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The Outer Layers of Me

The first MicroblogMonday entry two Mondays ago was about whether people really change.  My first, knee-jerk response was yes.  I am not the person I was years ago.  Things that used to phase me now don’t bother me at all, and things that I used to love now are anathema.  Like camping.  Ugh.

But the longer response is that at the core, I remain the same.  Everything that makes me… Me.  Like me with a capital “M.”  My me-ness.  Those things remain constant.

But that solid core is surrounded by softer and softer layers, until the outer leaves are as flimsy as romaine lettuce.  Those outer leaves, the ones rubbing up against by the world, change massively over time, change in smaller ways day-to-day. It’s the outer layers that worry me, especially when I feel that the change is negative.  That I’m losing a piece of myself that I once liked.

I feel like something clicked out of sync last spring, and I’ve been trying to get it back.  But maybe it really is like lettuce.  Maybe those outer layers need to be shucked, tossed aside.  Because… you know… lettuce isn’t really repairable.  Maybe the key to getting back to having outer layers I like to look at is to remove the damaged ones and move on, rather than trying to fix, smooth over, perfect.

Side note: Tomorrow is #MicroblogMonday once again.  Get writing!


1 Lori Holden { 11.08.15 at 12:57 pm }

And maybe, like with leafy greens, as you pluck the old stuff, new stuff will grow and flourish and replenish.

2 Jenn { 11.08.15 at 1:05 pm }

I am hoping that I have made actual change and progress with myself over the last few years. In Buddhism, they say the self is like a dirt encrusted diamond and our job is to slowly work away those layers. Also, lettuce can get crisp and strong again if you submerge the leaves in an ice bath for a bit.

3 Laurel Regan { 11.08.15 at 2:29 pm }

This is the most eloquently-expressed post I’ve read in awhile. I love your analogy – thank you for the food for thought.

4 Sharon { 11.08.15 at 4:45 pm }

Good post. Like you, I am of two minds about this question. In some ways, I think (or at least like to think) I have changed over the years. These tend to be in mostly positive ways.

But I also realize from time to time that I am, in some fundamental ways, the same person today I was at 15 or 25 or 35.

5 Middle Girl { 11.08.15 at 4:51 pm }

Excellent post. A topic that is constantly being churned in my household.

6 jodifur { 11.08.15 at 5:24 pm }

This is such an interesting topic. I think people can change, but I think it takes a lot of work, and a desire to do so. I’ve been working really hard this past year at being more positive, and man, that is hard when it is not your nature.

I was at Carmen’s today and totally thought of you. I miss you, and all our awesome talks. Let’s get together soon.

7 Mali { 11.08.15 at 8:53 pm }

Lovely post, Mel. I adore your last line.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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