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The Alpha Girl Movie Theater

Josh and I had a date night last night. We wanted to see Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, but it was playing at the new “luxury” theater for the time we wanted to go.

I’m sure the movie theater is lovely.  I’m sure it has big, comfortable seats and easy viewing from any point in the theater.  I know it serves actual food beyond popcorn and candy, and it has a drink menu.  It is not the sort of place where one places their gum on the bottom of the seat.

But I couldn’t bring myself to go.

It’s me, not you, Luxury Theater, really.  I mean, you’re great.  I just know you’re going to make another girl really happy one day.

I care about the personality of the theater, and I didn’t want to watch a movie feeling as if I was being smushed inside an alpha girl’s pushup bra.  Fuck popular.  I don’t want clean and perfect and leather chairs.  I want my theater to have a threadbare carpet that reveals just how many people have walked down the aisle before me.  I want adornments on the ceiling and crackily film reels and artificial butter smell hanging in the air.

I prefer old, historic theaters, and if I can’t have that, I want non-descript, completely average theaters.

I don’t want my movie theater to be a cheerleader or class president or the head of the football team.  I want my movie theater to be that weird kid who always skips lunch to sit in the library.  Or, at the very least, make my theater that nice girl who always lends you a pencil in math class.

If I can’t have that sort of movie theater then I don’t really want to watch the movie.  Because being in an annoying space is just as bad as going out with an annoying person.  A space talks to you, and I want the spaces I frequent to tell me good stories, not try to impress me with a pristine and perfect surface.

I’ve obviously given too much thought to this.

So we stayed in and rented a movie.

Listen, I don’t love this side of me, but I will choose to read or not read books based on the feeling I get from the cover.  I will only eat in restaurants I get a good feeling from when I walk through the door.  And I only watch movies in theaters that don’t try so hard to be something other than a movie theater.


1 Rachel { 07.14.15 at 9:14 am }

I hear you!! I shop for books by looking at the cover, or even just the spine will do for me – and I own and read a TON of books. I just *know* when a book will be good for me. I’m the same with restaurants – or any food for that matter – if it doesn’t feel good, I’m not eating there/it. I’m an adult, so I will adult my way out of forcing myself to eat something I don’t feel like I should eat.

Luxury movie theatres…well I’d likely try one but I think $13 for a movie ticket is too much as it is (and that’s at the regular theatre) so I highly doubt I would pay more for a luxury theatre. What can I say…I’m cheap AND picky.

2 Courtney { 07.14.15 at 9:22 am }

I grew up with old theaters like the kind you are describing and they remain my preference too – fortunately I actually have one in my neighborhood and it’s where I see most movies. But I can’t say I’ve ever let the movie theater ultimately dictate my actually seeing a movie…when my friends in the suburbs want to meet out there for a film I always consider it a kind of vacation, LOL!

3 nonsequiturchica { 07.14.15 at 12:17 pm }

I haven’t been to a movie in YEARS but I like the luxury movie theaters. Drinking while watching a movie sounds like a great idea to me!

4 loribeth { 07.14.15 at 12:42 pm }

I’ve never been to one of those fancy movie theatres. I suppose it might be fun to go once, or once in a great while, as a treat/something different — but dh & I go to a lot of movies, and I can’t see myself shelling out that kind of money on a regular basis. Movies are expensive enough as it is these days. :p We already go to mostly Sunday matinees, which tend to be a bit cheaper than evening showings. And really, good old popcorn is fine with me as far as food/snacks go… it wouldn’t be a movie without it. 😉

5 Valery Valentina { 07.14.15 at 2:59 pm }

I’ll be the nice girl in math class and I always have a pencil sharpener at hand as well. Plus I live in a house from 1667 and can’t get used to where we had to put in new wooden floors. I do not really have an opinion on movie theaters though. or books. It’s just with clothes that I shop with my fingers more than my eyes, will only look if I touch something that feels nice. (and that usually ends up being cashmere, silk or linen)

6 Valery Valentina { 07.14.15 at 3:14 pm }

I just went through a couple of movie theater websites, and from what I can see only a handful of theaters have a row with luxury seats. As in, you can also see the same film in the same theater at the same time from a normal seat…

7 Valery Valentina { 07.14.15 at 3:15 pm }

in the Netherlands I mean! 🙂

8 Cristy { 07.14.15 at 3:53 pm }

I’m with you on ambiance. Experiencing a story, and hence the story itself, can change so much depending on the environment. I find that a lot of my technical reading happens in certain places while my leisure reading happens elsewhere. The two shouldn’t be mixed.

9 Mali { 07.14.15 at 7:52 pm }

You make me laugh!

I guess when it comes down to it, I choose where we go based on the movie, where and when it is playing, our budget, whether it will be busy, etc. There are definitely places where I prefer to go though. I have a favourite cinema in a seaside suburb, that has couches and cushions, and decent food and coffee and wine, if I want it. It plays a lot of independent and art movies, and is always a good experience.

10 Jamie { 07.14.15 at 9:16 pm }

If you are ever in Columbus, Ohio, check out The Drexel Theater. I think it would suit your tastes for moving going.


Or going to The Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia is a pretty cool experience. They have a summer movie series that includes classic and second runs of recent big movies.


11 torthuil { 07.15.15 at 12:05 am }

Ah, you just made me flashback to watching movies in our three old downtown movie theatres! (two at least are historic and the third is just old? but it still has character). I haven’t been in any of them in years but now that I think about it, my memories of watching movies there are much more vivid than in other theatres.

12 Brid { 07.15.15 at 12:58 am }

I think I’d rather a luxury theatre than the characterless crap / neon sign Famous Players Six we have here. We have no old awesome theatres, but I remember going to one when I was little whist visiting my mum’s family in NZ. Of course, when we are out of town, we can find some good ole oldies. There was a theatre here when I was a kid, but it’s been closed for decades, and even that wasn’t anything interesting. Crowds throw me off, so big seats (did someone say they serve wine??!!) would make me much happier than what the rotten FP six provides. I despise paying the price for movies these days (still haven’t seen Avatar because the cost of making that movie could have certainly saved a good-sized village of children from starvation), so it would only be a go if I could still get in on my scene points… maybe that’s not any better… not sure…

13 Lexy { 07.15.15 at 6:15 am }

lol, we generally stay in and rent our movies. Movie tickets are ridiculously expensive and the luxury theaters are double the price.

When we do go to see a movie we go to a drive in. It’s about the same price but you can see up to 3 movies and we always have a great night.

14 Jess { 07.16.15 at 11:55 am }

So interesting! We have a limited number of older movie theaters, and the new fancy ones keep cropping up. I actually am afraid of movie theaters, I feel like you are so vulnerable in there, in the dark, your attention on the screen and not your surroundings. So those leather-recliner ones make me incredibly nervous because I feel like a turtle on my back. If there’s an emergency I won’t be able to easily get up. That keeps me from truly enjoying the reclining amazingness. I guess I just can’t relax… But in an old movie theater? You could jump up and escape at a moment’s notice. 🙂

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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