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That Day

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Image: Angela via Flickr
Mother’s Day in the UK happens 2 months before our Mother’s Day in the US, so I read this post about JK Rowling back in March and then remembered it today.  She had a bit of brilliant advice, one that twists the holiday in my mind.

She writes, “If your mum isn’t here to treat, do something nice for yourself, because she’s part of you.”

I love this sentiment because she didn’t write, “Because you came from her,” which would have ignored a chunk of the population that has built their family through non-traditional means.  She didn’t write, “Because she raised you,” because that may not be true, either.

“Because she’s a part of you.”

And regardless of your situation, the person you consider your mother is a part of you, even if you’ve never met her.  Maybe she contributed genetic material.  Maybe she contributed the right words.  Maybe she contributed perfectly timed hugs.  Maybe she protected you from the larger world.  And because that woman has touched your life, her actions or her words live on inside of you.  Every single human being in this world is tethering, in their own, small way, the generation before them.

You can make the day about looking ahead, or you can make the day about looking behind.

I am very lucky that I get to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mother this year.  But I also like this idea of taking time to honour yourself because, in doing so, you also honour her.

So I am going to do something nice for myself this weekend.  I’m going to go to a comic book store — something my mother has probably never stepped foot inside because it really isn’t her thing.  But in doing so, I’m honouring the woman who encouraged me to march to the beat of my own, very loud drummer and not give up the things I love to fit into someone else’s idea of who I should be.  So I’m spending some time with my Marvel friends before heading to her house to say thank you.

So do something nice for yourself this weekend.

11 comments

1 Noemi { 05.04.16 at 9:02 am }

I really like that. Thanks for sharing it.

2 chris { 05.04.16 at 11:38 am }

Thank you for posting something for those of us without mothers. Spending my 10th mother’s day without mine I appreciate this one!

3 Deathstar { 05.04.16 at 12:31 pm }

Thanks for this, Mel. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to M Day for a variety of reasons, the chief one being my mum is gone. We were supposed to go visit the inlaws, but I have to work Friday night, the next day I have stuff going on and I just didn’t want to bend myself into a pretzel trying to make the trip (packing everyone up, 45 minutes drive to ferry, 1 1/2 hr expensive ferry ride, overpriced brunch), so I could be exhausted and force myself through it. I adore my MIL but I just don’t have it in me this time. I’ve sent flowers. We’ll see them next weekend.

4 Ana { 05.04.16 at 1:46 pm }

This is a perfect response. Thanks for sharing.

5 Beth { 05.04.16 at 5:29 pm }

This is brilliant. I saw this tweet when it was new and didn’t give it much thought. Well timed now.

6 Jess { 05.04.16 at 10:32 pm }

This is so, so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

7 Liz { 05.04.16 at 11:07 pm }

Boy, did this ever come exactly when I needed to hear it! This May it’s my 40th birthday on the 21st. My first Mother’s Day without a mother. My first birthday without both my parents who just died within a year of eachother. AND, to add insult to injury, my therapist just told me that she turned in her notice and today’s session was our last. I am SO not prepared to face this alone… and alone is what I most definitely am. Now, at least, I’ve got a game plan for Mother’s Day. Thank you!

8 Mali { 05.05.16 at 6:17 am }

This will be my first Mother’s Day without my mother, so I really like this idea. It’s as if I would be honouring my mother in doing this. I know a number of women who don’t have children treat themselves for a similar reason, although it is harder to do with all the hype around the day.

9 Lori Lavender Luz { 05.05.16 at 12:03 pm }

This is as brilliantly stated as it is kind.

10 Delenn { 05.05.16 at 12:04 pm }

I like this sentiment. I am intending to celebrate Mother’s Day by geeking out too–and seeing the new Captain America/Iron Man movie…free comic books on Saturday.

11 Battynurse { 05.20.16 at 6:15 am }

I like this sentiment too. Mother’s Day was rough this year although I was at work so it at least helped me focus outside of my grief. I like the part of her being part of me. No, she isn’t biologically related, nor did she raise me but she was there when I needed her.

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