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Closer to Reality

Thank you for all the kind words about the new book.  I am really proud of it.  If I was flippant when people offered compliments, it was only because my insider view of my life doesn’t sound like it matches the outsider view of my life.

When we only talk about accomplishments, you get a skewed view of who I am.  So, yes, I did work really hard on the book, but…

I dread writing pretty much on a daily basis.  I will put off actually getting down to work as long as possible, filing emails or reading blog posts, because writing is hard and I’m not really a fan of hard things.  The only thing that gets me working is a fear of running out of time in the workday and a healthy dose of berating myself.

On that note, I didn’t finish my PhD.  And I threw out all of my research about 13 years ago.  So it will never happen, and I’m okay with that.

I can’t tie my shoes.  I not only never mastered it as a kid, but I still can’t figure it out as an adult.  Even when the twins patiently sit with me and try to teach me.  When I need to tied a pair of shoes, I do so slowly, with bunny ears.  Most of the time, I slip my untied laces into my shoes and walk around with untied shoes.

I lie about how many popsicles I eat and hide the sticks in the bottom of the trash can.  I know in admitting this that Josh now knows, but I will continue to hide the sticks because I’m ashamed of my junk food jags.

I am a horrible flyer.  I pretty much plan my life around trying to get out of flying.

I think we’ve also established that I suck at getting and staying pregnant.  I also suck at carrying children to term.

Besides the popsicle consumption, there is nothing on this list that the people in my life don’t already know.  And that’s sort of the point.  We should have these healthy, well-rounded versions of our accomplishments and foibles.  But so many people only see the really good stuff online.  It’s up to us to balance it out.  Not to put ourselves down, but to present something closer to reality.

Care to admit anything?

17 comments

1 Beth { 05.22.16 at 12:04 pm }

I tie my shoes with bunny ears too! And they rarely stay tied. I also suck at getting and staying pregnant and carrying babies to term!

I eat a lot more cookies in life than I generally admit. And I online shop entirely too much, as a way to avoid thinking about or dealing with the hard things. I do always stick to my very restricted budget which means I’m also doing a lot of returning. Our local UPS store is probably the only one who knows the extent of my time wasted on silly errands to return things I never needed to begin with (let’s face it – it’s usually slip on shoes so I don’t have to tie them).

Ah that felt good. 😄

2 Deathstar { 05.22.16 at 12:15 pm }

I bought a portion of tiramisu from Whole Foods Friday and hid it in the fridge so I could eat it after my husband went to work late at night. I ate half and hid it again and I’d like to eat the other half in privacy. Cause it’s really good and I don’t want to share and eating cake in front of people is basically declaring that I’m okay with being a size 14.

3 Cristy { 05.22.16 at 12:54 pm }

We all have faults and vices. It’s what makes us human and there’s actually a lot of beauty in that.

For instance, you dread writing. Yet you’ve completed and published not 1 but 5 books. That’s so much more impressive than someone who loves writing, because it speaks to your dedication to these projects. In addition, a PhD consists of becoming an expect on one part of a topic, researching it and publishing your research. How is that different from writing a book (outside of the committee of aging academics)?

And with the Popsicles, sugar is such a hard drug to kick (yes, drug). So many struggle with it and it’s a demon I battle with regularly.

So embrace the book, but know that your flaws are also important components who make you you.

4 Lori Lavender Luz { 05.22.16 at 2:40 pm }

And most days, you remember to wear pants.

And you do the opposite of suck at raising kids.

Bunny ears, the thought of it makes me smile.

5 Justine { 05.22.16 at 3:18 pm }

There was a professor at Princeton who recently published a CV of failures. I thought it was brilliant, and hoped that some of our students took the move seriously!

I’m a food-hider, too. Struggle with anxiety. Suck at staying pregnant (and grateful that I’m not facing that particular failure any more). A much slower reader than I used to be. Fall asleep regularly on the couch. Most of which I think everyone here knows, too. 🙂

I never noticed the shoes thing about you. Did that work for your Doc Martens, or did you use the bunny ears trick with them?

6 torthuil { 05.22.16 at 3:31 pm }

When they (usually) can’t see me, I do a lot of the gross things I tell my special Ed students not to do (pick my nose, pick at cuticles and zits) lol. Oh well, at least I’m aware of it. I also get behind on things like chores, email, photo organizing, and returning phone calls because I’d rather read, blog and gave downtime. But whatever. There’s really no point in apologizing because I gave no plans to change.

7 chris { 05.22.16 at 4:54 pm }

I drink too much soda, but 4 years ago I stopped drinking diet cold turkey. I love to keep the house visibly clutter free, but the closets and drawers and not so neat. My husband thinks this is an issue- he would have clutter everywhere, which I can’t stand. And I also am a horrible flyer. I avoid flying with a passion. There is a small chance I have fly later this summer for work and I’m already dreading it.

8 Charlotte { 05.22.16 at 6:43 pm }

I thought the same thing about the docs…

9 Charlotte { 05.22.16 at 6:50 pm }

I love this post and I love that you can’t tie your shoes…I actually have a post about this sort of stuff in my drafts folder that I was inspired to write after reading post secret one Sunday.
I definitely eat my way through bags of chocolate chips or Halloween candy that’s not mine…I mostly don’t bother to hide it. I do the same with cookie dough. And Popsicles.
When I have bad gas I fart and blame the dogs or other kids or anything else I can think of, but never admit it was me…but everyone probably knows but no one has called me out on it yet.
I know there is much much more I can admit but I am going on 1.5 hours of sleep (sick baby) and I am drawing a blank right now.

10 Suzannacatherine { 05.22.16 at 7:53 pm }

This is a great post. 😳

Oh goodness, where to start? I have a serious sugar addiction. I appease it with graham crackers and a can of cream of cheese frosting hidden on the bottom shelf of the fridge door, for consumption after everyone has gone to bed.

I’m also a white knuckle flyer of many years standing. The older I get, the worse my aversion is. Many years ago I worked at the airport, for the first 5 years or so it made me physically sick to drive there each day. I conquered that part, but then 9-11 happened.
I don’t need to fly these days. Thank heaven for small favors!

I don’t have the shoe tieing problem, but I can’t do 5th grade math. Pathetic.

There’s lots more – just too embarrassed to tattle on myself.

11 Mel { 05.22.16 at 8:29 pm }

If you see me with my docs tied, I did it with bunny ears. But more often than not, my laces are tucked into my shoe and the first few eyes of the boots are open.

12 Queenie { 05.22.16 at 9:10 pm }

I didn’t know you started your PhD. And the serving size on Popsicles is in fact the entire box.

I am such a brilliant failure that there are a million things I won’t even start because I am so sure I’ll fail. Which is really freaking stupid, because I am so pig-headed that I hardly ever fail at things I actually start, because I make them work by sheer force of willpower and hard work. Stupid, really.

Congrat’s on the book! That’s such an interesting topic.

13 Karen { 05.22.16 at 9:17 pm }

I am awful at math – I cannot add or subtract in my head; I have to write it down, carry the one, etc. Slowly. You have no idea at how many dinners I have had to admit that, be used everyone is like “Karen, you’re an accountant – figure out what everyone owes.” I also suck at getting and staying pregnant. And my car is embarrassingly stained and dirty. I’d like to blame it on my kid except I have done it with every one of my cars. I am amazed at the people who manage to have spotless cars that smell good. How do they do it??

14 katherinea12 { 05.23.16 at 8:35 am }

When you mentioned the Doc Martens, it took me a minute to figure out why you’d tie those…my Docs are the Mary Jane style with buckles :).

I will second the popsicle thing. I definitely hide how many of those I eat in a day. And yep, I suck at human reproduction – couldn’t get pregnant, couldn’t stay pregnant, couldn’t carry anywhere near term, needed a c-section, and couldn’t breastfeed.

I can’t do up any clothing item that hooks in the back. I always have to get it put together in the front and turn it around – dresses, swimsuit tops, bras, etc. I’m a terrible passenger in cars as I tend to panic in traffic (funny enough, I panic much less when I’m driving these days).

15 Ana { 05.23.16 at 11:10 am }

I also do my shoelaces with bunny ears. But usually I just wedge my foot into the already-tied show so I don’t need to tie it again. Secret junk food binges? Yes. Also junky internet binges. I don”t do my bra the right way either, I turn it to the front and hook it, then turn it back around. I CAN do it, but its just such a habit. My mom taught me to do it that way, I never knew it was wrong until a boyfriend laughed at me in college.

16 Mali { 05.24.16 at 1:39 am }

I frequently suffer from the Fraud or Imposter Syndrome. It was a great relief to me when I discovered that other people suffer from it too. So I try to make a point of my flaws too, just so that others know this exists! Despite, or perhaps because of, your flaws, I still think you’re awesome.

In that light …I procrastinate hugely around projects I’m working on, because I fear failure. That’s why I’m writing a long comment on your post right now.
My office is really, really messy, and I just don’t seem to ever get around to tidying it.
I don’t like talking on the telephone – in particular, making phone calls.
I also sucked at getting pregnant – and when I did, it was in the wrong place.

17 Battynurse { 05.28.16 at 6:40 am }

Ok, you dread writing, but you’re a writer? I’m confused. And amazed. Your books that I’ve read have been really good. I mean I get the hating to write as I do also. I will also procrastinate as long as possible. Yet once I’m done with my BSN I have no intention of going further or doing anything that will require me to write much more than a nurses note.
Things others don’t know about me? The list is endless.

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