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Going on a Me Date

I decided to ask myself out on a date.  It was a combination of Days of Grace’s post coupled with Alphabet Salad’s post.  I was just thinking that I like myself, and I’m sort of good company even when I’m remaining silent and just reading because it isn’t socially acceptable to talk to myself in public.  So I asked myself out, and surprisingly enough, I accepted.  So I picked myself up at 4 o’clock and took myself out for a cup of coffee and a book.


Image: Pen Waggener via Flickr

Most of the other people at the Starbucks were on a Me and You date, and they wanted to talk.  They wanted to get to know one another, which is nice and all, but my G-d, did everyone have to know so much about one another?  Didn’t they realize that silence is golden, which means that sound is a lesser metal?  Did they really need to know how the other one felt about a Jezebel article?  Or talk about “the Twitter”?  Or go over where they grew up?

You know how there are silent cars on trains?  There needs to be a silent coffeehouse for Me dates.  No phones.  No chit chat.  Orders placed in a very quiet whisper.

I told Josh about this idea when I got home, and he leaned close and quoted:

I will give you my order by Whisper-ma-Phone, for the coffee I want to drink is for your ears alone.

Exactly, my little Onceler.

There is a simple solution: go on the date in my kitchen the next time everyone is out of the house.  I can get total silence and know that my drink order will be made to my specifications.  I’m just saying that a silent cafe, one without music piped over speakers, where every patron is committed to not making noise, and the baristas make perfect drinks with minimal sound, is a cafe that I would definitely patron on my Me dates.  If anyone wants to make one.


There are people who like to eat (or drink coffee) alone and people who do not.  One time, early on in dating, I knew Josh was eating alone at a restaurant, and I didn’t go in and interrupt him because I assumed he wanted that time alone.  It was very O Henry because he had been hoping that I would interrupt.

There are some people who only go out alone (to a restaurant, the movies, a cafe) if they have to be alone, and others who seek it out, scheduling in Me dates.

I’m a Me dater.  Which one are you?


1 Reb { 12.10.14 at 8:04 am }

I would love having a silent coffee shop for Me dates. It sounds so lovely and peaceful. Alone time always gives me a boost and helps me recharge.

2 earthandink { 12.10.14 at 9:25 am }

It’s not that there isn’t the right coffeehouse, it’s that you’re in the wrong town.

I can tell you several quiet coffeehouses in Los Angeles, filled to the brim with writers. (Usually TV, sometimes film) During the week, talking is frowned upon. (Although the outside tables are usually filled with people talking. It’s inside that it’s quiet. You know. Next to outlets.) In LA I usually wrote in coffeehouses. But, because I spent my youth in NYC, an undercurrent of noise actually helps me concentrate. So I’m good either way.

That said, my brother is coming to visit next week and it’s been a year since I’ve seen him. We’re probably mostly going to hang out together at coffeehouses.

I’ve had a year of solid me dates with no one else in sight. When he gets here, there will be talking! Wooohoooo!

3 manymanymoons { 12.10.14 at 10:47 am }

When I lived in NYC a “me date” was almost always walking to the movie theatre a mile or so away and stopping to buy some type of unjustifiably bad for you food along the way to sneak in. Back then it was really enjoyable, but there was a sort of sad undercurrent to it because at that time I wasn’t alone by choice. I longed to have a husband to go to the movies with and the me date was less of a choice and more of a necessity. These days on the rare occasion that I get to go to a movie alone without my husband or daughter (something I literally have had dreams about), it’s still enjoyable, but with the a sort of sad undercurrent. Now when I go I can acknowledge that it’s really nice to have that time alone, but I miss them. Apparently I’m never happy. haha I think I need to practice the “me date” skill and work on trying to tune out the undercurrents and appreciate the moment.

4 nonsequiturchica { 12.10.14 at 11:36 am }

It depends on where I am going. I don’t like to eat dinner by myself when I am on work trips, however, I enjoy eating by myself at lunch because I can read blogs/a book/etc. I am not the type of person to sit and try to read at a coffee shop because the other people there would likely be talking and annoying me.

Me time these days is when I am on a run (even if it is with my dog).

5 Sharon { 12.10.14 at 12:37 pm }

Before I had children, I only went alone if necessary, i.e., I was traveling for business, or I wanted to go somewhere and none of my friends wanted to join me.

Now that I have kids, I crave time to myself in a way I never did pre-kids.

6 andy { 12.10.14 at 12:50 pm }

I love the idea of a “Me” date! I’m going to go ask myself out now.

7 Desiree Fawn { 12.10.14 at 12:58 pm }

I pretty much love going on ME dates. Even if it’s just in my cozy living room chair 🙂 Perfecto.

8 Finding My New Normal { 12.10.14 at 1:02 pm }

I love doing things by myself, I just rarely have the time these days.

9 Karen (River Run Dry) { 12.10.14 at 1:03 pm }

There was a time in my life where I would not eat if it meant I had to eat alone. In college, if I didn’t see anyone I knew in the dining common, I bought a bagel at the People’s Market and ate it walking to class. I would not sit at a table by myself, eating alone.

It took me many many years to get over that particular issue, and part of how I managed that was reading one of your blog posts where you mentioned you enjoyed it. So because of you, I will go on Me Dates now and be okay. 🙂

I love the idea of a silent coffeehouse. That would be awesome.

10 JustHeather { 12.10.14 at 1:12 pm }

Sounds like you are looking for a Finnish coffee house. LOL. Ok, there is talking there…but nothing like the US coffee houses, which I do miss at times.

I like me dates and company dates, depending on my mood and the situation. I was in Vienna with DH, but he had some conference things to do, so I ended up eating some meals alone and it was uncomfortable. Each time I asked for a table for 1, they looked behind me and seemed a bit confused that I’d be going there alone… But coffee houses with a good book or to people watch/listen it tons of fun!

11 Justine { 12.10.14 at 1:20 pm }

I OUGHT to be a me-dater. Sometimes I escape and it’s more like running away than a date. It ought to be more calm and planned and caretaking-like.

12 Alexicographer { 12.10.14 at 3:22 pm }

Oh, an outdoor (covered, not enclosed) teahouse has opened up near us recently and it is lovely, if one goes there at the right time one can be like the only person there, and it is out in the middle of nowhere and they — ruin it by PLAYING MUSIC!!! What the heck? I have been known to ask the barista to turn the music off (and she has been known enthusiastically to honor my request), but really, good grief, what is wrong with us that we want (?) piped sound everywhere.

Thanks for listening, haha.

As you may surmise, I am very good with “Me Dates,” and also with quiet (though true quiet is surprisingly hard to find). Alone time = me time. Me time = alone time.

13 Betty m { 12.10.14 at 4:38 pm }

I had one today. I left the boys at home with their dad, dropped the girl at her ballet rehearsal and instead of going home again for the 2 hour rehearsal time I sat in the coffee shop alone with just me. First time in ages and lovely.

14 knottedfingers { 12.10.14 at 5:42 pm }

I have me dates all the time. I love just going to a coffee shop and sitting alone and reading a book or crocheting! Sometimes I do have me dates at home but sometimes I have them out of the home too.

15 Queenie { 12.10.14 at 9:30 pm }

I would love that. I am feeling seriously overprogrammed right now. And once again, the quiet weekend I had hoped for has dissolved into two dinners and two party invite. I need to learn to say no, and then yes to a me date.

16 Lisa { 12.10.14 at 11:39 pm }

Oh, I’d LOVE a quiet coffeehouse. I don’t mind the chit chat of people around me. It’s the loud coffee machines and blenders that get me.

17 Mali { 12.11.14 at 4:51 am }

I am down to only one or two Me dates a week, and I miss them! I find quiet cafes are reasonably easy to find, though now that school is almost out for summer it will be a bit harder for the next 6-8 weeks.

18 Persnickety { 12.11.14 at 5:36 am }

Oh I love Me dates! I love being able to pick where I go without consultation, order what I want. Not that I get much argument on food orders but I do self censor when eating with my vegan/veggie sibs.
Bliss, but not always easy- my husband is not so much about the me date (even though he used to get a regular Friday evening one at the pub while I was at yoga).
I have also learned which places are better for dining alone- the wine bar near my work does a nice lunch and the actual bar (opposed to the tables) is inside and very quiet. Apart from conversing with the wine waiter about new wines, it’s perfect.

19 Lindz { 12.11.14 at 9:47 am }

I’m definitely a “me date” person. My husband is, well, not. We work together, so right now my “me date” time is when he goes to his weekly guy time and I put my daughter down for a nap. 🙂

20 Amel { 12.12.14 at 4:31 am }

When I still lived with my parents, yes, I would go out on my own whenever I needed to do so. Watch a movie or go to the mall/bookstore/lunch alone. Now that I live in a small village and I work part-time in a supermarket, when I need alone time, I tend to stay at home. I do go for walks, too, but I tend to avoid the main roads when I don’t feel like talking to anyone. There are less places to hang out on my own here in this small village and the real restaurants are really expensive, so home is where I get my me dates (and it helps to have an introverted husband). But if I lived in a bigger city with more options (cafes), I’d definitely have more me dates.

21 Lori Lavender Luz { 12.12.14 at 5:30 pm }

Not surprisingly, I also often accept a Me date. I’d also accept a You date.

22 Bronwyn { 12.14.14 at 7:15 am }

There are cafes like that in Tokyo. I have heard it with my own ears. Maybe your next dream holiday could be in Japan?

23 Cherish { 12.14.14 at 9:23 pm }

Sometimes my “me” dates are because I legitimately enjoy my own company and want to avoid the hassle of arranging company or appreciate something on my own without distraction. Sometimes they are because I realize I have been striving too hard to always have friends around me, and I need to appreciate myself and not get hung up on having a date or a friend by my side. I love seeing movies or going on vacation alone. Restaurants are a bit more tough, but I’m getting used to that too.

24 loribeth { 12.15.14 at 5:49 pm }

I love my “me alone time.” I suppose some people think that, being childless, I get lots of it, but that’s not necessarily the case — particularly now that both dh & I are retired/unemployed and at home together. He goes to see his dad by himself once a week & I love having those two or three hours in the house to myself. I also enjoy my occasional solo outings into the city for appointments or to shop… I get a tea & sit in the Quiet Zone of the train & read or look out the window. I have also been known to go to the movies (generally chick flicks that dh has no interest in seeing) & to restaurants by myself, although I haven’t done either of those things in quite a long time.

25 It Is What It Is { 01.02.15 at 10:40 pm }

When I was single and in my 30s and most of my friends were married and having children, I came to appreciate taking myself out. I would routinely go out to dinner or a movie alone and I must say, I was never lonely.

I am a people watcher so a me date might be for a coffee at a local house where I can watch the world around it. A book would only distract me from that. That said, it is on my 50 before 50 list to read so, well, maybe…

26 Anat { 01.04.15 at 11:35 pm }

Definitely a me-dater. My friend Dana calls me a closet introvert.

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