Category — Friday Blog Roundup

I received the oddest SPAM call this week.  Most of the time, SPAM calls shows up marked as SPAM.  Sometimes, the number is not marked as such, but the call comes from a name of someone I don’t know so I don’t answer it.  But this time, the phone rang and it showed the name and number of our local burrito place.

The first thing I thought was, “Oh, Josh must have gone to lunch with a co-worker and left something there.”  So I picked up, and it immediately launched into one of those robot-spoken “you’ve been chosen” credit card spiels.  Well played, SPAM caller, spoofing our burrito place phone number because you know I’ll pick up if tasty salsa is involved.

Things like that make me want to go telephone-free.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Thinking About Christmas” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

By the Brooke remembers her daughter on what should have been her eighth birthday.  She muses about what life would be like and then writes, “Eight years is long enough that grief sits familiarly. The week leading up to her birthday wasn’t too bad this year–sometimes the days proceeding are harder than the actual day. This year that wasn’t so much the case.”  It’s a moving post about how everyone in the family processes the day.

My Path to Mommyhood says goodbye to a house with a big, exciting move on the horizon.  Moving means packing, and packing means letting go of things that they won’t bring with them to the new space, including books she collected for a different future.  She writes, “But then there’s the sad ones. The ones that were clearly meant for a child who didn’t come. The ones that have nameplates from my shower with notes from the people who gifted them to us, addressed to our nonexistent baby, declaring love for this amorphous being in the ether who didn’t materialize, imagining storytimes snuggled up in a cozy blanket together that just will never be.”  It’s a bittersweet post about the tangible reminders of change.  It is so hard to let go of things again and again and again.

Lastly, The Road Less Travelled has a really big blast from the past: TCOYF (for those of you who spent time on IVFC and remember that acronym.  Wait — is IVFC still around?).  I actually just found my copy a few months ago when we culled out books.  Yes, yes, yes to this: “TCOYF was ‘the Bible’ of the subsequent pregnancy after loss e-mail group I joined that fall, where everyone was either pregnant after a loss, or desperately trying to be.”  I can’t even tell you how many times we went on a trip and I packed my copy because I wanted to be able to consult the book at all times — even when we were doing treatments!  It brings back a lot of memories.

The roundup to the Roundup: Very creative SPAM callers.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 7th and December 14th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

It’s Chanukkah this week.  I am not a fan of Chanukkah, though I’ll never say no to my mother’s latkes or the sufganiyot my cousin brings me.  Other than light the menorah, we don’t really do anything else to mark the holiday.

I wrote this several years ago for BlogHer, but that site is gone, so I’ll post it here:

So this is what Chanukkah is about: it’s a somewhat insignificant holiday meant to commemorate the time that King Antiochus instated laws not allowing Jews to practice their religion and the Maccabees fought back. It’s a story about guerrilla warfare and a revolution. About not waiting for G-d to intercede on your behalf, but fighting back against injustice. It is about a time when life sucked hardcore for the Jews and instead of putting down their heads and crying, they rolled up their sleeves and restored the Temple.

In other words, it’s a pretty cool holiday on its own, but where gifts and sweetness have a place in a birthday celebration for Christ, presents and candy don’t really commemorate a war. Jews don’t celebrate war victories — recognizing that death is a large part of war — so this holiday is more about relief than outright joy. It would make more sense to use Chanukkah to go into the community and right a few wrongs. Or do a habitat for humanity-like project to fix up a home in need of repair. See, it’s not really a holiday that can be celebrated like Christmas.

…

Chanukkah is a holiday about fighting assimilation, so it’s sort of weird that a holiday about fighting assimilation has become assimilated in order to be more like the majority holiday close on the calendar. Jews should be proud of the holiday — it’s essentially a story of thanksgiving — and pump up the parts that matter: family, friends, and fried foods.

So, yes to the family, friends, and fried foods.  No to the rest of it.  Which means a really quiet week, holiday-wise.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff…

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ has done it.  If you’ve read her blog, you know that she always has sound advice up her sleeve.  She pulled together an e-book of thoughts from the blog and quotations and beautiful images.  It’s comfort in paper form.  I especially love the quote about remembering without pain.  You can order the book from that link.

In Quest of a Binky Moongee is looking for a preschool for her twins when she encounters a very strange wording on the application.  The application asks if she is the “natural” parent, and she doesn’t know what to answer after their experience with surrogacy.  “What do we circle? I mean technically I am not my twins’ ‘natural’ parent. And we did need to get step-parent adoption in order for me to be legally their mother. But do we circle Parent/Step-parent? What if they ask us about the ‘natural’ mother?”  It’s a strange wording that people who conceive without difficulty probably don’t think twice about, but it sticks out for anyone who has built their family with assistance.

HopefullyMyLinesNow (old blog, new name) has a post about how pregnancy is different due to so many losses.  She points out all the ways she wanted things to go with pregnancy and the delivery, and how she has had to adapt.  She writes, “Why do I feel compelled not to grieve over all the hopes that won’t be met simply because I’ve known worse grief? I realize that loss has taken so much away from me, and now I’m letting my knowledge and associated guilt force me to adapt in ways I don’t want to adapt.”  It is about the endless act of letting go of (or adjusting) hopes and dreams.

Lastly, Life Without Baby has a post about being sideswiped by sadness when grief comes out of nowhere.  She writes, “The point is that sometimes, even when we’re sure we have it together, even when we’ve done the grief work, even when we’ve cried an ocean and think there’s nothing left to resolve, sometimes we just get sideswiped.”  Go over and join the conversation about your experience.

The roundup to the Roundup: A very quiet Chanukkah.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 30th and December 7th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

We finally saw Three Identical Strangers this week.  If you don’t know the documentary, it’s about the Louise Wise Services adoption agency, which purposefully separated several sets of multiples back in the 1960s and studied them over the years without the children OR their parents knowing that they had a twin/triplet somewhere in the world.

The triplets found each other back in 1980s, and the film covers their unification and life in the aftermath.  At least two other sets of twins found each other, too — one set is featured in the film (and have their own film) and another set found each other because one saw Three Identical Strangers and wondered about the possibility because her parents also used the same agency.

It’s interesting how you see a film through a certain lens. I focused on the fact that they were multiples. Josh focused on the fact that it was an adoption story. Another person could see it through the lens of family or loss or mental well-being or science.

But the night we saw the film, I had just come from going through the twins’ fourth birthday pictures. They were standing next to each other outside in front of the house, and then one took the other one’s hand. The pictures are the two of them running around the yard, ending with them hugging by the fence. And I felt physically ill watching the film because while it’s not a given that your twins will be close, to purposefully separate children after five or six months together in the bassinet is unfathomable. To withhold the possibility of that hand-holding moment is cruel. Their story has been in my heart all week.

Have you seen it?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff…

Okay, now my choices this week.

My Perfect Breakdown explains her decision to continue her blog, despite being creeped out about some privacy issues.  She writes, “I never want someone to feel as lonely as I did when we went through our first miscarriage, or made the decision to terminate for medical reasons or even or even when we went through our last miscarriage. Experiencing multiple losses has become a defining part of who I am, and so I feel compelled to continue to share my experiences so others know they are not alone.”  I love that this is the impulse in our corner of the Internet; to give people a space to find other people who understand.

No Kidding in NZ has a great quote about bravery setting you free.  I can attest to the opposite — that a lack of bravery makes you feel really stuck.  It’s a great reminder that sometimes we have to do the hard thing and trust that we’ll get through it.  And that getting through it will release us from what is weighing us down before we take that first, brave step.

Lastly, Inexplicably Missing doesn’t know what to do next.  She begins: “I was heading somewhere, at least I thought I was. Yes, I’m sure. I had an idea of where I was going. There was a journey I was on. I was heading somewhere. But I have discovered that the trail just petered out and kind of… led to… nowhere.”  What do you do when the path you’re on doesn’t take you where you want to go?  It’s a moving post about not knowing what comes next.

The roundup to the Roundup: Three Identical Strangers is still bothering me.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 23rd and November 30th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I am smitten with Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore.  I’m halfway through, and it is the best mental sorbet before bed to clear my mind from the day’s news.  I feel like one of you recommended this to me, but I can’t find the comment anymore.  So… thank you to the wonderful person who recommended this book.  It is totally and completely enjoyable.  And it is exactly what I need.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff…

Okay, now my choices this week.

It’s Inconceivable has a post about the intersection of work and loss.  She writes, “We hear so much about the struggles of women with children juggling work and their family commitments … What of those of us who have had numerous losses or loss of hopes and aspirations of a family, or juggling the rollercoaster that is infertility treatment in the world of work?”  It is such an important and interesting conversation.

Baby Ridley Bump is processing her recent loss after the D&C.  She is raw: “All I can think about is how I am supposed to be pregnant right now.  How our baby shared it’s due date with my husband’s birthday, how everything seemed to be meant to be and aligned so perfectly, yet it was taken away so quickly.  I’ve been crying all week at work and I am still just so unbelievably sad about it.”  It is a post about the difference between a physical recovery and an emotional recovery, and how each unfolds at its own pace.

Lastly, Non Sequitur Chica had a post last week (but I read it this week when I was catching up in my feedreader) about seeing Michelle Obama.  With pictures!  But the interesting part is that Obama explained why she didn’t talk about IVF while she was in the White House.  “So while she is happy to be open about IVF, going through marriage counseling, etc. now she didn’t really think that it was appropriate to talk about it while she was in the White House. There were so many other things going on at the time, she didn’t want to be a distraction.”  I’ve been seeing a lot of people discuss her timing and how it would have made a difference if she had talked about it in the White House.  I don’t think one person can change public opinion like that, so that burden shouldn’t be placed on her shoulders.  But it is interesting to consider what people choose to use their platform to get people thinking about.

The roundup to the Roundup: Love Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 16th and November 23rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I spoke at my last middle school career day this week, and I followed it up with our final middle school parent-teacher conferences.  Both were bittersweet.  There’s a chance that I’ll be asked to speak at career day again, but it’s unlikely that their former teachers will want to sit down and speak about their class performance if… you know… they’re in a different school.

You guys know that I’m not a fan of lasts.

I drove the kids to school that day because I needed to be there at the same time and mused that for this final career day, I should give myself a new job.  A more exciting job.  “Please don’t embarrass us,” the ChickieNob begged.

“What would be embarrassing about telling your classmates that I’m an astronaut who rides around the sky in a rocket ship?” I asked.

“Because you’re not.  You’re not an astronaut.  Please be normal,” the Wolvog warned.

“Or I could tell them that I’m a spy, but I’ve blown my own cover because I think career day is that important.  Better to tell the kids about being a spy than to get to continue in my undercover work.”

Needless to say, they ditched me the moment I turned off the car in the lot.

I stuck to talking about my normal job, except for a moment where I asked a random child whether she would believe me if I told her that I was an astronaut.  She said no.  So… yeah… stuck with the script.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “I Am Done Marking Myself…” (Different Shores)
• “Childlessness: Bittersweet and Also Invisible” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I loved Inconceivable’s post about thinking about the cost of all items in terms of IVF cycles.  “New flooring? Around the cost of the drugs for two fresh IVF cycles.  Chimney cap? About the cost of clinic fees for a TI cycle.  Down payment on a house? About two fresh IVF cycles plus the FET thrown in.”  It is mind-blowing when I think about the cost of cycles and how we paid it without thinking twice, even commenting that it was a bargain because we had some insurance coverage.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about Michelle Obama’s miscarriage/IVF confession this week and how she’s in a position to share information that can bring understanding, too.  She writes, “I can give those reading a basic understanding, arming you with enough information to understand the lingo. Because Michelle Obama is absolutely right: we need to understand our bodies, how they work and how they don’t.”  Head over to her blog because she’s going to unpack the science side of things.

My Path to Mommyhood has a post about hurtful comments she heard recently, both having to do with time and a belief that when you have kids, you are suddenly unable to do anything other than spend time with those kids.  Apparently you cannot read and you cannot cook anything more complicated than Spaghetti-Os.  It all comes down to this: “But it really burned my britches to have my free time exploits so summarily judged and put into the box of, ‘Well, she doesn’t have kids,’ most definitely packaged as a statement of what isn’t rather than what is, of a lack rather than an alternative.”  No one wants their time judged (please don’t judge me for the amount of time I spend playing Farm Heroes), so why the hell do people do it to others?

Lastly, Waiting for Baby Bird talks about how infertility takes a person through the five stages of grief each month in a loop.  She explains: “The grief that is brought on by infertility is different. It’s unique. And hard to explain. Making it even harder for people to understand. After all, you do not grieve what was lost, or what has died. But rather what never was.  And what you fear might never be.”  It’s an eye-opening post that ends with a call for comfort.

The roundup to the Roundup: Final middle school career day and conferences.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 9th and November 16th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.