Posts from — November 2009

Updated: The Creme de la Creme is now up.  I will still take posts and update it until March 1st.

For the fourth year running, it is November and time to kick off the Creme de la Creme list for 2009. If you’re unfamiliar with the project, read on to understand.  If you’ve participated in years past, you know how much fun the list is when its revealed on January 1st. So, I hereby declare the Creme de la Creme list open.

I know this is loooooong, but please read this whole post before submitting your entry.  Things have changed this year and if you don’t follow the directions, this won’t run smoothly and I promise, this post probably answers any question you might have.

If you didn’t read or participate in this list in 2006 or in 2007 or in 2008, the impulse behind this list are the ubiquitous award ceremonies that crawl out of their hiding spaces usually around December or January. Awards are nice–it’s good to honour someone and mark big accomplishments. But we all have a best post tucked into our archives. We all have words that have moved another person or ideas that have kicked off a series of musings. Bloggers are writers and all of us deserve to be celebrated.

And we’re doing just that.

This is the way it works. If you want to participate, read through your archives and choose a favourite post. You can leave all sorts of comments below telling me how fantastic I am, but fill out the form to send in your submission (do not leave it in the comments section–the point of this list is also the surprise of seeing the choices revealed on a single day). If you post your link below, I will delete it. Again, feel free to leave love comments below–in fact, please do leave love comments below–but not your submission for the list. Let’s keep it a surprise until the list is ready to go up.

You can only choose one entry. You cannot be modest. Everyone has a best post. There is no such thing as a boring blog. Even if you don’t think you have any readers because you’ve never received a comment, you have a best post. The one that you felt really good about when you hit publish. The one that would be the post you’d put forward if an editor called you tomorrow and said, “I have this great writing job for you that will pay a million dollars an hour. You just need to submit one blog entry to get this job so we can check your writing style.”

Even if you just found my blog because you read about the Creme de la Creme on another person’s blog, you are not only welcome to submit; you are encouraged. It is the best posts of 2009 for the ALI community and that community includes anyone who writes about infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, assisted reproduction, pregnancy after infertility or loss, and every related topic–from living child-free after infertility to parenting after infertility. Everyone on the blogroll (or could be on the blogroll) is welcome to participate. Really, you don’t need to be a regular reader of my blog to join in. It’s open to everyone in the ALI blogosphere. I can’t say this in more ways than that. Which means you don’t need to write me a note asking if it’s okay to participate. The answer is yes. Okay?

Actually, it’s not only “yes;” it’s “please do.”

The list will be posted January 1st and I promise that you will use up a good portion of the beginning of the year reading through the most stunning posts you’ve ever seen. We had over 220 posts last year and I’d really like to top that this year. My goal is all 2000+ blogs currently on the blogroll, but barring that, let’s aim for over 300. Which means that not only do you have to participate if you’re reading this, but you need to spread the word and get other bloggers to participate (more on that below). Link to this post, send out a note to other bloggers you like, and suggest favourite posts to bloggers from this past year.

Um…other FAQ-like things:

How many posts can I submit?

You can only submit one. Please don’t submit two and ask me to choose. Submit one.

How will I know that you received my entry?

I will send out a mass email once a day to all of the people who submitted their entry. I use the “bcc” line on the email so that people don’t see each other’s email address. The only drawback is that these emails sometimes go into spam filters. Therefore, once you submit, check your email and spam filter for a day or two. If you don’t hear from me, send me an email if you’re concerned that it didn’t go through. I hate being impersonal like that, but the list took a long time to put together last year hence why I’m starting even earlier this year.

I sent in a post last week but I just wrote one that I love more! Can I switch my submission?

The short answer is no. The reason is that I write up the blurbs that appear next to each entry. This takes a lot of time. When you change your post, I have to write another blurb. Therefore, think carefully. But get your post in early so it’s high up on the list. But take your time picking it so you’re positive it’s the one you want on the list. But don’t give this too much thought…

If you just submitted it an hour earlier and realized you sent the wrong link, email me quickly so I can change it. Once I write the blurb, it’s set. I mean, you can pull your blog from the list, but you can’t submit a different link.

How do I know which one is my best?

Think of this list in sort of the same vein as those “Best American Short Story”-type collections except that it’s blog entries and everyone in the blogosphere should be represented with a link. The idea of the creme de la creme is not to put out there “the best” by someone else’s definition of “best.” It’s to put out the entry that means the most to you. Everyone has a best entry from 2009. It’s the one you would cry about if it was ever eaten by your computer. Even if it’s only meaningful to you.

I’m having a lot of trouble choosing my best one.

Why don’t you give a few choices to a friend and get their opinion? Don’t get hung up on the word “best.” It’s more about presenting a small taste of your blog. A lot of people read the list each January and it’s a chance for them to get to know your blog in one post. The goal, of course, is not only to honour every blog, but to also introduce everyone. Think of it like a cocktail party. You certainly think about what you wear, but everything doesn’t hinge on this one outfit.

I want to submit a post about my dog/favourite recipe/vacation in Hawaii. So…er…it’s not about adoption/infertility/loss. Can I? Or I want to submit a post but it has pictures of my baby in it. Do you think this is okay for an IF list?

Well, this list is sort of a pu-pu platter of the ALI community. Therefore, if your post is about your ski trip last winter, it doesn’t really show any emotion, thought, or event flitting through the community. Still, people have submitted off-topic posts in the past. If you have any part of the post that if ALI-related, all the better though.

The second question is a sensitivity one. Personally, I think that babies are part of the community and territory. The reality is that we’re all working towards parenthood or were once working towards parenthood. And children are included in that. I try to always mention in my blurb if it’s about a baby or if there are photos so people are given a heads up before they click over. So, yes, send posts that have photos in it and I will make sure that people know the gist of the post before they click over if they’re in a sensitive space.

I’m a man. Can I participate?

Are you part of the ALI community? Then didn’t you read above? EVERYONE is invited to participate. Male, female, young, old, married, single, gay, straight, everyone everyone everyone.

I’m a meerkat. Can I participate?

Er…a meerkat with a blog? An infertile meerkat with a blog? I guess…I mean…I did say everyone…

I just started my blog in October. Can I participate?

As long as you’ve had one post in 2009, you can participate. Even if you didn’t start your blog until October 2009. Just choose your best from the last two months.

My blog is password protected. Can I participate?

If your blog is password protected and you want to participate, choose your blog entry and create a free blog at Blogger or WordPress and post that single entry. Then send me the link so I can place it on the list. I can’t link to password protected blogs.

When is the deadline for getting in my submission (and this has changed since last year so pay attention)?

To ensure that you’re on the list on January 1st, please fill out the form by December 15th. If you submit after December 15, you will be on the list, but you will probably go up after people have started reading on January 1st.

The 2009 list doesn’t technically close until March 1, 2010. This is obviously a change from last year.  Instead of being able to submit through the whole year, you can submit to this list for the first two months of the next year and then the list closes.  The reality is that almost everyone had submitted by March in the last few years, and it’s difficult to keep going back and checking on the old sign-up list.  So if you are reading this after March 1 and you’re really upset, I’m sorry, but I promise the list will be back next year for 2010 posts.

So, just to reiterate–(1) if you submit before December 15th, you will be on the list on January 1st. (2) If you submit between December 16th and 31st, you may be on the list January 1st, but more likely, you’ll be on some point after January 1st.  (3) If you submit between January 1st and March 1st, you’ll go up on the list as soon as possible.  And then the list is closed until next year when the new one opens.

Can you post another link to the form right now because I’ve decided to submit.

Sure, here’s another link to the form. Just fill it out and hit send and it will go into the Creme de la Creme spreadsheet.

If you don’t want to participate, do nothing. With the Creme de la Creme List, I never add a blog or highlight a post unless the author has sent it to me. Therefore, no hurt feelings. If your post isn’t on the list, it’s because you haven’t sent one. If you see someone missing from the list after it is posted, go bug them and tell them to submit a post. But don’t send me a note asking me to add them without their permission. I really would like this post to be what the author believes is their best post, but if you are feeling shy and can’t choose, enlist a friend to help you narrow it down and choose your best work.

Lastly, there is another section of the list that needs your help: blogs that closed in 2009. These are blogs that closed entirely–the person stopped blogging and said specifically that they were not going to post any longer–not blogs that went password protected or the person moved their blog to a new space. If you read a blog that closed during 2009, please send me the title of the blog. It doesn’t matter if it was read by one person or read by 5000 people, all blogs should be honoured and recognized. And all blogs stand on the same plateau here.

Spread the word with the following button on a post or your sidebar to encourage others to send a link:

The code for adding the link to your blog can be found here.

Everyone has a best post. It is your personal best. It is not best by any other standard. Stop comparing yourself. Stop feeling shy. Stop thinking it’s immodest to toot your own horn when I’ve told you to toot your own horn. Start reading through your archives. Reflect on the year. And then send me a link for the list.

Wheew. Sorry about that last part. But everyone in the blogosphere should be represented and honoured.

My grandmother was one of four sisters.  Their mother came to Ellis Island twice.  The first time, she apparently landed in New York, thought America was sort of feh, and turned around to go back to Europe.  Yes, that continent that my people were leaving in droves to escape the pogroms.  She returned again a while later and settled outside the city, giving birth to four daughters.  That is the stock I come from–a woman not only sassy enough to turn up her nose at a country that people were dying to get to (literally), but sassy enough to get home, CHANGE HER MIND, and return.  And while my generation cracks up over this fact, I think it speaks volumes that my grandmother didn’t find it the least bit strange.  “What?  She didn’t like it.  So she went back.  She’s entitled.  And then she changed her mind again.  What’s so funny about that?”

For over 80 years, the four sisters all lived within a town or two of each other.  They raised their children together who in turn raised their children–my generation–to form small sibling-like connections between cousins.  I have two sister-like cousins, one who went to graduate school with me and offered to kick the ass of a boy who upset me even though she’s a tiny thing and the other who lives close-by with whom I share a code word that we set back when we were kids just in case either of us were ever kidnapped and needed to communicate a secret message to the other OR if one of us suspected that the other had been replaced by an alien.  It worked either/or.

After I spoke to my actual siblings who were told about my grandmother’s death directly from our mother, I called my sister-cousins.  The first one answered and asked what was up.  I didn’t think it would be so hard to say aloud.  But I got it out the first time in a teary mess of words.  After a few minutes, we got off the phone so she could arrange to be there at the funeral.  I called the other and found myself unable to speak again.  She told me she would drive out to my house to be with me and I told her not to.  She told me she didn’t want me to be alone and I told her I wasn’t alone because Josh was home.  And then we bickered at each other like two old married ladies until I wailed apropos of nothing, “I feel like I’ve become untethered.”

And my sister-cousin, the only one of us who had already lost a grandmother, the first of the four sisters to go, told me simply, “that is exactly what it is like.  Untethered.”

I feel like I’m free-floating, while at the same time, I know they still have me.  I know that I will grow old with these women and our children will call each other to cry one day when we die.  We will pass along all the stories we know so they understand that they are part of something so much larger than their small nuclear families.  That we are descended from a line of women-in-charge, the sort who not only set the course of their own figurative ships, but the kind who take as many trips as they damn well please across the Atlantic.

******

Instead of differentiating between second cousin once removed and first cousin twice removed and great aunt through marriage, my sister-cousins and I call everyone in the top-most generational tier “grandma.”  We call everyone in my parent’s generation “aunt” and we call everyone in our generation “cousin” (unless it is the next generation referring to us in which my children refer to all the children in their generation as “cousin” and refer to my sister-cousins as their aunts).  Since there were four sisters who started this branch of the family, I called four people grandma and four people grandpa, and this fluidity of family meant that my sister-cousins met us at the graveyard, along with dozens of other aunts, uncles, and cousins, with matching red-rimmed eyes.

The service was the perfect combination of laughing and crying.  My grandmother was a saucy woman, a forward-thinker who wasn’t afraid to curse or sneak cigarettes in her bathroom when she was a teenager.  All the eulogies contained similar stories about her strong-will and tendency to speak her mind.  Words can’t really capture her; she was a force to be reckoned with who both drove me crazy and gave me such enormous love that it feels like a hole has been blown through me.

I really wish all of you could have met her.  She would have been tickled to know that so many people were reading about her and leaving comments this weekend.  And that is the saddest part of all.  I wish I had written about her years ago, printed out the comments and let her read them.  She would have told me, “you are cuckoo to get so emotional.”  She would have loved every second of reading those comments.

After my sister-cousin’s mother had tucked a tissue into my bra by reaching into my sweater, after we had played musical-holders with the twins, after my sister had clutched my hand and my niece had rubbed my hair and my aunt had gotten her hand out of my sweater long enough to hold me while Josh read my eulogy and my brother had made me laugh and sob through his, it was time for the actual burial.  Just as I couldn’t read my eulogy, I couldn’t bring myself to help with the burial either, so Josh flipped over the shovel and put in four sighs of dirt backwards to indicate his reluctance to see her go.  I went to the headstone with the twins and it seemed surreal to look at the box in the ground.  As if she wasn’t there at all.

I didn’t feel her presence as I had earlier in the week when I had made one of her recipes and lied to the twins telling them that their great-grandma had invented onion farfel.  Josh walked through the kitchen at that moment and said, “no, she didn’t.  Everyone knows how to make onion farfel.”  I repeated to the twins that my grandmother had invented onion farfel and I had the recipe written down in my notebook to prove it.  Because that was the sort of things my grandmother would do–lie about the invention of onion farfel and when challenged, call me a rotten egg.  I didn’t feel her presence in the graveyard as I had in the middle of the night when I bolted upright in bed and said goodbye to her.

My father took the twins back to the car, and my sister-cousins linked their arms through mine and said, “let’s go visiting” which is something we always do after a funeral since a large portion of our family is buried close to one another in the same graveyard.  We walked arm-in-arm just like the older generation of aunts and the ones beyond that; like three old ladies picking their way through the mud to place rocks on the tops of gravestones and touch everyone’s name.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about unused names and the one we had been holding in reserve was chosen to honour my sister-cousins’ grandmother even though she already has a child in the family named for her.  In the graveyard, the unused name frizzled and blew away with the wind, only to be replaced by a new name that I said aloud to Josh and he agreed was perfect for a future child.  It came so quickly to us that it felt a bit like a sign.

*******

After the funeral, we returned to my aunt’s house to sit shiva, my aunt of tissue-tucking fame, the one who had told my sister-cousin and I to get a code word just in case we were kidnapped and/or replaced by aliens (what, you thought we came up with that on our own?).

I sat with my siblings and some aunts and looked at pictures from when we were little, my grandmother’s face barely lined.  It felt surreal to look at her, and my mind can’t really get around the idea that she is gone.  Because she lived up in New Jersey and I only saw her every few weeks or months, it is easy to imagine that she is still waiting for one of our visits.  I mentioned to my mother that I had taken pictures of the twins for Halloween and said, “I’ll print some out and I’ll mail one to…”  I almost said grandma.

After I had found out where all my younger cousins were applying to college, after I had hugged my brother’s girlfriend and told her I would see her Wednesday, after my first sister-cousin promised to come visit in January and I told my second sister-cousin that I would see her ass back in Maryland, and pinched her daughter’s side as if she were my own child, and checked my bra for stray tissues, we got back in the car and drove in the dark the four hours home.

It feels like I am both here and not here.  As if I am existing on a strange plane, embodying string theory, straddling two side-by-side dimensions.  I am going to the supermarket and buying chicken for dinner.  I am typing up a blog post and cleaning the graveyard mud from my shoes.  I am trying to find an old photograph that my cousin wants that I know I have in a box upstairs.  And I am also somewhere else; somewhere hollow and brittle and I can’t believe that everyone else is moving around me as if nothing has happened.  This amazing woman is no longer here on earth except in the words “rotten egg,” the ring she gave me for my Bat Mitzvah, the recipe she invented for onion farfel.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

NaBloPoMo and IComLeavWe have joined together this month.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: November’s list is closed.  The December list will open around 11/29.
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, nanowrimo)
3. Elana’s Musings (twins, parenting, randomness)
4. No, I’m Not Pregnant, Just Fat (pcos, mfi, stress)
5. My Bumpy Journey (waiting, IF, life)
6. Production Not Reproduction (transracial open adoption)
7. Babymaking 101 (trying, partial mole)
8. Trying to Get Knocked up by Another Man (ivf, military, life)
9. Lifeslurper (IVF, DE, 40+)
10. Teddy Lifeslurper, ttc (humour, IVF, ttc)
11. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (ttc after losses, books, cooking)
12. Where the Green Grass Grows (infertility, family, foster care adoption)
13. Banking On It (diui #5, infertility, tww)
14. Mindful Meandering (adoption after IVF)
15. Circus Children (life, love, ivf)
16. Communique (life, infertility, ivf)
17. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo (parenting twins, surrogacy)
18. IF Crossroads (IVF, endo, waiting)
19. End.ometriosis (endometriosis, infertility, children)
20. Wishing4One (ivf, craziness, egypt)
21. All Grown Up (domestic infant adoption, waiting, random)
22. Into The Light Again (marriage, hobbies, infertility)
23. Exploring Chaos (pregnancy, life, family)
24. Life Happens While You’re Making Other Plans (IVF, faith, family)
25. Wait, What? (IF, emotions, life)
26. From IF to When (infertility, IUI, life)
27. Hope in Virginia (pregnancy after IVF)
28. Dancin In the Rain (infertility, iui, faith)
29. Raining Raining (marriage, (in)fertility, life)
30. Our Little Family (infertility, adoption, family)
31. PCOS SOS (infertility, pcos, randomness)
32. Inconceivable! (ttc, infertility, family)
33. Once an Infertile (parenting after IF, TTC #2, life)
34. The Mis-Adventures of A Modern Day Farmer’s Wife (infertility on a farm)
35. So much for simple and easy (ivf, infertility, life)
36. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
37. Can I Get Some Sugar with These Lemons? (endo, infertility, IVF)
38. Body Diaries by Lucy (pregnancy, PCOS, IF)
39. Everyone Else But Me (ectopic, future cycle, emotions)
40. CD1 Again (infertility, ovulation, sadness)
41. IVF You! (ivf,cysts,waiting)
42. In Due Time (life, infertility, pcos)
43. Life by the Day (infertility, ivf, life)
44. Drive Fast. Take Chances. (mfi, diui, city life)
45. Getting There (infertility, adoption, life)
46. Sell Crazy Someplace Else (diui, weight loss, life)
47. Our Journey, but Not Our Plan… (FET, TTC, LAP)
48. Infertili- T & A (IVF, life, sass)
49. MoJo Working (marriage difficulties, infertility)
50. Road Blocks and Roller Coasters (parenting after IF, pregnancy)
51. A Greater Yes (infertility, embryo adoption)
52. A Baby 4 Al? (unexplained infertility, random, life)
53. Our Someday Family (MFI, testing, plan)
54. Waiting on baby Paramore (foster parents, adoption, biological children)
55. Looking for my Keys (infertility, special needs parenting, life)
56. Dreaming of Quiet Places (emotional abuse recovery, uncertain family-building future, my cute dog)
57. The Yerkes Life: Learning to Embrace G-d’s Plans (ivf, life, faith)
58. One Little Pink Line Short of Sheer Bliss (miscarriage, iui, ttc)
59. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
60. Return to Innocence (PTSD from IF, PPD, life)
61. Three is a Magic Number (in the beginning, male factor, life)
62. We got hitched. We bought the 4 bedroom house. Now what???(miscarriage infertility randomness)
63. Fertility Foibles (infertility, adoption, humor)
64. Wistfulgirl’s World (infertility, adoption, random)
65. Infertility and Me! (failed IVF, NHS clinics, TTC)
66. Got Love, Been Married, Now Where the Hell’s the Baby Carriage (pcos, mthfr, military)
67. Oven Seeking Bun (pcos, ttc#1, follistim)
68. Poor Lucky Me (humor, advice, life)
69. Parenthoodforme (adoption, infertility, coping)
70. Trying Again (infertility, hope, treatment)
71. Infertility Instability (PCOS, farming, family)
72. Romancing the Stone (ivf, newlywed, love)
73. The Conceivable Future (RPL, infertility, IVF)
74. (In)Fertile Myrtle (pregnancy, IVF, infertility issues)
75. Where the Wright Day Takes You (infertility, ttc naturally until $$ improves)
76. In G-d’s Hands (infertility, pcos, faith)
77. Searching for Freelance Success (writing, freelancing, publishing)
78. The Desire Of My Heart (miscarriage, depression, weight loss)
79. A + B, Waiting for C (just beginning, clomid, distractions)
80. Junebug’s Musings (infertility, weight, travel)
81. Donor Eggs Journey (donor eggs, IVF, Thailand)
82. Marla’z Austin Journey (unexplained IF, TTC, life)
83. IF You Only Knew (life, endometriosis, depression)
84. Ambivalent Womb (male factor, hope)
85. Melissa’s Life As She Knows It (infertility, ttc #1, clomid)
86. The Sun’ll Come Out, Tomorrow (I Hope) (miscarriage, TTC, marriage)
87. Are We There Yet (IVF, fibroids, Norway)
88. Nine Months (parenting, miscarriage, weight loss)
89. Wheresmy2lines (donor eggs, pcos, life)
90. Hoping For Another Little One (IVF, adoption, randomness)
91. My Stories (infertility, first IUI, life)
92. Beautifully Irrational (infertility, pcos, life)
93. An Infertile Blog (infertility, miscarriage, PCOS)
94. Infertility Ugh (infertility, marriage, relationships)
95. The Closet Infertile (infertility, IUI, planning for IVF)
96. Waiting for Sunflower (pregnancy, infertility, life)
97. Steps to Baby (infertility, decisions, life)
98. Infertility and Me (male factor infertility)
99. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, POF, Hashimoto’s)
100. My So-Called Life (childfree after infertility)
101. Sprogblogger (infertility, donor egg, food)
102. karlinda (open adoption, adoption process, veganism)
103. Hoping for a Baby (infertility, IUI/IVF, random thoughts)
104. Creative Joy stillbirth, faith, life
105. Inconceivable?! (moving forward, noa, d-iui)
106. All My Pecadilloes (IVF, MFI, Klinefelters)
107. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, life)
108. Slice of Pie (IVF, cooking, travel)
109. Hopes and Dreams for Us (endometriosis, randomness, weightloss)
110. Lullaby and Goodnight (baby, family, shopping)
111. Staying Focused (knitting, life, family)
112. Simple Sweet Inspiration (parenting, crafting, laughing)
113. Monique Renae’s Blogging More (life, humor, friendship)
114. Johannah the Smite Priest (world of warcraft, games, PC)
115. MetaMegan (parenting, food, humor)
116. Twenty-Four Seven {Auntie} (aunt, children, nanny)
117. Marketing Latinos (socmed, latinism, marketing)
118. Word Grrls (writing, creativity, arts)
119. Kel (photography, ADD, familylife)
120. We Are Made of Dreams and Bones (jewish, college, crafts)
121. Laurel Green (art, crafts, fun)
122. Rammi.glomp.me (personal, rants, randomness)
123. Mosker (life, home ownership, cooking)
124. strawberry fields forever (kids, relationship, everyday)
125. Misadventures with Andi (frenchie, food, movies)
126. drawntocatholicism (comic catholic diary)
127. The Purple Corner of Reality (home, crafts, books)
128. Presently DeMo (single life, learning something new)
129. Fading Ad Blog (fading ads, same-sex marriage, LGBTQ equality)
130. Dena’s Recipe Exchange (food, recipes, locavorism)
131. Geek With Kids (geek, father, family)
132. self respect of a nation (mythology, art, medicine)
133. Tracy’s Topics (dzp, life, conversations)
134. Forbidden Planet (short personal rambles)
135. Digital-Damita.Net (female, housewife, student)
136. Train Star (traveling by train)
137. Journey Through Infertility and TTC (infertility, TTC, baby)
138. Letters to My Unconceived Child (baby, infertility, love)
139. PandaBox33’s Blog (friendship, family, love)
140. Le Blog de Bazookah Joe: Tiraillee entre deux poles (bipolar, life, work)
141. On Tap for Today (life, humor, boston)
142. Tripletly Blessed (triplets, attachment parenting, jewish)
143. What Does Mike Think? (catholic, geek, pro-life)
144. PhD in Parenting (parenting, feminism, breastfeeding)
145. Lake Stitcher (stitching, family, music)
146. Inspiration from a Creative Mother (sons, activities, art)
147. Cynical Optimism (books, movies, life)
148. Maremagnum (pictures, travels, memes)
149. Pennies in a Jar (academia, books, life)
150. Welcome to my life (life, family, humor)
151. Utter Beginner (comics, religion, illustration)
152. zelda pinwheels flying circus (witty, sarcastic, single)
153. Just Jennifer (parenting, mom time, games)
154. The Secret Life of Sass and Lex (infertility, life, foster care)
155. One Tough vonCookie (grad school, poetry, life)
156. Just Because My Pickle Talks Does Not Mean I Am an Idiot (Asperger’s Syndrome, humor, children)
157. Crazy Runs Deep (infertility, conceiving, shock)
158. Curiosity Quotient (photography, business, books)
159. Flooded Lizard Kingdom (life, parenting, miscellany)
160. I Never Thought it Made Sense Anyway (infertility, miscarriage, moving forward)
161. Christian Momma (my two children)
162. Tiny Blessings (frugal, faith, crafts)
163. Being Jamie Lynn (infertility, emotions, ramblings)
164. You Must Take Your Chance (mid-life, poetry, hilarities)
165. These Days (kids, life, childhood abuse)
166. It’s called a varicowhat? (iui#2, mfi, life)
167. On Blogging Well (blogging, marketing, writing)
168. Rogozinski Clan (kids, parenting, renovations)
169. Wired For Noise (parenting, politics, planet)
170. My Walking Path (nature, poetry, green)
171. The Electronic Replicant (books, memes, random)
172. Littlestomaks (toddler, nutrition, recipes)
173. Yarn Yarns (yarn, knitting, fiber)
174. Visual Arts Junction (writing, photography, publishing)
175. Truth Will Bend (life, love, questions)
176. Ruminations (parenting, life, random)
177. Confessions of an (Infertile) Shopaholic (infertility, PCOS, life)
178. Last American Girl Standing (TWW emotions, honesty)
179. Shannon’s World (causes, relationships, skin care)
180. Tripletly Blessed (triplets, attachment parenting, jewish)
181. Cats With Passports (ivf, immune issues, infertility)
182. No Lingerie Here… (pregnancy after m/c, PCOS, family)
183. My IVF Journey (ivf, infertility, miscarriage)
184. A Tale of 2 Monkeys (geek, baking, photography)
185. So much for simple and easy (life, infertility, work)
186. Opi’s Ramblings (life day zero)
187. Write, Baby, Repeat (adoption, infertility, writing)
188. My Little Drummer Boys (IVF twins, parenting, daily life)
189. Conception Deception (MFI, IVF, IVF failure)
190. offmymind.but from my heart (adoption, infertility, openess)
191. Enchilada Sunrise (knitting, bipolar disorder)
192. This is Worthwhile (sahm, life, self)
193. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, life, ttc #3)
194. Amelia Sprout (life, parenting, weight)
195. YourGreatLife (fertility coaching, self-belief, women)
196. November’s list is closed.  The December list will open around 11/29.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is cranberry, the next month it will be red, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

In honour of the month of November, NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) and IComLeavWe (International Comment Leaving Week) are joining forces to take over all of your free time.  It makes perfect sense–join NaBlo and post daily on your blog so you have great content in place for when IComLeavWe rolls around towards the end of the month and people can come by and leave loads of comments.  See, two great tastes that go well together.

Wait, what is NaBlo?  It’s a project where participants commit to posting daily for an entire month.  November is themeless, so it’s up to you to decide what you want to tell the world.

And what’s IComLeavWe?  It’s a commenting extravaganza that takes place monthly between the 21st–28th.  Sign up and commit to leave 6 comments daily and hopefully collect more than that from other participants in return.

So join up with NaBlo this month and make the commitment to post daily in November and join up with IComLeavWe this month and collect great feedback on your thoughts.

And kiss your free time goodbye, but make lots of great connections and hopefully pick up new readers in exchange.