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543rd Friday Blog Roundup

I got into a discussion on Twitter about the mother who was seen beating her son as she removed him from the Baltimore protests. I’ll start by saying that I don’t condone violence of any kind or for any reason. I’ve been uncomfortable with the Facebook comments people have written as they put up the video stating that she wins mother-of-the-year. I would never call beating your child a great parenting moment.

BUT.

I saw a woman who was terrified. Who was in the middle of a chaotic, emotional situation and interacted with her son inside that bubble of fear.

We all like to think that we would continue to be ourselves and hold tightly to our ethics in the face of that sort of fear. But I don’t know if I would. Meaning, I’ve never been in a high stakes situation like that where I had to get my child out of danger. I don’t know if I would be myself at that time.

I have no clue how this woman parents in a calm moment. I’ve only seen how she reacted to stress in this one particular moment. I don’t think that we do our best parenting in those moments.

Do I wish she had removed him without using violence? Yes. But I’ve also have never stood in her shoes and have no clue what I would do if I saw my child in danger and they weren’t going to follow me out of danger by using reason. I just don’t know.

But I do know that it’s dangerous to judge a whole person — good or bad — by a moment.

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My house is loud. It’s hard to think.

I brought Truman upstairs with me because I didn’t want him scared by the noise or breathing in the fumes and dust. He was quiet all day but decided that he wanted to start playing around midnight. I told him to go to sleep but laughed hysterically as he attacked his water bottle, a formidable opponent.  Isn’t our pig so damn cute, Josh?

But I wasn’t laughing when he decided to play with the water bottle again at 2:30 am. Nor was I laughing when he decided that 5 am was a great time to get in another fight with the water bottle. Or when at 6 am he decided he was up for the day and would love to be fed.

It is making me rethink the whole dog idea.

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

Pages, Stages, and Rages has a wonderful rant in time for Mother’s Day.  We point out these fails year after year, the narrow definition with which people define motherhood.  She writes, “Mother is not only a noun– it is a verb. One of those definitions is ‘to care for or protect like a mother.’  Please remember it.”  Yeah, I wish they would.

TasIVFer has a wonderful post explaining how she once was fearful for the type of mother her friend’s child would become, and how she has surprised her by being the opposite.  It’s a nice post about how our expectations can limit us, and how people sometimes astonish us in a good way.

Breathe Gently has a post about secondary infertility and all the things she didn’t know until she experienced it.  To quote Smarshy (remember Smarshy?!), secondary infertility is just a different “bag of ass.”  It is such a well-written summary of the complex feelings that surround trying to conceive again after a first bout of infertility.

Lastly, Life and Love in the Petri Dish writes about flying back out to Denver to cycle again at her clinic.  She explains, “Being back at the Denver clinic was weird… strangely boring this time around but also nostalgic. We flew through much of the day without blinking an eye. The consents, the credit card payments, the procedural instructions on injections, etc.? We’ve got all that down pat.”  It’s another leg of a long journey, and I wish them so many good thoughts as they gear up to cycle again.

The roundup to the Roundup: The Baltimore mother.  My house is loud.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 24th and May 1st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

10 comments

1 Karen (formerly Serenity) { 05.01.15 at 10:09 am }

Dogs are not nocturnal creatures, so you know. Guinea pigs are.

I am having such a hard time with reactions on Facebook and Twitter to pretty much all current events right now. I am trying to unpack why, but I think it has to do with the fact that it seems all the opinion are black and white on things which are nuanced and complicated, and it’s hard to find a way to have a productive discussion which might actually foster change when people seem more interested in yelling at each other.

What I know is that I love that you are giving her the benefit of the doubt with her reaction, and are acknowledging that, you know, it’s complicated. Thank you for that.

2 Ana { 05.01.15 at 4:10 pm }

Dogs will adopt your schedule. Also they mostly sleep at night. Except at first. Like kids. Rodents—-they are nocturnal. You knew what you were getting into with that, right? (said affectionately)

3 Ana { 05.01.15 at 4:11 pm }

Oh, and I really respect your treatment of the Baltimore mom situation. I felt similarly uneasy at the complete praise—but then again, yeah, maybe she is a hero for jumping in the fray and doing WHATEVER it took to get him out of there. We don’t know the whole story.

4 loribeth { 05.01.15 at 4:47 pm }

I have to admit, my first response when I saw that video was to laugh. Here’s this supposed tough guy, on the run from his clearly furious mother. (“Not in front of the guys, mom!”) Yes, slapping doesn’t solve anything — but how upset and frustrated and frightened must she have been in that situation, after everything that’s happened (and after she explicitly told him to stay away)?

5 Jess { 05.01.15 at 5:38 pm }

I didn’t even watch the video. It showed up in my feed a boatload of times, sometimes as “This mom is great!” and sometimes as “Why are people condoning MORE violence?” I agree with you, probably a lot of emotion behind what I hear happens in that video, fear for a son participating in events that could land him in a bad situation, to put it ridiculously mildly.

I love, love, loved Mali’s post http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.com/2015/04/a-snapshot-in-time.html, because it’s such a beautiful idea to spread the idea that a future you will be smiling in the sunshine, at peace with whereever your journey took you in the end. That it gets better. Such a beam of light in the darkness, and a great reminder when you’re feeling utter hopelessness. I wish I had read that post last year when I was feeling pretty low. Go read it now, even if you are “on the other side” of the darkness it will make you smile! 🙂

6 earthandink { 05.01.15 at 7:32 pm }

But I do know that it’s dangerous to judge a whole person — good or bad — by a moment.

This is everything. Thank you for writing it.

7 Lisa { 05.01.15 at 8:22 pm }

Completely agree with what earthandink said above.

I wrote a post this week about my experience at the Choose Joy Event in Southern California. It’s a faith-based conference for people who have been through infertility and/or are looking to expand their families via adoption. http://www.amateurnester.com/2015/04/choose-joy-recap.html

8 Aly @ Breathe Gently { 05.02.15 at 2:23 am }

Thank you for the share! xx

9 Middle Girl { 05.02.15 at 11:02 pm }

Agreed on all fronts.

10 flmgodog { 05.04.15 at 3:32 pm }

Smarshy – A name I have not heard in so very long!!

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