Category — Friday Blog Roundup

I paid the Wolvog $5 to build me a pretty new website for all of my books.  He subsidizes me because I pay for his computer classes and give him our old technology.  Click on the picture below to go to the site:

Isn’t it lovely? I’ll be uploading teasers and release information and book club questions over there now that the release date for Measure of Love is closer. As well as thoughts on constructing sideways sequels (harder than I thought), or perhaps a what-not-to-do about giving characters lives that you know nothing about. So far, in taking two side characters and making them main characters in the sequel — obviously something I hadn’t considered when I gave them careers and such in the first book — I have had to pick the brains of a producer at the Daily Show, the atelier designer for a fashion house, and two doctors in order to construct something believable.  Damn it’s been a lot of work.

And I also feel a little odd whenever I call someone to talk about a character as if they’re a real person.  I mean, all these people are cognizant that they are helping me with a novel, but it’s still embarrassing to talk about your characters as if they’re living.  It makes me want to constantly remind people that I’m speaking to that I know it’s make-believe.  Plus, it’s also a little embarrassing to be sitting and talking to two doctors knowing their job is to save people’s lives and my job is to make up stuff.

Isn’t that a weird job?  Hi, I’m Melissa.  I’m a professional maker-upper.

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As a side note, I ended up buying all of John Green’s books when I went to the bookstore last weekend.  I shortlisted everything by Cathleen Schine because she definitely fit the bill (but I was already buying three books at the time so she will have to wait a bit).  Later in the week, I added Daniel Handler to the to-read list because he also seemed sufficiently unfussy.  I put on Enders Game and a bunch of others… the list started to get very long, which is a good thing.  I also started looking down the Printz list, noticing that a lot of books that fit into this category also seemed to win the Printz prize (though not all books that win the Printz prize I would ever describe as YA, so that is interesting).  Just wanted to give you an update on my reading list just in case… you know… you also had been looking for unfussy, straightforward storytelling books.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “We Found Our Son in the Subway” (NY Times)
• “I’m More Than Just a Uterus” (The Road Less Travelled)
• “A Dawning” (It Is What It Is (Or Is It?)
• “Taking Charge of My Infertility” (An Embarrassment of Good Fortune)
• “Book Stoppage” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Mina!
• “On Being Pretty” (A Really Good Idea)
• “Not With a Whimper” (The Smartness)

Okay, now my choices this week.

What They Never Tell You has a post about gaining perspective while on a hiatus from her blog.  She writes, “I’ve come to realize how different the world looks after IVF, after three failed attempts, after finding out that a loved one has cancer.  It would be easy to get down and allow myself to wallow in all of what has taken place.”  It’s about finding those quiet moments of goodness amongst all the hard ones, and then sitting in those moments to catch your breath.

By the Brooke has a post about how people believe that yes, babies may be born still, but they’ll be born to other people.  She writes of our optimism bias: “But once something happens to you that knocks your whole world off-kilter, once you witness how quickly your carefully laid plans can crumble into nothing, once you come home to an empty crib and you have no baby to put in it, well.  Your expectations are different.”  It’s a truthful, thought-provoking post.

Finding My New Normal has a post about reconnecting with a friend who left before the loss of her child and has returned still expecting the same person.  As she describes the person she used to know, friends who have only known the author since her loss were confused.  She writes, “As she was walking down memory lane, sharing stories about fun times and crazy moments I could see looks of wonder on the faces of my newer friends. I could tell that they didn’t recognize the ‘me’ that was being described in the stories. In a way, neither did I. That person seems so far away now.”  The loss of her son divides her life into a time before and a time after, and it’s a gorgeous post about what happens when those two sides meet.

Lastly, Serenity Now has a post about gratitude for the child she has instead of focusing on the child she doesn’t.  She says something very profound: “I’ve been so focused on how much it hurts that we just got lucky that I’ve ignored the fact we got really, really lucky in the first place.”  Isn’t that amazing?  I love her focus as well as the image she presents at the end of the post.

The roundup to the Roundup: New author site.  These are the books I got last week.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 1st and March 8th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I won a goldfish at the Purim carnival.  It was one of those games where you have three chances to throw a ping pong ball into an incredibly small opening.  We had waited in a long line for our turn, and I was the last one in the family to go.  I got it in on the second ball, and I turned around and started screaming and jumping.  The other kids in line stared at me as if I was a goddess.  They asked me how I did it.  I felt like a celebrity; the Fish Winner.  We got in line and tried again, and this time the ChickieNob won.  We were feeling ten kinds of lucky.

Then the reality of “we won two goldfish” kicked in.  We had to go to a pet store to get supplies.  There was a lot of judgment from the pet store staff when we refused the 10-gallon tank (feel free to leave your own self-righteous comment about goldfish bowls so I can tell you what we told them).  We got fish food and water conditioner, and in the end, spent an additional $16 in order to attend the carnival.

Then we drove home with Galadriel and not-Spinky.  The ChickieNob settled immediately on the name Galadriel for her fish.  The Wolvog named his Spinky as we were walking out of the building.  Then he started crying at lunch when we told Grandma the name of his fish and he realized he hated it.  We then brainstormed several other names, including Sunday, which is what the fish is now called by everyone when we speak of it aloud.  But in my head, I still think of it as not-Spinky, or N-Spink, for short.

Both Galadriel and N-Spink live in the Wolvog’s room.  We were going to get two separate bowls for the two separate rooms, but the ChickieNob was too scared to have the fish live in her room because that means that one day the fish will die in her room.  She does not mind the idea of her fish dying in her brother’s room, and she assured him that he was totally up to the task of dealing with a dead fish.  She’s a sweet girl.

With a fish-winning arm.

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I’ve been devouring The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.  I read about half of it yesterday.  This is my first time reading John Green.  Are his other books equally good?  I really like the conversational tone.  The beautiful moments in the simplicity of the sentences.  I’m going to be near a bookstore this weekend and could get others if anyone can vouch for them.

So name some other books like that.  Not matching the subject matter or type (TFIOS is young adult); that isn’t what I mean.  I just want books that are similar in tone and style.  Conversational.  Unfussy.  Simple.  A lot of people can do complicated poorly.  Some people can do complicated well.  But a rare few can do simple well.  And I’m looking for great, unfussy, straightforward storytelling.

On a side note, I have not yet read the Hunger Games.  I’ve been waiting to read the first book.  I should probably just dive into it, right?  I’ve been assuming that it fits the bill as unfussy, straightforward storytelling… right?

So what other books — adult or YA, genre or non-genre, American or non-American — fit this description of unfussy, straightforward storytelling.  That is great.  Something like The Fault in Our Stars or The Age of Miracles or any of the Sookie Stackhouse books or… do you know what I mean by unfussy, straightforward storytelling?  I’m just trying to focus my book recommendation request on gathering ideas for a certain type of book I am particularly in the mood for at the moment.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “It Takes a Village” (Single Infertile Female)
• “Wild and Precious” (Stumbling Gracefully)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Bionic Mamas has a post about returning to the fertility clinic in order to conceive another child.  It’s both the logistics of coming back to the office, but also the emotions of being back in that space again.  I thought it was a wonderful, eye-opening post; something so many who experience primary infertility go through in order to continue to build their family.  I imagine the same feelings exist on other paths to parenthood such as adoption.  She writes, “As I waited for my name to be called, a strange nausea crept over me.  I hadn’t, I realized, been comparing my present-day self with the me who had first come to the Baby Factory at all; I’d been comparing myself to my memory of that person, a memory colored by knowing that my first visit was only the beginning, that there were miles to go, disappointments and fears and more than a few crying jags.”

By now, you have probably read Tiger Beatdown’s story about her infertility, but in case you haven’t, I’m sending you over.  It was not a post I expected to read when I opened her blog Thursday morning.  It was gut-wrenching.  It was raw.  It was a hard story to read but an important story to read.  She writes of the baby she lost, “Almost seventeen thousand dead in European detention centers since the mid 90’s. I have always added my own dead to the list. My dead wasn’t counted because it wasn’t official. I had never reported it to the NGO that keeps track of the corpses. And yet, since the day that I knew I was carrying a dead baby (an illegal immigrant dead baby), I have done nothing but honor her memory.”  Please go over and read in full.

Lastly, Adventures in Infertility Land has a post about dating after divorce while infertile.  She questions: “The truth is I have no idea how to go about this.  How do I share my story?  How much detail is ok to give?  How much can I keep in?  Do I owe it to these potential partners to lay it all out there so they know exactly what kind of a mess they might be dealing with?”  More illuminating are the reactions she records of the people she does tell.  And don’t forget to read (and add to) the discussion in the comment section.

The roundup to the Roundup: Two new pets in the Ford house: Galadriel and N-Spink… I mean, Sunday.  Trying to focus my book recommendation request.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 22nd and March 1st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So the world is going to end.  Probably like… I don’t know… 10 billion years from now.  And that sucks.  When I read on iO9 about how we now know definitively that the world is going to end, I felt really sad.  Especially since one of my big loves is the Higgs boson (Josh likes to say, “if you love that boson so much, why don’t you marry it?”  Maybe I will, maybe I will).

It sort of doesn’t matter if it’s going to take place 10 billion years from now, when no one will be around to remember our generation.  It’s just the idea of something I really like — the world, for instance — ending.  What if I plant a time capsule now with a note that it be opened in 10 billion years?  Now I can’t do that because the earth itself isn’t even going to be here by that time.  I’m going to have to set it for 9 billion years.  And that isn’t as special.

Of course, if the physicist’s calculations are off, we don’t need to worry about the world ending by being swallowed by an alternate universe.  Though it sounds as if they’re fairly certain that 10 billion years from now, all of this will be gone.  So… yeah… I’m back to sad again.

Am I the only one who is really sad thinking about the world ending, even if it is 10 billion years from now?

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Poetry for the Aunt You Love to Hate” (Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen)
• “Invisible Badge” (Life from Here)
• “Infertility and Shame” (No Kidding in NZ)
• “Birth Day, VI” (Awful But Functioning)
• “A Note from Me to You” (Ask Moxie)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Just Another Infertility Blog has a post that starts out about religion but changes to be an epiphany that came through meditation.  She has stopped asking herself why she’s struggling with infertility.  She writes, “What I’ve discovered is that those questions are not really helpful and I’ve been trying to move away from that type of thinking and look more at what this experience has taught me and what I can take away from all of this.”  It’s just a really thought-provoking post.

Res Cogitatae has a post about her recent bout of anxiety.  The post feels like an onion unpeeling, all these layers coming undone to get to that anxiety in the center.  And it all comes down to the unknowns — all the various unknowns of life and work and family building.  She explains, “Dear readers, if you have been with me  all this time (and I know some of you have) you know this about me: I do not do well with unknowns. I am a planner. An organizer. I cannot stand ceding control of my life to the universe.”  As someone who is similar in nature, this post spoke to me.  Especially the idea that naming it really can help you wrap your brain around it and feel as if the anxiety-inducing elements have been brought down to size.

I cracked up over Something Out of Nothing’s post about her two-hour delay.  That’s all.  I just felt the need to point out her dry wit.

And to that end, Mrs. Spit has a gorgeous post about being a memory keeper.  That’s all.  I just felt the need to point out this piece of heart-wrenching beauty.

Lastly, Silent Sorority has a post unpacking some of Hilary Mantel’s now infamous words about Kate Middleton as well as the pressure royalty go through to produce an heir.  She asks if the world would be as interested in William and Kate if they were an infertile couple; would they celebrate them as a family of two?  As I said in her comment section, on one hand, the pressure on royals to reproduce is horrifying (and the #1 reason I would never in a trillion years want to be a princess).  But if we look at it as a job?  Then I’m not as horrified.  If the purpose of a doctor is to treat illness, then I would expect a doctor to treat illness.  And if the purpose of a monarch is to ensure the stability of the government and produce an heir that will succeed the current monarch, then we can look back at history and see that big problems arise when there is a fight for power.  While I don’t think the United Kingdom will fall apart if Kate and William never reproduced, I could see a country holding its collective breath waiting for another royal to be born because that child signifies continuation.  Stability.  Government.  Which also translates into security for the nation.  Heady things.  She is never going to personally “rule,” though she has an important role in creating that stability.  Go over there and give her your thoughts.

The roundup to the Roundup: Are you also sad that the world is going to end?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 15th and 22nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Last Friday, the twins and I were having dinner out together before we went to see a play.  The ChickieNob was asking for specific stories: Tell me about the time there was a tornado while you were in class, and how the world looked when you walked outside after.  Tell me about the time someone threw a police road block through your apartment window.  And then she said, “tell me a story I’ve never heard.”  Suddenly this story popped into my head, a story I had never told almost anyone before about something that happened back in high school.  I told them this long tale of what had happened which ended with me yelling at the boy in the story.  I admitted that I let out a long string of curse words at the top of my lungs while in the mall.  And then I did it again when he tried to call me later to apologize.  The ChickieNob was aghast.  “Did you apologize?”

No, I admitted.  I hadn’t apologized, though I certainly had come to feel sorry about how I reacted once I calmed down.  “You need to write him an apology.”

“It’s been over 20 years,” I pointed out.  “He may not even remember.”

“You have to apologize anyway!” she admonished.

She didn’t forget.  She asked me the next day if I had written my apology.  I hadn’t.  She told me to write myself a note so I would remember to do it.  So I wrote myself a note, and then, in the middle of the week, I found the boy on Facebook and sent him a note.  I didn’t know if he would remember me much less the incident, but the ChickieNob was satisfied.  “Good! That is what you should have done 20 years ago!”

But in the end, he wrote back.  He remembered the incident, and we got to have a great conversation about it.  It was so nice to swing back to that moment, continue the story so it didn’t end on that sour note but instead had a long pause and ended with this conversation 20 years later.

He commented that the ChickieNob seemed like a very compassionate person, and I told her that.  She gave this secret smile and did this dance step and said, “I am!  And I’m glad he noticed that.”  Then she proceeded to pretend to be a zombie, dragging herself across the floor, grunting and groaning.  She is compassionate, yes, but she is also the strangest person I’ve ever met.  Like Mother Theresa meets Wednesday Addams.

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The kids weren’t really phased, even when I greeted them on Valentine’s Day by reminding them that their stuffed animals and kidneys were mine.  It’s as if they’ve developed an immunity to my shenanigans.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Gender Differences and Why They Don’t Matter So Much” (Science-Based Medicine)
• “On the Pain Olympics and Why I Don’t Think It’s a Dirty Term” (A Thousand Oceans)
• “From the Ashes” (Viva la Vida!)
• “Tik Tok Tik Tok 1-1-1” (While We Were Waiting)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Following My Sun has a heartbreakingly brief post that stunned me into a state of quietness.  It is a gorgeous post about loss; about those hours that most people sleep through and miss.

Bio Girl lost her sister Missy this week to brain cancer, and her post in the aftermath stayed in my mind for days.  She describes the fear the numbness brings so perfectly.  My heart is with her family right now as they grieve.

Mojo Working has a very angry post, which is a must-read for anyone wishing to see the far-reaching effects of a reproductive disease.  She states so honestly, “Sometimes it feels overwhelming, impossible to bear. And yet, somehow, I bear it. I wish I could say I bear it gracefully, but I do not. I bear it, but with a deep and unforgiving anger that bubbles just beneath the surface. I do not hide it well.”  Read this post.

An Expat’s Journal has a post recounting an important conversation she had with her husband.  It is about realizing that not only does she need a game plan in order to proceed, but she needs to know where her husband stands on the various paths out of infertility so they can plan together.  It is about knowing in the back of her head that one day she may hit her limit, and she needs to know what will happen next.  It is a beautiful post about two people planning a life together, one that weaves both their ideas, hopes, and limits.

Almost lastly… FrozenOJ’s Concentrated Life got me with a cartoon that states: “Sometimes I really hate my vagina” but she kept me as I cringed through a day in the life of OJ on her period.  She begins, “Watching feminine product commercials really make me jealous.”  And while none of us run through a field of flowers while we’re on the rag, our hair blowing back in the breeze, her reality is such a harsh contrast to the girls in the commercials who run and jump and go to the beach… all while bleeding profusely.

Really lastly, the amazing list of writers who stood up and were their own valentines this week (well, they were possibly other people’s valentines as well, but they were also their own valentine).  Please read and enjoy these great posts:

• Have sex. If you can. And if not, don’t stress and have it later.
• Letting Go Of…
• FTAW Day 2: It Takes a Village
• Mental Checkup
• Sleep Shenanigans
• AdoptLit Book Tour: The Sound of Hope, an Adoptee’s Quest for her Origins
• A Day in the Life
• Time Warp Tuesday: Heart
• Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble
• Helping Out Our Aunt
• Past, Present and Future News
• Random Thoughts
• Everything I Love About Justin Timberlake’s “Suit & Tie” Video(s)
• Love, Sex and Rock n’ Roll: Happy Valentine’s Day.
• Why I Hate February
• I Am Angry
• My Worst Nightmare
• In Honor Of My Favorite Bees
• Due Date 2013: The Actual

The roundup to the Roundup: An apology 20 years in the making.  The twins don’t even react to my teasing anymore.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 8th and 15th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I asked the ChickieNob if she wanted to be my Valentine the other day.  She smiled sweetly and kissed my cheek, telling me that she’d love to be my Valentine.

“Okay,” I said cheerfully, starting to do her hair.  “You know what being my Valentine means, right?”

“You get me chocolate?”

“Nope,” I told her.  “Being my Valentine means that I now get all of your stuffed animals, and I’m not going to treat them very well.  I’ll also be taking any Valentine’s Day candy that you get and choosing all of your meals for the rest of the year.  But thanks for being my Valentine!”

“I don’t want any of that.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but once you agree to be someone’s Valentine, you can’t now say that you’re not their Valentine.  You’re my Valentine.  Your stuffed animals are mine.”

A moment or two of doubtful silence followed.  “You’re kidding, right?”

“Not kidding!  You’re my Valentine!”

The ChickieNob left the room muttering to herself, “I think she’s kidding.”

I want to balance out any mushy feelings about the holiday.  Keep the kid on her toes.

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Josh and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.  We never really talked about it.  We just sort of didn’t celebrate it the first year we were together, and the tradition continues to this day.  It’s not that I dislike the holiday; I’d be hard-pressed to write a manifesto against it.  But I’m going to be honest: I don’t really understand the point of it.  I love Josh every day of the year, and I hope I show that to him in romantic gestures as well as good old-fashioned cleaning his toilets and folding his laundry for him.  A lot of the gestures associated with Valentine’s Days are things that wouldn’t say “love” in my world.  Though if the man wants to give me a massage next Thursday night, I’ll take it without complaint.

I don’t know if I’ve ever said this here, but I’m against cutting flowers.  I’ll get them for other people if I know they make them happy, but I don’t want people to give them to me.  I’m also not a huge fan of bringing any foliage inside my home (even in a pot), nor do I have any desire to take care of it outside my home.  So… please don’t get me flowers.  There actually is a reason.  I think of cut flowers in the same vein as hunting for sport or catch-and-release fishing; it’s harming something living solely for your pleasure and its loss.  I can totally get behind hunting for food, fishing for keeps, or harvesting plants to consume.  Pictures of flowers = great gift!  Actual flowers = makes me sad.

But I’m a total nut job on the ethics front; I’ll admit that wholeheartedly.

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I asked the Wolvog to be my Valentine in front of his sister.  She either did not remember our earlier conversation, or she decided to spread the joy as evidence by her silence.  “Do you want to be my Valentine?”

He snuggled close to me, “I would love to be your Valentine!”

“Fabulous!  That means I get to harvest all your organs!  Your kidneys are mine.”

“No, they’re not.”

“Yes, they are!  Because you’re my Valentine!  I’m going to take your corneas next.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Don’t forget to harvest his heart,” the ChickieNob said, throwing her brother under the bus.  “You know, since it’s Valentine’s Day.”

“That’s a great idea!  Thank you for all your organs and for being my Valentine.”

A period of silence followed.

“Mommy gets all of my stuffed animals,” the ChickieNob offered, as if plush toys are the equivalent of major organs.

“This is so not going to happen.”

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Gah!  Fine.  I bought the kids chocolate hearts.  I’m not a total beast.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Murder and Mayhem” (The Hitt List)
  
• “Seven” (Life from Here)
• “Walking with You” (The Empty Cookie)
• “Waves” (Stumbling Gracefully)
• “Call and Response” (The Moon on a Stick)
• “State of the State” (Yo-Yo Mama)
• ‘The Pain Olympics” (Too Many Fish to Fry)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Yo-Yo Mama has an incredibly moving post this week about finding peace and an answer in a quiet drive into the city for a monitoring appointment.  I sort of don’t want to describe it too much because I want you to have the moment I had when she received her answer.  Gorgeous post.

Still Life with Circles has a post marking her blogoversary.  It is somewhat about how she writes and somewhat about why she writes, and in between are all the reasons she needs her space, why she holds tight to it and all the people who radiate out from that space.

Lastly, The Empty Cookie has a very important public service announcement that everyone who has anything they’ve ever preserved should read (are you listening!).  The hospital made her husband a Father’s Day card with their child’s handprint, and after her daughter died, she had the card framed.  Two years later, she realized the card looked faded, but until she took it down to investigate, she didn’t realize how much it faded due to the type of glass in the frame.  She explains what type of glass you need to use in order to ensure that light doesn’t fade your images.  Please read this if you also have irreplaceable images or keepsakes.

The roundup to the Roundup: So what are you doing for Valentine’s Day since we obviously aren’t celebrating it beyond the kids collecting chocolate.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 1st and 8th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.