Posts from — July 2009

Remember back a few weeks ago when I asked about Twilight? So we rented the movie because it felt like a low-stakes commitment to the franchise. I cleaned up the blogroll while we watched, glancing up at the screen from time to time, mostly to comment to Josh that even after nine years together, a marriage contract, a house, two children, and a shared love of the beach, I would divorce him in a heartbeat if he told me that he thought constantly about draining all of my blood. I just couldn’t believe that Bella would stick around and start a relationship with someone who told her that while they didn’t want to kill her, it was a very real possibility. You know…due to that whole “I’m a vampire” thing.

We turned it off, laughing at the movie. At least I didn’t have to read the books.

I was so damn wrong.

Even though I didn’t like the movie and had barely paid attention to it, I wanted to see it again. So we brought it with us for Vampire Beach Week (named mostly because we were dragging along Buffy episodes and it sounded good to have a theme to our week). And I was more serious about it than being alone in a clearing with a vampire. I watched it with the laptop closed.

So I started to read the first book. And it’s awful–it is truly some of the worst writing I’ve ever read. There should be a drinking game invented (for those who enjoy books and alcohol together) where you have to do a shot every time she uses the word “glare.” All they do is glare at each other. A few pages into the book and I started to scream, “does she not understand the concept of show don’t tell?”

And yet, when the Wolvog announced during a car ride that he needed to pee and Josh pulled over to a Dunkin Donuts, I yanked out the book and crammed in three pages during the break. I cannot put it down and it’s awful. I mean, it’s not awful that I can’t put it down. The book is awful. And I can’t put it down.

I’m not sure if I really like the book or if I’ve been told to like the book so I like the book. I am fairly certain that I honestly like Harry Potter–not because I was told by society to like it, but because the series was actually good and I personally liked it–and I use my dislike of Titanic as a barometer. The rest of America loved it, but I didn’t. So I am capable of disliking things that others like.

I feel that my obsession (and it really is an obsession when you yank out the book to read three pages during someone else’s pee break) is a lot like Bella’s relationship with Edward. It is quite clear that it’s not a healthy relationship from the get-go, sort of akin to striking up a penpal exchange with a serial killer that has just been released from prison.

And it’s quite clear that the writing and storyline in these books suck–Bella is unlikable (what the hell is up with all the falling? She doesn’t sound clumsy–she sounds like she has a condition that requires treatment. Clumsy is mentioning once or twice that she trips. Condition is the page after page descriptions of how she seemingly can’t walk across a room and remain upright). She doesn’t know why Edward likes her and the reader doesn’t know why Edward likes her. Because she certainly doesn’t seem like something special.

And yet, just like Edward can’t resist vanilla-pudding Bella, I cannot resist these terrible books.

It is an attraction that defies logic, defies explanation, defies good sense. They are so clearly bad, and yet, I cannot stop. In fact, I am using an old birthday gift certificate to buy my own copy today. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Here is the master list for the twentieth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. What is the Barren Bitches Book Brigade? It’s a book club from the comfort of your own living room. The book club is conducted entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way. We read both fiction and non-fiction.

Anyone can jump aboard–it’s a book club where you can drop in and out as you wish and all in the community are welcome.

Book: Moose* (with author participation)
Author: Stephanie Klein
Start Date: June 30
Question Due: August 12
Question List Sent Out: August 14
Post Date: August 17

(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about future tours.)
Something New: the participants on this tour will choose the next book.

About Moose: Described as a “grown up version of Judy Blume’s Blubber, Moose is a memoir written by the ever-funny Stephanie Klein (of Greek Tragedy fame). It chronicles her stay at a fat camp, and while this book is not infertility-related, it is body-related and I think it will lend itself to a very interesting discussion on how we find the motivation for the next cycle as well as how we view our bodies. It is literally the perfect book for the beach–funny, sweet, sometimes sad, and very very readable.

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (The blogs below are participating on this current book tour. On August 17, you’ll be able to jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on Moose. I will keep adding to this list until 11 p.m. on August 12th. The list is currently open)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
Weebles Wobblog
Baby Smiling in Back Seat
The Road Less Travelled
Hello, My Name is M…and I’m Infertile
The Dragondreamer’s Lair
Baby Making Journey
All Things Deb
Trying for a Baby

Not on the list and want to join? Drop me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. You can add yourself up until 11 p.m. on August 12th.

How the book tour works:

(1) leave a comment or send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) saying that you’re interested in participating. I need your blog name, blog url, and email address.

(2) read Moose by August 12 (or at least enough of it in order to ask a question to the group).

(3) create a single question that would kick off a discussion (in other words, any question that leads to more than a “yes” or “no” answer where someone can express their opinion) and mail it to me on August 12 (or any time beforehand). I will send you a reminder email close to the date. Click here to see sample questions from tour #4. This is also the time to send a question if you have one for Stephanie because she is participating and open to answering our questions. I will compile them and forward them to her on the 14th.

(4) on August 14, I will send you a list of possible questions. Everyone will choose 3 questions off the list and answer them in a blog entry.

(5) on August 17, people will begin to post their entry. I will post a linked list of all the people putting up their entry that day so people can go around and read the entries and comment (start a discussion back and forth in the comments section). Reading the entries and commenting on the posts is the best part of the tour–by the end of the week, you should have a comment from every participant (and maybe even a few new permanent blog readers).

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

I was trying to make all of my pictures from the past week count as my Show and Tell, but since the post and stories were getting too damn long, I took them out to serve as their own post (don’t you want to know how I came to strip down in a kosher restaurant?) and made this tiny vignette my item instead.

This week, we were at the beach when these boys came out of the water, a shovel held proudly in front of them as if they were coming back from battle with a head on a stick. They deposited their find on the sand and drew a circle around it. One jelly fish.

It oozed across the sand and made me incredibly sad. Not that I’m a fan of jellyfish nor would they extend much care to me if I were swimming by, but it seemed wrong to go into their home–the ocean–and remove them for the sole purpose of showing that you can do it.

I brought the twins over to see the jellyfish for two reasons. Being able to examine it up close seemed like the only silver lining in the event and I wanted to explain to them why we don’t remove animals from their home. We talked about how we would feel if someone came into our house, removed us from our home, and did it just for their own amusement.

We all felt sad for the jellyfish.

The ChickieNob offered up this shell instead for Show and Tell.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.