Really…three posts below and this one telling you that there are three posts below. Why so many posts? Because there’s a lot to say. Why this post? I don’t want you to miss any of it. And once you’ve done three posts, it feels like you should throw a fourth one in for good luck.

The twelve-and-a-half are the 12.5% of the population experiencing infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. According to the CDC, infertility is a medically recognized disease that affects 7.3 million men and women in our country. Infertility is a crisis that is increasing in magnitude over time. The largest growing population within infertility is women under 35.

But infertility is not a women’s issue. It is a medical crisis affecting men and women equally. It affects those married or unmarried, gay or straight, young or old. It is a crisis that crosses into every religion, nationality, ethnicity, and race.

12.5% of the population is too large a swath of people to be ignored. If you need a human voice to bring light to this issue, click on any of the links below to be taken to a personal story about the financial impact of infertility.

1. Making Toy Soldiers (Roy)
2. Our Journey (Bonnie)
3. Or, life is a bed of roses (Tracy)
4. The Idle Mind of Beth (Beth)
5. Entrusted (Andrea)
6. The Infertile Long and Winding Road (Ms. Infertile)
7. Are We There Yet? (Kami)
8. Sticky Bean Preconception Journal (Kristen)
9. In Search of Biscuit 2.0 (Linda)
10. Life in the South (Just a Girl)
11. Are We There Yet?! (Sandra)
12. Infertile Fantasies (Bea)
13. Empty Uterus Syndrome (La La)
14. A Day in the Life of a Moody Person (Rian)
15. Sanity Now (PCOSMama)
16. I Won’t Fear Love (Julia)
17. Vacant Uterus (Flicka)
18. Stirrup Queens (Melissa)
19. Hopefully Hoping (Nessa)
20. Coming2Terms (Pamela Jeanne)
21. My Many Blessings (Tina)
22. Blissfully Bitchy (Amy)
23. Sibling for Celia (Shelby)
24. Summertime (Summer)
25. Overachievers Seek Baby (Kellg)
26. The Island (Sara S-P)
27. Oscar Needs a Playmate (Jackie)
28. Fertility Stories (Rachel)
29. Serenity Now! (Serenity)
30. Waiting Womb (Larisa)
31. Cheese and Whine (J)
32. One Hardy Swimmer (Tracy)
33. Trying (Sarah)
34. Jenn’s Journal (Jenn)
35. Unwellness (Bri)
36. Probably Boring Ramblings (Jenny)
37. The Life of Nancy (Nancy)
38. One More Week (Annie)
39. The Road Less Travelled (Loribeth)
40. Judecorp (Judecorp)
41. Hez in IVFland (Hez)
42. The Dunn Family (Erica)
43. Forever Reaching (NYCPhoenix)
44. Within the Woods (Suz)
45. Wifethereof (Thewifethereof)
46. Hydrangeas Are Pretty (Shelli)
47. Liza Was Here (Liza)
48. Good Times Good Times (T)
49. Southern Infertility (Samantha)
50. The Egg Drop Post (EDP)
many more coming soon…

Want to Participate?

This project continues to be open indefinitely (it’s never too late to add your story) and anyone in the infertility/pregnancy loss/adoption community (in other words, all 1000 blogs on the blogroll as well as all the ones I haven’t found yet) can be a blogtavist on this project. Use your sliver of the Internet to bring attention to the issues affecting us right now–especially the ones senators and congresspeople can address and affect while in office.

Create and post a description of your own experience with infertility/pregnancy loss/adoption highlighting either what having insurance coverage or adoption benefits allowed you to do or how your story co
uld have been different with mandated coverage. Talk as if you do have your representative’s ear for a moment: what would you want him/her to know about your experience? Shorter is better–try to keep your story down to 4 paragraphs. Email me the link whenever you post.

Looking for another way to make a difference? Head over to Flicka’s blog for the letter writing campaign. Stay tuned–more blogtavism to come during this pre-election time. If you want to receive information about Twelve and a Half Fighting Back as it unfolds, send an email to me with “add me to the THFB mailing list” in the subject line.

Alas, having an IF blog win the Weblog Awards this year was not meant to be. It has most likely gone to a worthy opponent, Baldy, and while I would have loved to have the general public’s attention to increase IF/pg loss awareness, you can’t really argue with educating the world about bone marrow transplants. I’m basing this on the voting since the Weblog Awards hasn’t announced the winner yet. So I’m congratulating Baldy. Unless I don’t have to congratulate Baldy and he has to congratulate me. Hi, Adrian!

What I do want to say is that your support meant more to me than I could ever possibly express with words. Placing a “please vote” message on your blog, asking friends to vote too, and making sure to click over everyday–it doesn’t really matter if I lost; I’m still going to be shoving my message of mandated coverage down the general population’s throat this election period. But knowing you have my back…that’s what I take out of this. So a huge thank you–to everyone who voted, to everyone who got others to vote, and to everyone who blogged about it. Thank you thank you thank you and thank you.

If I weren’t so damn weepy, I would tell you that I’d like to buy you all a Coke and sing in perfect harmony. But I’m crying too hard so I’ll just say that I’d like to give you each a hug.

By fuck, I’m hormonal.

Some people have expressed a fear that they’re late with joining Twelve and a Half Fighting Back (THFB) or they need more time to write up something about their own journey’s financial aspects. Take your time. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Flicka and I have many ideas up our sleeves for this pre-election period. We are essentially reinforcing Resolve’s positions while adding the power of the Internet and its organizing capabilities. Resolve is aiming for 1000 letters. I think we can do better than that. If I could get over 1000 votes in one week, I think we can get over 1000 letters in several more. Our goal is to help get The Family Building Act of 2007 (HR 2892) passed in the House. It’s to get legislation into the Senate. It’s to educate the general population on the emotional, physical, and financial realities of infertility and pregnancy loss.

Some of Twelve and a Half Fighting Back will be done on our blogs. Some of it will be conducted via email. If you’d like your name and email address added to the THFB list, send me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. Write “add me to the THFB mailing list” in the subject line. Or add your email address in the comments below. Become a blogtavist. Use your sliver of the Internet to make a difference.

Waaah, and this is where I get weepy again and say that you’ve already made a difference in my life. Seriously, I can’t get through three lines without getting sniffly.

A short roundup this week–not because I didn’t read incredible things, but I need to return to reading Blogtavism links.

Ms. Heathen at Reproductively Challenged had a post about trying to leave infertility behind. She writes about the idea of taking a break: “I decided to stop Trying, and have sex for recreational, rather than purely procreational, purposes. Maybe other people were right – if I could relax a little more, it might ‘just happen.’ But then I realised that it doesn’t work like that. Once infertility has you in its clutches, it doesn’t just let you go. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of not thinking about it, but then it crept up on me in the supermarket. In the queue for the checkout, a baby girl looked at me and smiled, and suddenly the grief, the anger and the futility of it all hit me again, square in the guts. And that’s when I realised – this isn’t going to go away.” I’m not sure how one goes about disentangling themselves from Trying. Especially when they’re still somewhat trying. The heart can only be tricked so much. And I thought this was a very astute and touching post.

I love, love, love Beagle’s recent posts on her private blog about why she hates Christmas and she’s bringing them to you on her public blog, Fortune Cookie Follies. Beagle used to love the holidays and looked forward to them every year. And then infertility hit and it became the most difficult time of year. To be honest, it’s a very abstract concept for me–as a Jew–because our holidays aren’t publicly celebrated so you can hide in your house and ignore it if you choose. And my associations with Christmas are not of the high-stress variety. There are no presents to purchase or family parties to attend. There is simply candy, sparkle lights and music. And…those three things are probably not the things bringing most Christian stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters hours of stress. I think everyone should head over to Fortune Cookie Follies and add their own suggestions on what Beagle should do with the plethora of Christmas-themed child-focused catalogs she receives in the mail each year. Most creative wins bragging rights through the season.

Have a great weekend everyone. I’m hanging with the D.C. Bloggers. Oh, and being a blogtavist. As you should too. Be a blogtavist that is. Unless you live in the area and then you should join the D.C. Bloggers too.

Geohde at Mission: Impossible is holding a blog cross pollination, the idea being that you go and read your usual blogs, but along the way, you’re exposed to other voices and ideas without needing to do a single click. I’m sure if you went over to her blog and told her how much you love this idea, she’d be willing to hold another one in the future…

A Conversation I Never Want to Have (Children Mentioned)
By Blogger X

Awhile back, Mel asked me to put together a post about adoption
language for Operation Heads Up. There is so much to cover
that I’ve been paralyzed and have left her hanging.

But Geohde’s Cross-Pollination thingy has nudged me to break
off a chunk and just write a freakin’ post already.

So, instead of addressing every questionable adoption term, I’m just going to cover just one every once in awhile. And before too long, I hope to have the Operation Heads Up post worth the energy to click on.

Today’s phrase is give up for adoption (and variations). And here’s the conversation I never
want to have.

“Mom, why did Michele give me up?”

“Well, she loved you very much. In fact, she loved you so much that
she found Daddy and me to be your forever parents.”

“She loved me so much that she gave me away?”

“Well…not exactly…”

“If she loved me less, would she have kept me?”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“And through the rest of my life, should I be afraid of anyone loving
me too much because then they will reject me?”

“Let’s start over, Reed.”

Some may call it semantics or political correctness, but I DO have reasons for choosing certain
words and phrases and rejecting others. In this case, I prefer made an adoption plan to gave up for adoption.

First of all, made an adoption plan implies conscious thought. Michele thought about her baby
as she decided what to do (more on Reed’s story). She was aware of him. She planned the best future possible for him, given the resources available to her at the time. She was not forced out of parenting him (although this does happen in some cases, which I’m told is devastating for a child to realize).

And more importantly, it doesn’t include rejection. Gave you up and gave you away are inherently rejective (to make up a word). And they could make the child feel like an old toy or an outgrown article of clothing, a toss-away.

It’s not such a leap from [she loved you so much she gave you up] to [love = rejection]. This is NOT a belief I want to impart to either of my children.

I want them to know that their firstmoms loved them enough to make a difficult choice. I want them to go through their lives fully capable of giving and receiving love. I’d rather have THIS conversation.

“Mom, why did Michele do adoption with me?”

“Michele loves you so much. She knew back then that she wasn’t ready
to be a mommy to any baby. Even though she really wanted to be with
you, she made a plan to make sure you had parents who were ready to
take care of you.”

“That’s you and Daddy?”

“Yup. You have so many grown-ups who have loved you from the very
beginning. You are so lovable! (devolve into a tickle session)”

Other terms I plan to cover:

• birthmom
• our birthmom
• the birthmom changed her mind
• He is adopted
• a child of my own
• born in my heart

Please let me know if there are any others you’d like me to address. But first you’ll have to figure out who I am :-).

(P.S. That is NOT my kid in the photo, in case you were wondering.)

Tune in here to find today’s post by the Stirrup Queen. It’s been an honor to sit on her throne!