Posts from — May 2009

I told Lori that I was going to take a photo of the spaetzle bowl from the 18-hour tantrum and write an anti-Perfect Moment Monday, stating that after this incident, every other moment this week was perfect in comparison. But why focus on the negative?

My perfect moment came after the row was over and I asked the ChickieNob to come upstairs with me so we could sit in her rocking chair for a moment and both have a good cry. I told her that we needed to just let everything out and she sighed and said, “well, you can have a good cry. I’ve been letting everything out for the last three hours.”

Comedy.

See what others are saying were their perfect moment at Perfect Moment Mondays.

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Let’s begin.

You will be learning this week about the tantrum from hell in reverse order, from aftermath to the bowl of spaetzles that ignited the 18-hour tantrum (intriguing, no? I mean, how could a bowl of German noodles do that much damage?). After calm descended, Josh and I went out to dinner to celebrate the release of the book, Navigating the Land of If, and then swung by the bookstore to see if it was on shelves.

We stopped at Barnes and Noble and went up the escalator towards the fertility section. My heart was pushing itself up towards my ears, thumping and thumping until Josh triumphantly yanked it from the shelf and handed it to me. I promptly burst into tears and an employee reshelving books walked past to ask us (not noticing the fact that I am wailing in the aisle) if the stack of books resting nearby were ours. We told him no and then stood staring at the cover for a long time.

Josh snapped a few pictures of my tear-stained, blotchy face and then gave me a long hug. The man returned and said, “I know the others weren’t yours, but are you planning on buying that book?” Josh said, “we’re not buying it, only because my wife wrote it.” The employee was delighted and asked what it was about, and upon seeing the title said, “aaah, I will not be reading that book. We do not have any problems with fertility. I have four kids.”

And while you may believe that was the best thing said in the aisle (because who doesn’t enjoy having others remind them that they are normal whereas you are a little mess of ill-functioning ovaries and clotty blood), the man continued to tell me that I was the second author he had ever met. Which seemed a little strange since he works in a bookstore that holds readings, but he told me the only other author was Ronald Rood, who wrote the saucily named How do You Spank a Porcupine and Animals Nobody Loves. He met Mr. Rood at the age of four when he saved him by pulling him out of a lake.

At that point, the man pretended that he was going to jump from the second story fertility section into the escalator bank below and told me to save him, and what I wanted to tell him was that I had considered that very act during the ten days I was on Reglan but had reconsidered realizing that two stories was not enough distance to do the proper amount of damage and purchased the Time Traveler’s Wife that night instead. After we all shared a nervous, uncomfortable laugh, we realized that my coupon was actually for Borders and decided to head a mile down the road to the other bookstore.

We found my book again in the fertility section and had another brief cry.

After we went book shopping and used my coupon, we headed out to a fake French cafe–by which I mean that it calls itself French and employs people who speak French, but there is nothing really French about it so it reminds one of the scene in Better Off Dead–for cake and coffee after learning that the diner nearby uses caffeinated root beer in their root beer floats.

What are you showing today?

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I Twittered this, but it seemed worth covering in more than 140 characters. Do you know how some kids have a security blanket? Well, I have a security book in that I have to sleep with one next to my bed (and actually have sometimes slept with one in my bed too…ooooh, rav milon) and I cannot leave the house without one. It’s not just a “the car could break down and I’d want something to read while I wait for AAA.” It’s truly a security thing by which I mean that I feel insecure without one. I don’t even have to necessarily read it. I just need to have it in my bag.

Which is probably how I ended up with all of my back problems.

Do you carry a security book? And if not a security book, what is your security item if any? My other security items are a camera and a pack of post-it notes with a pen. Three things: book, camera, post-it notes (and pen…so actually four things) and I can function. Mostly.