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The Glym.ph

I put the period in the middle of the name because I live in fear of my childrens’ Googling savviness.

It began with needing to cut the ChickieNob’s nails. She was not in the mood to have her nails cut. She wanted to read more Harry Potter.

“I have to cut your nails in case the Glym.ph comes tonight.”

Why did I say it?  Why didn’t I just let her grow out her nails like that woman with the long curling fingernails in Ripley’s Believe it or Not!  Why didn’t I tell her that she needed to cut her nails because I said so?  Because, of course, this begs the question: what is the Glym.ph?

“The Glym.ph.  My G-d.  I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you about that.  Come over here and let me cut your nails.”

“Tell me first about the Glym.ph,” she challenged.

“No, come here first and let me cut them because you’ll have deep regrets when you rake your fingers over your face in your sleep if the Glym.ph comes.”

She held her hand out, and I started clipping.  “Why would I rake my fingers over my face?”

“It’s not as if you could help it.  You see, when the Glym.ph comes, you’ll have the most amazing dream.  It is literally awesome, as in, full of awe.  And you will lose your mind over the excitement of it, and you will likely scratch up your face in the process.  Unless your nails are cut.  I always cut your nails for this reason.  To protect your face.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said, evenly.

“So don’t believe me.  See what happens to you when the Glym.ph comes.”

“How do you spell Glym.ph?” she questioned.

“I’m not telling you that.  There are many spellings for the Glym.ph.”

“I don’t believe you,” she repeated.

“Again, you don’t have to believe me.  Though you’ll regret it when the Glym.ph comes.  And you’ll know the Glym.ph has been here because you’ll have had an amazing dream.  And then… there is the note.”

“What note?” she asked.

“The Glym.ph always leaves behind a note.  It just says, ‘The Glym.ph was here.’  But that note brings with it two things: good luck for a full year and tremendous responsibility.”

“What do you mean by tremendous responsibility?”

“Well, you have to do something incredible with that luck.  Change the world.  You find that note and you get all the luck, BUT you also have to something incredible that leaves your mark on the world.  Really, the Glym.ph comes to remind us that we are alive and we need to do amazing things.  So… yeah… a lot of luck but also a lot of responsibility.  I’ve found the note before.  It’s never where you think it will be.  Once, it was in the pocket of the jeans I was going to wear that day.  How did the Glym.ph know what I was going to wear?  I have no clue.  One time, when Daddy was little, he decided to wear a pair of brown shoes…”

“They were tan,” Josh called out from the next room.

“Tan shoes,” I corrected.  “He never wore these shoes.  One day, he had an amazing dream and then a desire to wear those shoes.  And when he put them on, there was the note.”

The ChickieNob was staring at me, open-mouthed.  I nodded and continued to cut her nails.

“What if I find it and the Wolvog doesn’t?  What if I have great luck and my brother doesn’t?”

“But it’s 2014.  The Year of the Double Glym.ph.  This is why I need to cut his nails tonight too.  If it comes, then… there is a chance two notes will be left.  Double the luck.”

She looked at me doubtfully and left the bathroom, but decided the existence of the Glym.ph was possible enough that it was worth asking her brother if he had ever heard of the Glym.ph.  He asked me how to spell it because he wanted to Google it.

“Oh, you’ll never see anything about it online.  People don’t… talk about it.”

After they went to bed, I left two notes under the muffins on the muffin plate.  They found them the next morning.  I have never encountered two more disbelieving faces.

“You left it under there,” the Wolvog accused.

“Me?  I didn’t do that!  It was the Glym.ph,” I insisted.

“Really?  Well, I didn’t have a dream,” the ChickieNob pointed out.

“You probably had the dream, but you don’t remember the dream,” I told them.

“I still think it was you,” the Wolvog muttered.  “Actually, I know it was you.”

Was it?  Well, was it?

I’m sensing that the two of them are not going to accept the mantle of tremendous responsibility that comes with the year of luck…

#filedundermessingwithchildreninordertogetnailscut

15 comments

1 Tracie { 07.23.14 at 8:34 am }

My favorite part of this story is Josh calling in from the other room that his shoes were tan. Because he is right there, joining in your story, without even missing a beat.

2 a.m.s. { 07.23.14 at 9:12 am }

I so need to remember this!

And an extra point for Josh for hitting that perfect in-sync parent moment! I love it when that happens.

3 Battynurse { 07.23.14 at 10:00 am }

I love it.

4 Mrs T (missohkay) { 07.23.14 at 11:19 am }

I hope I magically become this creative when my kid is old enough to appreciate a good story. Right now, my stories are pretty stupid (but often requested anyway).

5 Holly E { 07.23.14 at 12:07 pm }

This is amazing!

6 a { 07.23.14 at 12:17 pm }

We’re so boring at my house – nails get cut because, if they don’t, the kid invariably rakes her nails over her face in her sleep. She’s done it from the beginning and even has a tiny scar from her first scratch. The kid didn’t have free hands (always the foldover cuffs!) until she was 3 months old.

I also enjoy that Josh jumped in on your story – I’m usually the one who says “No. That is not true at all.” when my daughter asks me about some story her father is making up to annoy her.

7 Aerotropolitan Comitissa { 07.23.14 at 12:24 pm }

Love your work, Josh. 🙂

8 Lori Lavender Luz { 07.23.14 at 3:43 pm }

First the tooth fairy and now the Gly.mph!

You rock at this mothering thing.

#ijustusethreats

9 Carmela { 07.23.14 at 4:48 pm }

Amazing! Your kids are so lucky to have such a creative mother. I agree, you ROCK at this mother thing 🙂

10 Serenity { 07.23.14 at 4:51 pm }

I just want to echo Tracie’s comment. I LOVE that Josh jumped right in.

The timing of the note, though – yeah, I’d have questioned it too. 🙂

11 Queenie { 07.23.14 at 9:13 pm }

Awesome stuff.

12 Northern Star { 07.23.14 at 11:34 pm }

How awesome is this? You and Josh are awesome.

13 Mali { 07.24.14 at 1:29 am }

I’m loving the hashtags – yours, and Lori’s. And of course the whole idea of the Glym.ph.

14 Tiara { 07.24.14 at 7:53 am }

I am totally filing this tidbit away for future use! I, too, love that Josh piped right up!! I now want to Google Glym.ph without the period to see what they’ll come across!!

15 andy { 07.24.14 at 10:00 am }

ha! Love it!

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