This all began when my son asked to be renamed Jancefer Birdie (um…his version of  “chance for a birdie”) and the mondegreens people offered were too good not to compile in one place for your viewing pleasure.  This list is added to constantly, with the newest ones at the top rather than the bottom.  Add your mondegreen (in other words, a phrase you misheard) in the comment section and I will move it up to the list as soon as I can.

1. From a Manic Street Preachers song. The original says “A bronze moth dies easily.” The singer really sounds like he says, “I bronze my thighs easily.” (from Rebecca).
2. “I wanna rock and roll all night / And part of every day.”  Because even rock n rollers need their sleep…   And how could I forget Bruce Springsteen’s “Ten Devils in a Freezer.” (known to most of the rest of the world as “Tenth Avenue Freeze-out”) (from Niobe).
3. “Give to me your letter, take from me my name” Stevie Nicks (real words: “give to me your leather, take from me my lace”).  I was sure that they were getting married and she was saying that she was taking his name (“your letter” meaning his monogram, I guess) and giving up hers. Since I didn’t want to change my name when I got married, I thought it was a very submissive way to say it. TAKE my name from me? Sheesh! (from Rebecca).
4. My favorite misheard lyric, though, is from a Rob Thomas song (Lonely No More, I think). He says “Open up to me like you do your girlfriends.” I always hear “Open up to me, so I can do your girlfriends.” I think I’m just the suspicious sort (from A).
5. The song is “The Love You Save” by the Jackson 5: I got my butt way before my crotchee.  The real words: Look both ways before you cross me… (from Royalyne).
6. “Hold me closer Tony Danza.” — Elton John (from Katie).
7. 80’s Quarterflash song: “I’m gonna harden my heart..I’m gonna swallow my tears” I always sang “I’m gonna swallow my tea herbs..” who the Hell knows why? Did I think Tea was going to help her get over what’s his name? (from Kir).
8. From Blinded By The Light (by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band). I know the lyrics are “Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night,” but I hear “Blinded by the light, revved up like a douche, another runner in the night.” (from Kristin).
9. Mine’s not a lyric, but my stepdaughter came into my life as a teenager, and suddenly I was attending a bunch of softball games, a new experience for me. When her team played against a team with a very vocal coach, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he wanted each girl on his team who came to bat to “Get your cell phone!” (“Get yourself on [base]“). Oh, and there’s my stepson, famous both for, “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls!” (“Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls) (from Alexicographer).
10. My mondegreens weren’t as funny as my little sister’s, who used to think that “We Built this City on Rock and Roll” was actually “A Milk is Sitting on Rock and Roll.” (from Serenity).
11. I thought the song “Bedrock” said “Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make you better.” Y’know. Like the vitamins? Then one day, I shut my trap and didn’t sing along – and realized it’s “I can make your bed rock.” (from Allison).
12. Beatles – Michelle.  “Some day Mokie won’t play piano song, play piano song.”  I had NO clue they were speaking French…  DH has a cute one – he thought Hank Williams was singing “Willie the Honky Tonk Moose” haha (from Sarah).
13. My cousin called me one day a few years back to ask me the lyrics to “Buttons” by the PCD…he thought the words were “Lotion up my butt and spank” and in reality they are “Loosen up my buttons, babe.” (from Caitlin).
14. When I was a kid learning to sing the ABC song, I thought for a long time that L M N O was “Ella Menno.” Funny story along those lines – when I was an adult visiting South Africa, I called somewhere for directions and was told to take a highway the name of which I couldn’t decipher although it sounded like “Enema.” I asked “How do you spell that?” and got a long silence in response. When I looked at a map I realized that it was the “NMR” highway (from Elizabeth).
15. I originally thought Boot Scooting Boogie was BooB Scooting Boogie. Yeah. Hey, I’m short, and many restaurant booth tables are tall with low seats so I end up being able to rest my boobs on the table. Made sense to me… (from Blanche).
16. Just call me angel of the morning, angel.  Just touch my teeth before you leave me…  I think I was maybe in college when someone told me it was “cheek.” Well heck, maybe Juice Newton could have enunciated better, no?  But my baby brother’s mondegreen is way better. I remember him running around the house as a kid singing: “I’m a cheerio….I’m a cheerio…” And being like, dude. What the hell are you saying? And him looking at me like I was an idiot and saying, “uh, that song from Madonna, stupid. That one that’s always on the radio.”  (from M).
17. “Ooo eee ooo I look just like Buddy Holly / Oh Oh and you’re Mary Tyler Moore / I don’t care what they say about us anyway / I don’t care ’bout that.”  My sister used to swear that the third line was “I don’t care what they say about seaweed.” No reason (from PiquantMolly).
18. “Don’t cry for me Aunty Tina” known to most as “Don’t cry for me Argentina” (from MommyinWaiting).
19. AC/DC song lyrics are “it’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll” often sung ” it’s a long way to the shop if you wanna sausage roll” (from Vee).
20. I used to sing, “You might as well face it you’re a dick to love” and even once I stood corrected I still think my lyric is better (from Calliope).
21. I used to think in My Country Tis of Thee that the line was ‘of the icing’ (from Rachel).
22. The only think I can think of is some country song I heard growing up – I swore it said “I spill tea all over your B-O-D,” which being interpreted is, “I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E”… (from NotTheMama).
23. Instead of “Afroman likes tall cans / Afroman likes tall cans”, I always heard “Afroman likes small cans / Afroman likes taaaalking”. I assumed Afroman was trying to showcase his good qualities in a song otherwise about his rampant alcoholism in a desperate bid to find a nice partner (from Manapan).
24. From my sister–for the song “(You Make Me Feel Like A ) Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin. She thought the lyrics were “You make me feel like a man but you are a woman” (from Michelle).
25. “Donuts make my brown eyes blue.” (from Aunt Misfit).
26. Jimmy Hendrix with “’scuse me while I kiss this guy” (not the sky). Well, the guy made more sense to me than the sky.  Hubs still says “f**k them and you’re low” (that would be Prodigy with F’em and their law) (from Mina).
27. Oh dear. Back in the early nineties, when I was a wee adolescent, my close friend loved the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Particularly the song “Give It Away.” She always turned it up to eleven when this song came on the radio. One day we were shouting along to the lyrics and when I got to this line “I can’t tell if I’m a kisser or a popper,” she stared at me like I had 40 eyeballs. Of course due to the fact that the line is actually “I can’t tell if I’m a kingpin or a pauper.”   She then made me explain just what I thought my version of the line meant and I mumbled some hideously self-conscious prattle about how I thought he was not sure if he wanted to just kiss someone or have sex with them. Because apparently my simple 16-year-old self believed that a “popper” was a hip slang term for a person having sex. Virgin alert! Nerd alert! Virgin nerd alert! (from Stephanie).