No Barren Advice this week. Instead, I bring you a crimson tale of a crimson tide.

Suzanne Reisman is collecting stories about your first period for a new anthology and while my story is actually about the space between my first and second period, I am fairly certain that it’s a better tale than a 21-day-first period or how I decided to dye my bang chilli red to celebrate but they turned out pink or how I absolutely hated the fact that I had my period and went out jogging immediately afterwards despite the cramps just to prove how much I didn’t want to honour it (even though I also secretly did).

I fell in love due to a tampon price check.

A few weeks after getting my first period, I was sitting at the pool, reading a book and eating a peach (this was in the days before I became allergic to peaches) when I saw a girl my age shepherding around two small children as a mother’s helper. We didn’t know each other at all even though we went to the same middle school because we had come from two different elementary schools. We ended up spending the day sitting around the baby pool talking while the two children she was watching played.

That night, she called me to see if I wanted to go hang out at the mall the next day. We met between two stores, chauffeured to the pre-teen playdate by our respective parents. I had just recently been allowed to go to the mall by myself and the circuit I usually took involved the bookstore, the music store, and maybe hopping into Spencer’s to gape at the edible underwear (how could I buy that and sneak it into the house without my parents ever finding it? And why did I even want it at age 12 except to be able to tell the other middle schoolers that I owned edible underwear. It certainly was not going to be eaten off my body any time soon).

But J, my new best friend even though she didn’t know it yet and thought this was just another mall trip, wanted to run by People’s Drug. While we were there, we found a new magazine called Sassy that had just come out with its first issue. We each bought a copy, declaring it our new favourite magazine and promising to use all of the regional slang terms that were printed on that “on the road” page. Before we got in line, just to be cool and since I knew my period would be arriving again soon, I nonchalantly told J that I had to pick up a box of tampons.

“A box of tampons?” she said. “You’ve already gotten your period?”

“Yeah,” I said, pretending that my period was already as commonplace as a well-worn sweatshirt. Period? That old thing?

It was my first time buying tampons and I wanted to look cool in front of J though I was simultaneously embarrassed to be setting down a box of tampons in front of the cashier. To this day, perhaps scarred by this early experience, I am shy to set down tampons on the conveyor belt as if they are a huge announcement to everyone at the food store: People, I place things in my vagiiiiiiiina!

I gave the cashier my copy of Sassy and the box of tampons and the woman held up her hand to indicate that I should wait. A teenage boy came over to relieve the middle-aged woman at the end of her shift and I was now facing checkout with a high schooler.

He ran the box over the scanner and it made a shrill beep. He tried it again and elicited the same beep. He tried it a third time and then went to enter a few numbers on a machine. He received the same beep. He leaned into a microphone and said the words that still haunt me to this day: “price check on tampons.”

His words echoed through the store and I was positive that everyone was going to start peeking down their respective aisles, shampoo bottles and toothpaste in hand, to peer at the girl who had her period at 12 and stuck things in her vagina. No one answered the boy’s call for assistance so he tried it again. “Price check on tampons.”

“You know, actually, I don’t really need them,” I said.

A manager came over–a middle-aged man–and he took the box of tampons from the boy and turned them over in his hands. “They’re not ringing up?”

“No, they’re not coming up on the cash register,” the boy told him.

The manager turned around and bellowed over his shoulder, “Hey, Phil, go look up the price of these Tampax tampons. The regular size with the cardboard applicator. The 12 pack.”

At this point, I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear, perhaps jump into a virtual car and hit the road with Sassy so I could say things like, “ain’t no thing but a chicken wing” as they promised was de rigueur in Athens, Georgia. Regardless of how many times I insisted that I didn’t actually need the tampons anymore and I was happy to give them my entire allowance just to make this ordeal end and could they just ring up my magazine and for the love–did they understand how much this embarrassment was going to stain me forever–the price checked continued until, diligence done, the correct price was entered into the cash register and I walked out of the store with a box of Tampax and my Sassy magazine and scarlet cheeks.

When we got out of the store, we both started laughing, and, like middle schools immemorial, we repeated the same phrase–“price check!”–for the next two hours, giggling with each time. And coming through such emotional trauma; such grave embarrassment for a middle schooler, our friendship was sealed. We were inseparable through middle school and high school, went to college together, and fell out of love our sophomore year (though she was still the person I drunk dialed on my 21st birthday in between vomiting into the toilet).

Regardless of the denouement, that friendship–and a woman’s ability to bond over embarrassment–set the groundwork for all of my future friendships. And perhaps it would have been just another trip to the mall if not for the tampons; or, at the very least, the price check. And if she is reading this right now and recognizes this story, she should know how much she has always meant to me and how I still think about her every month. Or…since my periods come close together…every 21 days.

Josh wasn’t thrilled when he emerged from the shower and learned that I had just registered a new blog url for Bridges during the ten minutes it took him to soap up his body.

He spied the telltale post-it notes littering the computer table. “What is this? Awareness? Bridges? Addiction, infertility, body image? Melissa, what the hell?”

“It’s a new project?” I cringed.

“I was in the shower for ten minutes.”

“You are very beautiful and I love you,” I told him which is my answer whenever he is right and I am wrong and I am apologetic but I am not going to change. Starting Bridges a few days before the first draft of the book was due, when I’m knee-deep in edits and dealing with a few crises that were boiling, was probably not my smartest move. But I’m not smart. I run head-first without thinking into things. I figure whatever won’t work will fizzle out and whatever will work will still be standing a year or more later. I hope that Bridges is still standing a year later and I have full faith that it will be because the contributing editors and guest posts we already have lined up rock.

It seems fitting that the first true posts began running today. I actually didn’t plan this–I wanted to have them begin running on August 1st but waited for Monday to give myself the weekend to get everything settled. Today is actually the one year anniversary of the Lost & Found. One year ago today, I posted a list here on Stirrup Queens and explained that it would be a space, a meeting ground, that everyone would know to go to so those lost could be found. It was truly just a space for someone who had stopped blogging to update everyone on what was happening in their world and for someone who missed a fellow blogger to post a note to them.

On August 13th, it moved to its current location and began running every week day, disseminating news and pointing people towards questions or needs for support scattered across the blogosphere. The first posts have six categories. The most current posts have nine. We’ve had 219 posts since we moved to the new location (in the early days, a single post was erased and rewritten so I don’t have a copy of the first incarnation of LFCA).

I hope we’re celebrating Bridge’s anniversary this time next year. We have 18 contributing editors and we’re adding new people daily. We have posts scheduled for weeks in advance and every single post is amazing. Stepping into Bridges is about sliding someone else’s shoes on for the day and walking around in their thoughts.

Every Friday, we’re inviting you to join into the discussion through a series of open threads called True View. Look for the first one at the end of this week.

Sort of a big week: one little project celebrates its first birthday, another is born with its first posts. Much cake and champagne for everyone.

Speaking of building bridges, if you missed it and want to see it, the video of our panel from BlogHer (thank you, Pamela Jeanne!)

Welcome back to Show and Tell. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. In fact, we hope you do go back to your blog and post your own Show and Tell item and then return with the link to your post. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

When I mentioned in a post that I was going to celebrate with some water ice, Topcat wrote: “Even though I don’t know what water ice is … I hope it’s good!” A world without water ice? Who would ever want to live in that kind of world? It made me want to go purchase airplane tickets for the whole Topcat family and fly them safely to the Mid-Atlantic states so they could partake in water ice.

Water ice is similar to Italian ice, but it is much softer. You don’t scrape your spoon across as you would with a hard block of Italian ice. It is sort of like eating flavoured snow. Some people also add custard to their ice making it something called a gelati (which, coincidentally, Lindsay dropped all over us last night because that girl can’t hold her water ice). This is my favourite flavour at Carmen’s: blue raspberry.

What are you showing today?

Want to bring something to Show and Tell?

• If you would like to join circle time and show something to the class, simply post each Sunday (or earlier in the weekend or on Monday if you can’t do Sunday), hopefully including a picture if possible, and telling us about your item. It can be anything–a photo from a trip, a picture of the dress you bought this week, a random image from an old yearbook showing a person you miss. It doesn’t need to contain a picture if you can’t get a picture–you can simply tell a story about a single item.
• Label your post “Show and Tell” each week and then come back here and add the permalink in the comments section below (make sure you don’t just comment that you participated: add a link to your blog in your comment so people can click over). I post a new Show and Tell post every Saturday night or Sunday. I usually move people up into the body of the post every few hours.
• Oh, and then the point is that you click through all of your classmates and see what they are showing this week.
• If you want it…
  I’ve now placed a Show and Tell archive on the sidebar that will be updated each week in case you miss it. And click here for the icon code if you wish to have it for your blog. It links to the archives.

All I can say is better late than never. Yes, I went through a bitter period, silently cursing out those who did not follow through with their assignment, but I cried as I laid out the list and saw once again how amazing our community is when we come together. I want to publicly thank Niobe and Jen for helping me out with the slack and reading through numerous blogs in full in order to ensure that everyone had a figurative gift on Christmas morning.

(Christmas morning? What the hell is Melissa talking about? Oh…wait…the Roundup Extravaganza list. Seeing how someone else viewed your blog is a little gift. Does she think she needs to explain all of her analogies?)

It’s the two year anniversary of the Friday Blog Roundup. The posts below were chosen secretly by another blogger in the blogosphere*. Each blogger was assigned a single blog to read from July 2007 to July 2008 and they chose a single post that spoke to them–that became their favourite. If you enjoy reading this list, know that you’re only 6 months away from the Creme de la Creme when we’ll be making a similar compilation for your reading enjoyment.

Writing the roundup and keeping track of favourite posts is one of the best parts of my week. So cheers–here’s to the last 52 weeks and a tip of the glass to the upcoming 52 weeks of roundups. And thank you for reading it when I write it.

If your blog is reviewed here, please add a comment in the comment section talking about the post that was chosen–where you were mentally when you wrote it, what has changed in your life since that entry, what is still the same, and how you feel about the chosen entry. Please make sure you write your blog name in the comment so people can read your thoughts after they read your post.

(though new posts have pushed these older posts down into the archives, feel free–um, or more accurately, please do–leave a comment for the writer letting her know how much you enjoyed her words)

1. …And Life Afterwards from The Problem with Hope: In this post, Jess reflects on her gratitude for the adoption and the pregnancy she was blessed with. How even though she has become a mother, infertility is still a part of her. She also is letting her readers know how much she wants parenthood for them too. I think the feelings she sincerely and eloquently expresses here are very common for those parenting after infertility — we strongly identify with our IF struggles even when we are not currently experiencing them.
2. #128 – Show and Tell from My Sanctuary: As M herself writes in another post, she lives surrounded by echoes and whispers of what might have been. Grief and loss seem to sit just below the surface of so much of what she writes. In this post, she asks how she might even begin to find a way of working through her grief at the loss of her children. She shares a few piercing details about her son’s last moments, about her three precious daughters, before concluding that if she thinks about these things too much, she may simply shatter like glass. This was such a simple, raw, moving post. My heart goes out to M and her husband.
3. 1 Year from My Journey to Mommyhood: This post means a lot to me because it is something only an IFer would understand. We go through so much in our ttc periods and even though it is such a hard time in most of our lives, we usually learn a lot about ourselves and our partners which makes us stronger. As much as we wouldn’t wish this life upon anyone, it does change us, and it is nice when we choose to use our experiences in a positive way. She really brought a lot of insight to my journey by listening to her perspective.
4. 14w5d – 2nd OB Appointment from Mommy Someday: An honest post discussing the challenge of transitioning from IF to pregnancy, and the struggle to find the right words to say in Blogland.
5. A Different Perspective from Infertility on the Brain: Being a former teacher, I can relate to PJ’s feelings about wanting a child immensely and yet teaching children in your class that don’t have what infertiles would refer to as “good parents.” PJ does a great job of expressing her candid feelings on “fairness” and the true understanding of what a blessing it is to actually have children since so many seem to take children for granted. She says if she had a child, she would “right all the wrong.” How beautiful is that line? How much do all of us struggling with infertility feel that exact same way–knowing there are kids out there we (the infertiles) could “fix” or “love more” or “appreciate” for their individuality and the miracle they are? Thanks, PJ, for your insightful words and frankness. Best of luck with your next cycle!
6. A Few Small Things in One Loooong Post from Who Shot My Stork?: I loved this post because I can so identify what she is going through with religion, her father and IVF. Being Catholic myself, I have found it hard to discuss infertility and IVF with my father. She wrote: “But despite not always understanding my dad or agreeing with him, I love him.” Me too, I will always be Daddy’s little girl, and I will always love him, no matter what.
7. A Letter to My Body from In Due Time: A lot of us wrote these letters to our bodies, but this was one of the best I’ve read: so funny, so heartfelt. Understanding, yet a stern taskmaster. Grateful yet exasperated. And the writing is beautiful, with very strong voice.
8. A Shadow of My Former Self from What was I THINKING?: I really liked this post because I have been struggling with my weight on and off since college. Add to that three kids and years of fertility meds and you get an extra 50 lbs! I love that there were no gimmicks or quick fix diets – just cutting calories and increasing exercise! And 75 lbs, that is a feat! I also giggled about the swim suit shopping – what woman cannot understand that – well maybe not a swim suit model!
9. Absurdistan from I Thought Unicorns Were a Myth: Nine months ago, Elizabeth and her husband finally made a decision on whether or not to give surrogacy a shot. You can feel the excitement and uncertainty of what the future holds.
10. Acceptance from Joys In My Life: Heather talks about finding happiness through accepting her place in life right now. It’s a won
    derful idea and a very Yoga-like way of looking at things, which I love.
11. All About Me…No It’s Not from Helping Make Sense: Lisa wrote about attending a birthday party that was swarming with young children and the pain it brought her. In the midst of being comforted by people who knew about her IF, she noticed her husband Glenn staring longingly at the fathers playing with their children and she was hit with the realization that he was in it too – the IF, the pain, the longing. I think it’s a moment we’ve all hit like a brick wall at one time or another, but she wrote about it very frankly and made me feel the emotion just as she had.
12. Alone…Yet Not Alone from “Just” a Stay at Home Wife: While it was hard to pick out just one posting, this one was my favorite. I have also felt that sense of future deja-vu, where you find yourself in a situation that sucks because it was supposed to be totally different. There should be a baby in the situation–your baby–instead of whatever is taking its place (in this case, suitcases). You have this great sense of sadness that is overwhelming and you aren’t sure who to share it with–the sense that the person who should understand the most the pains and struggles doesn’t because they are going through the same emotions.
13. Alzheimer’s: The Melonballer of Memories from Creating Motherhood: Wow – what a blog. Such a hard choice. Cali’s strength and sense of humor is just amazing; and her love for life and for her family just shines through in this touching, wrenching post about caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s.
14. Am I a Weenie? from The Maybe Baby: M. — a survivor of childhood cancer — adds her unique perspective in response to the sometimes brutal readers’ comments about the infertility article that appeared in the New York Times. And the answer to the question posed in the title? Most definitely not!
15. Amen from Mrs.Spit Spouts Off: Mrs. Spit has a deeply emotional blog, but this post is my favorite. This is the highest example of faith to me. G-d is still G-d and when many turn their backs on G-d when they loose a child Mrs. and Mr. Spit have embraced him more and put their lives into his hands.
16. Anger, Expounded Upon from Outlandish Notions: I appreciated Sharah’s brutal honesty in this post; her anguish is palpable. I think she was so brave to write all the things that make her angry, because I believe many of us probably feel the same way, yet are too afraid to say these things out loud (or on a blog). I relate to these angry feelings well, even though we have different causes for our anger. Our ultimate goal is the same: to have a living, breathing baby of our own. It makes me feel a little less alone.
17. Angry Rant: I’m Moving to the UK from The Angry Infertile: It’s been lovely to read some well-articulated anger – anger in face-to-face life rarely is worded so well. It is a rant I share as well, but it got me thinking about how we in this community have a unique window into the system and whether there is any way our collective angst, strength, and power could make a different. I think we so often just accept that this is our lot (the insurance system, not the rest of it) and it was good to hear a questioning rant about this thing that effects all of us Americans.
18. Anticipation from Waiting for Baby K: This post captures the anticipation as we end the 2ww and give in and take the dreaded home pregnancy tests. Jessica finds herself hoping for those early pregnancy symptoms knowing all the while they just might be her imagination. Then she shows just how strong the love and support is in this community, by sharing with us (even before her husband) that she did indeed have a very faint second line on her HPT. Her BFP.
19. Apples and Oranges from Life After Infertility and Loss: Julia managed to describe in a few sentences what I’ve been struggling for 16 years to express. A subsequent pregnancy or child does not erase the memory of the lost pregnancy or child. I appreciate her candor and her insight as she remembers the losses and yet manages to rejoice in the blessings – living life with all of its events.
20. Baby, Just Slow Down from (Un)complicate Me: A great post that I think any IF-er can relate to. Alison talks about the need to live in the moment and not getting too caught up with what the next step is.
21. Babything from There’s Hope: I found myself nodding along at this post – from how much to share with others, to the changes that have been wrought in us from infertility. Hope wrote this so emotionally, without a lot of fancy wording, that I could see myself in her post – almost as if I had written it myself.
22. Balancing Act from 3 Munchkins and a Mom: A beautiful post about the difficulty of balancing the needs of her three kids, her parents and herself. The line that really struck me: “There are so many variables, and it seems like all the people in my life want something different from me. Then I wonder, when do I get a vote?”
23. Beginnings from Of Love and Loss: It touches on the process of working through pain and trying to heal after the devastating loss of a child during pregnancy as well as touching on the struggles of dealing with those “well-intentioned” comments that are meant to offer comfort but fall short of the mark. Although I’ve not experienced a miscarriage myself, I have close family members who have. I remember wondering how to offer comfort and saying, “I’m sorry” seemed so inadequate but I now understand that sometimes that simple phrase, delivered with sincerity, is the most compassionate response that one can offer.
24. Bitterness Starting to Slowly Seep Back In from The Tragic Optimist: I love her made up term for “pregnancy radar” pregdar – for being able to detect other people’s pregnancies. I could also appreciate her exasperation at other couples being so confident that they can conceive exactly when they want to and plan the scheduling of a midwife’s availability accordingly. I also liked how she ended the blog post with a joke about her own possible timing of a second child. I always appreciate a little humor when dealing with hardships in life and infertility.
25. Borrowing the Mommy Title from Fractured Rainbows: This shows the panic
    in someone dealing with primary infertility when a stranger thinks she might be the mommy. We relish in it and we feel like a fraud. We know that it’s lying, but we don’t necessarily correct. I chose this post because I have felt this before and I’m certain that all primary infertiles are “terrified that this is the only way I might ever be considered mommy.”
26. Brain Mush from Falling or Flying: Jodie describes the experience of writing a letter to her egg donor. I had tears in my eyes as Jodie wrote about how they appreciated what she was doing for them, sacrificing her time, her body, and her sanity. I really identified with the part where Jodie told her egg donor that they chose her because they could tell from her profile that they would like her as a person and would want her as a friend.
27. Broken from Alicia–Pieces of Me: This post verbalized what many of us think and feel after so many failed cycles and the accompanying fear that we are “broken.”
28. Carynne and Lucas from The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth: This post breaks my heart. It spills over with a sense of incredible love. Elisabeth includes the email she wrote to her best friend (overseas at the time), describing the loss of her twins at 20 weeks. Her friend’s reply is also included, and is part of the intense circle of love – mother for children, husband and wife, family for each other, friends for friends. The relationships, perspective, and intensity of this post will blow you away.
29. Day 11 2WW from Mommy Needs Therapy: I felt like I was reading my own story of when I found out our 4th IVF finally worked. Kristine has an awesome sense of humor and it brought back great memories as I read through her blog posts. I flinched as I read her description of PIO shots, remembering all to well the pain in the ass (literally and figuratively) they were. Also, I love her candid writing about her relationship with her mother. Thanks Kristine for making me laugh and remember some of the best times of my pregnancy!
30. Deep Thoughts from Tigger’s Infertility Madness: Tigger explores what moving on and living really means. How do you say goodbye to the could have beens and start making room for today.
31. Desiderata from My Scar Smiles at Me…: An inspiring post from someone who was dealt a tough hand from the infertility deck. She quotes from a poem I had never heard of, but touched me just the same. Sometimes, it’s the reflections of other people’s words that can hit you the most.
32. Do I Know You? from Not Imitation Cheese: This post resonated. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has looked back and wondered what happened to the pre-IF carefree fun loving person and wished she was back.
33. Do You Feel Enlightened? from Family of Two: Family of Two is an excellent writer and this post showed her intelligence, her humor and her strength in the face of the stupidity many ALIs encounter. This couples with her amazing story of Jacob’s illness has made her a treasure to get to know.
34. Do You Have Any Children? from Baby Steps to Baby Shoes: In a blog about male factor infertility, this post is about the moment Mr. Baby Steps grasps the daily pain that infertility brings his wife when she is surrounded by children and insensitive questions.
35. Don’t Forget to Dance from Are We There Yet?: In this post, Kami talks about all too common emotions experienced during infertility… loss of self-esteem, sadness, bitterness, and how we sometimes so easily lose touch of ourselves and our identity. This post resonated with me, and is a reminder of how isolating infertility can be and how important it is to stay connected to the things that bring us joy.
36. Due Date from Our Own Creation: While I wanted to capture A.M.S.’s joy at her pregnancy or her recent musings about getting ready to try again, I was so touched by the grace with which she dealt with her insurmountable losses. Her courage and eloquence in the face of what must be, for some of us, unimaginable pain is quite inspiring and I think that this post sums up both her joy and sorrow.
37. Earning Rights, Receiving Grace from Production, Not Reproduction: This beautiful post explains that feeling I imagine most parents who struggled to become parents feel. This sentence sums it up, “I put in my time until one day calling myself Puppy’s mom was no longer an exercise in faith.” She examines what makes a person a child’s parent, finally deciding that even though much work is put into the effort, it is still a grace bestowed.
38. Ever the Optimist from The Follicle Report: I like the way Allison really knows herself. In this post she talks about how persistently she believes she will get pregnant, even when the doctor tells her the chances are so low. This is the kind of encouraging strength that infertility brings out in us. The stubbornness of hope and optimism is part of us that infertility can bend but not break.
39. Exciting Times from A Sibling for Celia: I read through all of the last year of Shelby’s journey, but I kept coming back to this post. Maybe because the blog is titled “A Sibling for Celia” and this is the post where she reveals to Celia that it’s coming true. And, reading backwards, I thought it was amazing that she kept calling the baby her “brother” and it turned out to be a boy! Celia’s reactions were priceless!
40. Faith in a Seed from Mrs. Spock: Flowers, whether as tentative buds or frost-touched petals, are a common and, in both senses of the word, natural, metaphor for fertility. In this lovely post, Mrs. Spock knits the two together in an unexpected way, showing us that, sometimes, what’s most important are the things that happen when you’re not paying attention.
41. Faith is Not an “F” Word from Sticky Bean: This post is from before Kristin current pregnancy (just delivered!), but only a few months after her second of two miscarriages, where she and her husband attended a church-led memorial service for pregnancy loss and infant death. She and her husband experienced a huge flood of emotions from the service, and what really grabbed me was her candor in how the experience brought her both a sense of
    closure for recognizing her miscarriages, and at the same time brought in shock from an unexpected revelation from her husband. It shows the complexity of emotion and the different ways that infertility affects couples.
42. Father’s Day from A Baby? Maybe…: Bev remembers her own father who is no longer with her in this beautiful Father’s Day post, and pays tribute to what a great dad he was to her. She describes that while she is happy for the moments that they shared together while he was still here, she wishes that her father would be here too as she soon becomes a mom herself. It is a heartwarming post about the bond of a daughter and her father.
43. Fear from Baby, Borneo or Bust…: They say that life offers two kinds of challenges. One is coping with not getting your heart’s desire. And the other is coping with getting it. Often, when we try to peer into the future, we focus on the first of these as we imagine how we’ll craft a full and happy life without a child or without another child. But in Fear, Queenie takes a look at the flip side of that equation, exploring why, sometimes, we lie awake worrying if we’ll truly be happy even if everything turns out exactly the way we want it to.
44. Fear and Guilt–What a Combination! from It Only Takes One Egg: Some thoughts on secondary infertility. The fear! The guilt! The uncertainty! The anger! It’s different the second time around but it doesn’t make it any easier. These things have all been on my mind recently so I felt it was an appropriate choice.
45. Feeling that Feeling Again from Spuddy Buddy: “Wanting a baby isn’t a logical thing, even in the easiest of circumstances,” writes Spuddy Buddy as she maps out her conflicting feelings as she considers trying for another child. This candid post perfectly captures the way that a complicated swirl of emotions can leave you dizzy and almost breathless.
46. First Mother’s Day from Morgan’s World: For those of us who fantasize about motherhood after infertility, this post states succinctly what motherhood is really about.
47. Frustration from Hoping for Another Lovebug: “I truly truly never thought we would be where we are right now. I suppose no one ever does, but looking back I can hardly believe how optimistic and unphased I was when we began seeing the first RE.” This post summarizes so much about dealing with infertility: a loss of innocence, struggling not to lose hope, and coping with the financial and emotional strains.
48. Fun with Fortune Cookies from BagMomma: Shelli has had a heck of a crap-ass year. Two m/c (and one went badly), lost two beloved family pets, plagued by sickness (flu, strep, etc), her computer crashed, job troubles. And still she’s pithy, interesting, reflective, hopeful and so gosh-darned stylish! If I had to choose just one post which, apparently, I do, it would be when she got a fortune cookie. It read, “It’s not the end yet. Let’s stay with it.” The back read, “Hopeful”. As she starts IVF #2 I’m hoping this year has a happy ending.
49. Goodbye, Sweet Girl from Andria and Co.: This is a sweet post about a beloved pet. The unlikely arrival, years of being part of the family and too-soon departure of Sophie will resonate with any pet lover.
50. How Stephen Makes Life Fun! from Adventures of Baby Making: Since this blog has both Tricia and Stephen’s perspectives, this post really captures their relationship and how they are struggling with the challenges of infertilty together! They share their story in a funny, real, refreshing way.
51. How to Get Through… from Communique: Communique is a relatively new blog (under a year old) that dives right in to the chaos of infertility and the residual mess of life that comes from dealing with it. Sam’s writing is honest and funny (and you will learn lots of cool new phrases like, “getting up before sparrows fart”). I chose “How You Get Through” because it resonated instantly with my heart and my head–it is a woman trying to rationalize something that just isn’t rational.
52. I Did It! from Busted Babymaker: I did not want to take the easy way out and just choose the video post, so read this blog from back to front, there were many posts that touched my heart (the tree’s, the butterflies that the Doodles have sent Busted and her DH, their joy during the pregnancy etc) but I guess in the end the video post spoke to me the most. The Doodles were loved – endlessly and not just by their Mom & Dad. We loved them too. This video post is a tribute to them and validifies (is that even a word?) their existence. They were beautiful Busted! And I will never hear “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” without thinking of your Doodles. I wish you all you could ever wish for in life. Know that the Doodles knew they were loved.
53. I Really Need This Today… from You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya: This post really speaks to me, as the author talks about how easy it is to get caught up in the fears and obsessions of daily life stresses, and what it would feel like to let go and trust in G-d to provide.
54. I Think I’m Ready from You’re Still Young: A post with so many questions, questions that we all have asked ourselves, questions that cannot be answered…a post in which the pain of the unexplained, the unanswerable is captured succinctly yet so precisely…we ask and ask, but sometimes there are no answers…this post captures the essence of the pain we feel at the questions which have no answers.
55. I Want to Go for a Walk from Jenn’s Journal: Infertility comes with a built-in story line – a round of fear and hope, disappointment or elation, sorrow or joy – that, for so many of us, seems to replay cycle after cycle. But, eventually, the dramatic highs and lows of trying give way to the much less dramatic reality of resolution. In this post, Jenn contemplates life as the mother of twin toddlers and offers a thought-provoking take on what happens next.
56. I’m Angry on Boo’s Behalf from Overwhelmed with Joy!: The blog entry I selected is about poor baby Boo. Boo arrived at the OW household with some clothing in poor condition and little else. OW asked her previous foster parents for pictures of Boo’s babyhood and saldy, there aren’t any. OW wrote “That’s a part of Boo’s history that she’ll never have
    and there’s no way I can get that back for her.”
57. I’m Not Deaf, I’m Just Ignoring You from Joyce’s Blog: At first I was worried that Joyce and I did not have a lot in common (she is organized to the hilt and I… well, I’m not. :o) But then I found “I’m Not Deaf I am Just Ignoring You,” I found a kindred spirit. She explains how living with deaf parents can be fun, challenging and enduring all at the same time. I connected with it because I now how it feels to be different from my parents. Joyce, I like your writing so much and someday, maybe I will have a list.
58. In Search of Peace and Strength from Coming2Terms: It was a really difficult task to choose just one post because all of Pamela’s blog entries are so well written and meaningful, but there was one that stuck in my head long after I turned the computer off. Pamela’s post about managing infertility through the positive things that we do have in life really helped me see things a lot clearer on a difficult day for me. Thanks Pamela.
59. In the Beginning… from Kicking You From the Inside: This was a beautiful post about “putting yourself out there” and finding more than you realized about yourself in the process.
60. Halving the Baby, Halving Ourselves from The Other Shoe: I have to start by saying that any blogger who can seamlessly interweave her musings on second-wave feminism and those on parenting, infertility, and the challenges of being a “fertility challenged” mom / lawyer has my full attention. She also has my admiration for being able to think so dead-on clearly and write so eloquently about issues that I struggle to define on a daily basis. So while her entire blog is wonderful reading, this post spoke to me… and I am guessing that it captures the experiences of many of us who struggle to combine our beloved children (or the children we so dearly desire) with the careers and interests to which we have devoted so much of ourselves. And while much of our society would lead us to believe that “splitting the baby” (and ourselves) is healthy, do-able, and fulfilling–this post helped remind me of the costs.
61. Is My Sky Falling? from Gas Passer: Sara neatly sums up the weird emotional soup that is the combination of happiness and fear upon receiving a positive beta after much trying. Happy to (finally) be pregnant, but now inevitably exposed to the risk of loss, which is increased because of her unusual diagnosis of unicornuate uterus.
62. It Came to Me in a Dream from A Beautiful Uterus!: This post reminds me that clinging to my faith in G-d will get me through this trial, miracles happen everyday! And.. I love dreams/premonitions. I pray her premonition of having twin boys proves to be true!
63. It Came… from Wishing 4 One: An ode to maxipads, written upon the arrival of AF at the end of her 5th failed IVF. It’s a short post, but funny and sad and poignant and heartbreaking all at once.
64. It is a Very Long Wait from Imagine Alyzabeth An: And the thing that resonated with me was the waiting! It’s agonizing, really. Alyson’s wait however, is close to ending. 🙂 I had a hard, hard time choosing just one post to pick. So I’m cheating and actually going with the latest one. Most of her posts are about the day to day happenings, but with this one you can just feel the palpable anticipation for the referral. And she said it herself, 27 months is a VERY long pregnancy!
65. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (…not!) from The Road Less Travelled: No matter where you are in your own IF journey, you will be able to relate to this post. It is a wonderful, aching accurate summation of the evolution of Mother’s Day in the eyes of an IF’er. Starting with MD being an average holiday to celebrate your own mother, then a time when you look forward to being in the center of the celebration and then, finally, coming to a point where you feel like an outsider. Loribeth possesses so much strength and a true talent for articulating her pain and frustration so vividly.
66. June is the Cruelest Month from Reproductively Challenged: My favorite post is this post about her grief from infertility and the loss of her mother. It is a very honest, touching account of the mother-daughter-baby connection.
67. Knowing Me, Knowing You from Just Me: It’s not an exaggeration to say that entering the world of infertility blogs can change your life. All at once, you find yourself surrounded by people who don’t need to have everything explained, who can offer both emotional support and practical information, who can say “that’s exactly how I feel” or give you a brand-new perspective that you’ve never even considered before. In this post, the author reflects on the value and meaning of the online connections she’s made and the community that she’s become a part of.
68. Knowing What I Don’t Want to Know… from A Day in the Life of a Moody Person: She wrote it after receiving her medical history in the mail. She flipped through it and was blindsided by results that she had specifically avoided. I read through all of her posts from the year and wrote a list of my favorites. I ended up choosing this one because it stayed with me while I read the rest of the year’s worth.
69. Letter to My Body from One Hardy Swimmer: “Please take care of me too. All I can do is beg you not to let me down this time.” Each cycle, there’s that hope, the fear, then, if it all goes wrong, that feeling of being let down, once again disappointed beyond belief. Trace wrote this touching letter to her body, reminding it of the times it has gone astray, as well as the times it rallied and pulled through. She asks for it to pull through one more time.
70. Letter to My Body from Isn’t It Pretty to Think So: As with most of her posts, in this letter to her body the writer blogs with a mix of honesty, wit and raw emotion. It is a letter I found so easy to relate to from her amusing point about not eating meat so her body “wouldn’t have to digest all that yucky stuff” to the begging of her body to “stop this miscarriage nonsense”. Infertility makes us bargain with our bodies; head over to see what this wonderful blogger promises hers in return for a healthy pregnancy.
71. Limitations from Tales of the Phoenix: Because metaphors are so rarely used this well. Phoebe walks the reader through her attempted planting of a memorial tree and how it paralleled in some ways her attempts at pregnancy. A beautiful and inspiring post.
72. Little Birdy Babies from Everyday Stranger: I love the author’s view of motherhood. She’s moved from her visions of singing Josh Groban lullabies to her babies while wearing a flowing white gossamer gown and lovely long hair to simply singing songs her little ones like in her real-life short haircut and regular clothes. As a new mom myself, I love that her view of being a mommy is actually even better than her previous notions about motherhood. Her affection for her babies is obvious to any reader.
73. Love Letter from Birch and Maple: An open letter to the infertility Internet community that talks about the many ways we support each other. Read this letter, it applies to you, it applies to us all.
74. Love Me? from It’s Not the End of the World: This post could have been a conversation between my husband and me. I teared up reading it, knowing I feel the exact same way as the blogger does–I don’t like me right now, how could anyone actually love me? Infertility does not define us, it just becomes a huge part of our story…
75. Lurking in My Own Life from It’s Either Sadness or Euphoria: To say it was hard to pick a single post from this amazingly well written blog is an understatement. SOE (as I’ve began to call her in my head) manages to take the emotions that are under my skin, look at them, and put them out there. Whether she’s writing the full text of the Declaration of Independence, or assigning numbers to her WTFs, her blog is always engaging, and always beautiful. I liked this post particularly because I often feel like I’m lurking in my own life, watching while someone else goes out and does the things that need doing. I also liked the list of what she is doing besides blogging. But what grabbed me was her bit about IKEA. How it is fun to go there and imagine another life. It was an ooo wow moment.
76. Mach 1 from 3 Happy Hours: I chose this post because it talks about being how some fertile people are never sensitive to the fact that not EVERYONE in the world is overjoyed at their pregnancy news. Katie likens the infertile experience as being the kid against the wall at the school dance, not cool enough to be on the dance floor.
77. Miracles Do Happen from Taking Chances: This entry from Taking Chances stood out in my mind because I was able to really sense Beth’s elation and pure excitement from her miracle. Beth has one blocked tube. She and her husband were doing IUI when the cycle was canceled because all her eggs were on the bad side. Fast forward three weeks, Beth starts complaining about her period being late, and it turns out that they’ve been blessed with a miracle baby.
78. Mr. Duck from Speculum Stories: This post was so raw with emotion and vulnerability. It spoke to me. I could feel how much Duck and her husband loved each other – as well as her own uncertainty about what the future would hold for them. I think many of us struggling with IF wonder if their partners wished they had chosen another mate.
79. My Baby and My Husband from It Could Take 3 Months: I love this post because it reminds us why we choose to ride the IF roller coaster. Ms. C talked about feeling that first baby movement and not knowing what it would feel like. Feeling the baby inside you and having your husband experience the same thing makes all IF heartache, pain and letdown worth it.
80. My Favourite Thing from OB-Nurse: I really love this post because it brings back memories of beginning to breastfeed my daughter. OB Nurse describes perfectly the struggle, pain and eventually success of breastfeeding, only to realize that it cannot last forever. I love how she describes treasuring the bond that’s created with your child and mourning the shortness of time that you get to experience that joy.
81. My Mother from My Life: Though this post is not about infertility, it touched me deeply. Christina explores how dealing with her mother’s mental illness is so very normal for her now, and it is heart-breaking in its matter-of-factness about such a stressful situation. It reminded me that ‘normal’ is not actually normal at all.
82. My Neuroses: Let Me Show You It from Maybe If You Just Relax: This post was funny, genuine and honest. It showed the neurosis we have all experienced, as we waited and wait for that big fat positive. I enjoyed the true and open look into Jen’s feelings, and hopes and dreams.
83. My Sister, Part 1 from Long Distance Infertility: Rachel wrote a post about her sister, who had also dealt with IF at one point in her life. This post reminded me that even though there are many women who have had to deal with IF, each one deals with it in her own way and THAT way might not necessarily agree with anyone else. This is something that we might expect from a fertile, but not an infertile, and especially not a sister.
84. Not All Kids Have Lollies from Infertile Fantasies: It obviously touched a lot of nerves (as can be seen based on the gazillion comments), but it is a post about how to act sensitively in public when you have something, in this case a lollipop or big, fat, pregnant belly, when someone around you might not have that very thing that they want so badly. It was highly charged and beautifully written, and whether or not people agree with it, it will surely bring about awareness of how our actions DO affect others…even if that action is as simple as rubbing your belly.
85. Not Part of the Club from My Journey Towards My Little Miracle: After sharing her version of a story, that we’ve all unfortunately played a defeated role in at one time or another, Sunny shares about a moment where she found a moment of real life camaraderie on her infertility journey. She depicted beautifully that moment where we know that we’re not alone and not forgotten.
86. On Bending from The Other Shoe: Here’s a post for those of you wanting
    to make some kind of peace with the road that you are on. The author is coming to the brave realization that emotional recovery is her responsibility, that “no amount of babies can erase the hurt I have” and that she has to claim that job as her own. A turning point. She has the wisdom to see the futility of fighting – “I’m tired of resisting because resisting (eventually) hurts more than whatever I’m trapped by” – and this post marks the point where she has stopped digging her heels into the ground in protest of what life has thrown at her, and started to lift her feet.
87. On Kumbaya-ness from Sell Crazy Someplace Else: I loved the post because of it’s total honesty. It’s a post about what it means to watch all those women cross over to the other side, and how we who have not crossed over feel about it.
88. On Time from Henry Street: I was really struck by the juxtaposition of the battles the poster has won (being able to see pg women without crying, accepting adoption, etc.) and the musing on loss and lost time in the rest of the post. I empathized enormously with the poster’s frustration and sadness with how much time she still believes she will have to wait before her baby comes to her through adoption as well as with the loneliness you feel when your infertility problems aren’t so easily solved and you watch others “win their battles” while you remain on the sidelines, knowing there are still many hoops you must jump through. I also liked that despite the loss the poster has experienced, she still tries to end her post with hope and finding the strength to get through each day, looking to the future, believing that one day, things will be different and her time will come.
89. One Year Ago… from Sean and Mary’s Family: I love this post because it shows what a difference a year can make. From eight cells to over a trillion cells these little ones definitely changed the world in just one year.
90. Out of Review! from Journeywoman: Journeywoman’s (aka The Boxer) lists of 13 always make me think and often remind me to honor some inspiring set of people or ideas, plus I love that she doesn’t hide her politics and that her categories are all Beatles songs! Yet I chose this post — in which she begins to see a light at the end of the long dark tunnel when China completes review of her adoption dossier — because of its incredible hope, excitement, relief, and momentum. Above all, I chose it for the letter to her yet unborn child, which begins with a plea: “In the sea of souls, look down upon us,” and tells of all the loving and learning for which she waits. When she says “we will nurture your soul,” it’s a promise I believe with my heart.
91. Outmatched from Romancing the Stork: The kind of post and feelings that I’m sure exist in all of us experiencing the IF journey. K used this post in early December to detail all the feelings and problems that she had been grappling with in her life right then. What I’d like to do is just quote every paragraph in this post to show you how it will resonate with you. Pretty sure Mel won’t let me do that so just go on and click it [editor’s note: I laughed so hard at this line that I had to leave it in].
92. Over and Out from Eggs Benedict Arnold: I could’ve chosen an upbeat one, like the one of her husband smiling at their daughter, or the one of their baby tripping over her changing mat. But this post made me feel raw ache for Lassie. I’ve only been involved in IF treatments and never adoption, and something in this post made me want to hug her fiercely and hold her hand and feed her pie and alcohol and laugh and cry with her. It was very real for me, how hurt she was, and it made me feel like her road to getting to be a mother was so difficult, and now it’s so rewarding.
93. Peace from What Wuz I Saying…?: Kim speaks so gently, a few months after the birth of her third miracle son, about loss and perspective and all the mixed feelings that come from being grateful for what you have, even if the journey wasn’t what you planned and you miss the precious ones lost. And the peace that is possible. I chose this post because, no matter where we are on this journey, we need to take the time to make peace one way or the other.
94. Peering Eyes from The Unfair Struggle: This is one of those posts where you can just see into the pain in someone else’s heart, and you just want to squeeze her and say, “Me too, I only want one, too.” Liddy captures the struggle of dealing with infertility in the small, everyday moments that we can all relate to.
95. Playing Round the Garden Trees from Magpie Musings: A fascinating blog by a woman who paints an intelligent and beautiful picture of her life and thoughts in words. A blog about her love of family, books, art and cooking. This post paints a picture of her mothers garden and how she remembers it from her childhood, and how she has connected it to her own garden.
96. Quests, Success, and Failure – Becoming or Having? from Surprise Of Unfolding: It was incredibly hard to select just one post from this thoughtful and thought-provoking blog, and in the end a toss-up between this one and a later post about how adversity builds character. I finally chose this post because I think we’ve had the other discussion several times in the blogosphere, whereas this post brought up something rather newer for me. In the post the author muses on how there is no reward or recognition for the journey people go on to become, but rather all the focus is on having – having a child in particular. Yet the journey before we get to ‘have’ something is an important part of who we are and who we become. The author is clearly on a journey of thinking through the spiritual and emotional journeys she has been on and those she is still on, and is sharing that journey with us in a very thought-provoking, yet sensitive, manner. Her writing is articulate and very measured, and a real pleasure to read. I’m lucky to have discovered her through the round-up process.
97. Remembering Our Best Friend from Life from Here: Luna memorialized her precious furbaby who passed away unexpectedly at a young age. This was a difficult decision, because all Luna’s posts are wonderful; however, I picked this particular post because it reminded me that all us infertiles are really seeking is a true, deep connection with another living being. Pets are our steady companions during the awful roller coaster of infertility, and Luna’s tribute to her best friend is breathtakingly beautiful.
98. Response to Others from Raspberry Chip
    : This post addresses the eternal question of how does one respond when people inquire as to how many children you have. Do you include the babies you have miscarried and if so at what stage, 6 weeks? 10 weeks? 20 weeks? And to whom do you share this information with–random strangers or close friends? I really like that the author chose to share her loss with a long lost high school acquaintance and then was able to reach out because that old friend had suffered loss as well.
99. Returning to the Well from Weebles Wobblog: The concept of open adoption is semi-new and not everyone has the strength to enter into such an arrangement. Lori not only chose open adoption for both of her children, she maintains relationships, and in one case a strong friendship, with the birthmoms. She is a woman to be admired for her confidence and emotional strength as a mother.
100. Rolling on the River from Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Normalcy: This is an excellent post about one of the many ways that infertility can make a person feel isolated, and a little awkward.
101. Running to Stand Still from Perchance to Dream: I loved this post by Perchance to Dream. She’s talking about age and how the feeling that you have all the time in the world can be the kiss of death for fertility. She talks about growing up as a serious kid and how it influenced her perspective. This was one of the first posts I read as I was reading through her year’s archives and I had to choose it because this line kept haunting me: “But for all the time we spend, when young, being terrified of a positive, I wonder if there isn’t some sort of cosmic wheel that balances out all of these times that we pray for the second line on the stick….”
102. Selfish from The Therapist is In!: I identified with so much of this post because I have done it too – miscarriage is like the nightmare that keeps giving and Jaime did such a great job of putting it all out there with heart and feeling. Her post is just so honest and I found that to be really neat.
103. Sliding Doors from Waiting on Life: This was easily my favorite post by Deborah, because I have felt the same way so many times in my life (and I really love the movie she refers to)! I agree wholeheartedly with her about how life is just a series of decisions that are all completely dependent on one another and our lives are just tangled together and ultimately orchestrated by moments and choices that may have at one time seemed so small and meaningless.
104. So Blessed from Where’s My Belly?: This is a sweet post about the the wonder and beauty of a best friend. Gave me pause to think about the ways my closest friends have been there for me in some of my darkest hours. This image says it all: “She stayed with me the ENTIRE time, slept in that tiny hospital bed with me and didn’t leave me alone”.
105. Someone Give Me a Paper Bag to Breathe In from My Little Drummer Boys: Let’s face it: blogging and reading blogs can be habit-forming. Have you ever wondered if, just maybe, you spend a little bit too much time online? Have you ever googled the term “internet addiction”? If so, be sure to check out Trish’s harrowing and hilarious tale of The Day The Internet (temporarily) Died.
106. Spousal Abuse from Bee in the Bonnet: I chose this post because it made me smile, and because it showed the sweet and funny relationship Kate and her husband have with each other. It’s not really about Kate’s struggles with infertility, but that isn’t all that defines her either, particularly as her attempts to conceive are on hold in favor of educational pursuits. This post perfectly illustrated the fun and quirky personality that Kate has evidenced in her blog.
107. Still an Albatross. Squawk from Nuts in May: May talks about the difficult task of being both a blogger and a commenter while suffering a miscarriage.
108. Ten Things Never to Say to Someone Dealing with Infertility from Lupus Pie: Everyone has their own set of “what not to say…..” and those of us dealing with infertility present or past can relate.
109. The Choice from Sticky Feet: We’ve all been there. Standing at a crossroads, staring at two very different paths, knowing that choosing one means abandoning the other. In this post, Jamie from Sticky Feet describes one specific decision she faces. But in her words, you’ll hear echoes of every choice you’ve ever wished you didn’t have to make.
110. The Club that Dares Not Speak Its Name from A Woman My Age: It was super hard to choose the best, as she has waaay too many to choose from. So I chose my favorite because this one stood out to me. I love the humor and lightness she brought to the ever-on-going battle of infertility. An extremely neat, funny and enlightened lady you have to check out.
111. The Infertile Conundrum from Crazy Lady Ramblings: Rebecca has run the gamut from calm to the insane maze of ultrasounds, testings and IVF cycles. From the heartbreaking and emotional moments at the beginning of her cycle to the ups and the downs of possibly seeing that positive test sign. You’ll laugh with her and cry with her and in the end just want to share a cup of coffee and a face-to-face chat with her. The selection is hard because her posts run the journey from the beginning to the present and each post being beautiful and poignant. In May she rounded up her journey and brought it down to the dream, and the “infertile conundrum.”
112. The Long Story from Here We Go Again: This is the story of Jen’s learning that she is pregnant for the second time (her first pregnancy ended with a miscarriage). The details, fears, and excitement she expresses really hit home with me.
113. The Monthly Headgame from Dear Darla Diaries: I love this post because it about sums up how many of us feel about this science project called baby making. You finally hit a wall when hope is all but gone, but you keep going just in case hope decides to make a come back.
114. The Morning After from Our Family Beginnings: I was ambivalent about picking this post, because I know that the Roundup will push up the stats on that “best day ever” counter thing. But this is truely a fantastic post — it was written the day after LJ and Mr. Badger made the final decision to stop trying for biological children and focus solely on adoption. She writes so eloquently, describing her reaction, her RE’s reaction, her friends’ reactions, in a way that communicates exactly what a shock to the system it is to make the decision to turn your back on ART. And the last line is really what gets me: “Anyhow, we’re okay. We’re not okay but we’re okay.” Beautifully put, and such a succinct description of an emotion that doesn’t really have any name.
115. The Perfect Family from Loving Thee… and More: This post really hits the nail on the head about the “perfect”family – of which there is no such thing. But the writer talks of her strong feelings about helping her kids be involved with their father’s family – even though they are difficult and she’s divorced from him – she want them “to know their relatives, warts and all”.
116. The Ride is Finally Over from The Young and the Infertile: Mrs. X posts a very familiar story about the pregnancy roller coaster, but this one ending in miscarriage. As I read it I found she was able to put many of the ways I have been feeling myself into easy to understand hills and valleys on her own roller coaster. Maybe friends and families of miscarriage survivors should be forced to read, maybe they will understand why our emotions run so high, and low?
117. The Stories They Tell from The Shifty Shadow: It was so hard for me to pick just one post as each post had me thinking, “you are right and you are not alone.” However, this post is so beautifully expressed as she talks about the stories one hears about IVF, loss, and life. Her line that, “They think they are giving hope, when in reality they are trying to make the moment more comfortable for themselves,” is so true.
118. The Waiting Place from I Think I Hear Your Mother Calling: I chose this post from I Think I Hear Your Mother Calling because Manda really captured emotions that I know all too well. She’s talking about being left behind, as all of her TTC buddies have moved on to the Pregnant Club. Manda’s writing really captures the waiting that we all know far too well.
119. The Worst Hospital Experience EVER!!!! from So These Are the Days of My Life: Kathy describes the frustration felt at having to deal with the incompetent health care system at a time when a patient just needs a little respect and love.
120. These Are Trying Times… from Finding Motherhood: This post made me stop and read it a time or two. The honesty and pain were very familiar and I could relate on so many levels. It is a perfect example of the panic and desperation we feel as women as our clocks tick quickly and our bodies trudge slowly through all the hoops of infertility. I have felt like this so many times and wonder sometimes how hubby and I make it through. This post helped me remember that I am not alone!
121. Things I Have Learned From Having Molly in Our Life from Three of a Kind Working on a Full House…: This is the piece that Kathy wrote and shared with friends and family at Molly’s memorial service. It is never fair to expect someone to sum up what they’ve learned from someone’s life, no matter how long or short the life may be, and even less fair when it is your own child’s life that you are reflecting on, but this post is filled with so much grace, and peace, and grief and love. She has written such a powerful reminder to us all to relish and appreciate the moment that we are in, and to find comfort in the ways that one life can touch so many others.
122. Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Farm from Stirrup Queens: Thirteen vignettes from Melissa’s life, some in sepia tones and each with its own flavor. Together, the passages form a story arc that reminds me everything eventually resolves, and we are, if nothing else, resilient. (And to go to the bathroom beFORE one heads out to a farm).
123. Tidal Wave from Peace of Mind is All I Want: During an argument with her husband fifteen weeks into her long-awaited pregnancy, Chris experiences a cathartic release of “the poison, the frustration, the sorrow, the joy, the relief” of her IF journey. It’s a moment to which so many of us can relate: when the wave of emotion comes crashing down, then finally retreats, its power spent.
124. Tired from Please Give Me Back My Heart: One word summed up how author, CLC, was feeling about life: Tired. CLC is BRAVE for summoning the strength to write and share about such an emotionally draining period of her life. A beautiful soul trying to pick up the pieces of life–and she’s doing a beautiful job. I had never seen this blog before, and I am now a reader for life.
125. To Everything There is a Season from Blessed are the Barren: The author helped shed light on how even those with the most unshakable faith (regardless of denomination) can be shaken, tested and remade anew. This line in the post particularly resonated for me: “And I’ve realized that this grief will always be a part of my story, because like all seasons, it has its time and place.”
126. To Our Most Loved Blueberry from Thinking Miracles: This post is heartbreaking and yet inspiring at the same time. It’s a message, written on her due date, to the baby she lost at 17 weeks.
127. Trying to Get Down to the Heart of the Matter from Bellyaching and Benedictions: A fabulous post about doing donor egg and how wanting that genetic connection becomes even more important when one is a member of a minority, in this case, Native People.
128. Tunnel Vision from Reproductive Jeans: I chose this post because I think it captures the amazing resiliency that all extended ttc-ers embody. I love how clearly the blogger articulates both the raw anguish of the lows (or one low in particular, in this case) but also refocuses right away on picking herself back up and moving forward. I think this cycle of emotions, while incredibly painful, is one of our community’s common currencies and also really beautiful to witness.
129. Twins from Mission Impossible: I chose this post because this is the post in which Geohde posts that there twins taking up residency in her uterus. I also found it fascinating that many of the post leading up to this talk about worry. This is her first post of the New Year. It was like a new year and new news.
130. Unsung Lullabies I from Forever Reaching: The writer of this blog devoted several posts to reviewing the chapters of this book and her feelings about them. It moved me to see how so much of what she read in this book opened her eyes to things she hadn’t previously thought about. And, through her new realizations, my eyes were opened as well! Thanks for sharing!
131. Visit Went Okay from The Second Time Around: I chose this post because it’s just so honest. I think it’s fabulous that her sister cared enough to talk to her and not make it harder than it needed to be, too. I remember when our godson was born and we were trying to get pregnant…it’s like, you want to hold the baby and it’s wonderful when you do, but it’s definitely also very very bittersweet.
132. What is a Loss, Anyway? from Southern Infertility: This thoughtful post discusses what constitutes loss–of babies and opportunities–and both the personal and community reaction to such losses. The conclusion that life is short and must be celebrated hit me as a reminder to revel in each day of my pregnancy, rather than fret.
133. What is in a Name You Ask? from The Duchess: Duchess goes through the process of picking out the perfect name for their future daughter, only to deal with the awkward heartbreak of the name being swiped out from under her by a more fertile relative. In the post, she discusses how the name was picked, the emotional rollercoaster of TTC and holding the name as a part of her hope, and the continued discussion of whether they can still use the name. I chose this post because Duchess is so open and honest in it. She shows how heartbreaking the little things can be while TTC.
134. What Quik Mix Has to Do With Race, IVF, and Surrogacy from I’m a Smart One: I could have picked the one where she was about to meet her intended parents, or the story of Lisa, BabyBep, and the breastmilk; perhaps something that reminded me to look at life in a different way, or one from the heartbreaking series on the loss of Mia and Urs’ pregnancy. But in the end, I had to choose what I did because she’s not just a Smart One, but a damn good educator. At least, so it seems from this story about IVF, surrogacy, race, metaphors… and quik mix.
135. What There Is from Soulbliss: This post just struck such a familiar chord in my heart. I remember vividly every single cycle I went through in exactly the same way. When I read this, I feel like I am sitting next to Bleu, holding her hand and nodding because I know. I know, I know, I know. I feel like I could have written this myself back in late 2005 and early 2006. Only she writes it much more eloquently than I ever could have.
136. What Would Brian Boitano Do? from Baby Wanted: Apply Within: At one time or another, I think we contemplative infertiles have all considered the impact our own parents have had on us as we navigate the tough rows we all hoe in order to have a child. In this post, Pam craftily weaves her feelings on the early loss of her father with thoughts on what he might have felt about her current journey toward parenthood–and also weaves in a clip from South Park. You gotta love it–humor, pathos, sincerity, love, and hope all in one post! These things I think we can all understand.
137. Where Have I Been? In My Head from Seriously!?!?!: I think this post sums up perfectly how blogging can help us get out those worries that we don’t want to admit to anyone and also how for so many, getting those two lines doesn’t equal instant bliss.
138. Where is the Line? from Hope and Despair: Of all the posts on this site this was the one that really spoke to me and I suspect it will to many other infertiles. Glenna so accurately and movingly describes the fine line between hope and despair and how painful both can be.
139. Why Do I Think It’s Possible? from Twin Peas: This post poses the question that so many of us dealing with IF will always wonder about… Why after everything we have been through to try to conceive and to sustain pregnancies would we ever believe we could get and stay pregnant without assistance? But as Kelly shares, “I cannot get my mind to stop dreaming, hoping.”
140. Why I’m Angry from Thalia’s Fertility Journey: I like this post because of the raw emotion coming through. Because it shows how the IF thing goes on even after having a child. Because of her determination. And because, let’s face it, I related so much to it.
141. Why Write? from Kir’s Corner: She comes back after a writing hiatus following the birth of her twins and is asking herself the question if anyone is reading and even cares? She and her husband have made the decision that they are done with ttc and trying to get on with life “after”. What resonates so deeply with me in this post is this: “Last night at a table at our nieces birthday party I had a discussion about IF that almost brought me to tears because as I sat with Jacob on my lap I was trying to explain that it still touches me, still haunts me, still makes me scared to be happy and content for fear of the dropping of the other shoe, all while dodging the looks and unsaid words of “Kir you have 2 kids, you’re not IF anymore”. Oh if I could only feel that way.” She calls it the gift that keeps on giving, long after you think it has worn out it’s welcome. How true this is. She expresses my deepest suspicion – that even when you end up on the other side of the fence, you still don’t seem to fit in completely.
142. Working Things Out in My Head from Alone in a Crowd: Sometimes, the title of a post says it all. In Not Wrapped Up With a Neat Little Bow, Mamie gives us a haunting, achingly honest snapshot of where she is and how she got there.
143. Worthy, It Spite of My Pain from Be Still and Know: This post shows Melissa’s tende
     r heart as she wrestles between her convictions and her pain. The reader is challenged by her authenticity and vulnerability. I found myself remembering many times I’ve felt in those same shoes, and hoping that the next time I am there again, I will handle it a little more like Melissa did in her post.
144. Yes, I Listen to (some) Christian Music from Maybe It’s Just Me…: Jill wrote a response to Steven Curtis Chapman’s loss of his daughter, “It’s so easy, during the day to day, to forget how important family relationships are. Even for those of us desperately trying to start a family of our own sometimes forget exactly what we’re working towards. It gets lost in every heartache, and every negative pregnancy test, and every bitter thought that we experience on the journey.” Loss puts the infertile life into perspective sometimes. Jill grasped the heart of it all.

And that, my friends, is just a smattering of the best posts of the year. Please, comment and enjoy the list. Our regularly scheduled roundup returns next week to kick off a brand-new 52 week tour.

*Technically, if you want to reveal yourself to your blogger or make an impassioned plea for information on your own blog, I can’t stop you. After all, I…um…know my reviewer since that sort of couldn’t be helped.

The new list for September will open on September 1st. Please check back then to add yourself to the month of September. This list is currently closed.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month (I know I’m posting this a day early this month…long story). It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by leaving in the comment section your blog name, blog url, and three words that describe what you blog about most often.

• I move the information from the comment section into the post (usually within 24 hours).
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…). Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commentors.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch out breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, IVF, philosophy)
3. Cupcakes & Conundrums (infertility, adoption, cupcakes)
4. Here We Go Again (cooking, books, pregnancy)
5. Just Me (infertility, going mad, pregnancy)
6. Our Surrogacy Adventure (surrogacy, infertility, weight
7. Musings of a High School Teacher (TTC, faith, teaching)
8. Equal Opportunity Hater (infertility, grad school, personal annoyances)
9. I’m a Smart One (parenting, surrogacy, infertility)
10. The Fertile Infertile (kids, crafts, infertility)
11. Helping Make Sense (infertility, IVF, life)
12. This is my Truth, Tell me Yours (randomness, personal, current affairs)
13. Crazy Lady Ramblings (IVF, exercise, life)
14. Today’s the Day (adoption, motherhood, life)
15. Waiting on Life (infertility, IVF, life)
16. Maybe It’s Just Me…. (infertility, PCOS, life)
17. BagMomma (parenting, RPL, secondary infertility)
18. Dreaming Of Baby (TTC, randomness, life)
19. Sticky Feet (parenting, food, scrapbooking)
20. Life & Times of Kimbosue (infertility, IUI, randomness)
21. Who Shot My Stork? (infertility, life, whining)
22. Child Bearing Hips (unexplained infertility, pregnancy, IVF)
23. The Idle Mind Of Beth (infertility, caring for aging parent, random)
24. Life in the White House (infertility, life, donor sperm)
25. Communique (infertility, life)
26. Letting it Out (infertility, pregnancy, parenting)
27. Kicking You From The Inside (parenting, infertility, life)
28. Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks (family, life, sarcasm)
29. Unquestionable Love (infertility, life, lucky wife)
30. Sladerocks and a Few Pebbles (family, military, motherhood)
31. Loving Thee… and More (parenting, family, inspiration)
32. Reservado para Futura Mama (open domestic adoption)
33. Fertilized (parenting after infertility, PCOS, life)
34. One Pink Line (IVF, work, life)
35. Must Love Tots (tots, life, cancer)
36. MotherThoughts (motherhood, Judaism, feminism)
37. Emily the Hopeless (infertility, veganism, dogs)
38. Alicia (infertility, adoption, shoes)
39. The Angry Infertile (infertility, depression, humor)
40. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (entertainment, coffee, news)
41. Conceive This! (infertility, cynicism, ridicule)
42. Mom of 2 Dancers (family, parenting, reviews)
43. Different Is Always Good (politics, workouts, life)
44. A View On My Life (infertility, PCOS, life)
45. Seriously?!? (pregnancy, personal thoughts)
46. Not The Path I Chose (recurrent pregnancy loss, secondary infertility)
47. Butterfly On My Shoulder (miscarriage, pregnancy, clotting disorder)
48. The Unfair Struggle (male-factor IF, friendship, life)
49. Bella Vida (infertility, food, travel)
50. Bama Fans in Boise (birthmother, parenting, life)
51. The Happy Hours (ectopic, personal thoughts, ttc)
52. Infertile Ground (ttc, infertility, whatever-else-intersects-with-ttc-and-infertility)
53. Elana’s Musings (infertility, IVF, miscarriage)
54. The Saga of Becoming Fruitful (infertility, finances, cost)
55. They Call Me Bobby (kids, graduate from IF, the comedy of life)
56. Tales from Kiddyland, USA (family, triplets, special-needs)
57. Operation Offspring (unexplained infertility, IVF, life)
58. The Not So Secret Life Of Us (infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, emigration)
59. Where is that Special Water? (secondary infertility, life, non-baby blues)
60. Children’s Writing Blog (writing, freelancing, children’s publishing)
61. Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random (marriage, friends, life)
62. Different Is Always Good (life, workouts, politics)
63. Operation Life (surrogacy, weight loss, family)
64. Between The Lines (IVF, miscarriage, MFI)
65. BlogFight! (advice, debate, discussion)
66. Mustard Seed Baby (IVF, endo, faith)
67. One Good Egg (infertility, foster-adoption, relationships)
68. Future Imperfect (random stuff, son, personal)
69. No Regrets (failed IVFs, coping, loose ends)
70. Dreams Come True…Sometimes (TTC, life, randomness)
71. Ronda’s Rants (faith, rants, environment)
72. IVF Land on Surrogacy World (intended father, surrogacy, IVF)
73. Maybe I Will Have a Glass (infertility, stress, puppies)
74. A Soldier’s Girl (life in general)
75. What Wuz I Saying? (kids, infertility & loss, international adoption)
76. Get Pregnant (infertility)
77. EggedOn (egg donation, secondary infertility, skepticism)
78. My Family and Other Animals (toddlers, husbands and oddness)
79. Confessions of a Raving Lunatic (ICSI, childcare, ramblings)
80. Life with the Georgia Reiniches (kids, life, humor)
81. Offmymind (adoption–very open and very closed)
82. Ophelia’s Revival (TTC, infertility, marriage)
83. A Very Open Book (kids, philosophy, life)
84. E Squared (edie, ella, twins)
85. Isn’t TTC Supposed To Be Fun? (pregnancy loss, TTC, life)
86. Bellyaching and Benedictions (infertility, IVF, secondary infertility)
87. Our Journey to Baby (infertility, life, adoption)
88. Blissful Body Yoga Blog (yoga, meditation, consciousness)
89. Our Life in a Nut Chell (OHSS, IVF, recovering)
90. Book Haven (books, parenting, children’s books)
91. Skrambled (infertility, life, donor conception)
92. Just What I Always Wanted (life, infertility, IVF)
93. Quest for a Baby (infant, weightloss, ttc #2)
94. BB’s BabyQuest (pregnancy, fear, randomness)
95. Trying With PCOS (infertility, loss, life)
96. Mrs. Spit Spouts Off (perinatal loss, pre-eclampsia, faith)
97. Gas Passer aka UUer (bedrest, doggies, unicornuate uterus)
98. Indisputable Topcat (addiction, cancer, IVF)
99. Moxie Mama (motherhood, pop culture, random thoughts)
100. Vikki Press (baby making business, the coop, life)
101. Raggedy Ann (infertility, motherhood, memories-from-across-the-sea)
102. Jenn’s Journal (twins, infertility, complaining)
103. Expecting a Miracle (TTC, pregnancy loss, infertility)
104. Life and Times of Me (nothing very interesting!)
105. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (infertility, twins, life)
106. Bookroom Reviews (book reviews, giveaways, entertainment)
107. Sounds Like Insanity (ttc, the kids, wahmhood)
108. Preconceived Notions (ttc newbie, charting, geek)
109. Getting There (infertility, IVF/ICSI, life)
110. None in the Oven (infertility, high FSH, life)
111. 1 More Week (infertility, FET, CCRM)
112. It is Tuesday, Right? (IVF, new parenthood, breastfeeding)
113. That’s My Answer! (question of the day, would you rather, silly questions)
114. The Making of a Family (infertility, IVF, life)
115. Be Still and Know (endometriosis, struggling with hope)
116. Gotchababy (open adoption, young children)
117. Thou
     ghts From an Evil Overlord (vintage collectibles, blogging, life)
118. I’d Blog That! (daily life, randomosity, personal)
119. Musings Musings Musings (mothering, post-partum depression, spirituality)
120. Girl-Tyler (ponderings, veterinary school, sarcasm)
121. Bella And Her Fella (high FSH, infertility, donor eggs)
122. In Due Time (infertility, life, PCOS)
123. My Little Drummer Boys (pregnancy loss, twins, adoption)
124. Isn’t it pretty to think so? (recurrent pg loss, life, infertility)
125. Tobacco Brunette (IVF, pregnancy, attempts at humor)
126. Mom to Twins Plus One… (infertility, twins, crafts)
127. This list is now closed. The next one will open on September 1st (actually, probably something more like August 28th due to Labour Day in the US, but close enough)

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commentor?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commentor and be entered on the Iron Commentor honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commentor status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn iron commentor status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is yellow, the next month it will be orange, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.