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Does Your Partner Read Your Blog?

Does your partner read your blog?  Is he or she following you on Twitter?  Hearting your Instagram pictures?  Liking your Facebook statuses?  Because, apparently, he or she shouldn’t.

I bookmarked and finally read this article about why you should not be connected to your partner on social media.  The reasons are what you’d expect: people are connecting less in the face-to-face world because they assume their partner knows everything from the online world, plus the situation is ripe for people to see things that are better off unseen, like a casual, cute comment between your current partner and one of their ex-partners.

And… well… yeah.  I mean, if you don’t connect offline, it’s obviously a problem.  And if you are going to fret over your partner receiving a comment from one of their ex-partners, it’s probably a problem.  But the article makes it sound like the only reason to be connected online is so you can tag your partner and chart your entire relationship in Facebook status updates.  Aren’t people just connected online for the sake of being connected online?  Because their partner is actually a friend, and it would be weird to be “friends” with a random stranger you met at a conference yet not “friends” with your partner?

Wouldn’t you find it a little curious if two people in a couple were active online but not connected at all to each other?

I would find it curious.

Ooooh, I’d probably sit around in bed with Josh at night and muse on why they’re not connected because I’m so nosy like that.

I love that Josh reads my blog.  I don’t think he has ever learned anything here that he didn’t already know (or couldn’t deduce).  The same goes for the rest of social media.  A blog post more often elicits an eyebrow raise and an “it’s interesting that you wrote about that” or an “oh, I thought you’d write about X today.”  He doesn’t have to read my blog, but it’s one more place he can connect with me, so I’m glad he does.  I’m proud of this space; I’m proud of what I write.  I don’t need him to hang onto my every word, but I always appreciate it when he says something about a post, which lets me know that he read it.

And I like seeing what he posts.  He’s not actively blogging anymore, but he posts sometimes on Twitter or Facebook.  It’s interesting to see what thoughts make it onto the screen.

So… does your partner read your blog?  Are you connected on social media?  And are you happy about it?  Or do you wish you could say whatever you wanted to say online knowing that the person eating cereal beside you isn’t wondering about your last blog post or status update?

36 comments

1 Karen { 09.30.15 at 8:42 am }

Seth and I are theoretically connected on Facebook, and when I was actively blogging, he read most of my posts in real time. (I think in the early days I hadn’t told him about the blog because I was still feeling my way around the idea… but within 6 months or so he knew about the blog). While going through infertility, sometimes there were things that I could articulate in writing that I had a difficult time saying out loud, so it was a good way for him to be inside my head and understand things from my perspective – but it was only the jumping off point. If he read a post of mine, we were more likely than not to have a conversation about it, so it wasn’t just the online connection for us.

Facebook is a little weirder – he has a FB account, but rarely uses it. He posts a couple times a year. I post… well, a lot more often than that. He reads my posts occasionally. And when he does, he usually comments. But again, it’s never the primary way in which we connect. Even when he was consulting and spent over two years only home on weekends, our primary mode of connection was either via telephone or face to face on weekends. And email, of course. But certainly NOT social media, because social media is the stuff I present to well, not “the world”, but whomever happens to be reading. That’s not me talking to my husband. Talking and connecting with my husband is far more intimate than what I post to the world. But then again, from what I gather… we are old, so maybe this social media connection thing is beyond us?

2 andy { 09.30.15 at 8:43 am }

Hilary reads my blog and for the longest time she used Facebook under my name before getting her own account. I usually run things by her before I post them, so there is never a time when she doesn’t already know what the topic is going to be. And yes… a couple only connecting online is weird.

3 Jen { 09.30.15 at 8:44 am }

My husband is not nor will he ever be on social media. He does not read my blog except on the rare occasion. He thinks it will make me stunt my words a bit, and he is probably right.

4 a { 09.30.15 at 9:22 am }

It is a huge pain to me when my husband reads my FB posts (or is informed of them by someone else, as he doesn’t do social media). He was annoying when he would read my blog (when I used to blog), because he thought he should have some say in what I wrote about. I know that people are sensitive about the “It’s not my story to tell” deal, but…my philosophy is that I should never say or write anything that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face. So, if I want to comment on what kind of jerks many of my inlaws are…well, I’m not going to tell them that they’re jerks every time I see them, but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if they were to find that I had said (or written) it. He worried about what they would think if they ever saw it, even if he agrees with my assessments.

An example of how my husband (and his friends/family) is/are a pain: There was one of those memes posted on FB about when Wife says I’m going to bed vs when Husband says I’m going to bed. Wife does 8 million tasks before going to bed, but Husband…goes to bed. I commented that I guess that meant that I’m the husband in our relationship, because when I say I’m going to bed, I mean I’m brushing my teeth and will be asleep within 20 minutes. My husband is clearly the wife, because he sees every task that MUST BE ACCOMPLISHED BEFORE HE CAN SLEEP, whereas I’m all “it’ll still be there in the morning.” Now, he knows this about both of us, but his friend repeated the “I guess I’m the husband” comment without context to tease him. And he got irritated about it. Maybe if he were viewing these things directly, he would have more perspective. But he’s such a stickler for me not sharing personal information about us (he can do it all he wants, it seems), that it would still be annoying. So, for me, being connected with my husband on social media would be wearisome.

5 Heather { 09.30.15 at 9:44 am }

STBE did read my blog, or at least he knew about it, but never discussed anything I posted. It did stunt what I shared. I filtered everything. Not very conducive to getting out my feelings.
New Man does not know anything about my new blog (or my old one for that matter). I’m going to keep it that way for now. Eventually I’ll tell him.
As for Facebook? STBE and I are friends on there and have always liked or commented on each other posts. I never had a problem with not connecting with him offline because we were friends online. I mean we were having difficulties for so many other reasons, online/offline communication was not one of them.
New Man has NO online presence other than how I met him and what I’ve introduced him too. A little funny. He thinks I overshare, I think he doesn’t share enough.

6 Baby Blue Sunday { 09.30.15 at 9:54 am }

Until very recently my hub didn’t even know I had a blog. I view it as my diary and didn’t think he would read it if it were on paper- so it didn’t seem like he would be interested on-line. I’ve blogged since choosing to terminate after a T18 diagnosis almost 4 years ago. I told him about the blog within the past few months. He did ask why I never told him, and what, in general, it was about, but beyond that he didn’t express any curiosity. He knows I am active on chat boards and the blogging community in general, but as far as I know he’s never read what I posted. I wouldn’t care if he did.. he just.. doesn’t. He was on FB way, way back in the first days (when it was still only in certain colleges), but he hated it. All that said, blog, facebook, chat comments etc. aren’t a secret. We talk about things that come up on-line and I leave websites open on my computer, I even blog in front of him. I think it really boils down to the fact that he isn’t a social media type, and I am.

7 illustr8d { 09.30.15 at 9:58 am }

I’m single, so this is all conjecture. Generally, I would be fine with a partner reading my blog. I can see being connected on Twitter & Instagram too. I’m not a fan of Facebook & use it rarely. My only spot of reticence is that we’d have to have groundrules about leaving fights irl. But generally, sure, although I also understand people keeping blogs & SocMedia as (virtual) rooms of their own.

8 Turia { 09.30.15 at 10:14 am }

Q. knows I have a blog, but has never expressed any interest in reading it, which suits me. He has no presence on social media and no desire to ever be on social media. I am friends with his friends (and family) on facebook so we can keep up to date with them all.

He did once ask me to put him on the list to receive notifications for the online photo album I keep, because he felt he was missing out there (probably true). But otherwise he has no interest in any of it.

9 Sharon { 09.30.15 at 10:22 am }

My husband knows about my blog and (I think?) has read a post on occasion, but I know he doesn’t read regularly because reading blogs isn’t his thing (unless the blog discusses Hoosier basketball, ahem).

We are connected on Facebook and neither of us is on Twitter. But it almost never happens that I post something on Facebook he didn’t already know about.

10 Kaeleigh { 09.30.15 at 10:28 am }

Oh yes, hubby is up to date with me on Facebook and with me as the Chicken on Twitter. he “follows” Unpregnant Chicken but only very rarely will he read it. Usually he reads it when I point out I am proud of a post or thought I expressed a feeling well in it that has been alluding me IRL. He is connected to me but doesn’t stalk me online. I do the same. I like that I see what his thoughts are throughout the day and can connect with him when we aren’t face to face. Though it is increasingly important for me to disconnect so that I can connect face to face too, which can be harder than i imagined now that I live most of my life online.

11 loribeth { 09.30.15 at 10:50 am }

Dh reads my blog & is my FB friend. He does think that I share too much online generally, & there have been a few times in the past that I’ve posted something he’s been upset about. A couple of times, I have vented my feelings on my blog & he’s been upset & concerned & tells me I sound so depressed. I tell him I’m fine, sometimes it sounds worse/more dramatic in writing, and the mere act of writing out my feelings makes me feel a whole lot better. I’m not sure he quite understands that, and sometimes he complains that I will share things on my blog that I haven’t shared with him. I have been trying to be more aware of that, and if I have a blog post in mind that talks about him/our marriage or some topic that I think he might have an issue with, I will show him a draft first before I hit “publish.” I belong to a private board where I have occasionally vented to my friends about him — typical girlfriend stuff — & I know he would not like that, but I have very few friends that I can talk to IRL that way. We all need an outlet…!

I am friends with a husband & wife on FB who are not friends with each other. In fact, I have noticed, they do not mention each other in each other’s posts & I haven’t seen a photo of the two of them together in almost a year. It was their 25th wedding anniversary not too long ago & they did not respond to people who posted to wish them a happy anniversary. I’m wondering if something is going on, but my mom (who knows them and his mom) says she hasn’t heard a thing. Hmmmm….

12 loribeth { 09.30.15 at 12:40 pm }

I do want to add that he is general very supportive of my blog & says he wishes he could express things the way I do. 😉

13 apluseffort { 09.30.15 at 12:52 pm }

I enjoy sharing/commenting with my husband on Facebook/Instagram just like I enjoy talking to him in real life. He doesn’t think about checking my blog very often, which is perfectly fine with me. And since his wireless network at work has been acting up and we can’t gchat during the day, I really feel like I’m missing out, since most of the time we’re together in person the toddler is talking over the top of us or we’re forced back to our laptops to work again at night (not by choice). I’m tired of the “powers that be” announcing that things do or don’t enrich my life and suggesting my noncompliance is a fault!

14 knottedfingers { 09.30.15 at 12:54 pm }

I think it would be weird if both people were super active online if they didn’t follow each other. My husband doesn’t online really. We’re friends on fb but that’s about it. He does games instead.

15 nonsequiturchica { 09.30.15 at 1:10 pm }

My husband and I are connected on Facebook but we don’t post lots of stuff to each other’s walls. We are mostly friends with the same people anyway. He is not on Instagram and he definitely doesn’t know about my blog. I have felt guilty that he doesn’t know about the blog at times, but have decided that if that’s my biggest secret from him then we are going to be okay. 🙂

16 Valery Valentina { 09.30.15 at 3:25 pm }

He knows that I have a pseudononymous blog and respects it as my diary. I need it as my place to ‘practice’ my feelings so I don’t end up in fights with him all the time. Well, that is how it started. We don’t do social media. Then again, right now we’re sitting next to each other, each doing our own computer thing without connecting much…

17 Betty M { 09.30.15 at 3:26 pm }

My husband doesn’t do social media. He reads my Facebook and read my blog when I actually wrote it. I think it would be odd if he didn’t but then I can’t see myself ever writing anything in either that I wouldn’t be happy for him to see.

18 nicoleandmaggie { 09.30.15 at 3:53 pm }

He sometimes does. Occasionally he’ll binge and read a whole bunch of posts all at once. He used to read it more regularly but we’ve both gotten busier and usually when he’s stuck at the computer not doing work he’s got an actual chore to do instead.

I always make sure that the blog post just happens to be on one of his open tabs every June 17th.

19 Kasey { 09.30.15 at 4:31 pm }

Rob knows about my blog – it’s public and all the family knows about it, but I don’t think he checks it unless I tell him I posted something new or when he’s looking for an old picture. On Facebook we are both semi-active but only occasionally interact there.
For me the big one was Twitter. He’s there but not active. I’m less active than I was, but in 2013, when I was pregnant and locked down my account I very intentionally left him in my friends. I needed a safe place to talk about the pregnancy and to vent, but I wanted him to be able to see everything because I didn’t want to say anything to the world that I’d not want to share with him. My account is open now, so it’s not an issue, but I needed that check in the false security of the private account.
We used to play Words with Friends against each other while sitting on the couch together. And while dating were in constant IM chats throughout every day. Tech doesn’t have to be bad.

20 Mali { 09.30.15 at 11:07 pm }

D has recognised the enormous support and love and benefits I’ve gained from living part of my life online, ever since my ectopics 13 and 14 years ago. He reads my every day blog occasionally, but I’m not sure if he reads my infertility blog or not. (I gave him the link, but I think he keeps forgetting to bookmark it). There’s nothing there I’m hiding from him – but I think that’s because I am so many years on from the really painful stuff. (I was on a message board then, and he didn’t read what I wrote there … as far as I know.)

I am very careful though that I don’t talk about him on my blog, or if I do I run it by him first. I think I did that with my “why we didn’t adopt” post, and maybe one other. It’s really all about respect.

We are Fb friends, but I don’t share a lot online, and he rarely checks Fb and never posts, so it’s not a big deal. I think what works for some couples won’t work for others. We’re all different, so making a blanket recommendation not to friend your significant other is a bit too general, and if you ask me says a lot more about the psychotherapist and his relationship, than about yours or mine!

21 torthuil { 10.01.15 at 12:06 am }

Interesting question and interesting to see how others respond. Mr. Turtle has always known about my blog and he reads it regularly. I talked about it with him before I started (“this is what I’m planning to do: are you OK with it?”) I try to protect his privacy by not posting photos of him (at least nothing showing full face) and using the pseudonym. Of course the blog is a long way from 100% secure. The blog can often start discussions between us, because of something I wrote. It’s not that I don’t discuss the same things I write about with him, but different angles come out during my thought process, inevitably. So he does see a different angle of my feelings and thoughts. So far that hasn’t been a problem – in fact it’s a good thing. As for social media, I am semi-active (it varies) and while Mr. Turtle has an account he almost never posts anything, so we have basically no interaction on social media.

22 Parul { 10.01.15 at 1:36 am }

VT and I are connect on FB, twitter and he reads my blog posts. But – here’s is the catch. He is just connected – no liked, no retweets, no comments, no conversation on the social media. I ask his thoughts about posts and he shares verbally but nothing on the blog. It kind of works for me. 🙂

23 Heather { 10.01.15 at 2:21 am }

My blog has become a lot more public in the last three years or so and now my husband not only reads it he helps me edit it too! It’s helpful to have another set of eyes to check things. Not every post, but still. He is also very active on Facebook. In some ways I think it is better to be connected online as well as in real life – “we are as sick as we are secret” – although I admit I do keep some secrets from him! I just can’t blog secretly anymore!

24 Celeste { 10.01.15 at 9:04 am }

The husband doesn’t really do social media except for a bit of FB. We hardly connect or even like each others posts because he’s quite inactive. For laughs we give each other FB birthday and anniversary wishes. Still don’t get why some people do it for real though. There are many who do. I forcefeed him my blog posts though but that’s only because he’s my sounding board and reading it out loud to him before posting is the best way to edit posts.

25 Josh { 10.01.15 at 10:23 am }

Hey, when you’re at the store, can you pick up some more Peanut Butter Puffins for me?

26 Mel { 10.01.15 at 10:55 am }

I would have, Josh, if you had put it on the shopping list. You snooze, you lose.

27 Arnebya { 10.01.15 at 10:55 am }

My husband reads my blog and I love that he does. It offers him insight into things I feel/think about/am experiencing that we’ve probably talked about, but maybe I didn’t get so specific or hadn’t mentioned a certain angle. He’s not overt about it, meaning I don’t post and he comments or wants to discuss the same day. Sometimes it’ll be weeks before he reads or lets me know he has. We’re friends on FB and follow each other on Instagram and Twitter (he’s not very active on the latter by tweeting himself, but will comment TO ME IN PERSON when I go on rants and it gives us something else to talk about). I think it would be weird to not be connected at all, but I do make it a point to have told him things before I post them to social media (not things I’m just musing about but if something specific happened that affects the family (not just that someone made me fall on the escalator)). That seems like just normal respect.

28 deathstar { 10.01.15 at 11:17 am }

I’ve had my blog for 8 motherfucking years and my husband still remembers that I wrote something about him that wasn’t very nice according to him(but probably accurate) and he still causes him pain. No, why would he read the thousands of other posts when he could actually LEARN things about me. Why he would he want that?! Ooops, I just did it again.

29 Charlotte { 10.01.15 at 7:01 pm }

I think I might be one of the lucky few whose husabnd does not particpate in ANY FORM of social media WHATSOEVER.
It’s kind of nice, but over the last year or so I try to make facebook more of an effort to sort of be “one account” his friends will say things on pictures I post of him and tell him. Or he’ll say “Why’d you post that picture?” or when I say something about our marriage online I always make sure to tell him. As in last year my status update was After 12 years of being together::
“Honey I cleaned the microwave. I think you’d like.”
“Nice”
The Romance is alive and well people.
People thought it was pretty funny.

I think it would be weird if I didn’t tell him I was posting about him.

30 Amel { 10.02.15 at 2:43 am }

My husband and I are FB friends. I use FB to connect with people from different realms: blogging friends, friends from back home, school friends, relatives, semi-strangers, in-real-life friends and I’m a member of different groups there. My husband only uses it for gaming and he rarely posts. I use FB private messages to send him links of funny videos or whatever I want him to watch. Due to various reasons I’m really wary of professing my love for him via FB or chit-chatting with him in public in FB because I can do it privately with him with more freedom. However, I feel less hesitation to write about what I love about him and stuff about our lives in my blog(s).

He doesn’t read my main blog regularly, but if I write something (like a love letter for him), I’d send him the link to make sure he does know how much I appreciate him. As far as I know, he doesn’t read my infertility blog and I don’t need him to read it. If he wants to do it, he can always do so, but he never said anything about whatever it is I’m sharing in my blog(s) or FB.

31 Lori Lavender Luz { 10.02.15 at 9:35 am }

Husband is not active on social media, so for me the question doesn’t apply.

Lol about your and Josh’s exchange here.

32 Valery Valentina { 10.02.15 at 2:57 pm }

Now I have to find out what Peanut Butter Puffins are….

33 Josh { 10.02.15 at 3:02 pm }

They are the world’s most perfect cereal.

34 Valery Valentina { 10.02.15 at 3:11 pm }

Google gives confusing results. Some people eat it as a snack, some as breakfast cereal. Is is salty or sweet? or both? see? confusing for an european like me.

35 Mel { 10.02.15 at 3:34 pm }

I liken it to eating peanut butter flavoured cardboard. It’s like corn puffs, but peanut flavoured. I’ll eat it, but only if there is no other cereal in the house. Special K is the nectar of the gods.

36 Amber { 10.10.15 at 3:58 pm }

My hubby knows about my blog, but has no real interest in it. He has read a few posts that I have specifically pointed out to him, but that’s it. We are friends on Facebook, but we really don’t ever communicate there. He very, very rarely will ever “like” a post, write a post himself (I’m not sure he ever has), or comment on someone else’s post.

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