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The 81st Circle Time: The Show and Tell Weekly Thread

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

Every winter, I watch two movies: About a Boy and Love, Actually.  They are as close as I get to a Christmas movie (I’ve never even see It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol–horror!).  They are not Josh’s favourite movies, therefore, I usually watch them when I know he’ll be working late.

And then it hit me this morning–this would be the first year watching Liam Neeson mourn his fictional wife in the film after he lost his actual wife, Natasha Richardson, this year.  And suddenly, I felt very awkward for some inexplicable reason.

Liam and Natasha

I was complaining to a friend yesterday over coffee about something hurtful that was said to me this week in regards to infertility and pregnancy loss.  “Mel,” my friend said, “the woman was just feeling awkward about her news.  She had to tell you about the latest addition to her bounty of children, and she felt fucking awkward having to say it to you so she got oral diarrhea.”

Which led us into a conversation about a woman who lost her husband and the stupid things people had said to her after the loss due to the speaker’s own discomfort with death.  “But it’s not that hard.  You ask them if they want to talk about the person.  You ask them if you can do specific things for them.  You sit and listen.  You tell them that you’re going to bring over tea and ice cream after the kids have gone to bed and you’re going to hear her memories and look at pictures and help her grieve.  Or if she is the type of person who wants to be left alone, you send a card explaining that there is no expiration date for the shoulder to cry on.”

And yet, here I am, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot in front of the video case, not really sure what to say to Liam Neeson.  To observe that grief on film knowing that he also went through it in real life.  It’s stomach twisting.

It gave me more sympathy for the woman with oral diarrhea.

Off-topic, because I had meant to make my kum-kum my show and tell today for A at Are You Kidding Me who was the recipient of a kum-kum email discussion last night, here it is without further ado.


That is a two-cup pyrex pitcher to give you a sense of size.  It can boil a little under 2 cups of water at a time and then you push a button and the water comes out.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.

Other People Standing at the Head of the Class:

Want to bring something to Show and Tell?
  • If you would like to join circle time and show something to the class, simply post each Wednesday night (or any time between Wednesday morning and Friday night), hopefully including a picture if possible, and telling us about your item. It can be anything–a photo from a trip, a picture of the dress you bought this week, a random image from an old yearbook showing a person you miss. It doesn’t need to contain a picture if you can’t get a picture–you can simply tell a story about a single item. The list opens every Wednesday night and closes on Friday night.
  • You must mention Show and Tell and include a link back to this post in your post so people can find the rest of the class. This spreads new readership around through the list. This is now required.
  • Label your post “Show and Tell” each week and then come back here and add the permalink for the post via the Mr. Linky feature (not your blog’s main url–use the permalink for your specific Show and Tell post).
  • Oh, and then the point is that you click through all of your classmates and see what they are showing this week. And everyone loves a good “ooooh” and “aaaah” and to be queen (or king) of the playground for five minutes so leave them a comment if you can.
  • Did you post a link and now it’s missing?: I reserve the right to delete any links that are not leading to a Show and Tell post or are the blogging equivalent of a spitball.


1 Lin { 12.02.09 at 7:47 pm }

You’re right about the women with oral diarrhea. They really are just trying to be helpful and/or thoughtful, but MAN sometimes the things that come out of their mouth just floor me. I’m like you…it just doesn’t seem like it should be so hard for them to be sensitive. And yet, like you, I have also had those moments on subjects entirely unrelated to IF that I’ve found myself flailing, too. Sometimes the hurt comes from the fact the people we least expect are the ones delivering it!

2 cups of boiling water at once?! That could come in handy. I use my Kuerig coffee maker for hot water on demand, but it can only give me a cup full at a time.

2 Quiet Dreams { 12.02.09 at 7:59 pm }

I used to have a kum-kum. They come very much in handy.

I love those two movies, but probably haven’t seen either as many times as you, so I hadn’t made the Liam Neeson connection until right now. It IS kind of awkward. I wonder how he feels about that role.

3 a { 12.02.09 at 8:10 pm }

Thank you! It’s like a mini coffee maker but without the place to put coffee. Not at all like a toilet…

I am one of those people with the oral diarrhea – I am so awkward when talking, especially about emotional issues. It’s really just best if I don’t go to funerals…I say the most awful things. It’s slightly inherited though, because I remember my aunt (who is the epitome of polite behavior) saying something funny but not exactly appropriate at my grandfather’s (her father’s) funeral.

I guess the easiest way I would have to explain it is this…I think I worry so much about what I should be saying that I forget to filter what actually comes out of my mouth.

4 Lavender Luz { 12.02.09 at 8:31 pm }

I had no idea what a kum-kum was. I thought you were being a little bit naughty 😉

I am related to someone with verbal diarrhea, someone who fills empty space with anything. I have learned to translate this into a gesture of love.

Poor Liam.

5 cara { 12.02.09 at 8:51 pm }

I have worked hard to quell my verbal diarrhea over the years. Unless I am put in an unexpected situation, like the time I showed up at a local meeting to make a scheduled presentation and had a local tv station’s video camera directly in my face and started rambling a bit off topic due to nerves – I can usually control what comes out of my mouth.

Much of this I credit to tranings I’ve attended. I’ve acutally learned to listen. It’s harder than I thought — and in actively listening I hear things that aren’t even said, running possible life experiences in my head that might have brought this person to their current place.

Exhausting, yes? I think I need a few more trainings – cause look how long my comment is!!

6 Tootertotz { 12.02.09 at 9:43 pm }

Wow! You must have been reading my mind…or at least one corner of it.

I was struggling recently with a post where the writer complained of a friend not using the “right words” to convey her sorrow about the writer’s recent negative cycle. The writer admitted that this friend just didn’t get it.

That’s where I struggled with the writer…people don’t often “get” situations they haven’t experienced and they do feel awkward. And when they say something…anything…in an attempt (even a failed attempt) to share their sorrow, it is gracious to accept their intention beyond what words they may have used.

Sure, peole have said dumb things to me about my late loss but I understand that people would rather have a tooth pulled than discuss such a topic. In that respect, I am appreciative of their effort. And although my loss was tragic for me…I cannot expect friends who have no clear reference point to say exactly what I want to hear.

This is a great post and hopefully w ill reach many people and make thier encounters easier to bear by understanding that as flawed as the things are people may say…it is the intention of kindness they are trying to speak.

7 Kristin { 12.02.09 at 9:53 pm }

I had no clue what a kum-kum is. That is cool. Also, ummm, I have to admit I haven’t seen either of those movies.

8 Delenn { 12.02.09 at 10:32 pm }

I have the same feelings about that film and Liam Neeson, etc. Also, one of my favorite films is The Parent Trap with Lindsey Lohan–it is so wierd to watch that movie and realize that this woman, who is so vibrant and full of life is dead. And that cute little Lindsey Lohan is a now a skank.

9 Baby On Mind { 12.02.09 at 11:40 pm }

I love both the movies, and I love Liam Neeson! There’s something about British movies that I can’t put a finger on.

10 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 12.03.09 at 6:34 am }

I won’t have anything to show and tell until Sat, my 20th Anniv w/the DH (which THEN I will have something!) so I don’t feel comfortable asking 4 a show and tell link yet.

I wanted to write about loss. I lost my late fiance to glioblastoma multiforme. 3 kids… it is amazing how people think u can move on from pain and gut wrenching suffering like nothing ever happened. Tho I am married for 20 years, my late fiance passed 25 years ago.

The day after Thanksgiving. I will remember him always. Love him, forever. I lost my twin daughters, late term, on Mother’s Day. Little J, the day before my birthday.

What can you do? Push past the pain. Never forget. Live, love, learn.

I was shocked when Natasha Richardson passed but at the same time, not surprised. As a cancer survivor who has had a tremendous amount of loss in the past 5 years… I know life is a precious gift. Not every moment is going to be glory. We learn from the pain. It is a hard, hard lesson in life.

I want 2 give you props, Mel. W/out u and SITS and SQ… whoah. I have been connected to some WONDERFUL people.
Thank U. Thank U for remembering to discuss loss in a tangential way — not just our losses of children, but losses of loved ones. This time of year is always the hardest…

hugs to everyone today.

11 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 12.03.09 at 8:03 am }

I gave in. My show and tell (in the making, as it is EPIC) is HERE:

LAUGH and know, God’s Plan is just amazing.

12 once a mother { 12.03.09 at 8:42 am }

I find that I am less awkward around grief now, I know what to say because I hated all the platitudes. I do think that your difficulty watching the video, speaks to your understanding of the depth of his loss. It was a tragedy and the video is a reminder of what he is missing in real life.

13 LJ { 12.03.09 at 9:33 am }

I do love me some Love Actually, but yes, watching it this year will be bittersweet…

14 Lynn { 12.03.09 at 11:30 am }

I know what you mean about akward feelings and wanting to say the right thing. I attended the funeral of the husband of a work colleague who is also a dear friend Tuesday. He had been battling prostate cancer for 2 years and had finally succumbed early Saturday morning (about 2 am). She’s a good bit older than I am (in fact, her youngest daughter and I are the same age) but she and her husband had shared an anniversary date with The Hubs and I. It broke my heart to see her and their daughters suffering so with his loss and all I could say was “I love you. I’m here if you need me.” She was very gracious to those of us who didn’t know what to say, but then she has always been the consummate symbol of grace. I hope she and her girls do know my heart is with them.

15 Miriam { 12.03.09 at 1:35 pm }

I just saw Love Actually for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know how I missed that movie in its first go-round. I was thinking the same thing about Liam Niesson as I watched it, and even vocalized that to the friend with whom I was watching the movie. It is really sad, and I think Niesson’s character is just so down to earth in the film and his scenario so apropos that you really just can’t help but feel bad for the real life tragedy of it all.

16 mrs spock { 12.03.09 at 8:13 pm }

When I heard of Natasha Richardson’s death, I instantly thought of that movie and the Bay City Rollers playing the farewell song…

So a kum kum is basically a hot water maker? For tea?

17 Anna { 12.04.09 at 4:59 am }

My friend has a kum kum, though I didn’t know they had a name. She has disability-related issues with filling and lifting a kettle so she finds it really useful. I have no issues with my kettle but I covet it, I now covet yours also.

I hadn’t thought through the Liam N issue with ‘Love Actually’ but I can see it. It makes me think about my mother, who lost her husband 3 years ago. Sometimes I moan about my life (usually after bad IF-related news) and about unimportant things like my husband working late. Then I remember that she is still trying to get by without the love of her life. I realise that I shouldn’t get so upset when Mum says ‘IVF is good news, lots of people have it and they all have children’. She’s doing her best to support me like I am doing my best for her.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t get wound up by the verbal diarrhea, just that I too am trying to look beyond it.

18 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 12.04.09 at 7:10 am }

Part 2 of my Show and Tell Spectacular 20th anniv post is up and will have you rolling! Thanks for everyone who stopped by yesterday for Part 1. Part 3, tomorrow, our actual anniversary, the wedding. Totally hysterical!

19 Bea { 12.15.09 at 1:25 am }

It is hard to deal with someone else’s distress. It’s worth cutting some slack for that.


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