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Liking Things

Around New Years, Facebook put out one of their movies where it tallied up how you had interacted with the site over the last 12 months.  I knew this because I watched my friend’s movie on her timeline.  It yanked out images of what was important to her: her kids!  her dogs!  her husband!  It told her to remember this good time and that good time.  And at the end of the movie, hundreds of “likes” spilled into a dish, showing her that she liked hundreds of things that year.  An online life well-lived.

I didn’t post my video because it didn’t say much.  It yanked out images for two loaves of bread and a batch of cookies.  Apparently baked goods are very important to me.  It told me to remember that good time when I was writing about Hillary Clinton before the election and that other good time when I was writing about Hillary Clinton before the election.  Finally, something like six sad little likes spilled into my dish, brightly telling me that I had liked six whole things over the course of the last twelve months.  I got the message, Facebook.  It was not an online life well-lived.

*******

A woman asked Polly for advice on a friend situation.  Her friends like each other’s updates and they don’t like hers.  Her text messages in message chains go unanswered while other people’s messages get tons of answers.  The woman states that she feels like her friends don’t like her.  Polly assures her that they probably do though maybe they don’t.

But then Polly says what I think we’re all feeling (sometimes) in our hearts:

We are complex human beings with many, many sour emotions that come and go like the winds, yet we’re never allowed to leave the pep rally. We are bombarded by chirpy, self-laudatory interruptions, expected to drop everything and cheer at any second. I get group texts from truly great friends of mine that say things like “Cherry tomatoes from the garden!” and “Another amazing hike in Fiji!!” and sometimes it’s really nice and I love it. But other times, I want these globetrotting Martha Stewarts to stop interrupting my brainwaves with their incessant own-horn-tooting updates. I just don’t want my phone butting in with this shit when I’m trying to write the first word of the day and failing, or running late to a pesky doctor’s appointment, or just generally lamenting my inability to grow cherry tomatoes in my garden and let my child pick them and then photograph my gorgeous toddler and my tomatoes and my massive garden because I have a fucking job, people, and I have shit to do.

Here’s the thing: I do love updates, probably just as many as my friend.  I just didn’t click the button to let the person know that.  I also, at times, hate updates, especially the ones that seem carelessly written, informing a large group of people that they weren’t included in this activity or that while thanking other people for a great time.  As Polly says, “Some cultural trends like texting and social media are just objectively great and also hellish at the same time.”

I think all of us are striving to lead a good life.  To lead a life that we can quantify as fulfilling.  We want to achieve nameable things.  Meaning, we don’t just want to be thought of in amorphous terms.  We want to be remembered for big things, important things, achievements that can described.  But here’s the thing; we’re living this life in the day-to-day world, and we’re also living a life in the non-physical online world.  It’s all under the umbrella of “our life” but this tool — the internet — has created a virtual living space.  And now we’re looking at it; wondering if we’re doing it well.

I’m not doing it well.

And according to Polly, that’s okay.

8 comments

1 Journeywoman { 08.23.17 at 8:32 am }

Then there are the stupid things that get likes. I still cringe how, when I posted that my mother died, people liked that post. It poured salt. I realize people did it for support, but if you want to support me, leave a comment or pick up the fracking phone and call!

2 a { 08.23.17 at 9:43 am }

I was glad when FB expanded the likes to some different emotional responses. I still say they need an eyeroll one, though.

I like things rather indiscriminately on FB, mostly because I know I’m feeding people’s need for attention and approbation and I don’t mind. And I have accepted that I am a muse rather than a producer. I put ideas in people’s heads – someone else makes them come into being. Or, even if I do act on my ideas, someone else will likely get the credit. So, when I don’t get the response in the group text…it’s OK, because I know it will come around again in a slightly different form and I will know where it really originated.

3 Jill A. { 08.23.17 at 11:30 am }

Here’s another way to decided if you are doing it right. Why do you pay hard earned money for your phone and computer? Why do you pay a monthly fee, which is not insignificant, for wireless access of various types?

If you use your phone and computer for the things you want to pay for, you are doing it right. Would you still pay out the money if they didn’t help you accomplish your various goals? Probably not. That is why so many people no longer have a land line, it doesn’t help them do what they want.

4 Working mom of 2 { 08.23.17 at 4:40 pm }

Another reason I’m glad I’m not on FB or group texts…

5 torthuil { 08.23.17 at 5:16 pm }

It never occurred to me to rate myself based on how many things I “like” LOL! I don’t think that’s a very good system for assessing your life. I like people’s pictures of their kids or their selfies because I figure they might need the ego boost lol. Or a clever status update or a story or article I really like. I don’t care for those Facebook movies. I don’t consider Facebook at all an accurate depiction of my life. It highlights some aspects, which is fine.

6 Mali { 08.23.17 at 8:29 pm }

I think it all depends on how we define “doing social media well.” Of course Facebook wants to define that as quantity of likes/comments or just time spent on their app. Some of us might define that as an on-line life NOT well lived.

I do my fair share of likes. And of possibly-annoying travel posts too. But it doesn’t define me. My online life well-lived is mainly on blogs, and supporting people, and keeping in touch with my overseas relatives and friends, and learning and growing and becoming a better person. I like to think that that is an online life well-lived. (Though it would be even better if I could earn money from it too!)

And so in my terms, you’re doing the online life thing really really well!

7 Lori Lavender Luz { 08.24.17 at 5:24 pm }

Our life is too easily confused with the appearance of our life.

Don’t like.

8 Deathstar { 08.24.17 at 8:48 pm }

If I really like something, ie. article or pic, I will hit the like button. I actually just like to repost stuff that I think my friends and colleagues will read and enjoy. I rarely update my status unless I have a burning desire to share. I usually get a big response. Those who post constantly about how great their relationship is or constant selfies or updates about their chronic health conditions, I don’t bother with.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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