Seriously, I truly can’t believe this happened to me, nor that our local news station was willing to use my Microsoft Paint picture instead of a photo and believe that my name is Lollipop Goldstein.

This List is Closed. Join Along for August.

Welcome to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by leaving in the comment section your blog name, blog url, and three words that describe what you blog about most often.

• I move the information from the comment section into the post (usually within 24 hours).
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commentors.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch out breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. Emily the Hopeless (infertility, veganism, dogs)
3. What Wuz I Saying? (kids, infertility, adoption)
4. This is my Truth, Tell me Yours (personal, current affairs, randomness)
5. Cupcakes & Conundrums (infertility, adoption, Australia)
6. Gas Passer (infertility, pregnancy bedrest, unicornuate uterus)
7. Maybe it’s Just Me… (PCOS, infertility, life)
8. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, children)
9. Life and Times of KimboSue (infertility, A.R.T., randomness)
10. Butterfly on My Shoulder (miscarriage, Lovenox, adoption)
11. We’re Barren, How ‘Bout You? (life, infertility, puppy)
12. Life in the White House (infertility, daily life, donor sperm)
13. Three of a Kind Working on a Full House… (neonatal loss, secondary infertility, parenting)
14. Andria and Co. (personal, marriage, kids)
15. Child Bearing Hips (unexplained infertility, pregnancy, IVF)
16. Communique (life, infertility)
17. BagMomma (parenting, secondary infertility, RPL)
18. Such Great Heights (decisions, infertility, family)
19. Kicking You From The Inside (parenting, infertility, life)
20. Sticky Feet (baby, food, personal)
21. Helping Make Sense (infertility, IVF, life)
22. One Pink Line (IVF, turning 30, life)
23. In Ancient Starlight (infertility, IVF, life)
24. Age 30 – A Year of Books (book reviews, book clubs, son)
25. Waiting On Life (IVF, infertility, life)
26. Ramblings by Reba (marriage, life, photography)
27. Soliloquies of Tash (everything and nothing!)
28. Fractured Rainbows (infertility, pcos, life)
29. …And Not By Sight (infertility, home renovation, life)
30. Precious Little… (miscarriage, IVF, moving on)
31. Mommy Confessions (kids, family, humor)
32. Musings of a High School Teacher (TTC, teaching, life)
33. Where Is That Special Water (secondary infertility, kids, random crap)
34. My Family and Other Animals (kids, life, oddness)
35. Our Life in a Nut Chelle (infertility, stress, personal)
36. The Making of a Family (infertility, IVF, life)
37. His Eyes My Nose (IVF, pregnancy, kids)
38. Sell Crazy Someplace Else (infertility, male-factor, weight loss)
39. Elusive BFP (infertility, fibroids, TV)
40. Nest Half Empty (kids, grandkids, life)
41. Who Shot My Stork? (MF infertility, life, being poor ass broke)
42. Life Without Caden (stillbirth, grief, IVF)
43. One Hardy Swimmer (donor sperm, life, adoption)
44. Maybe I Will Have a Glass (infertility, going crazy, pupp
    y)
45. My Little Drummer Boys (stillbirth, infertility, IVF children)
46. Just Me (infertility, going mad, infertility hell)
47. A Soldier’s Girl (military life, personal, IVF)
48. The Idle Mind of Beth (infertility, meds, other stuff)
49. A Maybe Story (miscarriage, life, mystery illness)
50. A Sense of Humor is Essential (parenting, pediatric/art nursing, southern California)
51. Alicia (infertility, adoption, shoes)
52. Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks (personal, parenting, sarcasm)
53. Not The Path I Chose (secondary IF, kids, acupuncture)
54. Bellyaching and Benedictions (IVF, home-life, working-mom)
55. They Grow In Your Heart (adoption, infertility, parenting)
56. The Bailly Blog (pregnancy, photography, life)
57. iwantitvmuch (IVF, FET)
58. Vicious Cycle of Cycle (infertility, twins, life)
59. Creating New Life Not As Easy As It Seems (infertility, endo, life)
60. Are You Listening? (getting pregnant, life, randomness)
61. The Not So Secret Life Of Us (infertility, life, emigration)
62. The Non-Smoker (quitting smoking, life, addiction)
63. Mommy Needs Therapy (special needs child, infant, marriage)
64. Conceive This! (TTC, life, cynicism)
65. Tales of the Phoenix (IVF survivor, meaning of life, prenatal depression)
66. Edie Claire and Ella Grace (Edie, Ella, no sleep)
67. Our Displaced Southern Family (parenting, family, work)
68. Life of Melzie and Co. (secondary infertility, PCOS, life)
69. Three Ring Circus (parenting, neonatal loss, life after loss)
70. The Porridge Measurer (finding me, family, craft)
71. Dreams Come True…Sometimes (life, photography, TTC)
72. Ronda’s Rants (faith, environment, rants)
73. The Other Shoe (work/life balance, infertility, parenting)
74. They Call Me Bobby (kids, life, opinions)
75. Out of the Blue (books, blogging, language learning)
76. Books Love Me (books, university, random stuff)
77. Getting There (infertility, life, IVF)
78. Slade Rocks and a Few Pebbles… (military, kids, daily life)
79. Operation Life (surrogacy, healthy living, weight loss)
80. Off My Mind But From My Heart (domestic adoption, kids, family)
81. Hey Lady! Whatcha Readin’? (books, life, funny stuff)
82. Help, I Have A Teenager! (parenting teenagers, depression, PTSD)
83. Charms (infertility, twins, loss)
84. Binary Blonde (life, pregnancy, randomness)
85. Bugged (life, infertility)
86. Dreaming of Baby (loss, TTC, randomness)
87. Doolittle (illness, family, irreverence)
88. The Road Through Life (life, fun, adventure)
89. It’s Not the End of the World (infertility, rampant emotions, life)
90. Equal Opportunity Hater (infertility, grad school, personal annoyances)
91. Stop the Train, I Wanna Get Off… (infertility, life, the bean)
92. Isn’t it Pretty to Think So? (stuff, fertility/RPL issues, IVF)
93. Wit’s End (personal, politics, food)
94. That’s My Answer (question of the day, would you rather questions, fill in the blank)
95. The Spohrs Are Multiplying… (baby, her health issues, humor)
96. Duchess Jane (home remodeling, randomness, travel)
97. The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide (divorce, law, life)
98. What Was I THINKING? (twins, teenagers, miscellaneous)
99. Colored With Memories (kids, potty training, humor)
100. Tales from Kiddyland, USA (motherhood, triplets, life)
101. Must Love Tots (tots, life, cancer)
102. The Hidden Side of a Leaf (books, reading, community)
103. Snippets (knitting, family, personal)
104. Here We Go Again (randomness, pregnancy, cooking)
105. The View From The Hill (knitting, rock climbing, life)
106. Gotcha Baby (adoption, young children, life)
107. I’d Blog That! (randomness, life, kids)
108. That Grrl (stick figures, drawing, abandoned farm houses)
109. Mama Writing So I Don’t Go Crazy (motherhood, reviews, random)
110. Clearview (life, kids, urbanity)
111. In Due Time (infertility, life, PCOS)
112. Confessions of a Raving Lunatic (life in general)
113. Our Journey to Baby – Weathering the Storm of Infertility (life, infertility, adoption)
114. Book Haven (books, parenting, politics)
115. Bookroom Reviews (books, giveaways, reviews)
116. Do Without Doing (infertility, nursing, dog)
117. The
     Unfair Struggle (infertility, male-factor, life)
118. My Life on the Fertility D-List (miscarriage, IVF, life)
119. Listen Up, Mofos! (parenting, San Francisco, my opinion)
120. Let’s Generate (motherhood, miscarriage, secondary infertility)
121. The Saga of Becoming Fruitful (infertility, finances, cost)
122. BB’s BabyQuest (pregnancy, fear, randomness)
123. Skrambled (infertility, donor conception, work)
124. The Egg Drop Post (infertility, IVF, life)
125. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (entertainment, news, interesting finds)
126. There’s Hope (miscarriage, ttc, life in general)
127. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, IVF, philosophy)
128. Antigone Lost (deadbabies, subsequent pregnancy, divorce)
129. Add yourself…

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commentor?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commentor and be entered on the Iron Commentor honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commentor status is done on an honour system.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is red, the next month it will be orange, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Circle time is still happening; if you have something for Show and Tell, come present it to the class.

On Sunday, The Order of the Plastic Uterus (otherwise known as TOOTPU…um…even more informally known as the DC Bloggers) got together at the same restaurant where we met over a year ago for the first time. There are so many terrible stories about the Internet–I’d like to counter it with this one.

Once upon a time, a blogger named Lindsay called together all of the DC Bloggers to meet face-to-face and we’ve gotten together at least once a month since then. We’ve sat with each other after a miscarriage or distracted each other in the two week wait. We’ve eaten enough calories to fuel a small country and drank enough alcohol to leave twenty frat boys vomiting with a hangover. They are my girls and I know for a fact (not that this has been actually tested) that we would collectively chew someone a new asshole with our razor sharp teeth if they ever messed with another member of the Order.

After lunch, I took a photo of everyone at the table to take with me to BlogHer. I plan on transferring the photo to my palm pilot and then setting my palm pilot on the panel table. This (1) makes me look super serious and super prepared–ready to toss out infertility questions like breakdance moves–and (2) gives me confidence, knowing that I can look down as I quake in my seat and feel the power of the Order radiating across the Continental states–from D.C. to San Francisco.

It is interesting how simply seeing someone can make one feel as if everything is okay even when everything is decidedly not okay. M once mused about Mick Jagger that if she was ever walking at night on a deserted street and coincidentally passed him in some dark back alley, just seeing him would make her feel okay. Safe.

It’s strange because she doesn’t know Mick Jagger–she has no clue if he would or would not come to her aid. But it’s just a gut feeling. Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, and even Keith Richards don’t bring out this same feeling. This feeling of a small comfort.

I have made long lists of celebrities that I would like to hug during a nervous breakdown–that sense that holding on to someone would keep me from drowning or bumping into them on a deserted street would make you feel less alone and scared. It begins with Anthony Rapp simply because he seems like a lovely person based on his book. As I read it, I thought to myself, if I was in the center of New York, panicked and lost (which often happens to me in New York), he would be a face I’d love to see. And it would be comforting for him to walk by, ask me if I needed anything, and then give me a small hug before sending me on my way. The hug is crucial for me–it’s a connection. A clear statement that the person has interacted with you and touched your life. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy a good hug? A good hug is like finding an unopened pack of m&ms in your purse right before a movie begins.

In a writing crisis, I’d like to bump into Peggy Orenstein. I consider her a writing goddess. I would also fare well and probably calm in the presence of Anne Lamott or Elizabeth Gilbert. With a run-of-the-mill emotional breakdown, I’d love a hug from Rosie O’Donnell or Ellen DeGeneris. I think both radiate love and warmth. Sally Field, Frank Warren (from PostSecret), K.D. Lang, Dolly Parton, and Alton Brown round out the list.

I base some of this theory on actually hugging Grace Paley. And in that moment, having the world right itself as it thrashed about in such a tumultuous time in my life–even if it was just for a short time–and I am so eternally grateful still for the breathing space and clarity I gained from her hug.

So, who–living or dead–would be on your list?

This is the eleventh installment of Barren Advice. You can ask questions that are fertility or non-fertility related.

Barren Advice is posted each Tuesday (though it’s early this week due to IComLeavWe kicking off tomorrow). If you have your own question for Barren Advice, click here to learn how to submit. Please weigh in with your own thoughts in the comment section and indicate which question you’re addressing if there are multiple questions in the post.

Dear Mel:

When someone comments on your blog, and you want to reply to them, is it best to email them (what I usually do) or to reply back to them in another comment in the comment section? Do most people subscribe to comment sections on blogs? I don’t…but maybe I should…? Maybe people are replying to my comments in their comments? Since I read blogs through google reader, I don’t always see the comments unless I click on a particular blog…any thoughts?

—Isn’t It Pretty to Think So?

I threw this question out to the blogosphere last Friday and the answers were varied as expected. Some people subscribed to comments; some didn’t. Some emailed back (when possible) and some left a comment on the other person’s blog. Like so much with blogging, there doesn’t seem to be a general consensus on how to do things.

I think two important things that popped up last Friday in the general discussion were (1) how much you want your response to reach the person and (2) how well you know the blogger. Emailing or leaving a comment on the other person’s blog best ensures that they see your response. You may also want to cut-and-paste a copy of the email into your comments section if you think other people could benefit from hearing your answer. But sending it directly to them removes having to wonder whether or not they’ll see your answer.

If you leave a comment on their last blog post, take a moment to read the post and then begin your comment with a nod to what they have written. Use the second paragraph of your comment to mention the comment they left on your blog and then your additional response.

This is where knowing the blogger comes in handy. You may be inadvertently opening up a can of worms in their space if you reference something they don’t commonly write about on their own blog. For instance, a school teacher who writes a blog that is read by her students and their parents probably wouldn’t want me to write about her infertility in the comment section. In that case, I simply left a note with my email address saying I had something to send her and could she email me. She wrote back and we had the conversation privately (and she deleted my comment from her blog so parents didn’t follow it from her space to mine).

As the Internet moves faster and faster, there often isn’t time to move backwards to old discussions. I may go back and reread a post several times, but it’s unlikely that I’d click through to read the comments unless the discussion was the point of the post. I may be missing responses back to me, which is unfortunate.

No really, the beauty of a blog advice column is that you get to weigh in with your two cents too. Let the questioner know if you support the advice, add to the response, or dispute it completely. I would love people to add how they decided whether or not to enter treatments.

Leave a comment in the reaction box below–only keep in mind that conflicting advice is embraced and rudeness is not. Want to ask your own question? Click here to see what you need to send in order to be included in a future Tuesday’s installment of Barren Advice.

Welcome back to Show and Tell. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. In fact, we hope you do go back to your blog and post your own Show and Tell item and then return with the link to your post. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

I never expected to be someone who had the Virgin Mary appear on a panini or saw Christ in a watermark under a bridge. Forget that I’m Jewish; I just don’t think I’m important enough to be chosen. I don’t think I even rate a visit from Nixon’s corpse. So imagine my surprise when I am drying off after a shower one day and I notice that an image of Chewbacca is clearly appearing on my floor.

What? You can’t see him? Fine, I’ll outline it for you. Take a gander below and then scroll back up to see the image in its pure state.

At first, I wasn’t positive if I was seeing Chewy. It could be a Yeti, for instance. Or Sasquatch. Or numerous other hairy beings. Our friends were over our house and I asked them to come upstairs and check it out since the guy is a huge Star Wars fanatic (yeah, Scooter–I’m talking about you!). Scooter immediately agreed. We had Chewy.

It’s not just Chewbacca though–if you notice, he is definitely wearing Darth Vadar’s cloak. What does this all mean? That Chewbacca was Luke Skywalker’s brother? That Chewy is really part of the Dark Side? It’s all a little too scary to contemplate.

Regardless, I am going to turn my bathroom into an exhibit and open it up to all Star Wars junkies. 50 cents to touch Chewbacca. And you can pee while you’re in there or rummage through our medicine cabinet. A pretty fair deal if I do say so myself.

What are you showing today?

Want to bring something to Show and Tell?

• If you would like to join circle time and show something to the class, simply post each Sunday (or earlier in the weekend or on Monday if you can’t do Sunday), hopefully including a picture if possible, and telling us about your item. It can be anything–a photo from a trip, a picture of the dress you bought this week, a random image from an old yearbook showing a person you miss. It doesn’t need to contain a picture if you can’t get a picture–you can simply tell a story about a single item.
• Label your post “Show and Tell” each week and then come back here and add the permalink in the comments section below (make sure you don’t just comment that you participated: add a link to your blog in your comment so people can click over). I post a new Show and Tell pos
  t every Saturday night or Sunday. I usually move people up into the body of the post every few hours.
• Oh, and then the point is that you click through all of your classmates and see what they are showing this week.
• If you want it…
  I’ve now placed a Show and Tell archive on the sidebar that will be updated each week in case you miss it. And click here for the icon code if you wish to have it for your blog. It links to the archives.