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520th Friday Blog Roundup

The kids had a square dance at their school.  It’s a yearly occurrence, and I have been waiting for it since Kindergarten when I discovered it was only open to the upper grades.  The kids all wore white t-shirts and jeans and bandanas or hats.  We chose perfect seats in the front row.  The kids were so cute.  It was such a proud-to-be-an-American-bale-of-hay-milk-the-cows sort of event.  It was really a perfect night.

But the best was that when the record started I COULD STILL RECITE IT!  It was the same record they used back when I was in grade school.  There were a few kids missing from the performance, and I wanted to jump up and take one of their slots, but Josh warned me that would be “weird.”  So I sat.  But I totally could have danced.

Promenade the outside ring get all the way around to where the roosters sing go all the way around until you get back home… do an allemande left, do an allemande right…


I had to go to a Catholic funeral this week, and I’m not sure if this is par for the course for all churches, a practice at this church, or only done during funerals, but they had a lovely exit that I quickly picked up.  Everyone stood.  Then the family of the deceased, who were sitting in the front row, followed the casket.  But then the church emptied row by row rather than a random mishmash of people in the aisle.  The second row from the front filed out, and when that row was empty, the third row joined the line.  Which meant that the people in the back of the church — the people who were likely there in a supporting role vs. the people who sat in the front and were more likely an active mourner — could be comforting each person as they exited.  It made me think of Ring Theory (an article that I actually really dislike for a number of reasons), and how it was the ultimate comfort in as people dumped out.  It was really really lovely.


We are one month away from the Creme de la Creme list CLOSING.

The 2014 Creme de la Creme list is open for entries until December 15th.  No one will be added after December 15th.  Read the post to see how to be a part of the Creme de la Creme, which is open to every member of the ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) community.

Consider that your weekly reminder.


Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.


And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about the word “failure” tied to stopping family building, especially when family building itself (at least the vast majority of routes to parenthood) is more chance than hard work.  She writes: “The truth is that achieving anything in life is so often by chance – genetic, parental, circumstantial, geographic, and many other circumstances that aid or hinder us in our goals.”  It reminds me of that old saying: “born on third base and thinks he hit a triple” (or the longer Tweet Josh pointed out this week: “Privilege is born on third base, and thinks it hit a triple. Entitlement is born on third base, and thinks someone stole its home run.”)  I think it is important to note what aids or hinders us in all facets of life.

My Lady of the Lantern has a post about wanting to post about her pregnancy on Facebook.  She explains, “I have wanted to feel what the ensuing two minutes of fanfare feels like.”  It’s interesting what gives you pause after IF or loss, that you likely would have never considered beforehand.

Res Cogitatae has a brief post that made me hold my breath.  It is gorgeous.  It felt like Fawkes crying at the end of the sixth Harry Potter book: the phoenix’s lament, beautiful and haunting.

Days of Grace has a brilliant plan to get herself through the quiet period that always follows the holidays.  I thought it was such a great plan that I started looking at my calendar and wondering if it was worth planning a special treat for myself on the same day of every month, scheduling it in so I know it will happen.

Lastly, Mrs. Spit has a very moving post about her complicated relationship with her mother.  I love how she explains that even as she does the things she lists in the post, she does them remembering who she is.  She doesn’t forget herself in those moments, or the boundaries she has set.  She writes, “My ethics bid me to go to her when she asked, because I could. My faith told me to walk 2 miles when 1 would have been enough.”  Sometimes my instinct is to match my behaviour to the other person; this is a good reminder that we should all just be ourselves regardless of the other person’s behaviour.

The roundup to the Roundup: Square dancing!  A lovely way to exit a funeral.  Your friendly Creme de la Creme reminder.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 7th and 14th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.


1 a { 11.14.14 at 9:05 am }

It’s been my experience that most funerals exit that way because people aren’t in a rush to be the first ones out of the parking lot. In general, that’s sort of the way regular mass ends too, because you’re technically not supposed to leave before the priest finishes his procession, and so if you’re in the front, you can jump out right behind the procession, etc. But people are more impatient on an average Sunday than they are when they know they’re likely going to join the car line to the graveside service and then go on to lunch.

2 Turia { 11.14.14 at 10:22 am }

Thank you for including me, Mel. I really appreciate it. I reread all of the Harry Potter books during this cycle, and Fawkes’ lament is very much in the forefront of my mind right now.

I think people tend to file out by row during weddings too, because you’re not supposed to leave before the happy couple, and then it would be rude to jump in front of a family member (who was presumably sitting in one of the front rows).

3 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.14.14 at 2:57 pm }

I totally wanna square dance with you now. Right after we sing all of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Something so joyous about reliving a happy childhood experience as an adult.

4 Laurel Regan { 11.14.14 at 8:11 pm }

As far as I can recall, most of the funerals I’ve attended have had the same exit practice. Sort of unspoken, but everyone seems to know that that’s what you’re supposed to do. I never really thought about it before!

5 Justine { 11.14.14 at 10:57 pm }

I don’t remember because I try to avoid funerals (I go to the viewing/memorial service where I feel more of a sense of community), but I like the way you frame the purpose here. I never thought about it quite that way.

Did I tell you that we had a barn dance for our wedding? Sort of like a square dance. The goal was to make sure everyone had a chance to dance, even if they didn’t have a partner, or felt weird about dancing on their own. It worked beautifully.

6 St. E { 11.16.14 at 5:11 am }

Thank you for the mention, Mel.

7 St. E { 11.16.14 at 5:13 am }

I have never attended a Christian/Catholic funeral. And the kind I am used to is emotional…there is method and madness, and I have often wondered if everyone shedding tears is because it is contagious or they really mean to.

8 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.16.14 at 4:22 pm }
9 Bronwyn { 11.17.14 at 8:16 am }

The baseball/privilege/entitlement tweets are a really good way of putting it. You describe it as an old saying – I hadn’t heard it before.

10 Elisha { 11.17.14 at 10:49 pm }

This is a must read for anyone struggling with hope. Or for those who once had such vivid dreams for their lives but now can’t seem to dream…or maybe you still dream, but you have noticed they keep getting blurrier as time passes on. Take a moment to read this and let hope whisper in your ear.


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