Category — Friday Blog Roundup

We just got back from a quick trip to the beach. The skies were more grey than blue and the water tumultuous due to storms coming up from the Caribbean. But we could still sit outside and read, so I’d call that a win.

What wasn’t a win––and was more striking than usual––was beach erosion. The twins only have memories of the place from the last twelve or so years, but even they could remember the multiple rows of car spots in the parking lot, which are down to a single row in some spaces, and the long walk from the car to the water. They have no clue how enormous that beach was when I was their age thirty years ago. There is now only a sliver left of the sand.

The town has been talking for years about moving the beach. It would require setting up an off-site parking lot and using a shuttle service to take people to the new beach. It makes me sad to think about the beach changing.

There are only so many times we can apologize to the younger generations for messing up their world.

On a side note, we stopped in a nature center to talk to the rangers about a birding program we’re planning to attend this winter. I asked if there were more than four or five types of birds we’d be able to see, and the ranger made a small face of disbelief at me. I wasn’t joking––I didn’t know that not all seagulls are the same.

Josh pointed out a bird list by the door of birds seen in the vicinity that week that was about one hundred names long. “Plus they all have awesome names that I can start calling you,” he whispered gleefully. So… yeah… we’ve nailed down our first new hobby.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “MicroblogMondays: Tips for Better Reading” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Empty Arms, Broken Heart has a post about invisible grief and the tendency (or expectation) that people continue on with life as normal while miscarrying or not being able to conceive. She writes, “It did not make the grief process easier to keep it to myself … In trying to keep my grief to myself, I found it poured out in ways I didn’t intend.” Her point about the damage we do when we try to make our grief invisible is thought-provoking.

Dreaming of Diapers returns with bad news from her final FET. I realized I was holding my breath as I read the first part. It is about trying to process the end while you’re still in the throes of the end. It’s a heartbreaking post, but I wanted to highlight it so everyone could surround her with love.

Finally, RisaKerslake writes about a comment she received on a recent post: “it can still be a jab to read something where you’ve just poured your heart out and someone thinks you’re basically an awful human being.” She wrote about how she felt parenting after infertility, and she was told that she should “learn to appreciate what [she has].” I’m not sure why anyone thinks they need to negate someone else’s expressed feelings. But I love Risa’s thoughts on how processing the feelings from infertility aren’t one-size-fits-all.

The roundup to the Roundup: The beach has changed. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between August 23rd and August 30th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

I tried the Impossible Whopper, and it was awesome. I’m pretty sure that Burger King has had a veggie burger for a while, but I’ve never felt moved to try it. But this was incredible. I got mine without the sauce and a side order of onion rings.

I’ve had the Impossible Burger before, and this wasn’t quite as good as the version at Founding Farmers. BUT the fact that I can pick it up while on the road from any Burger King in America? Priceless.

I felt like such an American having a “hamburger” for dinner to the point where I couldn’t stop saying, “Look at us. A typical American family having hamburgers, just like everyone else.” (By which I mean that I couldn’t stop until everyone around the table said, “Please. Stop.”)

Have you had it yet?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Stages of My Survival” (Infertile Phoenix)
• “Maximum Responsibility” (Torthúil)
• “How Can You Be Happy?” (My Path to Mommyhood)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I bookmarked “How Can You Be Happy” by My Path to Mommyhood for this week, too. The words she has been waiting to hear from someone — what a difference it makes when you feel the other person is listening and not judging. And I love this: “Because, NO ONE HAS ‘BEEN THERE.’ Just you. People may have been in general proximity to your ‘there,’ but your situation has its very own GPS coordinate.” This is a post that every single person who speaks to other people (um… all of us?) needs to read.

It’s Inconceivable has a post about being alone without being lonely. She write: “I’ve also come to realise that not having a family of my own has given me the gift of being responsible for my own wellbeing and content in situations of enforced isolation whereas others with families (whom have never had to consider this option) have struggled with these same things. Who knew that being childless not by choice would have prepared me for these things?” I love this thought of being your own anchor.

Lastly, Inconceivable! has a very funny post about the unwritten rules of calling the RE. I laughed so hard because one of my “Public Places Corollary” moments involved having to discuss my uterus while crouched on a staircase at the college where I was teaching while students walked around me.

The roundup to the Roundup: I tried the Impossible Whopper. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between August 16th and August 23rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Let’s pretend someone who knows nothing about investing wants to learn about investing. (Actually, we’re not pretending. I know nothing about investing.) How does one go about getting started? I have a 401K that I am probably mismanaging because I don’t really know what I’m doing. And I wanted to understand the different types of saving programs… programs is probably not the actual term but I think you all know what I mean.

Is there a book that teaches you what everything is and how the stock market works and how one goes about setting up an e-trade account and doing something like that with a small amount of money?

This is part of the whole “find a hobby” thing. I just thought it sounded like this topic had a good learning component and it would be fun to check on the stock market every day and understand what I’m seeing. Plus if I did well, there would be a clear benefit whereas learning about birds does not provide the family with a clear benefit beyond bird knowledge.

Um… does anyone have a good book explaining investing and stock and bonds and all of those other keywords that pertain to money management? Something really straightforward and simple for the true beginner?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

Of Needles and Noodles writes about family building for the second time after infertility. She writes, “The stakes are most definitely higher with another frozen embryo transfer than they were with Laurie’s round. Before we had Laurie, we’d only experienced loss; now we’ve experienced success, it’s just another added pressure; we’re more fully aware of what’s at stake than we ever were before.” She explains what other people can do to make things easier for the person who is still family building. It’s one of those posts you hope everyone reads.

An Engineer Becomes a Mom writes about the “messy middle,” that time that comes between the beginning when things are finally changing and the end when it looks like things will work out. The messy middle is “the part where it’s so comfortable to slide back to where I was, to just wallow in the mud puddle of me vs. them, I’m gonna go hide, I’m not going to show up, I’m not going to embrace this.” Cheer her through this patch.

Baby Ridley Bump is trying to add to their family. She admits, “For the first time ever in my treatment, I am hesitant to move forward.  I’ve never ever wanted to wait for anything on this journey … But now that I’ve taken a break and enjoyed these last several months, I find myself often questioning if one child is all that we really need.” She is starting the process for another transfer, taking her time to do it in the best way possible. Go wish her good thoughts.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ has a bittersweet post about losing a cousin but realizing the strength of family and friends. When her cousin got sick, “they were concerned she had no partner or children or parents who could help. One of her brothers told us that she wasn’t dejected. ‘I have cousins!’ she declared enthusiastically.” It only took a few days to put together months of support. It’s a good reminder that we all need to nurture our relationships.

The roundup to the Roundup: How do you get started in understanding what you’re doing with your 401K? Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between August 9th and August 16th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

We saw The Farewell on Wednesday night. It was fantastic. It’s based on a true story, and it actually made me smile much more than it made me cry; a pleasant surprise.

Plus Akwafina completely transformed herself. She was incredible. I love it when you see an actor in two roles and the two characters are so different that you know the person has completely dissolved into the character. I always feel that way when I see Benedict Cumberbatch. Sherlock is nothing like Hamlet who is nothing like Patrick Melrose who is nothing like Alan Turing. I mean, they all look like him, but I didn’t watch Sherlock thinking that I’m seeing Alan Turing as a detective. Does that make sense?

Whereas some actors are always the same character. It’s more or less the same film after film, so it doesn’t feel like they dissolve insomuch as it feels like they’ve changed costumes.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “We Can Imagine What It’s Like When A Baby Dies–We Just Don’t Want To” (An Unexpected Family Outing)
• “For Those Suffering” (Infertile Phoenix)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Empty Arms, Broken Heart has a post unpacking that often-said sentiment: “You haven’t changed one bit!” She admits it bothered her. “She meant to compliment how young I still look, but her compliment back-fired and made me feel the need to show my growth. I lived and learned through infertility, divorce, and foster-adoption.” Our growth is often internal, not visible to the people who meet us again in passing, but this post will make you think twice about how you phrase the thought.

Life’s Basic Elegance has a post about a planner. Except… you know… it’s not really a planner. It’s a post about the things we stop when we are in mourning, and the importance of restarting those tiny daily rituals that bring us back to everyday life.

Road Less Travelled writes about social media minefields we may not even be aware that we’re stepping on. After her SIL asks her not to post something for fear of offending other people (who weren’t invited), she wonders how many other postings have inadvertently had a negative impact on another person. As she points out: “Life is both richer AND a lot more complicated since social media arrived on the scene.”

Finally, FinallyMyLinesNow has an ode to her partner. They’ve been through a lot together, and she marvels at the new side she is seeing now that they are parenting. She writes, “I never would have guessed that kids would make my marriage stronger, but seeing him care for the babies and me in every sense possible has done exactly that.” It’s a happy story.

The roundup to the Roundup: Go see The Farewell. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between August 2nd and August 9th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

There is a place in LA that has VR massage chairs. As in, you get in a massage chair, strap on a VR headset, and watch relaxing pictures while a machine kneads the knots out of your back. 30 minutes for $45.

At first, I was obsessed with the idea of heading to LA. Then the Wolvog pointed out that I could get a massage pad for $150, strap it to a chair, and put on his VR set and have essentially the same thing for as long as I want, no flight necessary.

Then, as I researched massage pads that strap onto chairs, I realized that I kind of wanted to skip the whole VR thing and just close my eyes and bliss out. I’m not sure why I never thought to get myself this. Is it as good as professional massage? Probably not. But is it an inexpensive way to make myself feel relaxed for 15 minutes any time I want. Well… yes.

We don’t have a lot of space, so it has to be either a pad that attaches to an existing chair or a folding chair (yes, they make foldable massage chairs!). Anyone have an experience with these?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Giving Comfort” (Stirrup Queens) — thanks, Jess!
• “Tiny Glass Bowl of Bread” (Stirrup Queens) — thanks, Jess, again!
• “Inheritances” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dreaming of Diapers is in the middle of an out-of-state FET, traveling from AZ to LA to transfer her final embryos. She is thinking positively because while this may be her last shot, it’s also her best shot. So go send her off with a lot of good thoughts.

Infertile Phoenix has a post with a thought-provoking opening: “Recovering from infertility without getting to raise children is a long, hard undertaking.” And I love these opening thoughts that kick off an amazing ending, “Who am I now? A changed person. Healing from the loss of motherhood.” Go read the whole thing.

Lastly, Bereaved and Blessed returns to an old post and updates a single word, subtly changing the meaning of her original thought. She also added in the perspective she gained from the year, and performed the piece in a reading series. I featured the original post last year, too, so go over and see the changes. (I love the new insights.)

The roundup to the Roundup: I want to get a massage pad. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between July 26th and August 2nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.