I finished adding everyone tonight to the search engine while Josh went to the New Yorker festival. After I write this post, I’m off to raid the liquor cabinet (just kidding, MIL!), relax on the sofa, and figure out TIVO. I feel like the babysitter–they even opened the freezer to show me the assortment of ice cream that was there for the taking before they left for the reading.

In case you missed the earlier post today, I created a search engine that only searches the blogs that are on the blogroll. It is in the top right corner of my blog (it’s also on the LFCA above the sidebar version of the blogroll). In other words, if you search for “boobs hurt, pregnant?” it takes you ONLY to links from the 1500 or so blogs currently on the blogroll. All new blogs will be automatically added.

You should go put your blog’s name in quotes and search for it. If you do not come up in a search it means one of three things: (1) you typed it wrong, (2) I overlooked you by accident, or (3) your blog is un-googleable.

(1) Correct your spelling.

(2) This is entirely possible. I added almost 1500 blogs by hand. I’m bound to have missed a few in the process. The only ones I omitted were blogs from organizations and ones that weren’t ALI in nature (for instance, I didn’t add the ones from “non-IF blogs from IFers”). If your blog traditionally comes up in a normal Google search, tell me and I’ll add you. Make sure you’ve googled yourself in a normal Google search engine before you write me because…

(3) There are a lot of blogs that have inadvertently or purposefully made themselves un-googleable. In Blogger, if you go under “settings” and click on the first option (basic), you will find an option called “add to search engines” or something similar to that. If you have that on “no,” my search engine can’t find you because Google can’t find you. If you don’t want to be found and you don’t want to be included in search results, don’t make any changes. But if you do, make sure that option is on “yes.” I’m assuming there is a similar option on WordPress, Typepad, etc.

So go play with it. It has so many functions. You can type in key words and find someone who has used a medication or has the same diagnosis or even lives in the same city (I guess if the person talks about their city on their blog, it would come up in the search engine).

If you read a post and then forget who wrote it, you can search for a few key words you remember and find it. If you want to know who is blogging about you, you can google your own blog name. If you’re writing a blog post and you want to see if other people have already blogged about the topic, you can search for it.

See–useful.

So…um…play with it and please let me know what you think. Is it helpful? Are there things I can improve? There is stuff that is out of my control–I can’t remove the ads from the side unless I can prove that I’m an academic institution–but there is other stuff I can tweak. Or, if I can’t, I can beg someone computer-y to help me. I’d really love to hear your thoughts.

To the liquor cabinet!

Edited to add that I obviously moved the search engine to the very top of the right sidebar.

You may have noticed that my right sidebar looks different (if you’re reading this on Reader or Bloglines, you’re probably not wondering that, but now that I’ve mentioned it, could you pretend to wonder?). It was sad to get rid of my badges and streamline the information, but I’ve heard too many times that it’s hard to navigate all of the information on the site. Therefore, I’ve put together a handy guide to using the site that is linked on the sidebar and I’m going to explain the latest bit right now and why I needed to clean up my big visual mess.

It’s the new searchable blogroll’s fault.

I have been creating a custom search engine (CSE) specifically for the 1500 adoption/infertility/loss blogs on the blogroll. You will find it at the top of my right sidebar with a heading called “The Stirrup Queen’s Searchable Blogroll.” It’s the little white box above the blogroll link. The search engine can also be accessed on the LFCA under the BlogHer Ads.

Any blog currently on there is being added and all blogs in the future will be added automatically. It takes a long time to add blogs because they need to be added by hand (that is the only pain-in-the-ass thing about it). I am listing in that top permanent post on my blog where I am in terms of adding links. I started at the top of the blogroll so everything from adoption is in and then I’ve been traveling down the sidebar, adding in one category at a time. Io has been working her way up from the bottom and got to parenting multiples after IF. Therefore, over half the blogroll is currently added. About 800 blogs.

Which means that you can start playing with it. Go on–type in MTHFR. If you do that in Google, you get a bunch of random links to medical sites and wikipedia entries and blogs and spam sites.

Do the same search on my search engine and it takes you only to blogs on my blogroll that contain any mention of MTHFR.

How freakin’ cool is that?

I have to admit, I did this selfishly. When I write a post on BlogHer, I try to link to several blogs to support my point. When I would use Google blog search, it brought up tons of non-blog sites. I was taking up so much time picking through page after page trying to find blog posts on a certain topic. So I started this. And now that the work is done, everyone can use it too.

Let’s say you want to find a post that you read once but you can’t remember who wrote it. Type in a few key words in that search engine and it should bring it up (only from a blog in the infertility/adoption/loss blogroll–it obviously doesn’t include book blogs and food blogs, etc). Let’s say you want to talk to someone about DHEA–search for it in my search engine and connect with that person via their blog.

People who get lost in search results on Google at large will float up to the top of this search engine because you’re only competing with blogs on the list vs. every website on the planet. Which means more people will find your blog if they use this search engine for all of their ALI blog needs.

The only sites not being added are blogs that are part of an organization. I am fine letting some good ones on the blogroll, but if I add their site to the list, it no longer turns up personal, bloggy results. It means posts by doctors are mixed in and while I’m happy to have them on the blogroll, I wanted the search engine to only show the results from regular bloggers like you and me who are not part of an organization no matter how large or small.

I recommend once everyone is entered that you search for your own blog name. Because here’s what this search engine CAN’T do: it cannot find your blog if you’re not listed on it. If you delete your blog, you won’t come up in searches anymore. If you have your blog unlisted, you won’t come up in searches. In other words, if Google cannot find you via their own search engine, you will not be found via this search engine. You may not know that you have inadvertently checked off a box on your blog dashboard that lists your blog as un-Googleable. So…if you want to be found, make sure you’re finding yourself in search results and if not, poke around your dashboard to make sure you have yourself as being listed in search engines.

So…ta-da!

That’s why I had to clean up the sidebar: I didn’t want this feature swallowed by all the badges. It took so long to make and I love it so much–I love it as much as the blogroll. I wanted you to love it too. And it made sense as I am streamlining things to streamline the blog information and make it more user-friendly. So that is what I’ve been up to… I hope to have the whole thing up-and-running by Sunday night, though you can play around with it right now because about 800 blogs have already been added. But it’s taking about 30 hours to get the whole thing up and running just to give you a scope of why it is taking me so long to add people. But it is so cool. Throw in any search terms and see what comes up.

While everything on my site is free and I do all the upkeep on this site out of the goodness of my heart because I actually give a shit about you, I do ask that if you are so moved and are beyond excited at this new invention, that you make a small donation–as in a dollar or two–to the current U.T.E.R.U.S. project. There is a direct donation button on the sidebar. This is not a requirement at all, but I felt like it was worth asking if you were really excited about this. With this community-based project, it would mean a lot to me if community came together to support those three members of our community. Though, seriously, no pressure. And can you believe how many times I just used “community” in that last sentence?

I’m so glad you clicked over. I aimed to make my blog a clearinghouse for all information and community building that is adoption/infertility/loss (ALI) related. Therefore, there is a lot of information to get through. Since I created the blogroll search engine this week, it also seemed like a good time to create a permanent post that can be accessed from the sidebar that explains everything you can find on the site.

Let’s start with the left side bar.

At the very top is the most current IComLeavWe icon. IComLeavWe stands for International Comment Leaving Week. If you click on the icon, you will jump directly to the current list. The list opens on the 1st of every month. The list closes on the 21st and the commenting extravaganza runs from the 21st–28th. It is open to anyone and everyone in the blogopshere so you’ll find ALI bloggers next to cooking bloggers and book bloggers.

Right underneath that are ads from BlogHer. I’m a contributing editor at BlogHer and I support all aspects of their network.

Underneath that, you’ll find some labels. These labels mark some on-going projects that you may want to find. If you click on any of the names, you will be taken to a page where post after post on the same topic runs one after the other. In other words, click on Friday Blog Roundup and you’ll find all the hundreds of past Friday Blog Roundups. It’s a great resource when you’ve missed a favourite column and want to find it quickly. The little number next to the title shows you how many posts there has been in that topic.

The Peer Infertility Counselor List comes next. It is a list of people who are willing to be emailed with questions on a certain topic. Let’s say you have a question specifically about fresh IVF cycles. Click on that picture of the person and you can scroll down the list until you find IVF. Click on a name to get their email address and send them a note. You may want to mention that you found them through the peer counselor list. Some people have been on it for a long time and new people get added whenever there’s a volunteer.

Right underneath that is Operation Heads Up. You’ll find a list of write-ups on different topics concerning adoption/infertility/loss. They are all written by fellow IFers based on their personal experience. People are encouraged to leave a comment in the comment section about their own experience. For some reason, people started leaving them anonymously, but you certainly don’t have to do so. In fact, if you ask a question, you should provide a way to contact you and answer it.

The rest of the sidebar are badges and other people’s blogrolls and stuff like that.

Let’s jump over to the right side bar.

At the very top is the searchable blogroll. I keep a blogroll of every ALI blog in the blogosphere. You can access it here (this is what I call the “linked list” because people link to it from their own blog for easy access) or here (the left sidebar). There are people who help me keep it neat and organized. If you want your blog added, it’s easy to do so and the instructions are at the top of the list. But the cool thing is the search bar. It is a customized search engine that only looks in the blogs on the blogrolls. So if you google MTHFR, you will not be led to a bunch of random Internet sites and wikipedia entries. Instead, you will find only blogs from the blogroll that mention MTHFR in one of their posts. How cool is that? Any blog added to the blogroll is also added to the search engine. I hope it helps you find other people with similar stories and connect with them through their blog.

Underneath that comes a little bio called “Who am I?” that has a link to my Blogger profile as well as my little orange icon. You can find a larger statement about who I am linked at the bottom of that little bio.

Currently, I have the project du jour listed beneath that. At this time, it’s the Creme de la Creme list. I’m collecting submissions indefinitely and the list goes up on January 1, 2009.

Underneath that is a category called “Virtual Stone Soup.” These are ongoing projects and they’re generally a permanent post about the idea. All of the projects listed underneath are community building and they’re a great place to go if you’re looking to connect with other people.

After that you have all of the Sharon Barren movies. We started making these films for the International Infertility Film Festival (IIFF), though we still make them from time to time.

Jump under that and you get to a link for my advice column–Barren Advice–which generally runs each Tuesday. Submit a question or peruse old posts from that link.

The Bookshelf below that contains any links that are book related. We have an online book club that anyone can join in (and I hope you do). I do a lot of book reviews of ALI books and you can access them here.

Next up are two fun things: a lexicon of all the made-up words that appear on this blog as well as the Blogging Name Registry–a place to mark your two year blogging anniversary.

Underneath that are old sidebar links, a badge and information on Infertility’s Common Thread (a project we began years ago and is still ongoing–I’m wearing my pomegranate string right now), and the archives for this blog. I also have an old project du jour listed beneath that– U.T.E.R.U.S., our makeshift philanthropy. There is a donate button if you want to give directly and information on how to get involved.

Finally, let’s jump to the center.

At its heart, this space is a blog. It is my story, but with so many community projects, it’s your space as well. I write a lot–four to five times a week. At the very top is a permanent post called “Your Daily News Source.” It contains links that are updated daily. When I post the latest Lost and Found (LFCA) post, I link to it up there. Bridges, my other site, is linked up there as well. Each time I post on BlogHer, I put up the title and a link in that post. I also give a status report from time to time.

Underneath that is my most current post. And then you can start scrolling down to read my blog chronologically backwards (beginning with today
and moving through yesterday and beyond).

And that’s my blog in brief. The sidebar links change frequently as projects are added or highlighted. For instance, in the winter, look for information on the Creme de la Creme. Whereas, in the summer, look for information on the Roundup Extravaganza.

Oh–and postingwise, I tend to post the Show and Tell every Saturday night, Barren Advice or a Read Me Book Review on Tuesday, and the Roundup on Friday. Every other day is a free-for-all. Oh–and the Virtual Lushary posts mid-month at some point. And the IComLeavWe list opens on the first of the month.

So welcome. Poke around and make yourself at home.

A direct link to the latest U.T.E.R.U.S. project is near the top of my right sidebar. Just in case you were looking for it…

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by leaving in the comment section your blog name, blog url, and three words that describe what you blog about most often.

• I move the information from the comment section into the post (usually within 24 hours).
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one).
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…). Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commentors.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch out breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. Cupcakes & Conundrums (adoption, infertility, cupcakes)
3. Mrs Spock (parenting, infertility, health care)
4. The New Life of Nancy (pregnancy, infertility, sarcasm)
5. This is my Truth, Tell me Yours (personal, current affairs, randomness)
6. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, life, friendship)
7. Jenn’s Journal (twins, secondary infertility, life)
8. The Great Big If (formerly known as ‘What I Did for Love’) (infertility, loss, life)
9. Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Pregnancy (infertility, military life, ramblings)
10. My Little Drummer Boys (parenting, loss, IVF twins)
11. Just Me (infertility & life)
12. The Baby Blog (infertility, PGD, IVF)
13. My Life Crazy As It May Seem (everyday life, grief, loss of a child)
14. The Fertile Infertile (family, infertility, life)
15. Portraits In Sepia (adoption, life, whatnot)
16. The Egg, or am I too Chicken? (surrogacy, pregnancy, parenting)
17. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, IVF, pottery)
18. My Infertility Story (infertility, ovulation, miscarriage)
19. Our Surrogacy Adventure (surrogacy, life, weight loss)
20. BagMomma (secondary infertility, parenting, RPL)
21. Sticky Feet (parenting, baking, life)
22. Who Shot My Stork? (infertility, life, politicsnextmonth)
23. Kicking You From The Inside (parenting, life, infertility)
24. Bee In The Bonnet (acts of defiance against the patriarchy, infertility, general discontent)
25. Maybe it’s Just Me… (life, marriage, PCOS)
26. Unquestionable Love (infertility, life’s adventures, 10K training/weight loss)
27. The Binky Diaries (pregnancy, infertility, parenting)
28. The Saga of Becoming Fruitful (infertility, IVF, finances)
29. Waiting on Life (adoption, infertility, life)
30. Meepit on Parade (infertility, randomness, life)
31. Out on Good Behavior (pregnancy, parenting, life)
32. Building Heavenly Bridges (stillborn loss, writing, parenting through grief)
33. The Not So Secret Life Of Us (RPL, infertility, emigration)
34. Managing my Unmanageable Life (TTC, infertility, my 3 year old)
35. Musings of a Teacher (ttc, life, random)
36. Bella And Her Fella (donor eggs, POF, high FSH)
37. Our Life in a Nutchell (FET, waiting, general IF)
38. Hello Jello (college, family, animals)
39. My Life (life, infertility, random)
40. To Baby and Beyond (infertility, miscarriage, PCOS)
41. Ronda’s Rants (faith, family, rants)
42. Helping Make Sense (IVF, infertility, acceptance)
43. Conceive This! (MFI, cynicism, ICSI?)
44. Heeeeeeeeere Storkey Storkey (twins, ttc #3, life)
45. Elana’s Musings (infertility, pregnancy, twins)
46. Offmymind.but From My Heart (open and closed domestic infant adoption)
47. It Is Tuesday, right? (new motherhood, life, breastfeeding)
48. Wheresmy2lines (PCOS, IVF/ICSI, varicocele)
49. Blogfight (none)
50. Awake On the Night Shift (work, infertility, family)
51. Loving Thee… and more (parenting, politics, randomness)
52. Our Way To Happily Ever After (life, new house, random)
53. Life In A Holding Pattern (miscarriage, ttc, life)
54. Lifeslurper (IF after 40, depression, weight)
55. Mom of 2 Dancers (daughters, product reviews, holidays)
56. Not The Path I Chose (secondary IF, RPL, life)
57. In Pursuit of Parenthood (infertility, depression, waiting)
58. Blissful Body Yoga Blog (yoga, meditation, conscious living)
59. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting)
60. All About V. (infertility, life, the coop)
61. The Daily Gratitude Blog (gratitude, mindfulness, giving)
62. Teal Designs Art Studio Blog (art, artists, creativity)
63. Maybe I Will Have a Glass (IUI, infertility, life)
64. I’d Blog That! (daily life, humor, kids)
65. Musings, Musings, Musings (parenting and conceiving again after prenatal and post-partum depression, spirituality, life)
66. La Chambre d’Orchidee (donating eggs, marriage, family)
67. Broken Bits (IVF, molar pregnancy/cancer, life)
68. Woman Anyone? (infertility, depression, related musings)
69. Nervous Breakdowns Are Highly Underrated (parenting after IF, WAHM, life)
70. The Spohrs Are Multiplying (prematurity, health, parenting)
71. Sayers Journey through Infertility and Pregnancy (infertility, pregnancy, happiness)
72. Mustard Seed Baby (IVF #1, endo, faith)
73. Communique (infertility, life)
74. That’s My Answer (daily questions, about you, fun)
75. Naturally Knocked Up (nutrition, pcos, infertility)
76. Be Still and Know (endometriosis, infertility, adoption)
77. Elusive BFP (IVF, infertility, life)
78. Life in the White House (donor sperm, infertility, life)
79. Gas Passer aka UUer (IVF, unicornuate uterus pregnancy complications, puppies)
80. Mommy Confessions (ranting, raving, children)
81. Lee’s Things (doodles, crafts, fun)
82. Getting There (infertility, FET, life)
83. Junebug’s Musings (infertility, personal musings, doggie drama)
84. Inconceivable (IF, NOA, life)
85. Along Life’s Little Journey (infertility, life, endometriosis)
86. Our Box of Rain (parenting, life, miscarriage)
87. Peachy (IVF, infertility, life)
88. Tales from Kiddyland (mothering, triplets, special needs)
89. The Maniacal Mommy (infertility, IVF, life)
90. Seriously? (life, pregnancy, airedales)
91. ISO the Golden Egg (TTC over 40, embryo donation, SMC)
92. The Daily Doings of Mr Silly and Little Miss Trouble (parenting, infertility, gestational carrier-to-be)
93. Something to Blog About (life, foster parenting, cooking)
94. The Angry Infertile (infertility, depression, life lessons)
95. Hope Springs Infertile (IVF, donor egg, pets)
96. Here We Go Again (random stuff, cooking, pregnancy)
97. In Due Time (infertility, pcos, life)
98. Mommy Needs Therapy (family, special needs, raising kids)
99. Stop the Train, I Wanna Get Off (infertility, school, my bean)
100. Add Yourself…

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commentor?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commentor and be entered on the Iron Commentor honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commentor status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn iron commentor status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is orange, the next month it will be purple, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog!
I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

We are flashing the bat signal again. And I know, I know, I know, that this is not how we were going to do this. We were going to discuss and vote and do this in an orderly way. But you know I am messy. I am messy and quick and impulsive. And I heard two things this week that struck me to the core. And I just had this huge feeling that we needed to step in and do something. Don’t you ever get those feelings? It’s two families that I have wished for a while that we could do something to make their lives a little easier. And when I found those things, I just ran with it. So, I apologize and I promise to do better next time.

The first of the two recipients are Vee (The Sweet Life) and Max (the now defunct Dynamo Dad). They are two of the first bloggers I ever read. I remember Josh conversing with some male bloggers several years ago–Max, DI Dad, and Richard–and thinking, “who is this cool Vee who runs with the boys?”

And if you don’t know Vee and Max, you should. They are a funny, creative Australian couple who has been dealt a double blow of infertility and cancer. Amid IVF cycles, they discovered that Max has stage-four LMS (a smooth muscle cancer). Chemo did not shrink the tumours and he is doing an experimental therapy right now. They have embryos on ice and they’ve put family building to the side for a moment.

So what is the need? Max’s mother and brother live in France. The price of plane tickets between Europe and Australia means that they rarely get to see one another (the last time was four years ago when his mother came to Australia) and he has never been over there with Vee. In addition, they have never gotten to go together to Italy, which is where her family is from. She was lamenting last week that it’s just one more thing they haven’t been able to do. And it was her 40th birthday last week too.

So, here is the crazy part of the story. I told Vee I wanted to do this and she said no and I said we are and she said okay. And then she wrote me back a few hours later to tell me that her sister gave them what just may be the craziest coincidental birthday gift of all time–two plane tickets to Paris.

Seriously, how insane is that?

So we are now raising money for the hotels and transportation between France and Italy. We can’t do anything to make Max better and we can’t do anything for them family building-wise. But we can get them to both countries and give them this trip together.

We’ve guesstimated that they will need an additional $1000 to make this trip truly feasible, but I’d like to raise more than that if possible. I’m hoping for two things here:

• not only fundraising, but if people have the means to donate points or miles towards travel (I’m not really sure how this works, but if anyone knows if this is feasible, please email me so we can set this up), it could help bring down the total cost.
• Also, if people work in the travel industry and can donate a hotel room (in Italy and in France) or help make a plane ticket possible.

The rest of the money, we will earn the same way we did Cali’s FET–online auctions, donations, and however else we can scrape together the means to make this trip a reality. I always call these things Virtual Stone Soup, but I have this visual image in my head of Vee and Max trotting along with these suitcases where we’re all popping out of the seams. Every small bit helps and I think it is much more meaningful to have community come together to make something happen.

The second person is Mary. Mary has been a drinker at the Virtual Lushary since the day the bar opened. She has not been able to get a break in terms of family building. Back when the bar opened, she was having her fourth loss (this one after her first DE cycle). Currently, she is going on year nine of trying to have a child and she is experiencing her sixth loss after a donor embryo cycle.

She said at the last Virtual Lushary:

After 8 weeks the baby’s heartbeat stopped and I had a D&C. Heartbreaking, but I was trying to find the positive (the donor embryo “took” but because of a fluke we lost it). But then the other shoe dropped. A week and a half after D&C I had sharp abdominal pains. I finally went to the doctor and it turns out I had an ectopic pg (now at over 10 weeks) and the tube ruptured and needed to be removed. Emergency surgery after 30 hours of internal bleeding. The doctor told me the next day I almost died. Turns out there is a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a uterine and an ectopic at the same time. We are always on the wrong side of statistics. I’m back to work this week teaching. Exhausted and sore. I won’t let myself deal with (or feel) the sadness because I’m afraid if I start crying I won’t stop. When will it end?

Mary doesn’t have a blog, but we often email and I’ve given updates on her situation via the LFCA and people often leave her messages there. During an email this week, she mentioned the latest salt in the wound: the hospital bill that arrived from the tube removal. Her portion was only $1800 and while this amount is water in the bucket when you’re already talking about paying tens of thousands towards family building, the point is that Mary needs someone to do something nice for her. To let her know that we care and while we can’t–like Max and Vee–help with the actual family building, we can remove this bill from their plate.

I think of it as the blogosphere collectively passing her a tissue box and holding her while she has a long cry.

So we are also raising $1800 for her and making our collective goal for the two families to be $3000.

U.T.E.R.U.S. is unique because it’s a lot like stone soup. While a carrot and a stalk of celery and a potato all held separately can’t make a pot of vegetable soup, when you dump them together, you get something delicious. And while a single person may not have the means to give all the vegetables necessary for soup, a single carrot, stalk of celery, or potato is rarely missed.

The point to this type of giving is not to dig deep into your pockets when you have so many needs yourself. The point is to donate what you won’t miss–the books you would have sold at a garage sale, ad space on your blog, points you weren’t using. And the magic is that all of these things come together to fulfill someone else’s need.

This is the permanent U.T.E.R.U.S. post for this project, so I’ll repeat what I said for Cali’s FET:

Someone made an argument a while back that we should fundraise for the major organizations and that money is better spent than fundraising to give a person a chance. They may be right in one sense, and we should keep fundraising for Resolve but I disagree. I think changing a single person’s life can have larger, rippling effects that cross the world. That create change. So, if you don’t agree that it’s a good idea to help one stirrup queen at a time, you don’t have to participate. If you do agree and want to help Calliope [well, now Vee, Max, and Mary], join in U.T.E.R.U.S. (Union To Expedite Relief Until Self-Fulfillment).

So, let’s say you do want to get involved. Here’s what you need to do:

• Let me know if you know how people can pool together travel points or miles.
• Let me know if you work with a hotel or airline and can help out with any of the travel arrangements or bringing down the overall price with a donation for Vee and Max.
• Donate something for our online auction. It can literally be anything. We had people donate books, clothing, jewelry, felt fruit, toys, etc. last time. Get creative–donate a service (do you do web design? Work in a cool business where you can make something fantastic happen?) or ad space on your blog.

1. Decide what you could donate to the sale.
2. Take a photograph (if possible or applicable).
3. Fill out this form. It is sent to us automatically. Please fill out the form multiple times if you are donating multiple items (in other words, do not list multiple items on one form).
4. Email any questions to Jen at jenniferelaine11@yahoo.com and Mel at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

• Helen and Calliope are going to list your item and sell it for you. We will have all of the sales under one account to make it easier to transfer the end sum in one transaction.
• All money earned will go to the designated people (in this case, Vee, Max, and Mary), though you will use the shipping fees you requested to ship the item. The cost to you is simply the donated item.
• Another option is to hold your own garage sale at home (come on, those early fall months are perfect for a garage sale) and donate the proceeds or a portion of the amount collected at the sale to U.T.E.R.U.S. There is now a donation button below.
• We will also be adding an etsy shop soon run by Io. More details to come.
• We will talk the hell out of this to get word out (grab the code for the icon over here).
• There will be list of all the auctions in one space so people can easily access them.
• We will give you constant updates so you know how much we’ve raised. The goal is to have this completely finished within a month or so.
• The goal for this particular convening of U.T.E.R.U.S. is $3000.

Below is a list of all of the items and services currently donated to help Vee, Max, and Mary. If you listed your donation as anonymous on the form, this public thank you will not be linked to your blog.

1. Conceive Magazine (donated money directly to U.T.E.R.U.S.)
2. Tales from my Dusty Ovaries (donated books)
3. Out on Good Behaviour (royal blue/purple handknit scarf)
4. Who Shot My Stork? (Juno Hamburger Phone)–honest to blog!
5. V (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund)
6. Bee in the Bonnet (photograph)
7. Insert Metaphor (iPod shuffle)
8. Mrs Spock (Maya wrap)
9. Chunky Photojournalist Barbie (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund)
10. Angry Canadian Nurse (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund and a baby blanket)
11. Kwynne (a “make your own” felt pizza set)
12. Creating Motherhood (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund)
13. Loving Thee… (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund)
14. Anonymous for Now (direct deposit to the U.T.E.R.U.S. fund)
15. Kicking You From the Inside (NASA 50th anniversary hat)
16. This is My Truth, Tell My Yours (framed photograph of the Three Sisters in Katoomba, New South Wales)
17. It’s Not the End of the World (Marley and Me by John Grogan and a Motorola Motorazr)
18. Your donation!

If you would like to donate directly to U.T.E.R.U.S. or if you are donating money you collected at your own garage sale, please use the secure button below and follow the paypal directions:

Please come together as a community and help with these two projects. Because…you know how I’m fond of quoting the Beatles: “and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” Let’s make some love…er…while that didn’t come out sounding quite right, I think y’all know what I mean.