Posts from — May 2011

My birthday always comes after Memorial Day, which is a time dip sort of weekend.  I don’t do well with quiet seas of time.  By which I mean that I am okay checking out myself — of going on holiday and stepping back from life — but I’m not okay when everyone else is doing it too.  When it gets too quiet.

And the fact that it gets too quiet coupled with the fact that birthdays always remind me of my own mortality means that I usually enter into a strong case of the pre-birthday blues.

*******

Early in the weekend, we finally got around to watching The Kids are All Right.  We have been on the waiting list at the library forever for this one.  I know I should have been focusing on what everyone else in our community focused on — which was either the donor sperm storyline or the how-lesbians-are-portrayed-in-a-mainstream-film idea — but all I could do was work myself into this anxious state where it felt like someone was stabbing at my insides with a fork as I fast forwarded to imagining what the twins would be like as teenagers.

One day, I’m going to have to drop them off at college.  And I’m going to have to get into a car and leave said college.  I will not be able to comport myself like Julianne Moore and Annette Benning.  I will be screaming like an animal, mortifying my children as I am dragged across their campus, shrieking and crying with a river of snot running between my face and shirt.

Because I’m like that at home and they’re only six.  So I can only imagine the place I’ll get myself to when it’s actually happening.

I was at an event last week, sitting in front of a psychologist who wrote a book about letting go of your children.  He had no idea what sort of freak was sitting just inches away from his chair.

*******

It feels like there is not enough time to do anything.  That note I taped above my desk, the one that’s supposed to remind me that it’s not a race?  It’s not really working.  Because it is a race.  We are constantly racing a clock.  To use our bodies before they cease to work; to use our brains before they start forgetting more than they remember.  We need to race to beat others to good ideas.  We need to race to hit deadlines — the ones imposed on us by others and the ones we impose on ourselves.

And there never feels like there is enough time in a day.  I don’t feel like I get enough done.

*******

These are the last few days when I can tell people that I’m 36.  In my mid-30s.  On Thursday, I’ll need to say that I’m in my late-3os (which I’ve written about before — my neat jumps of three).  Late-30s!  That’s a small step to 40.  And 40 is the waiting room to 50.  And my G-d, you know that 50 is simply the doorway to 60 and beyond.

Every birthday, I wait up until midnight and I say over and over again before the clock turns, “I’m 36, I’m 36, I’m 36.”  And once the clock hits midnight, I sadly add in, “I’m 37.”

And yes, I’d obviously rather age than the alternative.  But just because a hideous option exists doesn’t mean you need to be thrilled with receiving the goody bag of growing up.

*******

I ended the weekend by reading the entire limited series of Daytripper in one sitting.  It is incredible.  And gut-wrenching.  And emotional — exactly the sort of book one should AVOID when they are in the throes of the pre-birthday blues, but I ran to it like moth to freakin’ flame, sizzling as I hit the fire.

It takes you through all these possible days when the main character’s life could have ended.  How the obituary would read.  What meaning we’d derive from his death in that moment.  It’s tragic if it took place at 11.  It’s heartbreaking if he left behind a wife and child.  It’s terrifying if he was murdered.

It made me think of the important moments in my life and what would have been taken away by others if I had died on any of those days.  I’m not talking about obviously meaningful days such as my wedding day.  This book explores the small days — the personal days — which are meaningful only to the person experiencing it.  What had I accomplished in my life by that point?  What were the goals that were left undone?  Who was meaningful enough in my life in that time period to be mentioned within the obituary?

We keep our resume up to date, but why don’t we have a similar document held on our computer — an obituary that we update every so often to be utilized upon our demise?

Because it’s horrifying to consider a world where we no longer exist.

*******

I think my normal state is a bluish hue.  But near my birthday, it feels like the tape loop of life speeds up, darkens, distorts.  And after the clock turns and there is no going back, when I’m jolted into my late-30s whether I’m ready or not, the sky brightens again.

You only need to endure me like this for a few more days.

Though now that I have gotten all of that out of my system, I am feeling considerably lighter.  Apologies for placing it on you.

How are you right before your birthday?

And please, for the love, take my birthday gift to you before Thursday night.

I had a teacher in high school who gave a present to his mother every time it was his birthday instead of the other way around.  He told us that he wouldn’t be here if not for her; she did the hard work on that day and she should be celebrated for bringing life into this world and raising him all these years.  That the gifts should flow towards the people who helped you reach the birthday instead of towards you.  And even though giving a gift to his mother is the most family-building-normative way of thinking that negates whole ways of constructing family and raising children (gee, thanks Mr. S), I do like the sentiment behind it.  The idea that we wouldn’t get through another year without the people who hold us up, and on the turning point of each year, recognizing them with a gift.

I could restrict the gift giving to my mother, but that excludes my father, who might not have squeezed me out, but certainly had a hand in raising me.  And I could give something to both my parents, but that leaves out my siblings who certainly influenced the person I’ve become.  And I could give something to my parents and siblings (and their partners) but that leaves out my nieces.  And we haven’t even gotten to Josh.  And the twins.  And all my friends growing up and now.

Quite the conundrum.

Instead, the kind people at ThinkFun, amused by my gushing post about their games, have agreed to give away copies of the physical games and iPhone/iPad apps to you.  I know that I normally don’t do giveaways, but I honestly believe that my ThinkFun games have made me smarter (at least, that is what I tell my friend, C, when I am slightly buzzed off of hard cider and we’re trying to play Chocolate Fix).  And they are so damn portable.  And beyond Apple products and L.L.Bean clothing, ThinkFun is one of the only companies that consistently impress me.  That I can put my stamp of approval on it and say, “this company has never let me down.” (L.L.Bean, if you’re reading this and want to give away a pair of curvy-line jeans to a reader, I’m down with that too).

So, in honour of my birthday this week, I am hosting a giveaway of four ThinkFun games:

1. Rush Hour
2. What’s Gnu (and you can read here how we play the game)
3. Rush Hour iPhone/iPad app
4. Solitaire Chess iPhone/iPad app

These toys are all good for kids and adults; meaning, I play them without the kids around.  And I don’t mean I play them because they left them out.  I mean that I packed Solitaire Chess and had it with me when I went to BlogHer last year.

And this is how it works — you need to give a word gift for someone else.  Yes, that’s right, as we do for the Purim giveaway, you need to go leave a comment somewhere.

• Leave a comment below (yes, a rockin’ toy that is good for kids and adults alike for the low low price of one comment!) telling me where you left a comment already today–and feel free to leave, write a comment somewhere, and come back.  Please put the name of that blog and a link to the post in the comment.  And say something nice about that person’s post.
• You can enter as many times as you like.  Which means the more you comment around the blogosphere, the more chances you have to win.  Only comments that talk about a post you read elsewhere in the blogosphere have a chance at winning (in other words, if you write below, “ThinkFun games are so much fun!” I’ll nod my head with you, but you won’t be eligible to win.  You need to list a place where you commented today, give the url for the post, and say something about the post).
• Each comment counts as one entry, so if you’ve commented in three places, you’re allowed to leave that in three separate entries here.  Leaving it in separate comments is actually sort of an important fact because too many links in a comment will make it caught by the spam filter.  I will release comments caught by the spam filter, but it will take me a moment.
• In addition to everything else in your comment, please list which of the games you want to win.  You can write “all” if you’d be happy to get any of them or you can write “1 and 2” if you don’t have an iPad.  Or you can write “2 and 4” if you don’t like Rush Hour, etc.  Please write this information in each comment you leave.
• The giveaway ends at 9 pm EST on Thursday the 2nd, therefore, you can return all week and list new, great blog posts you found.  If you’re still confused, think of this as creating a Friday Blog Roundup-type list in the comment section, one comment at a time.  The winners will be contacted by email, but I’ll also list them in the next Friday Blog Roundup.

Sample Comment (just so you get the idea):

I commented on Life from Here’s post about her daughter’s birthday (http://lifefromhere.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/two-years-old-almost/).  It blew my mind that she’s already two!  And I’d like to win 1, 3, or 4.

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I will also love you forever if you read down the list and click over to read the other posts listed in the comment section.  And don’t just hit the first ones at the top of the comment list. Make sure you hit some of the people in the middle or bottom of the list and leave them a comment telling them that you agree with the original commenter — their writing does rock.

If someone writes something nice about a post you wrote this week, bask in the love and then pay it forward by going to someone else’s post and commenting on it.  You know how good it feels when someone leaves you a comment, so go do the same.

My usual blog rules apply: any spam is deleted — the point is to honour another person, not drum up business for a Viagra website — as well as anything rude.

So, that’s it.  In order to win, you have to join in my kumbaya-comment love fest.  But it’s really worth it.  These games rock.  And ThinkFun, I’m having a blogoversary coming up in a few weeks if you want to do this again… (and L.L.Bean and Apple, feel free to join in too).

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is now closed.  The new list will open on 6/30
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• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. I Want to be a Daddy (male infertility experience)
3. The Mud and the Lotus (cat, pain, sci-fi)
4. In Due Time (life, infertility, college student)
5. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (domestic adoption, adoptee, life)
6. Our Twisty Turny Journey (endometriosis, donor egg, orm)
7. Bio Girl (parenting, infertility, FET for baby #2)
8. Kate; Uncensored (life, depression)
9. Wonderfully Ordinary (parenting, infertility, life)
10. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
11. Somewhere in the Middle (infertility, adoption, waiting)
12. Bring On The Babies… (miscarriage, IVF, infertility)
13. Someday (pregnancy after ivf)
14. Survive and Thrive (infertility, decisions, EFT)
15. Navigating Cyberloss (grief, loss, cyberloss)
16. Cats with passports (baby after IVF, FET, autoimmune issues)
17. As Good As it Gets? (infertility, parenting, TTC/adoption=confusion)
18. Yolk: A blog about eggs and sperm (pregnant, humour, infertility)
19. Trying for a baby (endometriosis, FET #2, IF)
20. Here We Go Again (babyloss, parenting, random)
21. My Daily Mooosings in the Netherlands (simplifying life, culture, Netherlands)
22. BattleFish (life, infertility, trying to conceive)
23. Because Two People Fell In Love (loss, love, puppy)
24. Baby, Borneo, or Bust… (parenting, TTC #2, travel)
25. The Port of Indecision (RPL, DOR/POF, smartass)
26. MommyForward (motherhood, self-improvement, adoption)
27. Joyous Birdie (de, ivf,loss of one twin, 49 y/o, pregnant)
28. Created Family (unexplained infertility, ttc #1, grad school)
29. Ready for my baby bump (TTC#1, life and everything in between)
30. Journey to Baby G (ivf, hope, anxiety)
31. Meier Madness (PCOS, gardening, life)
32. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
33. Babylicious Tales (parenting, newbie, monkey)
34. Praying for a Little Miracle (TTC, miscarriage, crafts)
35. A Field of Dreams (parenting, IFsupport, giveaways)
36. My Lady of the Lantern (neonatal loss, grief, TTC again)
37. Bunless In The Oven (azoospermia, donor sperm, infertility)
38. Life As I Know It (twins, newborn, life)
39. Feeling Beachie (daily life, humor, cats)
40. Infertile Revolution (infertility, feminism, ivf)
41. It’s Just Us Chickens (ivf1,ttc, mfi)
42. Mommy Odyssey (miscarriage, suspected ectopics, generally crazy)
43. A Half Baked Life (parenting after loss, food, yoga)
44. The 2 Week Wait (ttc ivf humor)
45. Savor The Moment (pcos, humor, life)
46. Every Day is a Country Song (ttc #1 after 5 miscarriages, possible use of donor sperm, faith)
47. Mommy-In-Waiting (pregnant, twins, IVF#4)
48. Taking the Long Way (formerly G-d Doesn’t Make Mistakes) (secondary infertility, rpl, second trimester)
49. After Years In The Making (motherhood, navy, life)
50. Miss(ed)Conception (parenting after infertility)
51. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
52. My Bumpy Journey (MFI, pregnancy, life)
53. Not a Fertile Myrtle (male factor, pcos, donor)
54. The Two Week Worship (infertility, encouragement, prayer)
55. Let’s Conversate About Irregardless (80’s, TTC, MFI)
56. Empty Whole (MFI, healing, next?)
57. Dragon & Blossom’s Adventures (infertility, life, love)
58. Rasta Less Traveled (donor egg, surrogacy in India, infertility)
59. Grit and Patience (infertility, positivity, ivf)
60. The misadventures of missohkay (pregnancy loss, adoption)
61. MissConception (ttc #1, IVF, PCOS)
62. The Lightness of Being on the Bike (biking, culture, travel)
63. The Road Less Traveled (pregnancy after loss, embryo donation)
64. A Year On… Our New Beginning {hopefully} (stillbirth, secondary IF, IVF)
65. IFSerenityNow (pregnancy, ivf, loss)
66. Zygotta Getting Pregnant (early pregnancy, infertility, pcos)
67. One Wheeler’s World (parenting after infertility, healing, life)
68. Diary of taking small steps toward baby steps (FET, IVF, hope)
69. 3hearts2hold1love (parenting after primary infertility, secondary infertility, life)
70. infertile myrtle (parenting after infertility)
71. Compromised Fertility (PCOS, first time IVF’er and gardener)
72. This Hampton Life of Mine (iui, pcos, secondary infertility)
73. TTC Baby E (infertility, pcos, ttc #1)
74. Trying To Conceive (IVF, pregnancy after IVF, support)
75. The Childless Mom (ivf, icsi, humor)
76. Babymakin’ 101 (life, IVF, crafts)
77. Life as I Know it (motherhood, emotions, road ahead)
78. Mission: Fertile Soul (FET, humor, profound joy)
79. Witty Infertility (infertility, acupuncture, PCOS)
80. For We Are Bound by Symmetry (TTC#1, autoimmune issues, IVF #1)
81. Zero Guarantees (suro pregnant, twins)
82. A Freckled Life (infertility marriage life)
83. Colours Of Cattiz (ivf#1, male factor, uk)
84. I’m Very Far Away (IUI, IVF, asia)
85. IUI to Roux-en-Y (weight loss, surgery, my journey)
86. 3 hearts 2 hold 1 love (parenting after infertility, life, secondary infertility)
87. Walking an Unknown Path (infertility, therapy, life)
88. Knocked up by Another Man (DE-IVF, parenting, Alaska)
89. I Believe In Miracles (RPL, motherhood after adoption)
90. Marriage 2.0 (infertility, domestic adoption, life)
91. The Stork Drop Zone (humor, infertility, life)
92. Unglamorous (toddler, marriage, family)
93. The Ladies in Waiting Book Club (books, infertility, support)
94. Wistfulgirl’s World (infertility, weight loss, life)
95. The Rocky Road To Motherhood (pregnancy after IVF)
96. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (parenting after IVF)
97. Holly’s Narrative Dream (secondary infertility coping)
98. Cradles and Graves (2nd-tri losses, infertility, rainbow?)
99. Just us and the cat (the dreaded 2ww)
100. To Those Who Wait (pregnancy after IF, triplets from IUI, bedrest)
101. The confessions of a wannabe mom (infertility, pcos, life)
102. Infertility Expat (pregnancy after ivf)
103. Beyond the Brick Wall (marriage, infertility, life)
104. A Writer In A Wheelchair (disability, writing, life)
105. Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen (infertility, life, snarkiness)
106. Lissie’s Luck (prep for IVF)
107. Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage (TCM, TTC#1, unexplained infertility)
108. It’s Definitely Possible (pregnancy, SMC, IUI)
109. Cinderella Wore Glass Slippers (our first FET)
110. A peek into our journey (ttc #1, ivf, pcos)
111. Chasing Our Stork: Our Journey with Infertility (international adoption, unexplained infertility, faith)
112. This International Life (travel, expat life, Europe)
113. Flogging the Muse (art, painting, creativity)
114. The Bushey Life (baby after infertility)
115. GoTeamBaby (ivf, infertility, hope)
116. Rainbow Making 101 (loss, natural cycle, 2ww)
117. Thefertilitydaily (free ivf contest, infertility, humor)
118. Not Exactly What I Had Planned (ivf #3, severe mfi, life)
119. Just Us…For Now (pregnancy after miscarriage)
120. The Barreness (infertility, art, sadness)
121. Beyond the Wallpaper (ranting, balanced translocation, miscarriage)
122. Hearts Joined, Hands Fast (ivf#1, mfi, hope)
123. Diaries by Lucy (parenting, pcos, infertility)
124. My Infertile Confessions (pregnant with twins after IVF)
125. Exotic Hadron (personal, random, canadian)
126. Bean Dreams (PCOS, IUI, hope)
127. A Fine Mess (adoption, infertility, loss)
128. Embracing the Rain (natural cycle ivf, dor, rpl)
129. Life in the White House (donor sperm, crafting, pregnancy)
130. Becoming Me (baby, feelings, weight)
131. Baby On Mind (IVF, TTC#1, unexplained)
132. Traditionally Nontraditional (infertility life struggles)
133. One day at a time (army, infertility, fighting)
134. So Very Me (photography motherhood art)
135. Cammie.Me (parenting work food)
136. My Empty Womb (unexplained infertility frustration)
137. A Little Hope in My Pocket (pregnancy loss, infertility, life)
138. To Infertility and Beyond (ivf, endometriosis)
139. They say all you need is love (infertility.life.love)
140. TTC A Modern Medicine Miracle (ectopic loss, donor sperm, ttc)
141. Everyday Gyaan (motivation, inspiration, personal development)
142. Sprout (smbc, ttc #1, 30+)
143. Digital-Damita.net (frugal, green, ttc)
144. Getting There (adoption, parenting, life)
145. Adventures In Infertility-Land (infertility veteran, IVF, baby loss)
146. The list is now closed.  The new list will open on 6/30.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is red, the next month it will be blue, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

My birthday has sort of sneaked up on me this year.  I had to look at the calendar yesterday and noticed that my birthday is next week.  Which freaks the crap out of me as it always does.

The kids have returned to watching Free to Be You And Me at night.  Josh got home early last night as we were watching the song “I’d Rather Be the Sun” and commented that the creators of all the child-like drawings are now paunchy middle-agers like ourselves.  And I suddenly got this sick feeling of how there would be a day that we would no longer be here, but kids in the future would be watching this video and seeing drawings created by people who are now dead.

Which isn’t that unique — many things we look at are created by people who are no longer around — but it was mind-blowing.  This idea of no longer being here.  Of how art can trap time.

Please don’t wish me happy birthday yet.  Give me my last few days ignoring the fact that I’m aging another year.

Josh and I are getting a date this weekend in honour of my birthday.  I’ve chosen to go to the aquarium because nothing says romance like breathing in the stench of the stingray pool.  We’ll see if we can work in a quick make-out session in the shark tank area.  Growl!

*******

Kir asked me to contribute a Proudest Mum Moment to her blog and I agreed simply because she is Kir.  I think she thought I’d tell the Ste.ve Jo.bs story, but this is truly my proudest moment as a parent, and it is a story that everyone who knows me in the face-to-face world would list as my proudest moment because it has been told so many times.

The twins were born prematurely, and as a result, had a compromised immune system.  They were constantly sick in their first year of life, especially — it seemed — when Josh was out of town.  Another important fact to know is that prior to their birth, we had new carpet laid in the living room as well as the entire upstairs (sans bathrooms since that would be a bit strange).  I love this carpet, and we ask that people take off their shoes when they’re in the house in an attempt to keep it clean.

At the time this story begins, the carpet is a year old.  It is still in mint condition.

In February, Josh went to the Berlin Film Festival.  The twins were a little over 6 months old (yes, my proudest parenting moment came early in their life, casting a shadow over all that could possibly come in the future).  I was sitting on the sofa, holding the ChickieNob, who was sick (yet again) while my mother held the Wolvog (who was also sick).

The ChickieNob made a body shudder as if she was about to throw up, something she had done numerous times that day — all luckily over tiled floor or on herself (please don’t judge me on how much I love this carpet).  This time, we were on the sofa, with no time to sweep her out of the room.  In that split second, I said goodbye to the carpet, certain that it would be stained with vomit just as my friend’s carpet was stained by medication-laced vomit.

My ChickieNob, a girl who loves things of beauty, who appreciates room aesthetics, projectile vomited across the room.  The vomit sailed through the air to a chair 4 feet away — 4 FEET AWAY — that had a towel discarded on the seat.  The throw up landed on the towel, and the towel only.  It soared through the air as if all the droplets were magnetically drawn to one another.  There was literally not a single drop on the floor.

Like most moments of parenting pride, it was all left to chance: out of my hands.  I had nothing to do with the wonder that was that projectile vomiting moment, just as I have little to do with the Wolvog’s gift for computers or the ChickieNob’s talent with dance.  But damn, with all they accomplish, there are few things that can hold a candle to vomiting halfway across the room and having it all land on a towel for easy clean-up.

I am only half-kidding with this.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Hard Questions” (Here We Go Again)
• “Saying Crappy Things on the Internet” (Stirrup Queens)
• “Temperature” (XKCD)

Okay, now my choices this week.

As Good as it Gets has a post about happiness this week; namely, how you feel when you get everything you ever wanted.  She asks: “There cannot be any other reason for our existence but to be happy. All we do, every action of ours is in pursuance of happiness.  So why are we never truly and completely happy? Why is there something missing in life, no matter what we achieve or possess?”  I was smiling as I read the last line of the post — everyone should write that way every once in a while.

Bio Girl has a post about the beginning of the end of her infertility journey.  About how there is a peacefulness in knowing that whatever happens, this current cycle will be your last.  How even having a stopping point doesn’t affect the level of hope she feels.  She states: “I hope this peace I have found stays with me. But what I really hope is that I don’t need that peace to calm my breaking heart a month from now. I hope that we just get to be happy.”  It’s beautiful; it’s bittersweet — and I’m sending only good thoughts for the last cycle.

Mommy Odyssey has a post about the void that blogging fills, and I think a lot of people will have her self-realization resonate with them as well.  She explains: “This uncensored, open book. I love Mo. I love her dearly. She is the real me. The essence of who I truly am. And yet, I’m not her in real life. I don’t live up to her. Mo isn’t a persona. She’s not a construction. Mo is the person I aspire to be in real life, but never really get there. I’m more real here than I am with my own freaking mother.”  The post is an astute look at why she loves her blog; why she needs her blog, and why her blog also may be holding her back.  It is about finding that balance — between the thing she needs, but not letting the thing she needs take over her life.  A great post.

Lastly, A Woman My Age has a post about the fantasy life she constructed for herself as a child.  The “real” family who would come fetch her.  The changing colour of her skin and how that would create a cascade effect through the rest of life.  But what twisted my heart was the story that comes in the middle about the little boy’s mother.  About what that woman meant to her as a child and how she never got to tell her.  And how that experience informed her fantasy life.

The roundup to the Roundup: I’m getting old and I’m going on a date.  This is truly my proudest moment.  And lots of great blog posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 20 and May 27) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Everyone knows who Phoebe Potts is, correct?  She wrote the book, Good Eggs, which has gotten rave reviews.  It’s a memoir, told in comic book form, about her experience with family building and infertility.  But more than that, it’s a love story — one between a husband and wife, between a woman and her parents, between friends and family and community.

You might not think that the comic book form naturally lends itself to emotional material, and you would be wrong.  Because it’s one thing for someone to describe their depression with words — many can do a fine job placing you right inside their head by stringing together sentences — but it’s another to read about depression while seeing the droop of the line, the expression on the person’s face.

The book is also a case of the bitter and the sweet because there were plenty of times that amid the enormous topics of infertility and depression and love, I also found myself laughing — at things her mother said, at her clever use of the physical elephant in the room (who, you know, is raiding the refrigerator to give them a little time and space to mourn).

Good Eggs doesn’t come to a neat ending.  It comes — again — to the bitter and the sweet; or, as Potts says, the hope and heartbreak (because aren’t those two things the bricks that line life’s road?).  Which is to say that you will sigh and smile as you close the last page, all the while wiping away tears.

(Page 152 in the book: explaining what it takes for Jeff and Phoebe to try to make a baby)

So, my Phoebe Potts story.  I had to go up to New York this week to do a presentation of my book, Life from Scratch. (What?  You haven’t read it yet?  What are you waiting for?  Greatest chicklit book of all times…)

I got to the place early and went to the bathroom to spiffy myself up.  As I stood there, wondering whether or not I had a soul since the automatic paper towel dispenser didn’t seem to register my existence, a voice said, “Melissa Ford?”

I turned around and Phoebe Potts was standing in the same, random New York bathroom, about to speak on her book, Good Eggs, at the same presentation.  My first words to her were about what an asshole I am because her book has been by my bedside for months, 3/4ths of the way done, un-reviewed, all because I got distracted by vampire smut novels.

I literally had no excuse; no grand story about how I had been using that time not reviewing her book to scale Mount Everest or save thousands of whales.  I was not reviewing her book because there were vampires — somewhere — having sex.  And there were writers — somewhere — writing about said vampire sex.  And my G-d, if there was vampire sex,  I had to hear about it.  And I was stressed and had turned to being a vampire sex voyeur as a stress reliever.  And in doing so, had not reviewed her amazing, emotional, funny, heartbreaking book.

So.

But this chance meeting gave me the kick in the ass I needed to come home, put down the vampires, eat chocolate as a stress reliever instead, finish the incredible Good Eggs, and tell you about it, complete with pictures of Phoebe Potts, who is just as funny and warm and down-to-earth as you imagine she would be based on her drawings and writing.

Sometimes, she even comes out of hiding to hug her book:

Our books even appeared on the table side-by-side, as if we were destined to meet:

Okay, so perhaps this isn’t the greatest Phoebe Potts story ever.  I mean, I could have told you about the time she saved that bus filled with candy-baring Grandmas from alligators.  Or the time when she freakin’ swam across the Atlantic Ocean — on a goof. (She didn’t mean to do it.  She just felt like a swim and ended up in England — crazy!)  Or the time Phoebe Potts was President of the United States for 37 hours due to a glitch in the voting system.  But meeting her in a random New York bathroom is one of my greatest Phoebe Potts stories ever.