Category — SuperBetter

I really wish I had paid better attention when this thought was introduced at the beginning of SuperBetter, but the general idea is that you think up three things that you really love; things that can be experienced in quick succession.  And then whenever you encounter your “bad guy” (oh… you have a goal when you set up SuperBetter.  I chose anxiety because… yeah… I’m a worrier), you do those three things in quick succession.

For instance, let’s say that I’m starting to worry, and my brain is traveling really far away from the problem into chest-tightening what if territory.  I stop for a moment and acknowledge this is happening.  Then I do my three things.  And the idea is that after getting the good feelings from doing those three things, I can return to whatever I was doing beforehand and hopefully feel calmer.

Choosing my three things was really hard.  I wanted them to be quick because I don’t have a lot of free time in the day, and if I ended up losing 15 minutes of work time, I was going to become even more anxious.  I also wanted them to be portable because I don’t just get anxious at home.  Oh, and I didn’t want it to involve food (because that would just be a new disorder waiting to happen), money (because I shouldn’t need to spend it to feel happy), or exercise (because I’m lazy.  And I already workout every morning.  And I’m not dedicating one more second of my day to exercise).

I decided my first thing would be to listen to five minutes of a Dungeons and Dragon game.  I’m following two games at the moment.  People record their campaigns and then put them online.  So I would listen to five minutes of one of the two Dungeons and Dragons games.

My second thing would be a chess task.  A chess task is like a chess puzzle.  The board is set, and you have to figure out how to put the king in check or how to get a piece out of trouble.  It’s like chess warm-ups that you can do to keep creative between games.  So I would do a chess task.

My third thing would be to play one board in Desert Golfing.  Desert Golfing is the best worst game in the world.  I find it very relaxing.  So I would quickly drop the ball in a hole and move on.

My three things were set.  It was now time to live life.

So far, I’ve only had to use them once.  I started feeling anxious, going deep into the what ifs, and I said to myself, “Melissa, stop.  This is not a good use of your time.  Do your three things and move back to work.”

So I queued up the Dungeons and Dragon game and listened for 5 minutes.  The people sounded like they were having a great time.  I then did a chess task.  It made me really happy to open the app in the middle of the day and visit the pieces.  (Oh — I have chess tasks I do on an actual board and others that I do via three different apps.  I went with one of the app ones for now.)  I solved my task and closed the app.

I realized as I opened Desert Golfing that I was feeling better and probably didn’t need to use up time on this third item, but I did it anyway in case it was like antibiotics and you needed to finish the whole course or end up getting sick again.  Desert Golfing also only takes a few seconds, so it was time well-spent.  I set down my phone and got back to work, no longer anxious.

Was it a placebo effect because I was told this would make a difference so it made a difference?  Perhaps.  But it really did change my mood to see chess pieces in the middle of the day.  And the Dungeons and Dragon minutes were just fun — like reading a magazine in the doctor’s office.  And Desert Golfing always makes me feel calm when I play, so it had its natural effect.

I’m going to keep at it.  If you’re doing this, too, what are your three things?

I was listening to my best friend Manoush Zomorodi’s podcast (by the way — she doesn’t know she’s my best friend and that I talk to her while the podcast is running, so please don’t tell her), and she had on Jane McGonigal, a game designer and the author of SuperBetter.

I decided to download the app on a whim.  Here’s the thing: I have a lot of issues with self-help apps or books .  If you have a specific problem you want to address, and you seek out help through a specific app or book, I think the self-help world is a godsend.  But the general thought that we can all be “bettering” ourselves is a dangerous message, no healthier than airbrushed models on the cover of magazines.

The general self-help world is constantly screaming at you change change change.  Actually, it’s more like CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE.  And maybe… well… that’s doing more damage to your self-esteem than if you never sought out self-help materials in the first place.  I don’t believe the vast majority of us need to change.  I think the vast majority of us are a mixture of positive and negative traits, and the key is to use your positive traits and to acknowledge your negative traits and move on.  The only time you need to address those negative traits are if you can no longer live with them.  Since… you know… you have to always live with yourself.

Anyway, I did not think I would like this app and thought it would languish on my phone for a few weeks until I deleted it.  But that’s not what happened.  The pretty rainbow icon sucked me in.  I started chugging water and giving myself hugs.  I WAS HUGGING MYSELF, PEOPLE.  I am not a hugger by nature, and it was damn awkward to wrap my arms around myself, but I’ve been giving myself hugs every single morning.

I guess I like it because it’s self-help that fits firmly within my belief system above.  I don’t feel like the app is telling me to change.  It’s just telling me to be myself and to use my positive traits rather than only focus on the negative ones.

If you like games and you’re okay with using up a ton of post-it notes (there was a day that I had to leave positive affirmations around the house for myself), download SuperBetter.  I’m going to write about a few of the things I’ve learned from the app… and about myself.  So join along if you’re inclined or just read my experience if you’re not or skip any post that mentions SuperBetter because you just hate the idea of me being my best self.  That’s okay.  You can feel that way because I’m awesome.

SUPERBETTER!

I am simultaneously reading her book, and will also refer to that from time to time.  So… I guess I’m saying… if you kind of want to make this a club and become allies for one another (SuperBetter’ers will get that ally lingo), grab the app or the book and join me in talking this out.

P.S. When I’m not mistakenly calling it SuperBad, I am thinking of myself like a Saturday Night Live character who wears unfashionable clothing and reads self-help books and pumps her first in the air as the punchline shrieking, “SuperBetter!”