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#MicroblogMondays 17: First Date Selfie

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Apparently, first date selfies are a “thing.”  As in, kids today are taking a picture together on their first date and posting it to Instagram with the tag #firstdateselfie.

It took me many months to work up the courage to take a picture with Josh.  I mean, taking a picture together — that was serious shit.  You didn’t just take a picture with someone you had just started dating.  Telling someone that you wanted a picture of them meant something.  It meant you wanted to show your friends what the person looked like.  It meant you wanted to look at a picture of them when you were apart.

I mean, I wanted a picture on the first date, but I would have never had the guts to take a picture.

The technology certainly existed back then — I had a point-and-shoot camera with film in my purse at all times — but I would have never had the guts to suggest taking a picture together on our first date.

What about you?  I think we would all want the picture in retrospect, but would you have the courage to ask to take one?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored posts.

1. Uma S 16. My Path To Mommyhood (Jess) 31. Jamie @ Sticky Feet 2
2. Mali (A Separate Lif 17. Isabelle 32. Infertile Girl
3. Mali (No Kidding in NZ) 18. Justine 33. Fran
4. Corinne Rodrigues 19. Nabanita 34. Finding My New Normal
5. Tracie (From Tracie) 20. Jen (Days of Grace) 35. Persnickety
6. Middle Girl 21. Laurel Regan @ Alphabet Salad 36. Mary Francis
7. Karen (River Run Dry) 22. Katie 37. With Love, Tania
8. Vidya Sury Coffee With Mi 23. How I Feel About Microblog Mondays 38. sharah
9. Anks 24. Cristy 39. deathstar
10. Eryn (A Glimpse Into Eryn’s World) 25. S 40. Suzy
11. Non Sequitur Chica 26. ellen 41. Vidya
12. Parenthood Diaries 27. Turia 42. Ke Anne
13. earthandink 28. Waiting for Baby 43. Tara
14. Heather 29. Solo Mama
15. Unpregnant Chicken 30. Lori Lavender Luz

37 comments

1 Corinne Rodrigues { 12.22.14 at 5:37 am }

Living in India and starting to ‘date’ in the ’80s was forward enough, Mel! πŸ˜‰ Taking pictures together for public consumption was an absolute no no.
Call me old fashioned, but I think publically sharing pictures of a first date, puts too much pressure on a new relationship.

2 UmaS { 12.22.14 at 5:57 am }

ha ha….agree so much with Corinne πŸ™‚
To be honest, I’ve never dated….sorry to be a spoilsport on this one πŸ˜›
Me and hubby, took pics of ourselves only during our honeymoon….not even during the time before wedding when we were roaming the city in high spirits πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

3 Corinne Rodrigues { 12.22.14 at 6:18 am }

Uma, I understand completely! πŸ˜‰

Mel – please pardon my spelling of ‘publicly’ – I’m embarrased now! πŸ˜‰

4 Mali { 12.22.14 at 6:18 am }

I hate photos of myself at the best of times. No way would I take photos on a first date.

I’ve also messed up my listing again – the first time posting from my phone. Not successful!

5 Tracie { 12.22.14 at 6:29 am }

I don’t think I would have asked for a picture on a first date – and I know I wouldn’t have posted one on social media (had such a thing existed) if a picture had somehow been taken. That would be really awkward. Especially if there was no second date. Right? I am glad I don’t have an Instagram account full of a string of first date photos.

I will say that by the time my husband and I went on our first date, there probably were a few pictures with both of us in them in existence, because we had been friends for a couple of years. That might have made taking one of those photos less awkward. But I’m still pretty sure I wouldn’t have asked – even though I most definitely had a camera in my purse at the time.

6 Middle Girl { 12.22.14 at 7:28 am }

In my teens (70s) twenties (if I had not been married) thirties (ditto) absolutely not. Beyond that? Absolutely.

7 Vidya Sury { 12.22.14 at 7:48 am }

My first date was a disaster πŸ˜€ So, no way!

Photo of any date? Still a huge maybe. πŸ™‚

“Dating” was not encouraged and I remember we always took care to click group photos πŸ™‚

8 Karen (River Run Dry) { 12.22.14 at 7:50 am }

I dislike having pictures taken of me for many reasons, so there’s no way you’d get me to be photographed with someone on a first date.

I am so, SO thankful I did not date or go to college when social media was prevalent. #thatisall

9 a { 12.22.14 at 8:11 am }

I certainly wouldn’t have done that (for a variety of reasons), but I know my daughter will. Every moment is now an opportunity to document what’s going on in your life. Why would a first date be any different? In fact, I’m sure it’s one of the first things people do these days.

10 anks { 12.22.14 at 8:24 am }

I had an arranged marriage… where the parents got us to meet and fixed the match… we did not really have a “date” till after the wedding! But he did come to the airport to drop me and clicked a pic of mine… πŸ™‚ our first pic together was from one of the ceremonies..!

I dont think people think much of clicking pictures these days.. what with everyone walking around with cameras. A picture has lost the meaning it had, say a decade ago…

11 Eryn { 12.22.14 at 9:07 am }

I had no idea #firstdateselfie was even a thing. I look back and I’m super glad we didn’t have the technology we do now when I was first dating. While it would have been fun to have those memories posted instantaneously, I’m glad that I grew up in a time before technology took over the world.

And to answer your question, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to ask πŸ˜‰ I was pretty darn shy back then.

12 Lacey { 12.22.14 at 9:11 am }

Yes! I so wanted to document my first date with Adam, mostly because at that point in my life I’d never gone on a first date before and yeah, that’s a big deal, I wanted their to be proof it happened if we weren’t going to work out. Lucky me, I got to marry that wonderful man. But it took forever to take our first photo together – I’m pretty sure it was a good two months later. I was so nervous to even ask him to do it, but after that, piece of cake.

13 nonsequiturchica { 12.22.14 at 9:14 am }

It was definitely a few months in before we took our first picture and I LOVE that picture. Would I have loved a picture on our first date? Sure! Of course I say that now because we are married. Would I have wanted to take a picture with every guy I went on a first date with? Definitely not.

14 earthandink { 12.22.14 at 9:27 am }

I actually wouldn’t want one. I’ve had some disastrous first dates, but I think it’s more a notching down the pressure thing.

I like the idea of having a protected period of time when me and my date-y aren’t subject to a ton of external pressure and opinion and can simply get to know each other.

15 Kimberly { 12.22.14 at 9:30 am }

Plus, taking a picture during “those days” meant an actual camera. I wouldnt have carried around a camera on my dates, much less the first date. Cute concept though. “kids these days.” Just makes me think about what my (hopefully) kid will be doing in 16 years. oy!

16 Jess { 12.22.14 at 10:35 am }

I met my husband through match.com, so we’d already exchanged pictures (although not WITH each other) through the internet by the time we had our first date at a coffee shop (neither of us had pictures in our profiles)… but to actually take a picture on that first date? I don’t think I would have asked. I can remember all the details without a picture, and I agree with so many people up above that a first date picture is weird–what if it doesn’t work out? What if you have a string of first-date pictures that then serve as a cautionary tale? Although now “Selfies” are so prevalent (there’s even that bizarre telescoping “selfie stick” contraption so you avoid the one big arm), it doesn’t surprise me that people are doing it. Not for me! πŸ™‚

17 Isabelle { 12.22.14 at 11:17 am }

Hmm I don’t think I’d ever want to take a picture with my date on our first date. Going on a date would be terrifying enough. What if it didn’t go well? Do you really want to keep a record of it? So no, no first date selfie for me for sure.

18 Justine { 12.22.14 at 11:55 am }

Hm, no. Too much uncertainty. I mean, what if you end up hating this person?

This would be one of those things I tell my kids to “take a pitcure of in your head.” πŸ˜‰

19 Jen { 12.22.14 at 12:06 pm }

Selfies are inherently posed. A first date – even a good one – is awkward enough without that! The picture I have in my head of our first date is the two of us from a distance, hugging goodbye. It couldn’t have been planned. So I’m glad selfies weren’t an expectation back in 1998.

20 Laurel Regan { 12.22.14 at 12:07 pm }

I definitely wouldn’t have had the courage back then to ask. I probably would today, though!

21 Ellen O'Neil { 12.22.14 at 12:27 pm }

Hi Mel,
I don’t think I’d have had the guts way back then to take a selfie with my first date. I think we held things in our memories a lot more back in the 20th century. At least I did. Now I think it’s all different.
Thanks so much for creating ICWL. I’m seeing so many cool blogs. I wanted to ask you to post something for me on your blog, which is weird, but I have to tell the story of wheat and pregnancy. At 46 years old I had never been pregnant (not for lack of lots of unprotected stupid sex [don’t tell my mom] but just because.) That year I went off wheat and got pregnant one month after getting that gluten out of my body. It may not work for everyone, but I wish to let all the young women out there trying so hard to get pregnant that this is a possibility. It seems like something doctors should have women trying before they get IVF and spend all that money. I don’t really have the audience for those women, but I think you do. Thanks so much in advance for letting people know my story about this. xo Ellen

22 Sharon { 12.22.14 at 12:27 pm }

Oh my goodness, no. Just NO. I would love, love, love to have a first date selfie with my husband, but with every single man I ever had a first date with (a not inconsiderable number, as I met my husband when I was 36)? Not a snowball’s chance in Hades.

Ugh. . . I pity this generation of daters.

23 Ellen O'Neil { 12.22.14 at 12:28 pm }

Hi Mel,
I don’t think I’d have had the guts way back then to take a selfie with my first date. I think we held things in our memories a lot more back in the 20th century. At least I did. Now I think it’s all different.
Thanks so much for creating ICWL. I’m seeing so many cool blogs. I wanted to ask you to post something for me on your blog, which is weird, but I have to tell the story of wheat and pregnancy. At 46 years old I had never been pregnant (not for lack of lots of unprotected stupid sex [don’t tell my mom] but just because.) That year I went off wheat and got pregnant one month after getting that gluten out of my body. It may not work for everyone, but I wish to let all the young women out there trying so hard to get pregnant that this is a possibility. It seems like something doctors should have women trying before they get IVF and spend all that money. I don’t really have an audience of those women, but I think you do. Thanks so much in advance for letting people know my story about this. xo Ellen

24 Vinitha { 12.22.14 at 12:51 pm }

Absolutely No. Both me and my husband were not courageous enough to take a photo of ours together until a year into the first date even though we had known each other for almost 4 years before the first date!. Kids are getting braver these days. πŸ™‚

25 Cristy { 12.22.14 at 1:33 pm }

I certainly wouldn’t have had the courage. After all, too many first dates were last dates and I was paranoid about jinxing things. That said, I have these wonderful mental image of Grey and me from our “real” first date. He was clearly so sweet and nervous and we were so awkward.

26 Turia { 12.22.14 at 2:36 pm }

I would love to have had a photo of my first date with Q., but not if that meant I’d have to have a photo of the other first dates I went on as well. That would just be uncomfortable.

I shudder every time I think about all the technology/privacy talks I’m going to have to have with E. as he gets older. So glad I grew up in a more tech-free environment.

27 Lori Lavender Luz { 12.22.14 at 3:49 pm }

What Justine said!

28 Lori Lavender Luz { 12.22.14 at 3:49 pm }

Seems too forward and jinxy, so no, I would not have asked. I’d want to settle in a little. Or a lot.

29 Fran { 12.22.14 at 4:23 pm }

MMhhhhh not sure I would have wanted a picture back then, just in case in jinxed it!

30 Finding My New Normal { 12.22.14 at 4:25 pm }

No way!! But maybe I’m just old fashioned.

31 Persnickety { 12.22.14 at 6:30 pm }

Nope. Thinking about what could go wrong. But I also understand it, because they time in the beginning relationship is when you want to take pictures. But having carried cameras around for years, it would mainly be in the first flush of the relationship. Then it would be why don’t you take pictures with me anymore?
Also, my husband be I met in the early days of Facebook public availability. There are some photos from early in the relationship on there. I was not entirely thrilled with the process then and am glad social media was not something in my teen years!

32 Jamie { 12.23.14 at 12:13 am }

The trend does not surprise me. When I was in college in the 90’s, I would have never asked to take a picture, much for the reasons you explained out of respect of it being a big deal. But, those where days when you had film developed. Photos were more of a commitment. Now with so many digital options, you can hit the delete button. Awful first date? Click, gone! However, after my divorce and when I started dating again I had someone take a picture of me with a guy I was with for a second date. It was kind of a fun, quick, don’t make a big deal about it kind of thing. It was spontaneous. We ended up dating for about a year and a half. It was a fun memory for us and one of our favorite photos.

33 Suzy { 12.23.14 at 4:34 am }

I think today’s young have no qualms about relationships. Personally I wouldn’t do it only because there are some things I prefer to keep private but I guess each to their own.

34 Vidya { 12.23.14 at 5:32 am }

Have never dated… Ours was an arranged marriage and our first photo was taken during the engagement ceremony.

A first date should definitely be made memorable. It would feel nice to see it after few years πŸ™‚

35 Lindsay { 12.23.14 at 6:37 am }

I *still* wouldn’t have the guts to ask for a picture on a first date, but I guess I’m old fashioned. I am kind of surprised (although I shouldn’t be) that young people are doing this! I know it would be awesome to have it to look back on if the relationship works out. But it just seems to put some sort of expectation/pressure on the date.

36 Kasey { 12.25.14 at 12:53 pm }

I actually DO have a picture of my first date with Rob. It was a group thing and someone took a picture of us sitting next to each other at dinner. I NEVER would have taken that picture myself. I think wed been dating a few months before we have another picture together.

37 loribeth { 01.05.15 at 6:31 pm }

I agree. Unless maybe your first date was prom or something like that where it’s a big event and you’re all dressed up. I don’t think dh & I had our photo taken together until we’d been going out for a couple of months (I think it was at a party). Of course, we didn’t take as many photos back then — film & processing was expensive!

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