Random header image... Refresh for more!

11 Years

I am currently in a prime number birth year, and this space is in a prime number blogging year: eleven.  Eleven years ago, Josh set up my blog for me.  This place on the web has been his best gift.  (I mean, beyond always supporting my half-baked ideas and giving me space to be myself.)

Thank you, Josh.

I get a little teary when I talk about the Internet because — at least for me — it has done exactly what it was supposed to do.  It connected me.  I was over here, in this tiny bubble on the side of life, and it brought my bubble in contact with millions of other people’s bubbles.  We’ve knocked into each other and drifted apart from one another and stuck together and merged into bigger bubbles from time to time.

Thank you, everyone else.

I don’t have a lot of advice left to give about blogging; it’s really been the same thing year after year.


I have one last thing to say. (Until next year, when I will say another one last thing.)

Don’t look at your stats.  Platforms try to make those numbers easily accessible, but you should do everything in your power to NOT look at them.  At all.  Don’t peek at them from time to time.  Don’t think about them.  Don’t Google what is a good amount of page views.  Don’t think about numbers at all.

Because here’s the thing.  You will be happy if you never look at them.  If you write and assume that there are people quietly reading from their phone, not commenting but still thinking about your words all day.  You will be happy if you don’t know your stats AND you don’t know anyone else’s stats.

I really think Buddha had it right with the Four Noble Truths.  Expectations hinder us.  Expectations throw us off our game.  Expectations make us feel disappointment.

I once dated a guy who tried to teach me this.  We argued about it all the time because I didn’t think you could live without expectations.  I was an expectation-centric person, and the concept of going through life without facts and forecasts was unfathomable.

But I think I get it with this blogging thing.  Every once in a while I need to peek at my stats because someone else needs the number.  And it either makes me feel like shit if the stats are not where I thought they’d be, or the numbers inflate my ego and distract me if they’re higher than I thought they’d be.  So I don’t look at them.  I don’t think about them.  I just write.

And I hope you just write.  There are fewer and fewer of you out there, writing.  I wish you would open your blogs again and jot down a post.  It doesn’t need to be high art.  It doesn’t need to happen with regularity.  It just needs to happen enough that you feel that release of your words going out into the universe.  So that your bubble knocks up against everyone else’s bubble.

I’m floating out here.  I hope you are, too.


1 a { 06.21.17 at 7:43 am }

Congrats on 11 years! Thanks to Josh for giving all of us this gift…

2 TasIVFer { 06.21.17 at 7:48 am }

Thank you, Josh, for setting Mel on this journey. I enjoy reading her posts and connecting with her so very much.

I miss writing more often in my space; I try, but like so many things ‘only for me’ it goes by the wayside. If only I could download the posts I write in my brain while showering.

Congratulations Mel! Grattis!

3 nonsequiturchica { 06.21.17 at 10:08 am }

TasIVFer- I do the same thing! I have all of these great posts that I write in my head and then they are gone by the time I am sitting in front of a computer. 🙁

Agreed with the whole post Mel. I would much rather read someone who isn’t writing SIMPLY to get page views. It’s like clicking on click bait on Facebook- no thanks.

4 Charlotte { 06.21.17 at 11:42 am }

I am right there with the others, where I write in my brain but either forget or never get it down or I start to write and it sounded so much better in my head so I stop.

Congrats on 11 years, Mel. So glad you are here.

5 Sharon { 06.21.17 at 1:13 pm }

Your blog was the first infertility blog I stumbled across at the beginning of my own “infertility journey,” so it holds a special place in my heart. And I will always be grateful for your willingness to email li’l ol’ me in response to my questions. 🙂

Oh, and yes: unmet expectations have been the source of most of the happiness in my life. So yeah, let go of expectations.

6 HereWeGoAJen { 06.21.17 at 2:03 pm }

Thanks for always being here.

7 Ana { 06.21.17 at 2:23 pm }

Happy 11! Thanks for being a constant place to come for some company (and thought-provoking posts about books and everything else, too)

8 torthuil { 06.21.17 at 3:47 pm }

Happy 11 years! I’m with you, I find the people whom I know read my blog much more interesting than numbers. The one thing I find interesting about numbers is that some of my posts have far more views than others, and it makes me wonder why (because it really isn’t that obvious with some of them).

9 Cristy { 06.21.17 at 7:23 pm }

11 years?!?! Wow!! Mel, that’s an accomplishment. Happy blogoversary. Wishing so many more

10 Stephanie (Travelcraft Journal) { 06.21.17 at 8:56 pm }

That’s beautiful, Mel! Happy blogiversary!

11 Candice { 06.21.17 at 9:34 pm }

Thanks for being here. Those who can’t write, read.

12 Mali { 06.22.17 at 12:36 am }

Congratulations on 11 years! I started blogging not long after. I wish I had connected with you way back then.

I’m not really into numbers. I have to say, bloggers that are only in it for the numbers (or for book sales) are pretty obvious, and I don’t get that much from them. They also don’t put in the same effort to reply to their readers or visit our blogs. Hopefully, we return this love. I certainly consider it to be well-deserved. That has been the biggest lesson you’ve given me about blogging. Thank you for that.

13 Elsie { 06.22.17 at 1:00 am }

Happy Blogoversary, Mel! And thank you Josh for doing it.

Do you know you became the anchor of the IF blogland in these years. You were and remain a central figure of reference to me.

I am not here for the numbers. I have had my run of good traffic. The traffic has now died down. But I am still writing, because I wrote then for myself, and still doing it for the same reason.

It’s true though. I do miss a lot of women who stopped blogging abruptly or otherwise, and I have fallen out of blogs that became commercialized.

14 Betty M { 06.22.17 at 2:55 am }

Thank you!

15 Parul Thakur { 06.22.17 at 9:09 am }

I loved this piece, Mel. I am someone who keeps checking the stats all the time but I get your point.I do it more to know what’s happening. For me, that an affirmation that someone is reading. What I truly want is like you said, the words to reach someone.
Congrats on the 11th year and on Mondays this has been my fav place <3

16 loribeth { 06.22.17 at 9:37 am }

Happy blogoversary, Mel!! (and thanks, Josh! 😉 ) Thank you for creating a sense of community among us and staying at the centre of it for all these years! <3 You were one of the first infertility bloggers I found, and you encouraged me to start my own blog, for which I will forever be grateful.

I did sign up for a stat counter when my blog got "outed" by a relative & I wanted a closer handle on where my traffic was coming from… but I barely glance at it these days.

17 Counting Pink Lines { 06.22.17 at 9:54 am }

Happy blogoversary!

I like the visual of each person’s bubble bumping up against others. (On a side note, I’d love to see more and better studies on the impact of people’s bubbles. Blogs are harder to study than say, facebook or twitter.)

18 Inexplicably Missing { 06.22.17 at 7:12 pm }

It’s a wonderful thing that you’ve achieved Mel! Thank you to you and Josh for the creation of this little bubble-sphere!

19 JustHeather { 06.23.17 at 6:41 am }

Congrats on 11 years of blogging! Thank you for being here and being you.
I do check stats randomly, but along the same way that I check my weight. It’s fun to see numbers, but I don’t really care about it. (Ok, maybe lately I’ve been a bit more concerned about my weight, as it has gone up and I don’t want to see that trend. :O)

I too am like TasIVFer. I write many posts in my head, but that’s about as far as they get. However, today you inspired me to write something on my blog for the first time in ages! Thank you.

20 Elizabeth { 06.25.17 at 11:05 am }

You’re the best.
I’m thinking about re-igniting my blogs, I often have little flashes of “I should write about this or that idea” but it’s not part of my routine so hoping to make some changes soon

21 Lori Lavender Luz { 06.25.17 at 3:24 pm }

I’m so grateful to Josh for setting you up in your space, the space I found a few months after you started writing. Changed. My. Life.

Good advice about stats.

22 Jess { 06.27.17 at 11:05 am }

Happy blog-o-versary, Mel! What a beautiful gift that was, setting up your blog for you. What a beautiful space it is, I am so grateful to have found it and the community within. I love that thought, of thinking on people reading who don’t comment, even of just one person reading and going, “oh, I get it!” or “that makes me feel less alone.” I love the connections, most of which started with you! 🙂

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
The contents of this website are protected by applicable copyright laws. All rights are reserved by the author