her.

DD at TKO…More or Less… has a post about starting the donor egg program at a new clinic as well as all of the logistics of being matched with a donor at her particular clinic. Even though I cracked up at the line: “They only do fresh transfers so I can’t go through the glamour shots of those post-teen beauties and pick the one who best resembles me. Which is good, because how do you possibly find another face as beautiful and as timeless as mine?” my heart broke with the last line of the post: “I didn’t have a title for this post until I got done writing it. After I typed it in, I looked at it and started crying.” Please go over and wish DD well with this next step.

Lastly, but not leastly, Rachel at Henry Street had a post last weekend about the misunderstandings that takes place when your emotions are so tightly wound around your word choice. She describes a discussion with her husband where they were misunderstanding each other. She wants to have a lot of hope, she wants this to work. And at the same time, she’s ready to move on. She writes: “He has some hope that this cycle might work. See, there is that language that got us all tripped up last night. It’s that horrible word. Hope. I have mentally moved on from these IVFs. I don’t think they will work, so I am not emotionally invested in the process. I am going through the physical process, which you know is not easy, but I’m not invested in the idea that it will work…I tried to explain to T that just like I can’t understand what it’s like to carry the translocation, he can’t understand what it is like to go through a cycle.” I thought this post was so important because it brings together the two sides in this common middle point–they both simply want a child so badly. And you can feel all of the love pouring through this post–love for her husband, love for that not-yet baby. And the words simply ache.

I’m drinking a root beer float as I write this. I know that in writing those words, it will probably make you want a root beer float too and you will probably think for a second, “damn, that sounds really good. When was the last time I had a root beer float?” I couldn’t answer that question either, but when someone mentioned root beer floats on this website that I signed up to review through Mother-Talk, I had to have one.

So a quick break between reviewing and writing to mix together the root beer and ice cream I found in the kitchen (a quick side note: someone once told me that only Americans like root beer and that everyone overseas thinks it’s either (1) disgusting or (2) hasn’t tried it. Is this true? Are there people actually living on this earth who have never partaken in the great tradition of the root beer float? Are there actually people who–gasp!–don’t like root beer? The person who told me this was my camp counselor from Europe and he insisted that there was something about the taste where if you hadn’t had it by a certain age, you could never grow to love it. It is just dawning on me that this was perhaps bullshit.)

The website I was on is called Mamasource and in the great tradition of the backyard fence, it is an online fence where you can pick up tips–tips about the hairdressers in town, the best caterers for a party, the moving service that everyone loves to use. Oh–and this is the part I forgot to mention–when you sign up, it asks for your zipcode and then tailors all the information to your area. Of course, the more people sign up and start posting, the closer the information becomes. Right now, it is giving me information for places in Virginia–which is close, but not that close. But if there were more people from Maryland signed up, I have a feeling the Virgina people would get Virginia information and the Marylanders would get Maryland information. And neither group would ever have to cross the river again during rush hour to act on a good haircut tip.

Yes, the name of the website is Mamasource and children/parenting tips are mentioned on the website, but even though the language describing the website on the main page is MOM MOM MOM, I didn’t find the website to be actually mother-centric in terms of information. I thought it was definitely overwhelmingly female but not necessarily overwhelmingly maternal even if the owners of the site say that it’s “moms helping moms” (I guess moms and childless women sharing tips on hairdressers in the area didn’t have the same ring…).

I’m not someone who has ever been bothered about going on parenting sites before I was considered a parent by greater society. For instance, I used the bulletin boards on Babycenter just as often as I used IVFC. I also joined the local parenting listserv when I was undergoing fertility treatments. It’s not that I wanted to be tortured daily by parents asking about Ferberizing their kids, but our listserv is well-arranged so that people can skip over messages they don’t want to read and instead learn about events in the area and other non-parenting issues. Plus, like Babycenter, tucked into all the parenting talk is the fact that the listserv usually contains a plethora of infertility and loss discussions. And at the end of the day, before I actually became a mother, I considered myself a mother–a mother to children who hadn’t been born.

This website is very similar to my local listserv in the fact that one does not need to be a parent to draw a lot of good from reading along as long as you’re fine with constant reminders about motherhood. It’s just a shame that it’s not set-up as simply women helping women rather than mothers helping mothers (since you could still contain the same information if it was women helping women. And you could still call it Mamasource because it could be about hot tips from hot mamas). The localization of the information is still a great idea. Sort of like the backyard fence. Without the backyard. Or the fence.

P.S. Just in case someone is sitting there with their mouth open saying, “Mel drinks root beer floats at 9 in the morning–what the hell is wrong with that woman?”, I wrote this last night…