Tweaking Pregnancy Tests
I just learned what tweaking was this week. It’s taking a photo of your pregnancy test and then manipulating the contrast in Photoshop to see if you can discern a positive too faint to be seen by the naked eye. There are groups dedicated to doing this for other women. There are apps that do it.
I would have done this.
I mean, I would have sent a photo of my pregnancy test, or I would have tweaked it myself at home, playing with Photoshop until I found my line.
Because I know myself. I would have kept doing it until I found a line, until I found the right combination of contrast or colour inversion or whatever other tricks I could try to find the line. And when there was no line to be found, I would have continued to push buttons.
I’m not proud of this fact, but I own it. I tested early and often. I tested with multiple brands. I tested with dozens of superstitious beliefs in hand, convincing myself that if I did X, Y, and Z, that a line would appear.
I’ll admit that I cried reading about it. I don’t even know why I was crying — because I remembered hating myself so much when I would waste handfuls of peesticks every cycle or because my heart hurt for everyone still testing? Maybe because I dove into the comment section (why, Melissa, why?) and read the judgmental words and wanted to scream at all of them, “I GET THIS.”
Because I get this. I get that it’s not healthy but I get this. And I would have done this.