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It has been 13 months since we’ve eaten at a restaurant. I think about it a lot; that last meal. We went to an Irish pub to hear music for Josh’s birthday. The Wolvog ate there because he doesn’t like ramen, which was where we tried to go afterward, but the wait was too long. We ended up down the road at a favourite Vietnamese restaurant. That vegetarian pho was the last meal I ate at a restaurant.

We’ve gotten takeout a few times. So far, we’ve stuck to three places that were all wearing masks and doing curbside pickup long before masks were required in our area. All three restaurants create food that travels well and re-heats easily. There are other restaurants that fit that criteria; we just need to make time for carry out.

Eater recently had a compelling headline: “The Responsibility of Saving Restaurants Should Never Have Been Ours.” So true.

It is the balance between wanting to help restaurants so they can remain afloat, and worrying that by ordering from a restaurant, I’m staying safe at home while someone else is exposed to risk. This paragraph summed it up:

When it comes to restaurants, I’m not sure there have been any good choices at all: dine indoors, try to keep your mask on whenever a server’s nearby. Dine outside, make sure the tables are far enough apart. Dine at home from takeout boxes an underpaid delivery driver brought to you. Do none of these, and your favorite restaurant closes, putting its employees out of work, probably without a sufficient social safety net.

There is no good answer. The food industry is suffering. The events industry is suffering. The travel industry is suffering. The performance industry is suffering. This sentence from the article is haunting: “These failures are rooted in one of America’s most toxic core beliefs: that the economy matters more than the people who create it.”

Food for thought.

I am aware that many people are currently dining at restaurants—some inside and some outside. But what was your last meal out before the pandemic began?

Maybe it’s a case of misery loves company, but I really connected with this Austin Kleon post. I am trying to keep in mind that everyone deserves a little grace right now. But sometimes people make it really really really hard to give grace.

When I hit that wall, I know it’s time to close social media for a few hours.

But I also loved his greater point: that we post things so we can connect with others. So we can hear that other people are thinking the exact same thing. That has been both the best thing and the worst thing about the pandemic:

Best: Finding other people who think the same way about being safe and feeling closer to them.

Worst: Finding other people who ignore the expert’s advice or rules and feeling alienated from them.

It’s connection. It’s lonely.

And then returning to that first point. Everyone deserves a little grace. Sometimes people make it really really really hard to give grace.

I always have a moment in the middle of the Pesach seder where I suddenly realize that I am not going to have bread for a week, and I feel panicked because I. did. not. cherish. that. last. bit. of. bread. This year, it happened while the Wolvog was reading something aloud about maror. All of a sudden it hit me that I didn’t consume all the bread I could have consumed. I should have had a final cracker right before the meal.

We are currently in the middle of Pesach, and I only need to get through a few more days. But I’m haunted by the idea that I could have had more bread, and I didn’t.

I’ve been thinking about whether I’m better at making myself do things or refraining from doing things. Is it harder for me to do something I don’t really want to do, or to not do something that I want to do?

I think it’s do something I don’t want to do. Because sometimes I accidently do not do something I want to do simply by waiting too long. Such as having a final cracker before the seder.

It’s rare that you click on an advice article and find all three options presented in the article equally helpful, but it happened a few weeks ago.

I found it when we were coming up on the one-year anniversary of the pandemic, which was just a few weeks ago yet suddenly feels very far away. When I read it, we were still worrying in our state how to get teachers the vaccine before they returned to the classroom, but now, our state—like many other states—has decided to speed through the priority-group phased vaccine plan and open it up to everyone over 16 at the end of April.

I have feelings about this.

Regardless, our spring and summer will be just like our last spring and summer. We will stay in.

So I love these ideas: turning up the volume on celebrations and finding a low-stakes obsession. Ours is currently our afternoon, indoor walks. We have been walking around various cities in Belgium this week while listening to the Magicians trilogy. It’s a high point in my day.

Passing on the article in case you need ideas, too.

Remember how I said about one month ago that I am not going to get an Apple Watch because I am not engaging in emotional spending? My sister gave me her old one so all of us could try it out. I went first and grew very attached.

On day one, I thought it was uncomfortable, but the fitness tracking was cool.

On day two, it was less uncomfortable, and I discovered that some of the things I disliked were as simple as changing a setting.

On day three, I barely noticed it was there. It made me walk longer because I wanted to hear the rings close and get the fireworks. I wanted to see a big step count at the end of the night. It’s nice to be able to quickly look at my wrist and see whether someone wrote me. Seeing it on my wrist got me outside for a walk and eating better.

I have not been feeling great about my mind and body. Both have changed a lot during the pandemic. While ten minutes of meditation per day reset things nicely pre-pandemic, I need to carve out time to sit and breathe. And I have to move more. I need a reminder to physically get up, exercise, or simply stand by the window for a moment. I am not doing exercise classes. I have not purchased exercise equipment. So this is like a single-cost gym membership. Sort of.

I guess I need an external motivator right now.