Category — Friday Blog Roundup

You are probably waiting for an email back from me.  I use the singular “you,” but it’s sort of like shooting fish in a barrel — there is a good chance that many dozens of people reading this are awaiting an email back from me.  I can explain: NaBloPoMo.

I thought I had things under control, but that is the thing about NaBloPoMo: it’s like the undertow that you can’t see, the one that sucks you out to sea where — if you were in a storybook — you would end up on a grand adventure featuring you, a raft made out of thousands of discarded Coke bottles, and a pelican named Sam.  And if you’re not in a storybook, you simply drown.

I am firmly in the not-in-a-storybook camp.

When BlogHer took over NaBloPoMo last spring, they handed the project to me.  There was a bit of an uphill learning curve, but I felt like I entered the trucking-along stage after a few weeks.  Then, the site completed its physical move on November 1st, a day when nearly 2000 bloggers signed up to participate in the month-long project.  Since last Friday, I have been uploading those thousands of blogs (and linking them) by hand.  I’ve been writing posts and featuring posts and syndicating posts.  Everything I eat has started to taste like NaBloPoMo.  And I’m like a pet owner, morphing into looking like NaBloPoMo.  And even worse, the kids have started to talk about NaBlo as if its an additional resident in our house (“Mum is cooking with NaBlo so she’s probably going to burn the crepes.” — for the record, I didn’t burn the crepes).

I know that November’s NaBloPoMo has an end point — it has to calm down soon, right?  I mean, I know the whole thing starts up again on December 1st and on January 1st and on February 1st.  But at some point, it will go back to a mild buzz instead of deafening sirens.

Right?

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We’ve been watching The Parent Trap — the original one — which means that in addition to working on NaBloPoMo for a grotesque amount of hours each day, I’m speaking like Hayley Mills.  The twins are watching it in 20 minutes increments, so we go through movies at a painstaking slow pace.  I like to think of it as recreating the feeling of radio serials.  You know how you were left hanging until the next installment, imagining 1000 what ifs until you could find out what really happened?  The twins, by the way, agree with what you’re thinking right now — about how they should just get to watch the whole damn movie and not have things dragged out like this.

It is raising all sort of twin conversations, namely, would we ever separate them and send them to live on opposite coasts? (Wait?  What?  But I’m not divorcing your father.)  And why didn’t they get real twins to play the twins instead of making one girl pretend to be her own twin?  And why are people so weird about twins?  And how it feels to actually be a twin vs. playing one in a movie.

It’s interesting because since we started watching it, they have alternated between wanting to be close to one another (perhaps a little too close… perhaps the other person doesn’t actually want you in their lap…) and not wanting to be twins because it makes them different from all their singleton friends (and then wanting to be twins because it makes them different).

One night after watching their sliver of movie, I came into the ChickieNob’s room to check on her and saw a lump in her bed.  “Is there a child in there,” I asked, pointing at the blanket.  She pulled back the covers to reveal her brother’s beloved enormous black lab stuffed animal.

“Uh, does the Wolvog know you have that?” I asked, wondering how she stole something that large from his room without him noticing.

“He heard me crying because I miss him.  So he brought me his dog to hold because it reminds me of him when I miss him.”

And that, Hayley Mills is what you can’t replicate with acting.

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We have had two more winners with the Creme de la Creme lucky spots (and more on their way for next week).

Jen from Here We Go Again claimed the glass jewelry donated by Battlefish (thank you, Battlefish!) and  Brooke from Becoming Parents claimed the mugs donated by First Time Twins (thank you, First Time Twins).  No, really really really — thank you.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “I Wasn’t Going to Post Today” (Egg Drop Post)
• “On Giving Up” (Bodega Bliss)
• “Perfect Moment Monday: Spending” (Four of a Kind)
• “Grief” (The Pursuit of Pregnancy)
• “Question 3 in a Series on Gender, Parenting, and Being Gay” (Regular Miswesterners)
• “Vulnerability” (Breaking into Blossom)
• “Maslow and Mompetition” (In Loco Parentis)
• “Milkweed” (Bloodsigns)
• “The Heartache of Infant Loss” (Jack at Random)
• “The Heartache of Infant Loss” (By the Brooke)
• “The Heartache of Infant Loss” (JSOnline)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I didn’t read this Thursday post until last Friday, so I’m counting it with this week.  What IF? has a post about how we identify as well as when and where we choose to discuss infertility.  The post begins by pointing out a discrepancy between numbers and the number of people out: “Statistically, how likely is it that I’ve made it to my mid-30’s without having one friend or acquaintance that I know of who has undergone fertility treatments?”  You are going to love, love, love this post.  You can tell her so in the comment section.

A Fine Mess has a small and sad post called “Broken” about Halloween.  I know people often speak about Christmas and Mother’s Day as difficult holidays for infertiles, but truly, Halloween has to rank up there as third.  Listen to all that is contained in this single sentence: “I was planning to write a longer post, but I just don’t have it in me.”  It stuck with me a long time after reading it.

Lastly, The Hairy Farmer Family has an explanation for why she hasn’t been blogging.  It’s a never-ending cycle of not blogging, and then wanting to write, and then feeling as if there is too much ground to cover, so she doesn’t blog, but then she wants to write…  Okay, I’m a sucker for blogging about blogging, but what I really loved in this post was this: “I was, in fact, the elephant in the church, which is not something you often get to be.”

The roundup to the Roundup: I am drowning in the NaBloPoMo Sea.  Loving rewatching The Parent Trap.  More winners in the Creme de la Creme (please keep helping to spread the word).  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 28th and November 4th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So… I got a bit of exciting news while we were down at Disney World.  My publisher is going ahead with the creation of an audiobook version of Life from Scratch.  It will be on sale this winter — around December or January.  So if you’ve ever wanted to sit in a car or Metro on your way to work and listen to Rachel and Gael having sex… this is your chance.  And no, I won’t be the one reading it.  They have a professional audiobooker (what is someone called who reads for audiobooks?) working on it.

I am pretty damn excited.  And it’s all the more reason to write this Roundup quickly and get back to finishing up the sequel.

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We’re up to 86 on the Creme de la Creme list as of writing this, and again, the posts are amazing this year.  I know I say that every year, but if every blog is like a menu, you’re going to find dishes you love and dishes that fall flat and dishes that simply aren’t to your liking.  But the Creme de la Creme is like a food fair, where every restaurant has put forth their best dish, so it’s freakin’ delicious.  It’s good writing, emotional moments, and deep ideas all boiled down into a single list where you know that every post is going to grab you somewhat, even if it’s just to marvel at the commonality of our thoughts.

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Speaking of the Creme de la Creme list, here’s your first chance to be moved into a great slot on the list.  I will be choosing one participant from the November IComLeavWe list to be moved into the 6th slot on the list (so you’re close to the top and get more eyes on your post).  I will be using the random number generator when the list closes for the month on the 21st, so there’s nothing more to do on your end except…  IComLeavWe.  It’s a win-win: commit to commenting daily on other people’s blogs for a week (and spread some love around) and possibly win a great spot on the Creme de la Creme list.

The winner will either be moved into that position if they’ve already submitted their post, or that slot will be held for them until they’re ready to choose what they want to submit.

The November IComLeavWe list opens this weekend on Saturday.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Fragmented Observation” (My Lady of the Lantern)
• “If Blogging Were Tweeting” (What the Blog?)
• “I Haven’t Done Anything to Your Bum Bullets” (Just Us and the Cat)
• “Revelation” (Built-In Birth Control)
• “Calling All Infertiles…” (The 2 Week Wait)
• “With All the Love in the World” (Mommy Wants Vodka)
• “When Blogger Friendships Become Real-Life Friends” (Bodega Bliss)
• “Pity Party” (Stumbling Gracefully)
• “Rashoman: The Ill-Fated Blogger Sleepover” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
• “The Fat Friend” (BigP and Me)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Too Many Fish to Fry has a post about a moment when she was the mother she needed to be, swatting away the wasps, and it’s a peek into all the times you had no idea your parents were creating a safe space for you without your knowledge.  I love this part: “Because parenting is so subtle and mysterious and confrontational and mind-numbing. Clear-cut victories are rare. And fleeting. I think all parents chase various monsters with rubber swords. The vast majority of us are incredibly fortunate that our monsters are small, relatively (hopefully) easy to slay.”  Isn’t that gorgeous?

Gemini Girl’s post about names got me thinking.  She talks about a study that looks at how our names affect our employment status, and goes on to admit to why she gave her girls slightly unusual names — names that weren’t as unusual as Apple but certainly less common than Jennifer.  She cringes at the end: “I just hope that they grow up and tell me that they do love their names and that they were happy I named them something that was a bit unconventional.  And if they don’t – well…there’s always the Social Security Office.”  Go tell her if you like your name.

Dead Cow Girl has a post about how IVF has changed her body.  It is possibly the only post you will read today that mentions balls in a vice numerous times and she means balls in an actual vice.  I love reading this point-of-view, of how infertility (and treatments) affects her sexual work.  Okay, and I loved this: “While you see the wrinkles and the dimples (the fat kind, not the sexy butt cheek ones) and the pimples and few extra pounds, most men don’t see past the naughty little knickers. You open the door wearing something naughty and all they know is that you have Intentions and that they are lucky enough to be the recipient of those Intentions. They see the perfection that is you.”  It’s hard to feel sexy during treatments; it’s good to take advice from someone who is professionally sexy.

I love Write Mind Open Heart’s follow up to her two posts about discussing adoption with her son.  And while she points out that she isn’t superhuman, I would tend to disagree.  It’s seven points of excellent advice to keep in mind about adoption discussions.

Lastly, the Stork Drop Zone has a post about surrogacy; about becoming a parent and still being infertile, and how she doesn’t know her place on the spectrum yet.  She’s not pregnant, but she’s having a baby.  But she doesn’t necessarily fit in with people still in the trenches since she’s on her way out.  She writes, “I’m not at all embarrassed that we’ve had to go an untraditional route to have our baby, but it can be very difficult emotionally. It’s hard to go register for baby gear when you’re the only mom-to-be there without a baby bump. things like that kind of make me feel like an imposter at times.”  It’s a lovely post about the offshoots of surrogacy.

The roundup to the Roundup: My book (Life from Scratch) is coming out in an audiobook version this winter.  The Creme de la Creme is trucking along (please keep helping to spread the word).  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 21st and October 28th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

The Creme de la Creme list burst open with dozens of entries within the first hour.  Last year, on the first day, we had 27 entries.  This year, we had that within the first few hours.  I have high hopes for hitting 400+ posts.  I want to thank everyone who has already spread word about the list via Twitter, Facebook, and blog posts.  Thank you to everyone who Stumbled it.  Because the list is closing early this year, if we don’t spread word now, many people who only find out about the Creme when the list goes up in January will miss out.

The first prize has also been given out.  Mommy Odyssey hit the current 18th slot on the list (since people will be shifted back to make room for the new people in the 2nd, 4th, and 6th slot.  Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Read the Creme de la Creme post).  She has won the $100 Amazon gift card provide by Attain Fertility (thank you, Attain!).  Slot #36 will be contacted soon.

For everyone who thinks they don’t have a “best” post this year, I challenge you with this.  Are you completely willing to delete your blog?  Every single last post from 2011?  No?  Then you technically have one you can submit.  It’s the one you’d save if you could keep just one.  It may not be spectacular.  It may just be an update on your lining thickness.  But it means something to you.  And therefore, it means something to us.

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We will be having the Grateful Said, and that will launch within the next week or so.  So go look for good comments — again, don’t get hung up on the word “best” but instead think about a particularly nice comment that came exactly when you needed it.  Personally, I am looking for what was a difficult post to write and publicly thanking the first person who commented since they set my heart at ease.

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The twins are working on an autobiography project at school.  They need to bring in a baby picture and a current picture to kick off the book.  Printing out a current picture was easy — I went into the computer and grabbed one of each from a hiking trip we took this summer.  The baby picture wasn’t quite as easy.  I started with actual baby pictures, and then I started to get worried that the other kids in the class would (1) be freaked out to see a two pound baby covered in wires and tubing or (2) that the twins would be made fun of because they had been two pound babies covered in wires and tubing.  So I skipped forward a few months to when they had some meat on their bones, but that felt false, as if I was editing history.  They were two pound babies; why should we pretend otherwise?  So I went back to the earlier pictures in the NICU and started the whole internal monologue several more times.

I finally went with some pictures from when they were 5 months.

Even though I think there is a lot of beauty in this:

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Time” (This Was Supposed to be My Symphony)
• “The Legacy of an Adopted Child” (I Believe in Miracles)
• “My Son Processes a New Layer of His Adoptedness” (Write Mind Open Heart)
• “Notes from a Dragon Mom” (NY Times)

Okay, now my choices this week.

It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) has a difficult to read post this week about being abandoned for the second time by her mother.  I was drawn to this post for the sheer rawness; the eloquence of her explanation.  And I love this point: “Yet, I am still standing. And, as things come to a head and the crazy swirls around me, I wonder how that is possible. I credit the many friends in my chosen family who mentored me and ushered me through the toughest years.”

Getting There also had a difficult post about death, namely, the fact that death is part of her child’s adoption story.  She explains, “I’ve promised my boy that he is with us forever – and that’s a promise for a two year old. But at some point in the future my boy is going to realise that forever isn’t going to happen. If his birth father can die, doesn’t that mean that his mummy and daddy might die?”  The ending of the post is moving, and you’re forewarned that you should bring Kleenex to read it.

Lastly, ending on a happy note, A Half Baked Life has a post that asks an excellent question: when was the last time you treated yourself as the honoured guest?  My internal answer was… pretty much never.  Which begs the question: why don’t a bake a freakin’ cake for myself, declare myself important enough to warrant the same treatment I give my guests?  It’s a great post about being compassionate to yourself with a recipe to boot.

The roundup to the Roundup: The Creme de la Creme is off to a great start (and please keep spreading the word).  The Grateful Said will kick off soon.  A glimpse into my internal monologue over a school project.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 14th and October 21st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Many months ago, I teasingly told Kristin that I was going to serenade her at BlogHer, though in the end, I didn’t schlep a laptop much less a guitar.  But that does not mean that I can’t mortify her AND myself by serenading her from afar.  I told her that I would do this when she least expected it…

So Kristin, pretend that we are standing in the hallway of the lovely Marriott, perhaps by that Golden Gate Bridge made out of Twizzlers, and I am on one knee, holding Bob Jackson.  I am wearing cords, my Superman t-shirt (but with a long sleeve grey t-shirt underneath because it’s cold in here!), and my chucks.  I have somehow carried not only a guitar but an amp down to the lobby.  And there you are — so I start to warble.

[audio:https://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/good2.mp3]

Forgive me for choosing “Good Riddance” — it was the last song I “mastered.”  I use air quotes liberally there because I think we can all see what I mean by “master” by that performance.  I also apologize for the sound quality — Josh’s computer was acting up. And I was trying not to laugh while I sang.  Just in case you were wondering, I am embarrassed about my singing voice, but I figured that you already heard it before so you can’t actually be shocked by it.  Plus, the beauty of doing this online is that I don’t actually need to see your face, to process the horror spreading over it as you listen.

I’d also like to take this moment to apologize publicly to my teacher for not practicing as much as I should.  I know it must annoy the crap out of you when I show up to the lesson and admit that I still haven’t really mastered the song we’re working on because I haven’t given it my all.  I’m saying I’m sorry, but I need to temper this with an admittance that I’ll probably do it again.  Though I hold the kids to a totally different standard when it comes to practicing for their music lessons and then tell them that I practiced at night while they were in bed.  So I guess I’d also like to apologize to the kids for fibbing because while I do that sometimes, I don’t actually do it all that often.

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This is the absolute last call to contribute a prize to the 2011 Creme de la Creme (scroll down to #5 on that post).  No prizes will be accepted after October 19th at 11 pm EST.  For a prize to be included, you need to add it as a comment on that post.  In doing so, you’re making the commitment to come through with that prize.  Have no idea what I’m talking about?  Click over and read that post because the Creme de la Creme list for 2011 opens on October 20th.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Goodnight, Steve Jobs: a Hero’s Goodbye” (Stirrup Queens) — thanks, Kathy!
• “Rock Your Moxie” (Aiming Low)
• “The Past I Don’t Speak About Here, and Why” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
• “The Silent Struggle” (Adventures of Endo in the Arctic)
• “Perspective: a Rant” (For We Are Bound By Symmetry)
• “Introverted” (Here We Go Again)
• “Falling Away” (Everyone Shut Up But Me)
• “People Plan, and G-d Laughs” (Single Infertile Female)

Okay, now my choices this week.

My Pathway to Motherhood has a post about Yom Kippur, jumping between three Yom Kippurs.  I loved meandering through these three different memories, especially since all three had a very different flavour.

I love The Road Less Travelled’s post about going online for the first time 15 years ago.  It is such a great trip down memory lane — punch cards, Intellivision, dot-matrix printers.  I remember the first time I heard about email when I was 16 — I didn’t believe the boy because it sounded too strange to be true (letters?  That could arrive moments later on someone’s computer?  Over telephone lines?).  Sort of crazy to think about today when hundreds of emails come and go from my inbox daily.

Lastly, Better Full Than Empty has a post questioning why she stepped back on the trying-to-conceive path again when she thought she had escaped it.  She explains: “I want another baby, and this renewed insurance is my chance to make that happen. I have tried all my life to live so I will have as few regrets as possible. When I was rethinking my life’s plan, back when we still didn’t want kids, I came to the conclusion that parents don’t regret having children, but that I would most certainly regret NOT having them.”  Yet trying again means putting herself emotionally back in the throes of IVF again.  She finishes the post with a question, one that many could apply to themselves and their own, personal double-edged sword.

The roundup to the Roundup: Embarrassing myself and Kristin in the process.  LAST CALL FOR CREME DE LA CREME PRIZES.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 7th and October 14th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

A very simple roundup today to bring order to a very chaotic, emotion-filled week.

Second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “On the Night of my 33rd Birthday” (Mrs. Spit)
• “The Limits of Empathy” (NYT)
• “Waiting and Ready” (Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed)
• “2 1/2 Years” (Caring for Carleigh)
• “Dear Embryos” (I’m Very Far Away)
• “Good Enough” (The Oregon Tail)
• “Mexico Here We Come!” (Starfish Kitty Dreams)
• “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the REs Office” (A Single Journey)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Family Building with a Twist has a post about her fear of the passive Internet Shut-up, which is essentially, the Internet Ignore.  How does not having your words read or commented on affect how you write, how you express yourself?  Does it seep into the face-to-face world and how you communicate — or stop communicating — with others?  It’s a beautiful post about choosing to write and tuning everything else out.

I Lost a World talks about that desire to keep your child from sadness.  She writes, “I hurt for the fact that she was born into this particular sadness, into the loss of a brother, and that I can’t protect her from it. I can try to help her come to an understanding that works for her, and I can be honest, and I can try to create a sense of safety so that she can tell me how she feels and can ask questions as she has them … But I can’t bring him back for her, can’t erase what his loss has done to us or the fact that it’s helped shape who we are as a family.”  It is a gorgeous, aching post.

A Fertile Mind has a post about people craving the happy ending.  Listen to this brilliant observation: “We have inadvertently joined a club and those who were unwilling to hear of our struggles previously are now ready to listen to the story of how long it took us to have a baby.  Even though the baby isn’t even here yet.  Our story now gives them hope that things really do turn out alright in the end.”  Or this incredibly powerful statement: “I think I just wish that people had listened to our story when I needed them to.” Which begs the question: what do people do who don’t have the happy ending in sight?

Lastly, Battlefish has a post about feeling like a broken record in discussing her mother’s death.  I think this is a powerful post because it’s a reminder of how we don’t know what is happening in another person’s head.  She writes, “I am finding it hard to believe that no one seems to notice how sad I am on my really down and melancholy days. Am I really that good of an actress that no one sees it?”

The roundup to the Roundup: No big wrap-up needed; just lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between September 30th and October 7th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.