634th Friday Blog Roundup
I got really excited and then really unexcited in a cycle lasting about five minutes when I heard about Peanut, the new app that is called Tinder for Friends. You want new friendships? Swipe right (or left? I’m sorry, I’ve never seen Tinder so I don’t know which direction you DO want to go. So put the correct direction in this sentence) if you want to meet this person to hang out.
Which is brilliant because it can be very difficult to make new friends once you get older. I work out of the house, so it’s not like I’m meeting new co-workers. I’ve become friends with some of the parents of the twins’ friends. And I’ve met some people through activities. But… yeah… it’s really hard, especially when people move or drift away because they get busy.
But when I went to download it, I saw that the description stated: “Peanut shows you like-minded mamas near you, and makes it easy to meet. We’re on a mission to build a community of women who happen to be mamas.”
Well, first and foremost, “mama” is a term I use for my guinea pig — Hebrew for “what-what,” which is what I call him when he is wheeking his head off for no reason other than to let me know that he is thrilled to be alive. Secondly, I do want to meet other women, but I don’t really care if they are parenting a child. I like having conversations about other things than kids. Thirdly, you need to sign up via Facebook and it pulls in your information from that site. Big security no-no. Fourthly, this sentence from The Stir’s review, which I found when I started poking around for information, sums it all up for me: “After that, I was instructed to choose three options from a bunch of different ‘mom-centric’ labels to describe myself.” Um, try none of the above.
So totally disappointed and not downloading it at all. But if someone wants to make an actual Tinder for Friends, I am totally there and will be your first tester.
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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.
Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.
As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.
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And now the blogs…
But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:
- “…Because I Don’t Have Kids” (My Path to Mommyhood)
- “The First Ultrasound – Recap” (In Search of a Binky Moongee)
- “Your Win is My Win” (In Due Time)
- “Prayers for the Body” (I’m a Real Woman Now)
- “Banishing Intrusive Thoughts” (No Kidding in NZ)
Okay, now my choices this week.
IF Pomegranate has a post about her sister’s pregnancy. It is bittersweet news. On one hand, she clearly benefits and gets to be an aunt. On the other… well… I think you all understand the other. This one line sums it all up: “I guess my feelings are more like FOMO – Fear of Missing Out. That’s how I feel. I feel FOMO. But it isn’t a fear. It is real. I am missing out: MO.” It’s about being happy for someone else while being sad for yourself at the very same time.
Raven Rambling has a post about how her experience with Valentine’s Day is keeping her feelings about other holidays in check. Once upon a time, it was a difficult holiday for her and then she met her husband. She writes, “Just like that, Valentine’s Day was good again! I had my Valentine, and so February 14th could come and go without causing me any pain. Valentine’s Day was redeemed!” She keeps this in mind when she is struggling now with other holidays; that it won’t always feel like this.
Lastly, The Maybe Baby (Babies) is back with a post about life now in the Trump era. Even as a white woman traveling within US borders, she feels anxious being away from home. What if she can’t get back to her family? Things keep changing so rapidly, how does she know when she leaves home that the rules will still be the same when she tries to return? And yes, infertility comes into play: “For a few moments, my anxiety gets replaced by rage. We’ve worked too hard to be a family to let this fucker fuck it up.”
The roundup to the Roundup: No Peanut for me. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 10th and February 17th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.
13 comments
Ugh. No Peanut for me, either. I’ve started making new friends through our local Indivisible group and I’m re-convinced that the small, community-oriented way is still a pretty good way to do it. 🙂
There is another one called Vina. It’s fairly new so, at least here, there aren’t many people on it and even fewer close to me in age (while I tend to forget that the half century mark is looming ever closer, other people do tend to notice and most 20s don’t want to hang out with someone old enough to be their mom). But, it is NOT parent-centric and in a larger metro area it could be useful.
Facebook login is a must? I don’t have fb anymore so that wouldn’t work at all for me. I am with you on wanting more than mom friends and not feeling the need to pick arbitrary labels.
Well that is a huge letdown. I can’t take the word “mama” unless it is from my actual children. No thank you. And I agree – I couldn’t label myself nor would I want to. Bummer. As someone who no longer uses Facebook I’m also troubled by the increasing number of instances where it seems “required.”
I lucked out and met a great friend at story time with our kids, as well as one through a group of adoptive parents. However the odds there are frustrating – 10+ members of the adoption group and I truly connected with one. Countless moms parade through our many story times and, again, one. Making friends is hard.
Ugh. I’m with you. No to “mama” and double no to putting myself in some sort of “mom box”. I also have many good friends that do not have children—we talk about all kinds of things we have in common that do not involve offspring. In fact, I can name 10 things I prefer to talk about other than children (books!)
What makes Tinder so awesome that every appmaker wants to emulate it? Last month it was “Tinder for Adoption” (barf).
I should take this opportunity to thank you once for teaching me to read the TOS and Privacy Policy for apps etc. Because I do so, I am an app minimalist.
Darn. That peanut sounded great until the part about moms.
I actually have plenty of mom friends, but if I were looking, I don’t think that this app would be for me either. I don’t like being referred to as “mama” or “mom” by anyone buy my children, and I hate made-up words that incorporate the word “mom,” like “mom-tastic” or “mom-centric.” Ugh.
It is harder to make friends as an adult, no doubt, so this idea is a good one but missing something in the execution.
That should say “anyone BUT (not buy) my children”
And I hate things that require Facebook login. Note to everyone: we don’t all have it!
Try being self-employed and finding friends without being able to meet parents through your children. I haven’t added any new friends to my circle – except online friends – for years. Fortunately I have some good friends!
Oh and there are some apps I just refuse because they want access to too much on my phone. But some I want, and I just suck it up. I hate doing that!
Why, why why why why why does it have to be just for mamas? I felt squeegy about the app before that part, but then it made me so mad, because way to exclude a whole lot of women, and pigeonhole them into one of three mama-types. Ugh. I mean, I guess maybe if it was marketed as a “find a friend” app for new moms who may feel a little isolated , but if you’re going to call it “Tinder for Friends” then make it about friends, not just friends with children. It’s not like Tinder is just for one subset of single people, like white people who ski. (I don’t know much about Tinder other than that it feels like one more thing leading to the downfall of our society.)
Thanks to those who included me in the roundup to the roundup!
I loved Parul’s post about rolling dosa as a metaphor for love:
http://happinessandfood.com/of-love-and-rolling-a-dosa/
and Different Shores’ post about an article on parents who regret having children, and how having children is supposed to bring happiness but that’s a tall order (plus some of the comments from the article were great):
https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/13/the-parents-who-regret-having-children/
Thank you for the mention! Meeting friends is seriously harder than finding a partner – it’s not like there are bars or clubs for friends. I actually went to Mr. Bigs fire banquet on Saturday and met the wife of one of his friends – I hit it off with her so well that I came home all bubbly and excited like I had just met a new boyfriend or something.
I met Mr.Big online 8 years ago…but I have to be honest, I don’t think I’d join a dating site ever again if I were still single. I had to weed through a lot of weirdos to find Mr.Big! I think a friend app will be similar!