Posts from — July 2010

Yesterday, I was in a state that could best be described as tweaky.  It was obviously coloured by the fact that we had to gut and organize the entire basement in a day–a feat that appeared impossible before we began, but for the sake of not distracting you from the true tsuris of this story, was miraculously completed with almost two hours to spare.  The gutting was to take stuff to the dump as well as prepare items for an upcoming garage sale.  Lindsay came over afterward to marvel at all the space as well as pick up some baby items we had outgrown (and I slipped the plastic uterus in there because, damn it, someone else should have to store that thing for a bit and she is so much more responsible and organized).

The larger problems came in the form of a wave of upcoming changes–and I don’t do well with change–followed by two bills that arrived on Friday which amounted to well over a thousand dollars.  We did not expect either of these bills since they were both wrong and from 2008 and 2009, respectively.  So Josh is dealing with getting both cleared, but it’s just more things on the plate that we didn’t need right now.

But that isn’t the thing that sent me over the edge.

In the morning, I was trying to find an old email from my sister and I couldn’t find it based on searches with all possible keywords.  So I returned to my old email account to search there, since all my old emails imported from over there a few weeks ago.  And when I opened the site, there was an ad with flash and it downloaded a virus to my computer.

I had never heard such a crazy-ass thing either, but as soon as the websit opened, without clicking on anything, my computer went crazy with strange pop-ups and quite soon after that, went completely and utterly dead.  I couldn’t open any programs, I couldn’t uninstall this thing, I couldn’t do. freakin’. anything.

So I called my Daddy who came over at night and with four hours of work, was able to delete the virus and restore my computer to its pristine state.  Though for a bit, it seemed like the only way around this was to erase my entire computer and reload the operating software, which would mean losing all of the files I had stored on this computer.  Seriously wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

Instead, I pulled out Harry Potter, jumping into book five.  Some people secretly suck their thumbs and others eat chocolate, but I reread Harry Potter books when I get stressed.  Reading them is a little like hugging a security blanket, though much heavier and much more papery.

I figured I’d start at five and go through book seven and that would take me through a few weeks if I read them slowly.  Which will take me past the wave of changes.

So spill…what do you do to self-soothe when you’re stressed?  Is there anyone else who rereads Harry Potter?  I have no memory of what I did pre-Harry Potter.

And for the love of G-d, load a good malware removal program to your computer.  I thought Norton was enough to protect me, but it’s not, and some viruses are set up to not allow you to download any applications that could delete them, so do yourself a favour and put one on your computer BEFORE that happens.  Microsoft makes a free one.

Oh–and if you live in America–happy Fourth of July.

I blogged about the new blood test designed to predict when you will go into menopause over at BlogHer, and while there are still kinks to work out and more studies to be done for the test, the doctor who created it has been able to predict within a four month window when you’ll start experiencing–I’m assuming–those first symptoms of menopause (since, as we all know, menopause doesn’t happen in a day, but instead, is a long denouement).

I’ve been struggling with the idea of whether my 20-year-old self would want to know–whether it would have been more pressure in an already pressure-filled world; if it would have made me make terrible decisions, feeling it selfish to not try to procreate even if it wasn’t the right time.  And at the same time, I know I sometimes need deadlines to goad myself into action.  As I agreed in the comment section–the 36-year-old Melissa knows it would probably be best to avoid the test based on my obsessive tendencies.  But she would never be able to talk the 20-year-old Melissa away from that information.

And, at the end of the day, it only looks at one reason you might have trouble conceiving.  It doesn’t consider any other factors causing infertility.

The Weekly What If: if you were 20-years-old and had the opportunity to take this test for free, would you opt to find out the date (within a four-month window) of when you’d be entering menopause?  How would you use the information if you found out you were going to enter menopause at 25?  How would it have changed your life if you knew you weren’t going to enter menopause until 45?

*******

It’s July 4th this weekend and we’re spending it cleaning out the basement storage room.  We have been gutting the house of clutter for the past few months and a lot of things have trickled down to the storage room with the promise that we’d deal with them in the future.  It is now, apparently, the future, since the storage room has become unusable.  It’s pretty much impossible to enter it by this point.

I’m in a place where I feel emotionally ready to part with old papers and items.  Let’s see if I still feel that way by Sunday night.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Pundelina Kafoops Lives Here has a very emotional post about ending treatments.  While she cries and rails and ultimately comes to a place of peace, balancing out the positives are the negatives, including the heartbreaking question: “I don’t get to see what wonderful person tBG and I would have made. Where is that dark-haired, clever little baby?”

A tiny post by BigP and Me in the moments prior to learning the fate of the cycle, Heather admits that she can see the invisible positive on every negative test.  And that line just struck me with such force that I returned to read it dozens of times.

Waiting Lisa has a post about the way she is treated when she is watching children vs. when she goes out alone.  She writes, “When we are out, people assume they are my kids. It’s been a while and I forgot what it is like to walk around in the world giving off the impression that you have children.   People are nicer to you. They make eye contact with you and smile.  It’s like there is a secret society of moms. They acknowledge each other.”  It’s a wistful and honest post.

Lastly, Believing in June has a post about how infertility seeps into every aspect of your life as well as why she wants to switch clinics and how far she’s willing to go financially to build their family.  It is a simple post that floats from topic to topic, landing on each one just long enough to closely examine it and move on.  And I liked how deeply she unpacked why she does the things she does.

The roundup to the Roundup: would you want to know when you are entering menopause (in other words, answer the Weekly What If)?  Cleaning out the storage room this weekend.  And lots of great posts to read.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
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• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Parenthood for Me (infertility, adoption, coping)
3. My Infertility Woes (infertility, losing weight, support)
4. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
5. Your Great Life (infertility support, self-belief, decision-making)
6. Weebles Wobblog (open adoption, mindfulness, perfect moments)
7. Can I Get Some Sugar with These Lemons? (Korean adoption, infertility, grief)
8. ErnieGirl (pregnant infertile birthmother)
9. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
10. Our Little Family (emotions, TTC, family)
11. A Half Baked Life (pregnancy after loss, food, yoga)
12. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (POF, advocacy, adoption)
13. His & Her Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels) (PCOS, azoo, international adoption)
14. Infertility And Me (male factor infertility)
15. Baybee Luv (single student mother)
16. Baby Dreams (TTC#2 with PCOS after loss, my son, life)
17. Dreaming of Quiet Places (emotional abuse recovery, ponderings, my cute dog)
18. Ambivalent Womb (mfi, ivf #2,hope)
19. The Subfertile Frugalista (pg after loss, 3rd trimester, shopaholic)
20. Life in the Last Frontier (PCOS, adoption, life)
21. Not a Fertile Myrtle (azoo, pcos, endo)
22. We Got Hitched. We Bought the 4 Bedroom House. Now What??? (twin pregnancy, life, randomness)
23. MoJo Working (infertility, marriage, loss)
24. Waiting Lisa (domestic adoption, waiting, infertility)
25. Mommy ‘Hood (life, love, babies)
26. My Lovely Lady Bump (newly pregnant, fear)
27. Believing in June (marriage, hope, IVF)
28. Are We There Yet? (pregnancy, travel, post-fibroid removal surgery)
29. Oven Seeking Bun (pcos, endometriosis, iui)
30. An AZ Mom (PCOS, parenting, photography)
31. A Nuttier Life (TTC, randomness, crazies)
32. Me Plus One (single, ttc, iui)
33. Journey of Hope (faith, secondary infertility, waiting)
34. Chasing Mommyhood (single, iui, endo)
35. Getting There (adoption, life)
36. Beyond The Brick Wall (mfi, marriage, life)
37. IF Crossroads (pregnant after IVF)
38. The Infertility Overachievers (secondary IF, IVF, son)
39. Enchilada Sunrise (fibrecrafts, bipolar, life)
40. Surviving the Secondary Infertility Madness (secondary infertility, pcos)
41. The Miss Ruby (life after ttc)
42. Misconceptions About Conception (unexplained IF, TTC over 35, feelings)
43. Trying Not to Scream (infertility, loss, life)
44. Show your AMOR (choice mom, baby)
45. My Ordinary Miracles (success after infertility, toddler, twins)
46. The 2 Week Wait (infertility, pregnancy, polyp)
47. Our Journey, but Not Our Plan (adoption, miscarriage, immune)
48. Once an Infertile (parenting after IF, TTC again, uterine rupture)
49. The Gibson’s (love, hope, infertility)
50. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (pregnant after losses, vacation, cooking)
51. Attempting to love life without her (infant loss, foster/adoption, faith)
52. Someday (azoos, waiting, strength)
53. Evie’s Epic (pcos, infertility, life)
54. PandaBox33’s Blog (Quebec, life, relationships)
55. CD1 Again (infertility, doctor appointments)
56. Kir’s Corner (twins, infertility, marriage)
57. Cradles and Graves (IVF, cord-related losses, endo)
58. Finding Her Way (infertility, fundamentalism, life)
59. Random Thoughts from Angie (ttc, life, family)
60. The (In)fertility Diaries (adoption, TTC, life)
61. Adoption Journey (adoption, motherhood, infertility)
62. Strange Girl, Strange World (life, preemies, kids)
63. Gas Passer aka UUer (unicornuate uterus, anesthesia, frozen embryo transfer)
64. Hormonal Egg Basket (IVF, family, patience)
65. Mama Bear (pregnancy, adoption, ttc)
66. Find Joy Now (infertility, life, adoption)
67. Relaxing Doesn’t Get You Pregnant (silly, secondary, slightly crass)
68. Barrenista (barren, adoption, fancy cupcakes)
69. Holymoly Toledo(s)! (twins after IF, photography, life)
70. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, life, IVF #5)
71. Lil Family Blog (motherhood, lesbian, adoption)
72. Infertili- T & A (fostercare, ART break, sass)
73. Mommy in Waiting (ivf, mfi, hope)
74. The Road Less Traveled (infant loss, IVF, grief)
75. The Daily Miracle (secondary infertility, optimism)
76. A little blog about the big infertility (ectopic/loss, infertility, domestic adoption)
77. Spermination Station (ivf, photography, mental health)
78. Lifeslurper (over 40, donor eggs, Australia)
79. Time Well Wasted (infertility, 2ww, life)
80. Shirley Goodness and Mercy will follow? (IUI #1, recurrent miscarriage, hope?)
81. Another Barren Blogger (infertility, iui, ttc#1)
82. Blogging MoRe (life, marriage, everything)
83. Every Now & Then (marriage, kids, autism)
84. You found what in there?!?! (pregnancy after loss)
85. Our Incredible Journey (adoption, special needs)
86. StudenRnTiffany (pregnancy, incompetent cervix, bedrest)
87. Please Let This Be It (pregnant after IVF)
88. A Tale (of the Trials and Tribulations) of Letting Go (parenting, letting go, pregnancy loss)
89. I Spy A Family (adoption, motherhood)
90. My Cheap Version of Therapy (pcos, infertility, weightloss)
91. On Tap for Today (life, humor, boston)
92. Back Into the Fire (foster care, adoption, infertility)
93. PeaceBegan (faith, loss, life)
94. Whitney & Erick – Our Home on the Web (infertility, miscarriage, my dogs)
95. A Year Of Hope (infertility, infant loss, adoption)
96. The Rocky Road to Motherhood (infertility, ivf, life)
97. The Panda Diaries (pregnancy, anxiety, art)
98. A Greater Yes (embryo adoption, pregnancy, faith)
99. Infertility Unexplained (unexplained infertility, family, treatment options)
100. Ready To Be A Mom (IVF/FET, miscarriage, hope)
101. Tales of My Follies (follistim, waiting, day to day things)
102. HimPlusMe (infertility, pcos, life)
103. Are You Listening (mommyhood, life, marriage)
104. All Grown Up (domestic infant adoption, new Mom, random)
105. Dear Stevie… (stillbirth, grief, hope)
106. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, strength)
107. The Unicorn and I (unicornute uterus, single)
108. Maybe Baby . . . (or maybe the loony bin?) (infertility, IVF, hope)
109. Hope Is A Four Letter Word (infertility, IUI, anovulation)
110. The Dreamer and The Realist (bitching, hubs, life)
111. Fertility Lab Insider (navigating infertility treatment)
112. In The Middle With You (infertility, adoption, random thoughts)
113. Iscrap and co. (scrapbooking, trip, friends)
114. The Bushey Life (ttc, life, infertility)
115. The Fertilely-Challenged Black Sheep (ttc, infertility, life)
116. Blawnde’s Blawg (infertility, next step, RE)
117. Leave It To the Beavers (TTC, PCOS, life)
118. Hope Is Ours (azoospermia, IVF, adoption)
119. Oh My Aches and Pains! (cancer survivor, chronic illness, infertility)
120. Fertility Foibles (infertility, adoption, humor)
121. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (prayer, news, food)
122. I Will Be A Mom … Someday (pregnancy after infertility)
123. Waiting for a Baby Bump (male factor infertility, IVF, TTC)
124. Waytoomuchinformation (genetic testing, ivf, depression)
125. This non-American Life (expat life, Germany, travel)
126. Inconceivable!? (loss, FET, NOA)
127. Write, Baby, Repeat (adoption, infertility, donor eggs)
128. Wheresmy2lines (pregnant after IVF #7, triplets)
129. A Summers Thoughts (newly pregnant after infertility)
130. An Unexpected Life (adoption, infertility, life)
131. Chois-R-Us (infertility, adoption, life)
132. Where the (w)right day takes you (ttc 3yrs, unexplained infertility, jealousy)
133. Wanna Bee (adoption, loss, craftiness)
134. Beauty for Ashes (infertility, domestic transracial adoption)
135. Communique (life, infertility)
136. Fearlessly Infertile (IVF, military, PCOS)
137. Infertility Musings (iui, post fibroid removal, hope)
138. Searching for the Missing Piece (repeated IVF failure, unexplained, PCOS)
139. Cherish This Baby (PCOS, secondary infertility, faith)
140. He Calls Me Momma (unexplained secondary infertility, faith, family)
141. Everyone Else But Me (FET, pregnancy, future)
142. Going For It (failed IVF, faith)
143. Grief, Interrupted (grief, acceptance, connection)
144. Waiting For Our Miracle (infertility, PCOS, IUI)
145. Keeping my eyes on Jesus (infertility, miscarriage, faith)
146. Life in the White House (donor sperm, parenting, life)
147. Off to see the Wizard (secondary IF, IVF, ectopic)
148. Dude, Where’s my Baby? (infertility, injectibles, iui)
149. Our Little Pebbles (twins, IF, life)
150. Looking for my Keys (upcoming ivf, life)
151. Baby On Mind (TTC#1, IVF, unexplained)
152. A Little Bit of Life (pregnancy after infertility, clomid, marriage)
153. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
154. Surprised By Hope (open transracial adoption)
155. It’s Always Raining (ttc, fost/adopt plans, life)
156. 30 Minute Dinner Party (food, entertaining, international)
157. Infertile Follies (infertility, IVF, ectopic pregnancy)
158. Lily in the Valley (infertility, marriage, stepparenting)
159. The Barreness’s Blog (parenting after infertility)
160. Confessions of an Infertile Shopaholic (infertility, PCOS)
161. We Wait in Joyful Hope (adoption, infertility, waiting)
162. The Ros’ Bowl (pregnancy after infertility)
163. The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow (I Hope) (recurrent miscarriage, marriage, coping)
164. No Suzy Homemaker (ivf, babyloss, life)
165. She Smiles At The Future (infertility, adoption waiting, domestic life)
166. Semi-fertile (miscarriage, hope, evolution)
167. Missing Baby Carriage (infertility, pcos, iui)
168. Sister Village (community, friendship, life)
169. The Truth Is Out There (pregnancy after infertility)
170. Venting Vagina (FET, hope, LOL)
171. LIfe: Chats and Rants (life, inferility, PCOS)
172. From IF to When (infertility, waiting, life)
173. I Get Knocked Down (infertility, ivf, endometriosis)
174. Cape Girl’s Journey (pregnancy, IVF, stillbirth)
175. InDueTime (infertility, life, pcos)
176. Wistfulgirl’s World (ttc, RE visits, random)
177. Conception Deception (failed IVF, therapy, adoption)
178. What Would Jen Do (life, marriage, dogs)
179. My Camo Kids: An Army Wife Life (army, family, deployment)
180. Mission: Motherhood (ectopic, miscarriage, random)
181. Little Steps to Baby Steps (IVF #3, miscarriage, god)
182. The Journey of a Lifetime (baby, ttc2, everyday stuff)
183. Chapman Journey to a Baby (infertility, adoption, life)
184. the list is now closed.  The August list will open on 8/1.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is yellow, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes at 11:59 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

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